The struggle, the habit, the priest and despair

[crenfro]

Hello.

I’ve made other posts in these forums about my struggles with sexual addiction - I’ve been in a group for sex addicts and withdrawing from it (it=sex addiction) was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done and well worth it after the peace that came into my life. And it took some time. And by time I mean years. And I have to go to confession once a week.

The particular behavior was treated like how a drink would be treated by a practicing member of AA - you go to any lengths to keep yourself from the behavior, you rely on a power greater than yourself, etc. - check the 12 steps.

There is a sex addicts group online - I believe one also just started up with Catholics in mind.

Keep fighting the good fight. Your immortal soul is worth it.

 

[littleone]

Hello.

I’ve made other posts in these forums about my struggles with sexual addiction - I’ve been in a group for sex addicts and withdrawing from it (it=sex addiction) was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done and well worth it after the peace that came into my life. And it took some time. And by time I mean years. And I have to go to confession once a week.

The particular behavior was treated like how a drink would be treated by a practicing member of AA - you go to any lengths to keep yourself from the behavior, you rely on a power greater than yourself, etc. - check the 12 steps.

There is a sex addicts group online - I believe one also just started up with Catholics in mind.

Keep fighting the good fight. Your immortal soul is worth it.

Congratulations and it obviously was the time for you and I would say led by the Holy Spirit. All good for you and keep writing you can help others just think ALL OVER THE WORLD.

Isn’t that good.

Gdbless

 

[JReducation]

JReducation;4178595:

I just believe that CAF is a horrible place to bring matters of conscience, unless your posting to AAA. Any other sub-thread is going to give you as many opinions as are available on the face of the earth and you’ll never know which is right.
I don’t see much of that on CAF. There is a very radical element that is taking over on CAF that wants to crucify everyone. *** What is unfortunate is that the majority of the people who represent these extremes do not represent the Catholic Church well.***

**DO you think it might be more appropriate to say generally speaking the majority of the people…, or, to me it seem unfortunate that the majority…, **

I certainly believe that it is unfortunate. I would not mind adding this to my original sentence. As far as extremists, extremists never represent the Church appropriately. I’m not speaking about people who are great mystics, ascetics or penitents. They’re in another class by themselves. The don’t judge others as severely as they judge themeselves. I’m speaking about those who either judge others so severely that they leave no room for hope or those who give so much latitude that you may as well do as you wish.

The Church is neither relativist nor literal extremist. She is very much like her incarnate founder, very human and divine. At times she can be a demanding parent and at times a nurturing one. Both are good, because we need both.

But I have seen very little of this side of the Church on CAF. There are some posters who are very balanced. But they are not representative of CAFers. Therefore, I strongly suggest that this type of question be taken to AAA or to a local spiritual director or Christian counselor.That’s just my opinion for whatever it’s worth. If the OP looks on the AAA sub-forum there are links to Christian sites that help with these issues.

Please what is AAA is it like Alcoholics anonymous

AAA=Ask An Apologist

I believe that I am bound to relate in “truth” however bent on the great “Mercy” of Jesus, in all situations. Also governed by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, although I acknowledge makes ande will apologize for that.

I’m not sure if this was part of your post or your signature. Sorry.

Fraternally,

JR

 

[SUZIBU6]

I’ve read it all. You sound as if you are not in free will with your desires and actions. That would mean that your sin is mitigated by the circumstances of addiction, or compulsive behavior, or some other underlying reason.Therefore you have a problem that is not fully mortal because of these factors. Perhaps you should not be so hard on yourself at this point in time. Continue with the sacraments but suspend your harsh judgements of yourself. You have problems that will take time to overcome. If the same pattern keeps reasserting itself in your life then there may be a deeper root to the behavour that will be resolved in God’s time.Healing takes time, growth in virtue and understanding. Patience, perserverance, trust in God. Despair does not come from the Holy Spirit, nor does pressure, drivenness or stress. Do you think you have a healthy understanding of your body? There is some excellent reading by Pope John Paul II - Theology of the body, and, Love and Responsibility. His writing explains the true meaning of the human body and sexuality as something beautiful and good and not to be repressed by fear.

 

[moosears]

Hello,

First off, even though this initial post is sort of lengthy, I hope some of you actually take the time to read what I have to say

because I need someone to hear me.

I tell myself that God and this religion are the only things I truly care about. There’s nothing else I’d rather spend my time doing than being involved with my parish, the Church at large, and attempting to increase my own relationship to God. I am proud of what I have accomplished in this regard, but I continue to fail by continuing to allow myself to fall into mortal sin.

I’m struggling with lust to an unprecedented degree. After years and years of being nothing less than *an unfulfilled sex addict *(addicted to masturbation for 12 years, pornography for 6 years, and craving after women and sex since puberty), this really comes as no surprise. The struggle is immensely difficult, and *thanks be to God for giving me as much grace as he does *-- but there are times, like today, when I’m depressed for certain, concrete reasons, that my faith and hope give out so I give up and give in.

And I feel like dirt immediately afterwards.

Yesterday I went to confession to confess my lust. (Mind you, now that I sit here in mortal sin, I am awaiting my next opportunity for confession…) (Please, God, allow me the chance soon…)

There’s this priest who…well, who I just don’t like confessing to, as I’ll explain why below. Given his physical health and general inability to preside over any Masses, I think the other priests of my parish have made him the general go-to man for confession. He’s a very astute man. He’s very smart. I even heard that Pope John Paul II called upon this man personally when the child molestation cases started springing up.

Despite all these wonderful qualities, I must admit that I never leave the confessional after speaking with him feeling like a great burden has been lifted, as if things have been explained to me about what I can do to combat my sins, etc. He gives penances which cannot be completed easily, however, but are nonetheless fitting. Most of the time he tells me that I’m not living a holistic life or that I need to strive for better relationships with other people. While I cannot deny that this will indeed help me in some regards, I don’t quite understand how doing this will help me on my journey to ease my lust. For instance, I could form a great, outstanding relationship with some woman whom I might find exceptionally attractive – and recognizing her as attractive, I* might continue to lust in my heart*…or worse, physically through masturbation.

I’m not sure why I mention this priest except that I somehow feel that if someone was able to confront my “lesser” sin of lust upfront and directly, I might have avoided falling into mortal sin.

Then again, maybe not. I recognize that I did what I did because a deep part of me lost faith and hope. I was and am depressed because my job will likely be eliminated at the end of the year, and I’m anxious about the future. I tried praying, tried consoling myself to the fact that the future is in God’s hands, the Lord’s will be done, but no matter what I did or prayed, my mind and body yearned for pleasure. It’s a shame that I am so fickle and that I willingly jeopardize my eternal soul for something so fleeting as pleasure, but that, unfortunately, is who I have been for so long.

I tell myself that God and this religion are the only things I truly care about…but *I only need to wait until the worst of times *to find out that that’s not entirely true.

(If you read all of this – thank you.)

Epistemes, I hope you come back and check on this thread. See all the people who are concerned for your mortal soul? I know exactly how this problem makes you feel. Worthless, beyond help, hellbound and nothing you can do to stop this train. But the very fact that you feel these feelings also proves your faith. you would not feel so low down and fall into these deep depressions if you were not developing your properly formed conscience. That is a gift from God. Another thing is that you probably will have to deal with this temptation for the rest of your life because it does not just go away. You will have to find ways to distract yourself from these thoughts, words and actions just as we find ways to distract ourselves from God. The difference is it is much more difficult.

Having said all that now let me also say this. You will never get over this by being so harsh on yourself. You hold yourself in this state by attempting to cast yourself into the bowels of hell. It is a cycle that you alone can stop. First you will have to accept the FACT that you love God and His Church AND you have an addiction to impurity and that they will have to coexist within you until you can get this thing under control. There are many organizations out there that can HELP you get it under control but you will have to get up off of the floor, pat yourself on the back for Faith that you obviously hold dear, ask God again to lead you to someone trustworthy that can help you and do not question that persons tactics or advice.

Don’t resist the help He may already be giving you. Pray to the Blessed Virgin Mary incessantly to provide some strength and grace to concentrate on fixing the problem. Above all do not forsake the Church and all she has to offer. We are all praying for you Epistemes. You have much to contribute to the Church’s ministry and we cannot afford to lose you so keep your chin up and keep fighting. God can work through and with anybody He chooses and I believe he has chosen you!

 

[lillydew]

I gave up 9 hours ago.

How many times do we say this in our lifetimes? Reading through all your postings (only got through about half), I noticed there were occasions where you seem to have got to the same point. As the priest you spoke to said “Welcome to the human race”. The only problem here is that this understanding is only just the BEGINNING of your whole life’s purpose in discovering your own valuable and UNIQUE relationship with God, but as fellow human beings, we all share in the same flawed human nature. Our pride wants to tell us that no-one really understands us and we fight to defend what still strongly survives of what we understand to be ourselves. This is the discovery of our own will, and you are in the “fight of your life” (as Ben Harper so aptly sings it!) as to what you choose to do with it. No-one can tell you exactly what to do, as this will is freely given by God, and the one thing I’ve cherished as a gift from Him. In return of thanks, my life becomes one of constantly submitting ‘my will’ to an unfolding of what I understand to be His. And this is the journey of faith, separate to our understanding of everything that belongs to this world. The one thing I’ve come to really appreciate about the Catholic Church is it’s ability to ‘carry’ Revelation as knowledge passed on throughout time, considering this Revelation to be a noun as opposed to the revelation we receive in our walks of faith in the verbal sense, using the noun to guide our paths. There is suffering in this world and it’s not only ‘out there’, but in each and every one of us. Those of us who do choose Jesus Christ and desire a deeper walk with God acknowledge the pain in our lives because Jesus came as a doctor to those who needed it, not for the well. It is in this sense that we walk humbly before God. Your path will be a unique one, just as you are unique. It’s never over until you draw your last breath. You have tasted God and your heart will never rest until it rests in Him. Have courage. Until next time!..

 

[moosears]

This deep state of depression is caused by guilt. You are torn between two loves. The love of the Omniscient God on one hand and the love of pleasure on the other hand. If you want the love for God to win the battle you will have to wean your body from pleasure a little at a time. Maybe fast once a week to start out. Or limit yourself to only meatless meals once a week. You should read the Holy Scriptures and pray about it and take on a little mortification at a time and do not get in too big of a hurry. You will have to learn to be patient with yourself. But make a habit of doing some bodily mortification once a week for now.

I have heard, but not seen any evidence to prove, that eating too much read meat somehow weakens our will to resist the temptation to impurity. Just a thought.

 

[Psychotheosophy]

This deep state of depression is caused by guilt. You are torn between two loves. The love of the Omniscient God on one hand and the love of pleasure on the other hand.

I think that this is true for all of us.

If I am detached from my pleasures,
then I don’t fear losing them,
and my humility is fearless.

But if I am detached from my happiness,
How deep is my sorrow!

I suffer from my own regrettable choices.

 

[moosears]

I think that this is true for all of us.

If I am detached from my pleasures,
then I don’t fear losing them,
and my humility is fearless.

But if I am detached from my happiness,
How deep is my sorrow!

I suffer from my own regrettable choices.

Join the club. But within our suffering I think we can somehow relate to the suffering of Christ. If we can realize this then our suffering could become healing as well. The human race rarely makes the right choices because of the damage of original sin. What we fail to believe about God is that He is omniscient and knew beforehand that we would come to this state. He has made provisions ahead of time for every possible scenario to save as many of us as He possibly can but He will not interfere with our freewill. We must cooperate to the greatest extent of our power with His divine will and leave the rest to Him.

 

[moosears]

I am going to share something that I read this evening that I think is relevant to this thread. I hope that many read it whether they reply or not, because it struck a chord within my own soul and I am reasonably sure that it will do the same for others. I hope this will light a spark and lighten someones burden a little bit. It was written by a Jesuit priest.

“…it is quite possible for one theoretically to admit that God is our Father, that He is omniscient, that He is all-provident, and nevertheless deal with Him in daily life as though He were a tyrant rather than a loving Father, somehow unaware of our needs and difficulties rather than omniscient, indifferent to our troubles rather than all-provident.”

This may not strike you as it did me but let me add that God is not benefited one iota by our good choices. We do not add whatsoever to His happiness by our virtues. On the other hand , He loses nothing when we make bad choices or do not practice virtue. I don’t think we let God down when we make a mistake. We let ourselves and one another down but God expects this kind of behavior from us. But He also provides a remedy. That is where the difficulty comes into play. Somewhere it was said “falling is easy it is getting up that becomes the problem.” This is where the practice of charity, humility and detachment become so important in the life of a Christian.
Of course it is a struggle, and we fall often. The more we practice getting back up, the easier it becomes. Keep fighting the good fight, you are not alone!

 

[JReducation]

I am going to share something that I read this evening that I think is relevant to this thread. I hope that many read it whether they reply or not, because it struck a chord within my own soul and I am reasonably sure that it will do the same for others. I hope this will light a spark and lighten someones burden a little bit. It was written by a Jesuit priest.

“…it is quite possible for one theoretically to admit that God is our Father, that He is omniscient, that He is all-provident, and nevertheless deal with Him in daily life as though He were a tyrant rather than a loving Father, somehow unaware of our needs and difficulties rather than omniscient, indifferent to our troubles rather than all-provident.”

This may not strike you as it did me but let me add that God is not benefited one iota by our good choices. We do not add whatsoever to His happiness by our virtues. On the other hand , He loses nothing when we make bad choices or do not practice virtue. I don’t think we let God down when we make a mistake. We let ourselves and one another down but God expects this kind of behavior from us. But He also provides a remedy. That is where the difficulty comes into play. Somewhere it was said “falling is easy it is getting up that becomes the problem.” This is where the practice of charity, humility and detachment become so important in the life of a Christian.
Of course it is a struggle, and we fall often. The more we practice getting back up, the easier it becomes. Keep fighting the good fight, you are not alone!

Let’s add to this a good dose of Franciscan spirituality. Francis struggled with purity for a long time, but never despaired because his spirituality was holistic. He saw his entire life in light of the Gospel, not just his sexuality. To narrow one’s focus to one area of struggle can often lead us into a worse temptation, to ignore the good that God does through us in other areas.

While we fight to overcome one weakness, we must also take consolation that God is love and the proof is in the good that we find in other area of our lives. Without that consolation we would be like Luther, scrupulous and eventually despairing of all hope. What led Francis to the perfection of the Gospel was the holistic vision of God’s presence in his life. The more he contemplated God’s goodness in other areas of his life, the easier it became for him to trust that God would not abandon him in the one area where he needed God’s support. Eventually he no longer struggled. The consolations brought him the peace that he needed and the struggles ended. Peace can be a healing grace.

Fraternally,

JR

 

[PraRFLEsEkHm]

I am going to share something that I read this evening that I think is relevant to this thread. I hope that many read it whether they reply or not, because it struck a chord within my own soul and I am reasonably sure that it will do the same for others. I hope this will light a spark and lighten someones burden a little bit. It was written by a Jesuit priest.

“…it is quite possible for one theoretically to admit that God is our Father, that He is omniscient, that He is all-provident, and nevertheless deal with Him in daily life as though He were a tyrant rather than a loving Father, somehow unaware of our needs and difficulties rather than omniscient, indifferent to our troubles rather than all-provident.”

This may not strike you as it did me but let me add that God is not benefited one iota by our good choices. We do not add whatsoever to His happiness by our virtues. On the other hand , He loses nothing when we make bad choices or do not practice virtue. I don’t think we let God down when we make a mistake. We let ourselves and one another down but God expects this kind of behavior from us. But He also provides a remedy. That is where the difficulty comes into play. Somewhere it was said “falling is easy it is getting up that becomes the problem.” This is where the practice of charity, humility and detachment become so important in the life of a Christian.
Of course it is a struggle, and we fall often. The more we practice getting back up, the easier it becomes. Keep fighting the good fight, you are not alone!

Wow. That just helped me tremendously. Thank-you for taking the time to post it. I’ve been struggling with various sins for a long time, trying to take on too much to please God, and getting down about it when I failed miserably after awhile. Like I ‘‘let Him down - again’’ - then my depression would take over and the next thing I knew I’d be spiraling down and crash.

Having said that - what works for me is Praying the Rosary daily. When those lustful thoughts come, even Just the ‘Hail Mary’s’ over and over until the urges pass works wonders. It’s very hard, mostly impossible actually - to look at a woman with Lust in your heart if you are focusing on Our Blessed Mother.

I’m hoping to eventually get to a point where I have a strong devotion to our Blessed Mother, a little at a time so I don’t become overwhelmed again.

Epistemes if you are still checking on this thread, and I hope you are, seeking help from professionals has no stigma attatched to it, other than one you yourself put on it. I know - I’ve dealt with that problem for the last three years now (professional counseling) for Bi-Polar disorder. it’s no different than having cancer, or diabetes. It’s just that in this case it’s a spiritual illness, rather than an organic one - but the effects on our lives are no different. Depression, self-loathing, anxiety, and self-destructive behavior.

If you really want help - you will go and look for it - based on everything I’ve seen on this thread, and I’ve read all the posts, you have a whole smorgasboard of options available to you, all of them are good. However, if all you were looking for was an excuse to latch onto in order to rationalize and justify further actions - then you can find that in here too.

All I’ve seen here are people who are trying to help you with all the love and caring they can muster to come to your aid.

Peace to all

John

 

[Psychotheosophy]

All I’ve seen here are people who are trying to help you with all the love and caring they can muster to come to your aid.

Yes, I understand anti-depression medication can
help balance your mood.
If this is the problem, please take advantage of it.

But, don’t stop placing your hope in God!

Don’t give up!
God hasn’t given up on you!

His love for you
can be seen in this thread
by these people who love you!