The truth about NFP?

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It is a shame some “traditionalists” are like this. Humanae Vitae says it all, not this person. Abstaining from the marital act for valid reasons is justified.

My wife is about ready to lose her mind over having three children within our three year marriage and with me being the only one working I know I will have to put a TV in our bedroom:( but what can we do.

I think some “traditionalists” want to discredit Pope Paul VI in any way they can, after all he is the father of the Novus Ordo Mass. I myself dissagree with what he did on the reform of the Liturgy after Vatican II, but he totally upheld Church Tradition (upper case T) in Humanae Vitae.👍

I mean what is this guy Ferrara thinking? My wife and I are in our late 30’s about to hit 40, three kids the oldest will be 3 in Feb. and the youngest is 4 weeks old. We have both been recently diagnosed with high blood pressure and with only one income, maxing out the credit cards just to eat, buy loads of diapers for 3, formula because she cannot breastfeed, etc…

So abstaining two weeks out of 4 seems ok for us no problem!

Ken
 
I wonder if Catholics get the impression that so long as they have had two children previously and are using NFP, that there are no more requirements whatsoever on their life?

I know that isn’t the prevailing view here on this forum; I mean regular pew-sitters.
 
Most people seems to forget that ABSTINENCE is a part of NFP. I don’t think couples would LIKE to abstain from their sexual relationship, but they do. They make this sacrifice to care for the children they do have to make sure they have an adequate home and future.

I applaud those who raise five beautiful children, on a minimal salary. I do more than applaud them, I would speak up on behalf of their canonization. But realistically, many parents can’t do this. It’s an unfortunate reality of our present society that having five children places a great burden on a family. Sometimes this burden is bearable, sometimes not.

I would agree with the author of that website that NFP can be, and perhaps is too often, abused. Couples use NFP in the mindset of a contraceptive. However, this is NOT what it is for. NFP is not used to PREVENT pregnancy, but to use a woman’s God-given natural cycle to have prudent say in how many children and how close together. There is nothing wrong with this unless a couple desires to NOT have a child when they use NFP. It seems, at first glace, to be counter-intuitive. But the very point of NFP, according to John Paul II, is to approach it with the mindset, “We may have a baby, but now would not be the best time. If we do have a baby, I would be overjoyed but understand that a great burden will be placed on us.” If you have this mindset, you should be fine.

Mr. Ferrara is wrong in assuming that NFP *altogether * is wrong. Mr. Ferrara wants to say that a specific use of NFP is wrong, and he has very strong arguments.
 
Pug said:
I wonder if Catholics get the impression that so long as they have had two children previously and are using NFP, that there are no more requirements whatsoever on their life?

I know that isn’t the prevailing view here on this forum; I mean regular pew-sitters.
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I agree with what you say. I will go a step further and add that there can pop up a line of thinking that life becomes unbearable financially, physically and mentally with more than two kids. I think a large portion of Catholic families can actually manage larger families but the will to put up with some strain is not there. Birthrates in the West are terribly low, yet with Muslims the birthrates are much higher, and Muslims live alongside us in Western countries. Why are they having large families in the same society where the rest of us live and yet we are having smaller families? Do they not have the same financial and time pressues?
 
Zahmir said:
Most people seems to forget that ABSTINENCE is a part of NFP. I don’t think couples would LIKE to abstain from their sexual relationship, but they do. They make this sacrifice to care for the children they do have to make sure they have an adequate home and future.

I applaud those who raise five beautiful children, on a minimal salary. I do more than applaud them, I would speak up on behalf of their canonization. But realistically, many parents can’t do this. It’s an unfortunate reality of our present society that having five children places a great burden on a family. Sometimes this burden is bearable, sometimes not.

I would agree with the author of that website that NFP can be, and perhaps is too often, abused. Couples use NFP in the mindset of a contraceptive. However, this is NOT what it is for. NFP is not used to PREVENT pregnancy, but to use a woman’s God-given natural cycle to have prudent say in how many children and how close together. There is nothing wrong with this unless a couple desires to NOT have a child when they use NFP. It seems, at first glace, to be counter-intuitive. But the very point of NFP, according to John Paul II, is to approach it with the mindset, “We may have a baby, but now would not be the best time. If we do have a baby, I would be overjoyed but understand that a great burden will be placed on us.” If you have this mindset, you should be fine.

Mr. Ferrara is wrong in assuming that NFP *altogether *is wrong. Mr. Ferrara wants to say that a specific use of NFP is wrong, and he has very strong arguments.
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Very well put! 👍

Considering that only a small percentage of Catholics actually use NFP, something tells me that those who take that leap of faith are generally going to be the one’s who have a genuine desire to serve God and not just avoid kids. While there are always exceptions, as a demographic generalization, those who participate in NFP are the least of my worries in the Church. 🙂
 
CollegeCatholic said:
Very well put! 👍

Considering that only a small percentage of Catholics actually use NFP, something tells me that those who take that leap of faith are generally going to be the one’s who have a genuine desire to serve God and not just avoid kids. While there are always exceptions, as a demographic generalization, those who participate in NFP are the least of my worries in the Church. 🙂
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My husband(non catholic) and I use NFP. I desire to serve God. And trust me for dh it was and is a true leap of faith.
 
CollegeCatholic said:
Very well put! 👍

Considering that only a small percentage of Catholics actually use NFP, something tells me that those who take that leap of faith are generally going to be the one’s who have a genuine desire to serve God and not just avoid kids. While there are always exceptions, as a demographic generalization, those who participate in NFP are the least of my worries in the Church. 🙂
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Another “very well put” statement!.. 👍

In some ways the extreme traditionalist view only causes a rift in the small percentage of Catholics who are truly following their faith…
 
It’s a slippery slope, if you use NFP to not conceive without a valid reason then you may as well just use a condom. You can’t deceive God He knows your heart. And if you have two kids then use NFP to not reproduce but still drive around in a new suburban every three years and take vacations to Orlando…Well it could be argued how valid the reasoning was.

I think bottom line is using NFP with a contraceptive mind frame is still a mortal sin.
 
Saint_Michael said:
I think bottom line is using NFP with a contraceptive mind frame is still a mortal sin.
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👍 I admit the hard part is when a couple honestly believes they have valid reasons but the reality is they don’t want to upset a relatively comfortable lifestyle. I was guilty of this line of thinking for years. And even though we are having a fourth baby, we could probably manage two more but we honestly struggle with where is the line between managing with some stress/sacrafice and just letting things get out of control. I’m always impressed and astonished when I come across families with 6 or more kids who seem on the outside anyway to have it somewhat together. Maybe that will be us one day, only God knows.
 
Saint_Michael said:
It’s a slippery slope, if you use NFP to not conceive without a valid reason then you may as well just use a condom.
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No, using a condom would be taking advantage of the marital act for self serving purposes…
Which is not what NFP is.
 
My girlfriend’s family has 7 children, three of whom are adopted with special needs, and the father is a grocer and the mother only works two days a week as an RN. As crazy as the house can be I’m always feeling the tug to spend time there. My girlfriend is the oldest of the 7 and I have very little doubt that she will be an exceptional mother one day whether it be as my wife, as another man’s wife, or as a spiritual mother. Very beautiful family and I look forward to being, in some way, a part of it. I myself come from a broken family so it’s always nice to experience such a big, strong, crazy, Catholic family. :eek: 😃
 
T1Catholic said:
👍 I admit the hard part is when a couple honestly believes they have valid reasons but the reality is they don’t want to upset a relatively comfortable lifestyle. I was guilty of this line of thinking for years. And even though we are having a fourth baby, we could probably manage two more but we honestly struggle with where is the line between managing with some stress/sacrafice and just letting things get out of control. I’m always impressed and astonished when I come across families with 6 or more kids who seem on the outside anyway to have it somewhat together. Maybe that will be us one day, only God knows.
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My wife is pregnant right now, she isn’t religious by any means but has agreed to use NFP after the baby because of my belief that contraception is wrong. She was baptized Catholic but raised Lutheran and is a Luthern at heart. Anyway just using NFP for me is a huge leap of faith, I’m terrified of having more children, I work in I.T. and my entire field is going oversees, it’s possibly the most unstable career there is. I worry myself sick everyday, and when I use NFP I will use it to refrain from having more children until my financial situation is more stable. I don’t know if this qualifies as “grave” or not, but it’s all my faith can muster. And hopefully God will have mercy on me.
 
T1Catholic said:
Birthrates in the West are terribly low, yet with Muslims the birthrates are much higher, and Muslims live alongside us in Western countries. Why are they having large families in the same society where the rest of us live and yet we are having smaller families? Do they not have the same financial and time pressues?
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I wonder. I think it would be easier to raise many children if your neighbors and your sibblings and your extended family were all doing it. Then all of society around you would be designed to accomodate your family situation. All the neighbors would be home during the day, and all the kids could go out on the block to play, for example. Two mothers could meet for coffee and the kids could be together.

Perhaps Muslims have a community structure that is more supportive of large families. More women available in the family structure to help, etc. Perhaps the support is there, without them having to create it or reinvent the wheel. Just guessing here.
 
Em_in_FL said:
No, using a condom would be taking advantage of the marital act for self serving purposes…
Which is not what NFP is.
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You’re not fully using the entire context, I said “if using NFP as a contraceptive without grave reason, then you may as well use a condom”. Grave reason I assume is up to the person to decide, but if you are using it because you want to take a trip to Italy, then you are simply contracepting, and it’s just as much a sin as using a condom.
 
Saint_Michael said:
You’re not fully using the entire context, I said “if using NFP as a contraceptive without grave reason, then you may as well use a condom”. Grave reason I assume is up to the person to decide, but if you are using it because you want to take a trip to Italy, then you are simply contracepting, and it’s just as much a sin as using a condom.
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I wouldn’t be one to judge… or even assume to surmise a guess… as to whether or not someone else was sinning…

Which is why statements like the original posted article can be dangerous as well…

Who am I to judge???
 
Thanks for taking the time to read or at least skim the article. It was e-mailed to me by a friend who was wondering about it.

maryj, I am in the same situation as you with a non Catholic husband. I can’t force him to have more kids than he wants, but I am definitely frank with him about my beliefs ( and my struggles ) and he understands me on that too.

My thinking on this article is that there are conditions in order for something to be a mortal sin, and only you and God knows whether it is mortal or not.

More family support in society would be nice. From some people I know who are Muslim, they have an ethnic and religious community that I could only dream of. Family is around to help. I wasn’t raised a Catholic and I only had a brother. My parents didn’t have a lot of time for us so I didn’t grow up knowing how important family is, but I yearn for it now.
 
Saint_Michael said:
You’re not fully using the entire context, I said “if using NFP as a contraceptive without grave reason, then you may as well use a condom”. Grave reason I assume is up to the person to decide, but if you are using it because you want to take a trip to Italy, then you are simply contracepting, and it’s just as much a sin as using a condom.
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  1. It’s not a “grave” reason. It’s a “serious” reason:
With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.
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I’m not the one to give you a theological explanation of the difference between “serious” and “grave”, but there is one. And “grave” is a higher degree of reason than “serious”.
  1. Having a non-generous mentality towards children may certainly be a sin, but a grave one, I don’t know. That’s one issue. But he who then frustrates the marital act through contraception has added sin upon sin. He who, though non-generous, uses NFP does not compound his sin. So using NFP with a contraceptive mentality is NOT the same thing as contracepting.
 
John_Henry said:
  1. So using NFP with a contraceptive mentality is NOT the same thing as contracepting.
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We’ll have to a gree to disagree on that, since it’s been proven that NFP is as, or more effective than condoms in avoiding pregnancy, if you use it with the mentaility of those using ABC IMO it’s no different.
 
Saint_Michael said:
We’ll have to a gree to disagree on that, since it’s been proven that NFP is as, or more effective than condoms in avoiding pregnancy, if you use it with the mentaility of those using ABC IMO it’s no different.
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It’s about means and ends. In both cases, the ends (selfishness) are evil. But in only one case, the means (contraception) are evil. Consequently, in one of the scenarios, you have double the trouble.
 
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