No. After extensive study in historical theology, I realized that the doctrien of total depravity was not consistent with the Apostolic Teaching. However, I did develop a life of repentance, and have daily learned to repent of sins, and turn to Him.
“In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the LORD sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.”
I on the otherhand, read Issiah. And what Issiah saw, I hear. Because I hear the same thunder, lightning, the sound of the trumpet, and smoke to where it is written “To the Israelites the glory of the LORD looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain.” And to where they told Moses, “Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die.”
I hear Issiah when he says “mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of Hosts”. And I hear Issiah seeing His righteous Glory, and the angels crying “Holy Holy Holy”, so much in fact that he is convinced of his own absolute depravity before the King and screams out, "Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips.
In the same way, unless you can see the same fullness of God’s glory in the sprinkling of Jesus’s blood on the alter, you will continue to reckon yourself worthy to recieve it.
“And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people, and said, Behold the blood of the covenant, which the LORD hath made with you concerning all these words.”