Good luck finding one of those at Steubenville. My dh and I met at FUS, he has a masters and I an undergrad. We were actually counseled by several priests, as well as theology professors that you shouldn’t have a long engagement.
No, I’ll just reply here after a good night’s sleep.
Blue - yes, I agree.
What Em said.
A woman shouldn’t bring debt into a marriage. Why not? The man can. Every situation is different.
ideally neither should bring debt into the marriage
but yeah every situation is different
I don’t know that I’d make debt a deal breaker
much of it depends on the view of the marriage
if one is eager to have children and the other isn’t because of debt for example
or the other simply feels they cannot take on the debt regardless of affection due to lack of financial ability to pay it
likewise some couples may decide they don’t care about the debt because they plan to continue their seperate budgets or one doesn’t mind paying it for the other.
A woman shouldn’t be educated. Since you don’t know what life will hold for you when you are 18, if it’'s possible, why would you NOT pursue higher education? Should women graduate from high school and then sit around waiting for Prince Charming to sweep them off of their feet?
as a pp noted college unfortunatly does not equal being educated.
I don’t think anyone should walk this world without an effort to educate themselves
however, making a living is a basic requirement for most people and I think it’s foolish to not insist on all of my children making an effort to be able to make a living should they need to do so.
a college degree or equal to it is a basic requirement to most decent employment, and that’s not just for desk/white collar jobs anymore either
again I don’t think one has to go into debt to get a degree
these are seperate issues
You can decide who you fall in love with. Of course not. We are made to pair up. You can’t pick who you will be attracted to.
blarney. love is choice. attraction is not love, although it might be a part of it.
You shouldn’t date until it’s time in your schedule of your life to get married. I know some people will disagree with this, but you really do have to date a little, have relationships, friendships, acquaintances with the opposite sex, to know when you have found the one. Too many people wait and then misinterpret their first or second crush as finding “the one”.
As someone who married her highschool sweetheart and hasn’t had a moments regret over it - I disagree.
The purpose of dating is to meet someone worth marrying. If one should find such a person sooner rather than later, it would seem imprudent to me to toss that love aside because it doesn’t fit on that certain spot on a timeline.
That you can, in fact, schedule your life and the significant events during it. Can’t be done. Too many things happen. Too many people exercising free will affect your life and your options.
Yes and no. Everyone has freewill. If one person wants to schedule their life… well they have the freewill to do so and it’s not neccessarily a bad thing. However, they should be aware that life may not conform to their schedule. Love will move on and find someone who is ready for it. Childbearing years pass. They may not live to see retirement and so forth. If they haven’t found love yet and or are willing to let those things pass for other pursuits - then that is most certainly their choice.
This is all just my opinion.
**just sharing my opinions too.**
)There’s no need to put biology or chemistry in quotation marks. It’s important to her and you wouldn’t feel good if your professional interests were addressed that way. Also, while 10K or 20K is a lot of money, there’s a certain benefit of formal education: formation. Men don’t normally become great lawyers by reading statutes or great doctors by reading medical manuals. Going to the library or looking for information on the Internet will still be necessary even in formal education.
Marriage is for both the pro-creation and the education of children. CCC 2205 *“Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children…” *The woman you marry will share with you the responsibility before God for educating your children.
No, it is not. It may be an indirect result of a decision, but that is the most of it. “Falling” by definition precludes decision.
Effort yes, cooperation yes, full cooperation… well, not always. Sometimes things just happen. In most instances you will be about right, however, although not always.
Depends on the premises and motivations. If someone’s worth your time only as a potential partner but not as a potential friend, then it’s hardly worth it anyway.
Agreed there, although there’s no automatic transition from there to romantic affection.
At least until children are there it is possible to work. Marriage doesn’t happen within a month or two from meeting up, either. I’d say intentionally looking for someone to pay off one’s debts, that would be bad, but I wouldn’t question consensual arrangements.
There’s a lot of point there, but children are mutual and so is the decision that she stays home and he goes to work. It’s not like she’s getting the better deal. She has her duties too. However, as I said before, with good education (and expensive education should also be extensive), one should be able to bring in some money even from writing articles for professional press or consulting jobs or any jobs performed from home. Given the hourly rate, even as little as 2-3 hours per day wouldn’t be bad and a 4-6 hour schedule should safely allow a comfortable income.
You can’t possibly overestimate the value of talking. I’m not so sure. On the other hand, infants don’t need computers, school books, expensive clothes. There are certain expensive things they need, but I doubt it’s as much as teenager upkeep.
Time is an issue, of course.I’m inclined to agree there, but being able to support kids doesn’t require being able to spend tons of cash on them.
“Good luck finding one of those at Steubenville” - yep, my point exactly. They don’t exist.
This isn’t “uncharitable”. I was expecting a real diatribe. I guess that post was just your way of showing your great disapproval.
And sometimes we THINK God is calling us to marriage when He is not because we make the mistake of taking our desires as being God’s will. And sometimes God wants us to wait but we are too desperate and impatient and so begin to “date” and “fall in love” with despite the fact that the circumstances are not right. And sometimes God does not reveal his will through profound desires of the heart, but through practical circumstances in life - ie., that you have a large debt is a sign from God that you are to serve Him as a single person for a while longer.
Bottom line - if she had a ton of debt, she would NOT be the one! (at least for me). We Catholics make discernment these days too much about our “feelings” and not much about common sense. Practical situations in life is often God’s way of communicating His will. For instance, I have been pursuing a Theology degree for the past 3 years - that was God telling me it was not His will for me to get into a relationship yet. Now I am more in a position to “court” because I am close to graduation, so I am more open and reflective on who He is putting into my life.Michael, are you telling me that if you met THE ONE you would tell her to keep on walking b/c she has some college debt? I think that would not be in a man’s best interest - I would hate to be a man who says later when he’s married to someone else that he should have never let so and so get away.
Also, there is not just the issue of separating or a man wanting to stay home. There is also the issue of injury. Car accidents, ski accidents, sports accidents, the list goes on and on. What if you have 5 kids and a wife with no education and something God forbids, happens that leaves you paralized or worse death (think about the marines serving us overseas now). What would they do? You would leave money behind or have an insurance plan, right? Well, not everyone may be as well off as you may be in the future (or now I don’t know).
I know a catholic family with the 11th on the way and the father works for a plant for 10 dollars an hour. Somehow they get by, but she has no education and they do not have any money if something were to happen God forbid. I have not a clue what she may do if something happened to him.
A woman should be prepared for anything - even having an education to take care of her family if need be (assuming she doesn’t have a million bucks sitting around from a wealthy family or something
Another slap in the face to mothers without degrees. My mother didn’t have a degree and she educated me quite well, thank you very much. I know a lot of SAHMs who do not have “degrees” but teach their children well.
I am afraid you are misconstruing me. For a woman who wants to get married and be a SAHM - I would recommend she not go to school to begin with, but if she feels it is necessary for a “back up plan” or for her “fulfillment”, fine - but the responsible thing for her to do is to work her butt off in high school, save like the dickens, and work throughout college so that her debt will be 10K, maybe 15K tops. At that point, right after graduation, I think she should feel more than free to date, because she will have most of it paid off before the kids come, and what little is left can be handled by the hubby. I am NOT against women going to school, I am NOT saying women should wait until their debt is completely gone before “dating”. But I AM saying that women who want to be SAHMs should not rack up huge debts in getting an education, and if they think they need to rack up a huge debt (50 to 75 K), then she should not expect to begin “dating” or getting married until she is much older (late 20s, early 30s).Thanks Michael Saint for the welcome! I do appreciate it!
Seems like you’ve caused quite a stir in the forum since I last visited
Turns out my future husband has debt as well for education so we are equal, however, I’m not griping and complaining since I will more than likely make a better salary than he teaching at the University level. I never want to become indebted to a man…I’m sorry but I’ve always wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet financially. My future husband will not have to even touch my debt just as I do not expect to deal with his.
And when you make the statement that a woman should never date until her debt is taken care of…well based on the economy today I might as well become a nun after all, which would cancel the future children we might have…all b/c of materialism! I understand that you think it is irresponsible for someone to bring a child in this world while living in poverty but I wouldn’t classify myself living in poverty regardless of debt. With my salary I would be able to handle the debt and a child if God chooses I should have one once married.
To forestall God’s plans for fear of the material world I think is a sin and not the other way around b/c you are showing lack of faith and lack of trust in God. If God can clothe the lilies of the field and feed the sparrows then what more would he do for his children? (Matthew 6 paraphrased) Usually people of faith always find that things work out, miracles happen. You shouldn’t stress out so much and pray to God to lead you in the right direction. I think you might be surprised.
No, my wife had a car payment and that’s it.
I totally agree with you here.
Did you read the rest of my post? Your reading comprehension skills need improvement if you took what I wrote as a slap against mothers without college degrees. Immediately preceeding what you claim to be a slap against mothers without degrees I wrote:I specifically said “people don’t need a college degree.” I also noted that a degree does not equate with education. Some people are highly knowledgeable and well educated without any formal degree of any kind. However, I received a good, formal education, and the money spent on it was not wasted. Not all schools provide a good education; paying a high price for a bad education might be a waste of time and money.
While religious education is first and foremost, the Church does not limit the role of parents in education to only religious education. The catechism 2367 tells of parents’ responsibility to “educate their children”. Pope John Paul II wrote in a document called Letter to Families, “*Parents *are *the first and most important educators *of their own children, and they also possess a *fundamental competence in this area: they are educators because they are parents.” *Hence, as I said before, the woman you marry will share with you in the education of your children.