The sacrament of marriage and Church teaching

[spunjalebi]

I am wondering why the Church doesn’t teach more about the sacrament of marriage?

Why don’t we hear more about the sacrament and what it means in homilies? Or what headship and submission mean in the sacrament?

As a convert who studied these things for years before Catholicism, I’m a little confused. I didn’t receive any teaching of this in my preparation for marriage, either.

 

[808Catholic]

I am wondering why the Church doesn’t teach more about the sacrament of marriage?

Why don’t we hear more about the sacrament and what it means in homilies? Or what headship and submission mean in the sacrament?

As a convert who studied these things for years before Catholicism, I’m a little confused. I didn’t receive any teaching of this in my preparation for marriage, either.

Please consult with your pastor on this. Most parishes have some sort of married life ministry; if not there, they’ll have a Diocesan program that you can refer to. If not there, you might seek a Deacon who are normally married and very conversant on the sacrament of marriage and duties of Catholic spouses.

You can also find tons of material on that subject on Catholic Answers and there are many books written by good Catholic authors on this subject.

Do you have any specific question for the forum?

 

[MarcoPolo]

I am wondering why the Church doesn’t teach more about the sacrament of marriage?

Why don’t we hear more about the sacrament and what it means in homilies? Or what headship and submission mean in the sacrament?

As a convert who studied these things for years before Catholicism, I’m a little confused. I didn’t receive any teaching of this in my preparation for marriage, either.

The topic could use clarification, and hopefully, the forthcoming Synod on the Family in Oct. 2015 will foster that enterprise. Meanwhile, you could share your thoughts with your priests and encourage them or let them know you hope to hear more on marriage.

 

[spunjalebi]

Okay, I will be more clear:

The concepts of marital submission and headship are important to the sacrament of marriage. But most Catholics don’t receive any kind of teaching on it, in spite of the fact it’s important.

There are a lot of teachings out there which twist what the Church has traditionally taught about marriage, aka feminism, “mutual submission,” etc. Why doesn’t the Church take a more forward role in teaching this? Why does it get left to individual churches which I will admit, have often made up their own rules (IME)?

I have heard many homilies where the pastor is clear and direct with how wrong abortion, homosexual unions, contraception, etc. are. Why isn’t this happening with the sacrament of marriage teaching?

It seems to me sometimes parishes cherry pick what they do and don’t want to teach.

 

[MarcoPolo]

Okay, I will be more clear:

The concepts of marital submission and headship are important to the sacrament of marriage. But most Catholics don’t receive any kind of teaching on it, in spite of the fact it’s important.

There are a lot of teachings out there which twist what the Church has traditionally taught about marriage, aka feminism, “mutual submission,” etc. Why doesn’t the Church take a more forward role in teaching this? Why does it get left to individual churches which I will admit, have often made up their own rules (IME)?

I have heard many homilies where the pastor is clear and direct with how wrong abortion, homosexual unions, contraception, etc. are. Why isn’t this happening with the sacrament of marriage teaching?

It seems to me sometimes parishes cherry pick what they do and don’t want to teach.

I think the fact that there is a forthcoming Synod on the Family may be evidence that the Church agrees there should be clearer teaching on marriage. And as a segway, consider yourself fortunate if you’ve heard clear homilies on contraception - many parishes have not.

 

[Gorgias]

"spunjalebi:

I am wondering why the Church doesn’t teach more about the sacrament of marriage?

Why don’t we hear more about the sacrament and what it means in homilies?

I have heard many homilies where the pastor is clear and direct with how wrong abortion, homosexual unions, contraception, etc. are. Why isn’t this happening with the sacrament of marriage teaching?

Why? Because it’s quite difficult to do justice to this topic in a homily, especially considering the range of folks in a typical congregation.

It might be more fair to ask “does the Church teach this?”, rather than to ask “why doesn’t the Church teach this in homilies?”.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

A homily is not really the place to educate on the idea of headship of the sacrament of marriage. I suppose I would agree that in our societal crisis on marriage that perhaps more homilies directed to it would be a prudent thing to do. But the inner workings of it/… Well there is a lot of ink spilled by theologians that you can study yourself. More than you could read in your lifetime.

 

[johnnyc176]

I am wondering why the Church doesn’t teach more about the sacrament of marriage?

Why don’t we hear more about the sacrament and what it means in homilies? Or what headship and submission mean in the sacrament?

As a convert who studied these things for years before Catholicism, I’m a little confused. I didn’t receive any teaching of this in my preparation for marriage, either.

One homily might not be enough but a priest could dedicate a series of homilies and announce before hand that he would be teaching on a particular subject.

 

[808Catholic]

One homily might not be enough but a priest could dedicate a series of homilies and announce before hand that he would be teaching on a particular subject.

I was taught the homily was the priest’s catechesis lesson for the parish. Might be difficult to tie in marriage for several weeks or so. What do you think?

 

[808Catholic]

Deacon,
With all due respect, I believe we are saying the same thing. My point was that the homily is not just an educational period where a priest conducts a series of expositions on a single topic, say, marriage. This is the point I was trying to make. My apologies for any confusion I may have conveyed in my response.

 

[808Catholic]

God bless you, Deacon!

 

[spunjalebi]

I’d like to get back on topic and not derail too much into homilies. I do appreciate the explanation on what the purpose of homilies is, however-- isn’t the homily supposed to be a space to provide some kind of explanation of what marriage is?

Should teaching on the sacrament of marriage be limited to marriage prep? Why?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’d like to get back on topic and not derail too much into homilies. I do appreciate the explanation on what the purpose of homilies is, however-- isn’t the homily supposed to be a space to provide some kind of explanation of what marriage is?

Should teaching on the sacrament of marriage be limited to marriage prep? Why?

The readings for the last 8 Sundays included about 1 in which Marriage was probably a topic for a Homily. That would be Paul’s infamous reading about submission. I would be surprised if your pastor did not address marriages there. Mine did. Sadly it was only to point out that if Paul and by extension the Divine Author had been alive today he most certainly would have changed what he wrote!

Maybe the Wedding at Cana reading would be appropriate as well as a handful of other readings, but before the Submission reading the gospels were the bread of life discourse. Not really marriage material as far a catechisis goes.

But I think if you think about it it is indeed included in homilies, just not the way you would like or perhaps it should be. I say this knowing the answer before you give it but Why don’t you find a parish that preaches the way you like?

The answer is the same reason I don’t. There are not any around me.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hmmm

Not the way I like it includes support for SS"M" and communion for the divorced and remarried. Not to mention wedding homilies that joke about how they have already been living like they are married…

So, no, not exactly what I need to hear.

In all seriousness Deacon. How am I supposed to let the Church form me? And my children?

 

[808Catholic]

Would like to add to what Deacon Jeff posted earlier: the sacrament of marriage is the beginning and continues the grace; it’s not the end. For example, Baptism marks the beginning of our lives in the Church. When we come to Mass and others are baptised, we renew our baptismal vows continuing, in a way, the sacrament of baptism for us as well as celebrating the acceptance of a new Christian into Jesus’ flock. Same for marriage.

The sacrament of marriage begins with our wedding vows, is sealed by the Mass that is celebrated when we receive communion with Christ, and is continued for the rest of our married lives. We celebrate and remember this sacrament as the “bride” of Christ coming to Mass each Sunday and renew our vows each time we say “I do” to Christ (“Amen!”) and with the kiss of peace after the blessing and before the Holy Eucharist. We are highly encouraged to bring our spouses to Mass and our children/entire family because, together, we are all the “bride” of Christ. We do this every Sunday (some celebrate daily) for the rest of our lives.

Similarly, we learn of God, His laws, and Church doctrine usually when we’re young but we should learn throughout our lives because there’s so much to know and God wishes to share it with us. We listen during the homilies but are highly encouraged to read the Bible, share our stories and life experiences with other Catholics/Christians, and teach what the Church teaches us. All our lives.

There’s a saying, “it’s not the destination, it’s the journey”. In our case, it’s both the destination (heaven/God) and the (faith) journey.

 

[spunjalebi]

I think you meant to have your comment directed to me.

I don’t particularly like what I hear because it is liberalized.

 

[otjm]

I think you meant to have your comment directed to me.

I don’t particularly like what I hear because it is liberalized.

As the Deacon pointed out, Ephesians 5: 21 starts out with spouses being subordinate to one another; then Paul gets going on wives.

So there is a conflict, apparently, right from the first words. And it is up to the Church to teach, so if there is less emphasis on women submitting to their husbands, it is not as if there is nothing in Scripture - or even in the single paragraph, which does not support a change in emphasis.

How a couple lives out their sacrament has less to do with trying to pick out a passage and make that the end-all and be-all of their relationship, and more about how it leads both of them to be more Christ like. For some, they need to follow 5:22. Others are simply going to find that approaching the matter a la some of the practical (name removed by moderator)ut which is often characterized as coming from the Evangelical/Fundamentalist side of Christianity.

And there are not a few husbands who have not really read 5:25 - 30 in the context of the Gospels, which leads to untold amounts of grief. Too often, men take the position of “my way, or the highway”, which is why, with not a little bit of wisdom, the Church tends toward 5:21 mutual submission.

The Church has been around for 2,000 years; we should not presume that there may be a bit of collected wisdom that is not always immediately visible.

 

[spunjalebi]

When I go to Mass and hear the homilies talk about how the Church is supposed to be some kind of social services institution, or how I hear homilies gloss over the very real problems Catholics and Catholicism is facing, I do interpret it as liberalized.

 

[otjm]

When I go to Mass and hear the homilies talk about how the Church is supposed to be some kind of social services institution, or how I hear homilies gloss over the very real problems Catholics and Catholicism is facing, I do interpret it as liberalized.

I guess we all hear things through our own set of filters.

I would suggest that what Christ said, about our duties to one another, and to the poor, are not “some kind of social service institution”, but rather His commandments of what we must do.

I am not trying to downplay morality in the least; the world is awash in immorality, fed to us on a moment-by-moment basis in our media.

But it is the Gospel commands of our duties to one another that so often is denigrated, diminished, and sneeringly dismissed from too many who consider themselves “not liberal”.

Homilies are supposed to take the readings of the day and expand upon them, not go off on a completely different tangent having nothing to do with the readings - which too many on the “not liberal” end of the spectrum spend an inordinate amount of time complaining about.

The purpose of the homily is not to incite you, or anyone else, to stand up and say “Preach it, Father (name inserted here)!!!”

“Whatsoever you do to the lest of these, you do unto Me” certainly sounds like a social Gospel to me.

Christ did not come to tell us to not sin - the prophets of the OT did plenty of that. He said “Come, follow Me”. He did not preach a Gospel of mimimalism; rather, He challenged us to be “other” directed, rather than self directed.

And He didn’t say “Men lead. Women follow.” He said to all of us “Love one another as I have loved you”, which is a call to a complete self-giving sacrificial love. Too often I have found people (and usually in the fundamentalist/evangelical churches) going round and round about women being subservient, when what they really are practicing is obsequiousness.

The two are not the same.

 

[spunjalebi]

The thing is, I find churches which are “mainstream” to be very questionable. I see it in the way they coordinate their ministries, their values, etc.