The right thing to do in this situation

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mamaof10
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mamaof10

Guest
I have been interested in attending a more traditional mass and have found a parish within an hours drive from our home. I am wondering if this is ok to do or if it would be better to ask our priest if he would be willing to do one. I am a convert and am still very much in a learning phase and am hoping to fully revert my husband who does attend mass with us weekly. We are one of the largest families in our parish and always sit in the front, so it will be very obvious we are missing. Thoughts?
 
Catholics may attend any Catholic Mass. I would think that the right thing to do would be to talk with your pastor before leaving Sunday Mass at your parish. What does a “more traditional Mass” mean to you? I know some people who attend daily Mass at our parish, but attend Sunday Mass at a nearby parish because it is the Traditional Latin Mass. Our fine young pastor is perfectly understanding of this.
 
As a Catholic, you can attend whatever Catholic mass you want.

However, there is a lot to be said about attending where you are known and where you are expected.

If you just want to know what the traditional Latin mass is all about, its on youtube so you don’t have to travel just for that reason.
 
My husband is willing to do whatever I want to. We homeschool and our priest is very supportive. The other parish offers a TLM and a reverent form of NO. Our current parish has altar girls, a full “praise band”, female Eucharistic ministers, and hand-holding Our Fathers to name a few things. The more I learn about our faith, the more concerned I am becoming about the mass we attend. I have never been to this other parish before, it is diocesan. Our priest is not very approachable (My husband worked at our parish) and is pretty set in his ways.
 
More traditional to me means an altar rail, only young men assisting, an organ only, ad orientem, at least some of the prayers done in latin.
 
You have absolutely nothing to be concerned about, from what you listed. There are over 17,000 parishes in the US; the vast majority of which have the Ordinary Form of the Mass. And in the majority of dioceses, if not the great majority, most of what you listed is what happens at Mass.I am not sure what would cause your concerns, unless it is information you are getting from other laity, who may not like the things you listed. However, they are permitted (the hand holding during the Our Father has created many, many threads on this and the previous forum, and I don’t want to sidetrack the thread going down that path again).

Going one hour each way is a major commitment of time, and has the downside of you not having that faith community in which to study, or become active in the various lay ministries. Only you and your family can decide if that kind of commitment is important enough to yu and your family to make a permanent, or semi permanent commitment. At the very bottom, we can offer suggestions, but it is you who “walks the walk”.
 
Church means “a gathering”.
You are essentially saying that you will have a better experience of Catholic family by leaving those nearby that your family already knows…and seeking out strangers far away you will only see on Sundays.

I suppose its possible but does seem a little superficial.
 
Mamaof10 said:
I have been interested in attending a more traditional mass and have found a parish within an hours drive from our home. I am wondering if this is ok to do or if it would be better to ask our priest if he would be willing to do one. I am a convert and am still very much in a learning phase and am hoping to fully revert my husband who does attend mass with us weekly. We are one of the largest families in our parish and always sit in the front, so it will be very obvious we are missing. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
As long as its not an SSPX Mass.
 
None of the things you listed are deal breakers. None should cause you “concern”.
Sometimes people can be wowed and wooed by the TLM.
That’s fine, but consider your life in the parish. It’s not just about your feelings on any given Sunday.
If you want to go fine, but seriously, Christ is present in your current church, The Sacraments are valid, and with ten kids? I would stay put. But that’s me and I don’t particularly care if Mass is in Latin or not. One is not holier than another. God bless you. It must be wonderful to have 10 children!
 
Last edited:
A Catholic is free to go to Mass at any Catholic church where he or she wants to attend, although I myself would not drive an hour and back every single Sunday when there is a closer Mass, and especially with a large family of children. I would make that an occasional trip.

As for all the things you listed about altar girls and hand-holding Our Fathers and a band, please be aware that these are all acceptable and valid ways of having a Mass. They may not be your preference, but this does not make them an “irreverent” or incorrect form of worship, regardless of what you may hear from others.

Jesus is just as present at the OF Mass in your parish as He is at the TLM, and there is nothing wrong with your OF Mass.
 
If your priest is not already offering a Latin Mass, it is unlikely that he will start. It requires a large committment of resources, both on his part and the parish as a whole (for instance, taking classes to brush up on Latin, paying for a substitute Latin Priest when he is on vacation).

If you only attend the TLM a few times a year, people will just assume, correctly, your family is out of town those weekends. If you are active, and intend to stay active, while a attending TLM regularly, maybe mention this to a few key people so they know why you are MIA!
 
As a homeschooling family, we make decisions that will spiritually “feed” our family as a whole, first and foremost. If you feel, and with your husband’s approval, that attending a TLM benefits you all, then by all means attend that Mass.

I appreciate your concern about what other parishioners think as they’re entitled to their own opinions. However, you and your husband must make choices in the best interest of YOUR family.

May God bless you!!

Peace.

+JMJ+
 
This is one thing I have observed:
Many Homeschooling families tend to want to be “different” as they are, frankly different from the crowd, especially when there are many children. A dear friend, and she really is quite dear and a great mom, insists on traveling 2 counties over to purchase raw milk, but is always in need of donations from friends and the church to make ends meet. Driving a 14 passenger van 80 miles round trip a couple of times a week seems a poor decision in this case. We love her, but she doesn’t embrace practicality.

OP, I hope you find your parish home soon, but if it were me I’d make my life easier.
The Mass you go to is licit, valid, and likely, very beautiful. Something to pray about, I suppose.
God bless you on this glorious Monday.
Peace.
 
Mamaof10 said:
I have been interested in attending a more traditional mass and have found a parish within an hours drive from our home. I am wondering if this is ok to do or if it would be better to ask our priest if he would be willing to do one. I am a convert and am still very much in a learning phase and am hoping to fully revert my husband who does attend mass with us weekly. We are one of the largest families in our parish and always sit in the front, so it will be very obvious we are missing. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
You are free to attend any form of mass that you like, and yes, as long as they are valid and licit. Don’t worry about leaving your parish - your presence may be missed but it is not critical. They would be fine without your family.

But to drive one hour for a mass when you can go to your parish - that would be more for you to think about.
 
With 10 you must know that children thrive with community and that being able to take 4+ hours out of a day to go to Mass is not going to be feasible or sustainable for most weeks. Nevermind Holy Days.

Also, you might want to check Vincentian, Franciscian, Benedictine and even Jesuit run parishes closer. A majority of them will offer Masses with the more traditional trappings (loads of bells, traditional cassocks, incense, Latin, restrained use of EM’s, gender-based alter servers).

I’m about an hour’s drive from a Mass in ASL. I grew up in a community with a large number of deaf persons. I LOVE Mass in ASL. I ADORE when the priest is SAYING the Mass in ASL. I do not, however, subject my family to an hour drive each week because I find it more spiritual to “hear” Mass in ASL and all that entails. Growing up with ASL all spoken languages seem so dead, passionless and flat.

However, once or twice a year we make the trip. It’s amazing. It’s wonderful. I wish we could do it every week. However, we are at a good parish with a good priest whom we love and who just adores our little one. He is rock solid in his theology. We do drive a bit farther (30 mins vs 25 mins) but being rural our closest option is 25 minutes anyway…so it’s not like I’m passing parish after parish after parish to get what I can more or less jive with.
 
When I was a child we went to the Cathedral for High mass on special occasions. Perhaps do that, go to the traditional mass for special occasions even if they aren’t church special occasions (as it would likely be busier and with many of you that may be difficult to organise and fit you all in) but perhaps on family special occasions, like someone’s birthday or baptismal birthday or even make it a trip out that day.
There are merits to going to the same church each week, especially for children socialising and getting to know others as they come and go and get familiar with the priest and the way the church works.
It’s a lovely thought to let your priest know you are trying something new, but he would probably just think you are away on occasion. Enjoy, I go to a more traditional mass at our church but it is also my nearest church. It’s 24/7 live streaming online so pm me if you want to see if you can watch it, we are likely different time zones though.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top