C
ColNY
Guest
OK–first, I’d like to add that I’m starting this thread, NOT to get a lecture on the “theology of the Body” or Church doctrine. I know what it is. That’s not where I’m coming from. What I’m hoping is to hear from REAL married couples who are sharing in the REAL struggle of NFP past the age of 45 (or whatever age they are at in which they’re seeing the signs of perimenopause). The struggles can include, but not be limited to:
I’d like to hear from other couples who are facing similar struggles and frustrations and how they’re handling them or what recourse they’ve taken. I think it’s important that we be able to acknowledge, without feeling guilty saying this, that for whatever just reasons we’re done with having kids, that pregnancy after a certain age carries much stronger risks and should be avoided, and that NFP isn’t as wonderful now as it may have been when we were younger and more willing to accept an unplanned pregnancy.
And for the record, I have been in the past, an avid cheerleader of NFP but as I get into my mid-40s, I’m finding that the church hasn’t done a particularily good job of acknowledging this struggle and NFP studies are still more focused on younger couples for whom an unplanned pregnancy carries less risk. I’d still recommend this method to any younger couples who are planning their families and want to space children. But I can’t promote it anymore without feeling a sense of being trapped.
- Being in a position in which becoming pregnant would be more harmful than anything (physically or emotionally—we overlook that anxiety and depression are real illnesses), thus fear of an unplanned pregnancy.
- Lenghtened periods of abstinence and more rigid rules due to increased fertility signs (real or just body changes–who knows?) is creating more bitterness and resentment toward the method than bonding.
I’d like to hear from other couples who are facing similar struggles and frustrations and how they’re handling them or what recourse they’ve taken. I think it’s important that we be able to acknowledge, without feeling guilty saying this, that for whatever just reasons we’re done with having kids, that pregnancy after a certain age carries much stronger risks and should be avoided, and that NFP isn’t as wonderful now as it may have been when we were younger and more willing to accept an unplanned pregnancy.
And for the record, I have been in the past, an avid cheerleader of NFP but as I get into my mid-40s, I’m finding that the church hasn’t done a particularily good job of acknowledging this struggle and NFP studies are still more focused on younger couples for whom an unplanned pregnancy carries less risk. I’d still recommend this method to any younger couples who are planning their families and want to space children. But I can’t promote it anymore without feeling a sense of being trapped.
We need to have more resources to share on how to handle this topic as it’s one that no one discusses or has easy advice on. And the lack of compassion I’ve seen from some people on these boards toward women/couples has left me even more upset. But then, I have to remind myself, in many cases, particularily the internet-- you really don’t know much about the person posting it and how authoritative they are. .
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