Dear all,
One of my huge stumbling blocks that keeps me from becoming Catholic, or returning to the Greek Orthodox church which I was confirmed/chrismated in is the sense of pride. A part of me feels more informed than 2,000 years of Holy Tradition when it comes to subjects like gay marriage, abortion, contraception, etc. It doesn’t help that I also struggle with SSA (same sex attraction) and become conflicted over gender identity. How can I free myself from this? I really want to believe, and I know that everyone should find happiness in life. Surely its possible for me to be Catholic and not be miserable, especially in regards to my internal struggles/crosses?
I hope my questions are appropriate or could benefit someone who is in a similar position. If this is in the wrong subforum, then please feel free to move the thread to the right place.
Dear AveChriste11,
I’m a gay Catholic. For some time, I had trouble not so much accepting Church teaching but living in accordance to it.
When I decided to put God first, I discovered He was right. He doesn’t want me to be miserable - He want to spare me the misery of all the things you mentioned. Even if you do not understand why, those things not only offend God but take away one’s happiness.
And so I was miserable, until I gave up all hope in realising my earthly desires. Though that was painful at first, I felt peace and became rather joyful, so much so that people would notice. But I was never expecting what would happen next.
God decided to surprise me. I was resigned to being alone but knew I could be happy as long as I had a friend in God. But then a man I was very fond of expressed his desire to be with me. I would befriend him, and after I told him that I could only be with him on God’s terms, he told me he was a Catholic like me, and was willing to live in accordance with God’s will just as I was.
And so God entrusted me with a loving friend and companion, so that we may share our cross and help one another on this journey. That’s more than I could have believed was even possible, and more than I dared hope for.
So, what I’m saying is that God not only gave me happiness when I decided to pick up my cross, but chose to surprise me. He did not take my cross away - I still have same sex attraction. But though it is a predisposition towards sin, I can direct it to the glory of God by assisting another person in my position, all the while grateful to God that He permitted me to share my own burden with somebody I love.
I trust that God loves me, and that His will is for me to be happy, if not in this world, then the next. Through the intercession of St Jude and St Rita, He has chosen to hear my pleas for assistance in this world and has shown me that nothing is impossible with God. Trusting God spared me the pain, sadness and degradation of a homosexual lifestyle, and God in His goodness decided to make my cross lighter to bear. Whatever suffering may lie ahead, I will be forever grateful for His assistance in making my walk with Him a joy.
Be bold in asking Him for help in your needs. Accept God’s will, even if it means you will be miserable. Be patient with God. And God will see your sacrifice and reward richly, and, if it is His will, He may even surprise you with times of unexpected happiness in this life.
God created us so that we may love him and live in eternal happiness with Him, the angels and saints, and indeed, the ones we love. That’s what God’s will is for our lives. Therefore, may God’s holy will be done in your life and mine.