E
Epistemes
Guest
Having attended Mass every day during the Triduum, I feel spiritually refreshed and, sitting here at my computer away from the major temptations I typically face on a daily basis, I feel as if it’s finally possible to be a Christian! But I also realize how *scared *I am to face the coming week and the temptations that face me.
I don’t trust myself. I know that I give in far too easily. Far too often, I let my principles fall by the wayside if it means getting the chance to hang with the ‘in’ crowd, to somehow seem cooler or as something that I’m not. I’ve replaced the centrality of Jesus with idols of idleness, stagnation, and underachievement - allowing myself to drown my troubles not in true emancipation, offered through true hope in Jesus, but in alcohol, the sex industry, and self-importance.
Sitting here now, I realize how vulnerable I am not just to the outside world but to my lack of conviction. I can’t live as some hermit in order to live the gospel. Living the gospel is a daily, ultimately mundane thing which I must bring to those around me, whether “they” accept it or not. The cost of discipleship, I understand, is never easy and requires sacrifice…and therein lies my greatest weakness. Willful disobedience is one hundred times easier than willful sacrifice. And that admission is what scares me.
Living without Christ is lonely, self-defeating, and causes me to despair at times…but that’s all in-between me being the vain individual that I am, starving for attention, and following the “fellas” to every bar, to every strip joint, to every waste of a hard-earned dollar…
I don’t trust myself. I know that I give in far too easily. Far too often, I let my principles fall by the wayside if it means getting the chance to hang with the ‘in’ crowd, to somehow seem cooler or as something that I’m not. I’ve replaced the centrality of Jesus with idols of idleness, stagnation, and underachievement - allowing myself to drown my troubles not in true emancipation, offered through true hope in Jesus, but in alcohol, the sex industry, and self-importance.
Sitting here now, I realize how vulnerable I am not just to the outside world but to my lack of conviction. I can’t live as some hermit in order to live the gospel. Living the gospel is a daily, ultimately mundane thing which I must bring to those around me, whether “they” accept it or not. The cost of discipleship, I understand, is never easy and requires sacrifice…and therein lies my greatest weakness. Willful disobedience is one hundred times easier than willful sacrifice. And that admission is what scares me.
Living without Christ is lonely, self-defeating, and causes me to despair at times…but that’s all in-between me being the vain individual that I am, starving for attention, and following the “fellas” to every bar, to every strip joint, to every waste of a hard-earned dollar…