The "Why are you still single?" quiz, sorta

[CountrySinger]

CountrySinger, I do not want to sound uncharitable, but it is important to respect the other person and their wishes in a relationship. If you’re looking for different things in life, there is no use in trying to force things. It’s not about what the other person should or shouldn’t believe, because you’re not going to be able to impose your will on them, since they’re their own free person. It simply means that you’re not compatible and that God someone else in mind for you.

Sorry, it just irritates me when men say, “I don’t dare want a African- American/Asian/Hispanic baby, it has to be MY baby”. So there is a lot of the racism in there as well. What if his baby was a Down Syndrome baby? Would it be good enough? But this was just my case, with one guy. It’s good I didn’t stay with him, and he is still single. I wonder why? Oh, because he’s a racist jerkface!

P.S. I’m going for my master’s in Special Ed, so it’s a big issue for me. Since these are the kids that no one else wants to work with. Sort of like I’m the woman no one else wants. The students and I are alike.

 

[BadTurkey]

Sorry, it just irritates me when men say, “I don’t dare want a African- American/Asian/Hispanic baby, it has to be MY baby”. So there is a lot of the racism in there as well. What if his baby was a Down Syndrome baby? Would it be good enough? But this was just my case, with one guy. It’s good I didn’t stay with him, and he is still single. I wonder why? Oh, because he’s a racist jerkface!

P.S. I’m going for my master’s in Special Ed, so it’s a big issue for me. Since these are the kids that no one else wants to work with. Sort of like I’m the woman no one else wants. The students and I are alike.

I’m sorry if I misunderstood, but I thought the issue was the ability to have children? Based on the guy’s racist attitudes, you were absolutely right in ending things with him.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

I would have to disagree. The issue of having children is a very important one to some. If it is apparent that you have different and irreconcilable goals in life, it’s best to part ways early, however painful it may be; otherwise, it would be unfair to the other person and to yourself.

I can agree, I was simply saying that I wouldn’t (probably, never been there myself) dump a girl because she was infertile

 

[CountrySinger]

I’m sorry if I misunderstood, but I thought the issue was the ability to have children? Based on the guy’s racist attitudes, you were absolutely right in ending things with him.

With the guys I dated, race and having children are intertwined (I’ve never understood it, but people say you have to preserve your race). Whatever. Most guys I’ve met, want to have only a white baby, and if they can’t have their own, they will find someone else (Oregon is very backward). That’s what I’ve found to be the root fear. Personally, a child is a child. And deserved to be loved.

On a lighter topic, an ex just messaged me on Catholic Match. WHAT?! And he’s married. Eew. (Mature reaction, I know).

Hee. There ARE a lot more men in Washington. Score! :extrahappy:

 

[BadTurkey]

With the guys I dated, race and having children are intertwined (I’ve never understood it, but people say you have to preserve your race). Whatever. Most guys I’ve met, want to have only a white baby, and if they can’t have their own, they will find someone else (Oregon is very backward). That’s what I’ve found to be the root fear. Personally, a child is a child. And deserved to be loved.

I’m sorry that you had to go through all that. Every baby is a child of God and deserves to be loved.

On the issue of having children, however, I’d like to make the extra point that it may be advisable to make available your not being able to have children earlier in the relationship, if the other person made it clear that they do want children of their own. It would save a lot of unncessary heartache than revealing it at a much later point.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

Why am I still single?

-Attend a tech school with few women and fewer Catholic women: Check
-All of those women are single but not interested, dating, or I am not attracted to: Check
-I can count all of the aforementioned Catholic women on one hand: Check
-Have troubles with self-esteem and confidence: Check
-Don’t know how to get dates with women I don’t know/don’t know how to meet women: Check
-Super-orthodox Catholic who is opposed to much that modern society embraces and holds sacred: Check
-Won’t compromise on my Faith to date a woman: Check
-Shy when I am around people I don’t know, especially large crowds: Check

 

[CountrySinger]

I’m sorry that you had to go through all that. Every baby is a child of God and deserves to be loved.

On the issue of having children, however, I’d like to make the extra point that it may be advisable to make available your not being able to have children earlier in the relationship, if the other person made it clear that they do want children of their own. It would save a lot of unncessary heartache than revealing it at a much later point.

Usually, the children talk doesn’t come up until later. And the guys didn’t give any hints that they wanted kids before this point. Nothing shuts down an early date like saying you might not be able to have children. Or that you have a crush on Elliott Yamin.

 

[Havard]

I don’t think I’ve been single long enough to qualify as “still single”.

 

[Havard]

Usually, the children talk doesn’t come up until later. And the guys didn’t give any hints that they wanted kids before this point. Nothing shuts down an early date like saying you might not be able to have children. Or that you have a crush on Elliott Yamin.

It’s okay CS, I have a crush on Kellie Pickler.

 

[CountrySinger]

It’s okay CS, I have a crush on Kellie Pickler.

I like Kellie Pickler. I love the song “Rocks Instead of Rice”. It’s the song about how I feel about weddings. I’m not bitter at all. whistles

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

I like Kellie Pickler. I love the song “Rocks Instead of Rice”. It’s the song about how I feel about weddings. I’m not bitter at all. whistles

The only celebrities I’d say I find myself attracted to would probably Anoushka Shankar:

hyphenmagazine.com/blog/archives/AnoushkaShankar1a_cPamelaSp.jpg
blogs.knoxnews.com/brown/archives/Anoushka_lorez.jpg

or bassist Emma Anzai:

media.photobucket.com/image/emma%20anzai/Nadsady/Heroes/emma_anzai.jpg
o.aolcdn.com/feedgallery/music/i/s/sick_puppies/06-sick-puppies-091407.jpg

But even then I’m not one to become attracted to celebrities

 

[Norseman82]

Anastasia Northrup, who organizes the National Catholic Singles Conferences, has a talk “Why am I still single” in which she lists the following reasons people today find themselves single:

1. Choices
2. Career
3. Comfort
4. Cows
5. Culture
6. Counterfeits
7. Contraception

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

Anastasia Northrup, who organizes the National Catholic Singles Conferences, has a talk “Why am I still single” in which she lists the following reasons people today find themselves single:

1. Choices
2. Career
3. Comfort
4. Cows
5. Culture
6. Counterfeits
7. Contraception

Could you elaborate on choices?

Career…makes sense.

Comfort…as in complacency/unwillingness to work to find a spouse?

Cows…um…dairy farming? But seriously…any clarification on what this means?

Culture…clarification again please?

Counterfeits…more clarification?

Contraception…as in they accept contraception as okay and thus get rejected by a lot of faithful Catholics?

 

[chevalier]

Do men really want kids so strongly that they wouldn’t want an infertile woman?

Actually, there’s no such automatic transition between the two, although this may be a little hard to explain.

Well, personally it wouldn’t cross my mind to “dump” a woman I loved because she were infertile. That would feel cruel and a couple more adjectives.

(However, no one should force himself against his desires or it will lead to bad results, such as resentment throughout the whole marriage.)

It probably must be mentioned (as obvious as it is) that being infertile is *totally *different from not wanting children, the latter being a defect of consent, invalidating marriage.

I would have to disagree. The issue of having children is a very important one to some. If it is apparent that you have different and irreconcilable goals in life, it’s best to part ways early, however painful it may be; otherwise, it would be unfair to the other person and to yourself.

Again, that’s no goals! The infertile person does not have a goal not to have children.

 

[flyingfish]

It probably must be mentioned (as obvious as it is) that being infertile is *totally *different from not wanting children, the latter being a defect of consent, invalidating marriage.

I don’t think simply not wanting children is enough to invalidate a marriage.

Intending not to have them without just reasons probably is though.

 

[chevalier]

I don’t think simply not wanting children is enough to invalidate a marriage.

Yes, it is. Can. 1101 §2 and can. 1055 §1. It takes a positive act of will, but it does invalidate.

 

[flyingfish]

Yes, it is. Can. 1101 §2 and can. 1055 §1. It takes a positive act of will, but it does invalidate.

I think we have a miscommunication. You can not want children but still intend to have them, in that case it wouldn’t invalidate the marriage. Also, if you have legitimate reasons for never having children you can get away with never having them and being in a valid marriage. I’m not saying any of these describe me though.

 

[chevalier]

I think we have a miscommunication. You can not want children but still intend to have them, in that case it wouldn’t invalidate the marriage. Also, if you have legitimate reasons for never having children you can get away with never having them and being in a valid marriage. I’m not saying any of these describe me though.

If one intends to have children despite not wanting that, then yes, that would be a valid marriage provided the person doesn’t manage to make a defect of consent. However, in normal speech, we don’t normally understand wanting as different from intending, so such things need to be clarified. As for “getting away” with never having children, I wouldn’t describe it like that, but yes, if you kept using NFP until menopause for legitimate and serious enough reasons, then yeah. But please understand that that would be an exceptional situation and definitely not one to be planned for as a way of circumventing “the system”. A person never getting around to be psychologically ready for having children would in my humble opinion be a likely candidate for a defect of consent regardless under canon 1095–incapacity to assume essential duties of marriage.

 

[Angels_Heart]

by my own choice

 

[joandarc2008]

I liked my reason before I met my dh:

Its not me, Its all of them!!!