The Sin of Anger

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Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus: I have an issue with which I hope some of you can help me. Anger is my besetting sin (well, one of several!:o ). It is something with which my father had a great deal of trouble, and I always swore,“NOT ME!” Usually, I’m very even handed and calm. Sometimes, though, I just get soooo angry. I say things I don’t mean, I yell…I don’t like this about myself. Please don’t feel the need to remind me about “righteous anger” being just. Mine ain’t righteous! Mine is the kind that “bears all things,” then flies off the handle at someone I love! Can anyone give me a handle on how to control it, prayers, novenas, saints, readings. And please pray for me.
 
Dear Kirk,

It would help to examine, if you can, the root cause of your explosive personality. IOW, what is the most frequent source of causing you to fly off the handle? Anger can be instigated by many differing causes, but I would say that for me, it has been due to impatience.
  • impatience in putting up with other people’s ways
  • impatience in not having my way immediately, but having to wait, for example, in traffic, a line in the store, a doctor’s office, being on hold on the phone
  • impatience when I cannot complete a task
  • impatience with noise, intrusion on my silence
  • impatience when interrupted while I am busy
  • impatience when I don’t understand directions
These are a few that you will no doubt identify with. The degree to which you respond may be inordinate, ranging from expletives, to seething rage, to personal injury being inflicted on another.

The only remedies I can think of by way of offering some help are these few:
    • Ask God to enable you to suffer willingly the annoyances that come your way through others. “Self” is most unwilling to be put out, and needs to be coaxed into forebearance with others.
    • Sometimes it is due to rash judgment that we conceive an angry attitude over a situation that is not as it appears. It helps to always think the best of others, even if there is actual evil present. We never know their true motive.
    • Use moments of waiting in lines constructively, rather than complain. Prepare your heart ahead of time to expect delay, so it does not catch you unaware.
    • Take several doses of pure love, for this will give you much patience, to reverence the Christ who lives in others.
    • Pray much to St. Michael, the Archangel, our Defender in battle!
    • Read about and pray to saints who overcame a harsh spirit with meekness and gentleness. St. Bernard and St. Francis deSales come to mind.
    • Count to ten before acting when angry, and recall the presence of Christ in you midst. Bite your tongue, if necessary.
    • Propose a penance or discipline for each time you fail - one that you won’t be too anxious to repeat, and will be strong enough to keep you from repeating this sin.
    • Stay close to the sacrament of confession. There are many graces available to you that will help you overcome.
    • Form the habit of praying many ejaculations - “Jesus, MEEK and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine.”
    I have deep confidence that you will overcome, for you are half way through recognizing your struggle with this, asking for help, and hating the sin. May God bless you, and I pray that He will send you the help you need.

    In His love and peace,
    Carole
 
read up on redemptive suffering. Your life will certainly be filled with trials as long as you live. Go to confession; endure your trials and turn your anger over to Christ. Deepen your relationship with Him, and understand that you are free of its shackles. The truly free man knows that anger is something that is lower. Mercy is something that is higher. Hate is lower. Love is higher. Ask Christ for help. Ask Mary to share with you her strength.

Just my advice, for what it’s worth. Good luck. Ask others to pray for you – including your loved ones. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help, too.
 
P. S. This may or may not be helpful, but it is a beautiful mass prayer to reflect on, for it helps us to see ourselves in truth.
From the Eucharistic Prayer IV at mass:

“And that we might live no longer for ourselves, but for Him, Father, He sent His Holy Spirit as His first gift to those who believe, to complete His work on earth, and bring us to the fullness of grace.”
Click to expand...
To deliver us from ourselves and the selfish manner of living that always erupts in some form of sin, we depend so much on the Holy Spirit to enable us to live as a true child of Our Father.
 
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Joysong:
Dear Kirk,

It would help to examine, if you can, the root cause of your explosive personality. IOW, what is the most frequent source of causing you to fly off the handle? Anger can be instigated by many differing causes, but I would say that for me, it has been due to impatience.
  • impatience in putting up with other people’s ways
  • impatience in not having my way immediately, but having to wait, for example, in traffic, a line in the store, a doctor’s office, being on hold on the phone
  • impatience when I cannot complete a task
  • impatience with noise, intrusion on my silence
  • impatience when interrupted while I am busy
  • impatience when I don’t understand directions
These are a few that you will no doubt identify with. The degree to which you respond may be inordinate, ranging from expletives, to seething rage, to personal injury being inflicted on another.

The only remedies I can think of by way of offering some help are these few:
    • Ask God to enable you to suffer willingly the annoyances that come your way through others. “Self” is most unwilling to be put out, and needs to be coaxed into forebearance with others.
    • Sometimes it is due to rash judgment that we conceive an angry attitude over a situation that is not as it appears. It helps to always think the best of others, even if there is actual evil present. We never know their true motive.
    • Use moments of waiting in lines constructively, rather than complain. Prepare your heart ahead of time to expect delay, so it does not catch you unaware.
    • Take several doses of pure love, for this will give you much patience, to reverence the Christ who lives in others.
    • Pray much to St. Michael, the Archangel, our Defender in battle!
    • Read about and pray to saints who overcame a harsh spirit with meekness and gentleness. St. Bernard and St. Francis deSales come to mind.
    • Count to ten before acting when angry, and recall the presence of Christ in you midst. Bite your tongue, if necessary.
    • Propose a penance or discipline for each time you fail - one that you won’t be too anxious to repeat, and will be strong enough to keep you from repeating this sin.
    • Stay close to the sacrament of confession. There are many graces available to you that will help you overcome.
    • Form the habit of praying many ejaculations - "Jesus, MEEK and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine,
Click to expand...

  1. What a lot of good advice! Thank you for your trouble in posting it! Some good ideas for me too.
    I find I don’t get as angry as I used to, not due to any virtue on my part, though - I’ve mellowed with age, I think. Other factors like stress and tiredness make one more prone to anger, so you could look at your life-style and see if you can help yourself on the practical level as well as the spiritual.
    For anyone who gets impatient waiting in queues or traffic - look at it as a great little opportunity to pray and be glad God gave you that time!
 
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JKirkLVNV:
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus: I have an issue with which I hope some of you can help me. Anger is my besetting sin (well, one of several!:o ). It is something with which my father had a great deal of trouble, and I always swore,“NOT ME!” Usually, I’m very even handed and calm. Sometimes, though, I just get soooo angry. I say things I don’t mean, I yell…I don’t like this about myself. Please don’t feel the need to remind me about “righteous anger” being just. Mine ain’t righteous! Mine is the kind that “bears all things,” then flies off the handle at someone I love! Can anyone give me a handle on how to control it, prayers, novenas, saints, readings. And please pray for me.
Click to expand...
JK,
Has it been just lately? The holidays maybe?..sometimes depression causes anger… I know I have been very frustrated and short tempered w/ both family and friends lately. I just stop and make a good Act of Contrition… or just say Jesus, have Mercy on me a sinner…it does help. And, I will remember you in my prayers.
God Bless,
Annunciata:)
 
Kirk, here’s a reading for you:

Put off your old nature which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new nature, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger

(Ephesians 4:23-26 RSV)

Note St. Paul gives you permission to be angry!

Anger is an emotion given (that is, a gift) to human beings by God, and is not a sin. The sins usually come with our reactions to and expressions of anger.

In addtion to the other suggestions, you might want to pick up the book Words Made Flesh by Fran Ferder, FSPA. It has a wonderful chapter on expressing anger in ways that are congruent with holiness and truth. Highly recommended. I wish you peace and God’s blessings.
 
Thank you all so much. Your posts have helped. No, it isn’t the holidays. I am, however, currently working 3 jobs. I will have to do this until mid-May of 2005. I am keeping your posts and consulting them. I do appreciate your prayers. JKirk
 
You have gotten some great advice—one last thing, which I found very helpful.

Try to say something when you are starting to get angry or upset. Don’t wait until it gets out of hand.

If someone is doing something which annoys you, say, “Please stop—whatever”, before it gets you up to a million and you scream–“Stop it, you inconsiderate jerk!!”

And don’t be afraid to say, “No”, when you really don’t have the time (or even the desire) to do something or go somewhere.

When you feel pressured (and you must with three jobs), you must find time to do something for yourself, and you must let everyone know that your time is very limited.
 
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