The woman I'm dating's mother

[Crimson_Silence]

Okay, big problem. Girl I’m with? Not Catholic. She’s into it. But has problems due to Baptist “church.” She’s okay with having kids who are Catholic. None of this is a problem. Her mom? Big problem. She wants to convert me to…whatever she believes; Christian happy clappy laugh along songs. Ugh.

Objective: What to do?
Answer: Pending…

 

[Annie39]

Okay, big problem. Girl I’m with? Not Catholic. She’s into it. But has problems due to Baptist “church.” She’s okay with having kids who are Catholic. None of this is a problem. Her mom? Big problem. She wants to convert me to…whatever she believes; Christian happy clappy laugh along songs. Ugh.

Objective: What to do?
Answer: Pending…

Are you seriously thinking of leaving the Church due to conflicts with your future MIL?

Annie

 

[Scientia_Dei]

I recommend this. On your Girl Friends Mom’s B-Day give her a YOUCAT book. Its a Youth Catechism and it explains the Roman Catholic faith in simple terms. Tell her its because a person never ages . Also if your going head to head with a baptist you need to grow in your faith. I recommend the book, Supper of the Lamb by Scott Hahn. (All the books you can buy on this sites online bookstore ) You must also slowly show her your faith. Give her a Catholic Bible, but the secret weapon is this. Mathew 16:18. Then show her how for 2000 years we have existed through the Holy Spirit. Theres other things you can do but the ones i mentioned are the most basic approach. P.S Try to find some converts in your Parish this might help you also talk to your priest.

 

[Simply_Gone]

^this. Don’t leave the True Church.

 

[Irishmom2]

I am more interested in why your religion is listed as thinking of becoming a former Catholic…

 

[Simply_Gone]

^this. Don’t leave the True Church.

 

[EasterJoy]

Okay, big problem. Girl I’m with? Not Catholic. She’s into it. But has problems due to Baptist “church.” She’s okay with having kids who are Catholic. None of this is a problem. Her mom? Big problem. She wants to convert me to…whatever she believes; Christian happy clappy laugh along songs. Ugh.

Objective: What to do?
Answer: Pending…

Wait. Let me see if I have this right: A woman you could consider your prospective spouse is “into” your faith and is OK with having you raise the children Catholic. So far, so good. Your MIL wants to convert you to a church that you find, well, it sounds as if you find it somewhere in the neighborhood of repulsive. Are you really saying that you’re considering leaving the Catholic Church that your wife-to-be is fine with for a church you describe as a “church” (quotation marks not optional) and as “happy clappy…Ugh” in order to–what? What on earth would your goal be? To appease your MIL-to-be?

Don’t contemplate marriage yet. You don’t have the backbone for it. Seriously.

 

[esieffe]

Okay, big problem.
; Christian happy clappy laugh along songs. Ugh.

.

Buy Catholics for Dummies and give it to her. Have her watch a Mass on camera at one of the bigger churches. Doesnt matter which one. You can use mine if you wish.

transfiguration.com

We have tons of ministries, she might like that. EDUCATE her on what we are about dude!

Whatever you do, don’t go over to the grape juice biscuit crowd. Ive been to three of those services in my life [as a kid] ;The vibes alone made me nauseated.

 

[Irishmom2]

Buy Catholics for Dummies and give it to her.

No, it sounds more like the OP needs to read it. He cannot begin to help someone else learn about the Catholic Church and what it means if he does not understand it. If he does not treasure his faith (as evidenced by his talk of becoming a former Catholic) how can he convince anyone else that they should?

 

[ClearWater]

Did you say that your girlfriend’s not Catholic and that her mother wants to convert you to the Baptist faith?

If your girlfriend’s not Catholic, (if I understood what you said correctly), that’s actually a bigger problem than your potential future mother-in-law’s trying to convert you.

Well, with your girlfriend, should you ever get married, in the best circumstances, you’ll probably going to separate churches on weekends. If she allows you to take the children to your church, then you and your children will go to your church. Would she stay at the house or go to a Baptist church while you are doing that?

If in the future, you want to use Natural Family Planning, rather than contraception, would she be amenable to that? Will she allow you to have rosaries, a Catholic Bible, crucifixes, religious statues and prayer cards at the house?

If you go to confession to a priest, and take the children with you, will she be okay with that?

You would be expected before marriage to attend Catholic marriage preparation, Precana. Would she be willing to do that with you and marry in a Catholic Church?

Will you get resistance from her family about your faith and that of the children later on?

I think in all probably that your family will probably be split on the issue of religion.

Will you be able to pray together. Will she ever attend mass with you and the children?

So, your girlfriend and girlfriend’s mother will both be “on the same page” against you, right? Two against one. That sounds like it’d be very uncomfortable, more in the future, after marriage, when the honeymoon’s over.

 

[ClearWater]

What to do about your girlfriend’s mother’s trying to convert you? If you want to continue with this, then you would speak to your girlfriend, ask her to speak to her mother.

Well, a friend of mine once said he and his girlfirend had an agreement. If there was a problem with her family, she was to address it with her family. If it was with his family, he was to address it. That way, it’d be much better than your trying to go in and address this with her family.

 

[pianistclare]

Buy Catholics for Dummies and give it to her. Have her watch a Mass on camera at one of the bigger churches. Doesnt matter which one. You can use mine if you wish.

transfiguration.com

We have tons of ministries, she might like that. EDUCATE her on what we are about dude!

Whatever you do, don’t go over to the grape juice biscuit crowd. Ive been to three of those services in my life [as a kid] ;The vibes alone made me nauseated.

Catholics for Dummies? Oh yeah. THAT’LL win her over…
On second thought, that may solve you problem once and for all…the daughter will dump you. Problem solved.

 

[Crimson_Silence]

Did you say that your girlfriend’s not Catholic and that her mother wants to convert you to the Baptist faith?

If your girlfriend’s not Catholic, (if I understood what you said correctly), that’s actually a bigger problem than your potential future mother-in-law’s trying to convert you.

Well, with your girlfriend, should you ever get married, in the best circumstances, you’ll probably going to separate churches on weekends. If she allows you to take the children to your church, then you and your children will go to your church. Would she stay at the house or go to a Baptist church while you are doing that?

If in the future, you want to use Natural Family Planning, rather than contraception, would she be amenable to that? Will she allow you to have rosaries, a Catholic Bible, crucifixes, religious statues and prayer cards at the house?

If you go to confession to a priest, and take the children with you, will she be okay with that?

You would be expected before marriage to attend Catholic marriage preparation, Precana. Would she be willing to do that with you and marry in a Catholic Church?

Will you get resistance from her family about your faith and that of the children later on?

I think in all probably that your family will probably be split on the issue of religion.

Will you be able to pray together. Will she ever attend mass with you and the children?

So, your girlfriend and girlfriend’s mother will both be “on the same page” against you, right? Two against one. That sounds like it’d be very uncomfortable, more in the future, after marriage, when the honeymoon’s over.

I asked her these questions and here’s her reply:

Questions.

1. If we have kids, would you stay home while I go to mass or your baptist church?
2. Would you prefer natural family planning or contraception?
3. If we lived together, would you allow rosary prayers, Catholic Bibles, crucifixes, religious statues and prayer cards?
4. If I go to confession, and take the kids, would you be ok with that?
5. If we got married, would you be fine with doing it in a Catholic Church with Catholic practices?
6. Will we be able to pray together?
7. Would you attend mass with me and the kids?
8. Would your family have a problem with all these things?

Answers from her.

1. I would like to go to both our churches, each once a week. But if [Crimson Silence] was set against it [Crimson Silence: which I won’t do], then we’d go to just mass.
2. What the frig does that even mean…I don’t know, after marriage and if we are in a good place then no I wouldn’t bother with any protection.
3. Of course I would.
4. Yes. I would even go too but I wouldn’t be confessed myself.
5. I don’t know what a Catholic wedding is like…
6. What do you mean? Of course we would. It’d be different…I’m not sure if you’d like my prayer.
7. Yes.
8. Yes. And I don’t care. They can deal with it or stay out of our lives completely.

No, it sounds more like the OP needs to read it. He cannot begin to help someone else learn about the Catholic Church and what it means if he does not understand it. If he does not treasure his faith (as evidenced by his talk of becoming a former Catholic) how can he convince anyone else that they should?

Very true…evidence? My other posts.

 

[Crimson_Silence]

Buy Catholics for Dummies and give it to her. Have her watch a Mass on camera at one of the bigger churches. Doesnt matter which one. You can use mine if you wish.

transfiguration.com

We have tons of ministries, she might like that. EDUCATE her on what we are about dude!

Whatever you do, don’t go over to the grape juice biscuit crowd. Ive been to three of those services in my life [as a kid] ;The vibes alone made me nauseated.

That last bit about the grape juice is making me uncomfortable…are you talking about the ones who drink the poison?

Still, my girfriend could be Catholic. If I told her to. But I won’t do that. That’s for her to decide.

Wait. Let me see if I have this right: A woman you could consider your prospective spouse is “into” your faith and is OK with having you raise the children Catholic. So far, so good. Your MIL wants to convert you to a church that you find, well, it sounds as if you find it somewhere in the neighborhood of repulsive. Are you really saying that you’re considering leaving the Catholic Church that your wife-to-be is fine with for a church you describe as a “church” (quotation marks not optional) and as “happy clappy…Ugh” in order to–what? What on earth would your goal be? To appease your MIL-to-be?

Don’t contemplate marriage yet. You don’t have the backbone for it. Seriously.

Hey! I’ve been with her for years beyond count. It was because of her I even finally decided on being Catholic. Before that I was struggling on whether I should or shouldn’t. And when I did she was happy. That woman’s been with me through good and bad. And I won’t find a lady like that for years; maybe even never. She’s my light to my darkess; the stars in my sky; my heart in a world without heart; my candy and my diet; my morning sunrise and evening sunset. I trust this woman with my life (not that I like the idea of trusting anyone with my life; but I’m happy to with her).

^this. Don’t leave the True Church.

This is the second time. I’m not Peter feeding the sheep buddy.

I am more interested in why your religion is listed as thinking of becoming a former Catholic…

Already answered. Look below.

I recommend this. On your Girl Friends Mom’s B-Day give her a YOUCAT book. Its a Youth Catechism and it explains the Roman Catholic faith in simple terms. Tell her its because a person never ages . Also if your going head to head with a baptist you need to grow in your faith. I recommend the book, Supper of the Lamb by Scott Hahn. (All the books you can buy on this sites online bookstore ) You must also slowly show her your faith. Give her a Catholic Bible, but the secret weapon is this. Mathew 16:18. Then show her how for 2000 years we have existed through the Holy Spirit. Theres other things you can do but the ones i mentioned are the most basic approach. P.S Try to find some converts in your Parish this might help you also talk to your priest.

This sounds confrontational and it would cause problems for her and I. I don’t want to bring my loved one pain. Her mom’s the problem, not her.

^this. Don’t leave the True Church.

I’m thinking.

Are you seriously thinking of leaving the Church due to conflicts with your future MIL?

Annie

Not in a million years. Whether for hell or high water, but there are issues that have been confusing me. If you saw my last thread on the body of Christ, you’d understand that my issues are theological (it took 3 pages to get through to me). I would most likely be an atheist or an agnostic than an a Baptist or whatever her mom is.

 

[underacloud]

Questions.
8. Would your family have a problem with all these things?

Answers from her.
8. Yes. And I don’t care. They can deal with it or stay out of our lives completely.

Based on this, I really don’t see why you are so concerned. Let your wife (if/when she becomes your wife) deal with her mother on these issues. Spouses need to protect each other from their respective families. It’s an important consideration for a strong marriage. If this woman you are dating is already holding such a good attitude regarding this, it bodes well for you two.

I presume the more detailed question is how to go about conducting, deflecting, or avoiding the discussion if it comes up. The answer to this will depend very much on the personalities involved. Some people are capable of frank and open exchanges of ideas without feeling the need to persuade the other. It’s more sharing their faith than convincing you it’s right. Other people…I presume your potential MIL…just want to convert people to their viewpoint. If that’s the case, it’s likely that your best bet is to avoid discussing the topic altogether. It can be hard, but sometimes you just have to say something like “sorry, but this is a conversation I’m just not confortable having”.

 

[EasterJoy]

Hey! I’ve been with her for years beyond count. It was because of her I even finally decided on being Catholic. Before that I was struggling on whether I should or shouldn’t. And when I did she was happy. That woman’s been with me through good and bad. And I won’t find a lady like that for years; maybe even never. She’s my light to my darkess; the stars in my sky; my heart in a world without heart; my candy and my diet; my morning sunrise and evening sunset. I trust this woman with my life (not that I like the idea of trusting anyone with my life; but I’m happy to with her).

She is not why I wonder about whether you are ready to marry.* She *sounds great! If you’re going to marry a non-Catholic (I did), marry one like her (which I did)!

The religious issue isn’t even why I wondered out loud about whether you are ready to marry. Letting her mother sway you away from your decision to follow the religious way that sets your heart on fire and over into one that you describe in terms of contempt is why I wonder. Why would you convert away from the Catholic faith on account of pressure that you describe as you do? You’re not being true to yourself! You have to have the resolve to be true to yourself in order to have enough resolve to be faithful to the duties of marriage. If you will sell your religion down the river because of pressure from her family, what else would you cave in on? Could you support your wife in standing up to them? I wonder. I wonder.

Your girlfriend, OTOH, realizes that you and she will decide your life together, and that it is entirely right that no one be allowed to usurp your joint right to make your own joint decisions. She is both respectful of your spiritual needs and honest about what she is and is not willing to do herself. She has the right idea!

 

[Crimson_Silence]

She is not why I wonder about whether you are ready to marry.* She *sounds great! If you’re going to marry a non-Catholic (I did), marry one like her (which I did)!

The religious issue isn’t even why I wondered out loud about whether you are ready to marry. Letting her mother sway you away from your decision to follow the religious way that sets your heart on fire and over into one that you describe in terms of contempt is why I wonder. Why would you convert away from the Catholic faith on account of pressure that you describe as you do? You’re not being true to yourself! You have to have the resolve to be true to yourself in order to have enough resolve to be faithful to the duties of marriage. If you will sell your religion down the river because of pressure from her family, what else would you cave in on? Could you support your wife in standing up to them? I wonder. I wonder.

Your girlfriend, OTOH, realizes that you and she will decide your life together, and that it is entirely right that no one be allowed to usurp your joint right to make your own joint decisions. She is both respectful of your spiritual needs and honest about what she is and is not willing to do herself. She has the right idea!

Her mom is not swaying me at all. I just want her family to like me so I can have some peace in the family. It’s not common sense to start creating problems over religion just to get one’s way. I’m not Judas if that’s what you’re saying. She doesn’t like the fact that I’m struggling with matters of faith than anyone else.

Is this thread about my girlfriend’s mother or I?

 

[underacloud]

Is this thread about my girlfriend’s mother or I?

Is this a trick question?

It’s about you.

You posted it. You can only change your own behaviour in the situation. You can’t control what your future-MIL will do. You can only control how you respond to it (which in turn may affect her behaviour going forward). So the advice you will get will be about you. None of us can change the behaviour of the future-MIL.

EasterJoy is quite rightly pointing out the your girlfirend already seems to have this issue well in hand. I’m not too sure what your exact concern is.

 

[QNDNNDQDCE]

I am in almost the same situation you are. No progress with the mother. My advice is that her mother’s opinion is her own problem. You can’t force her to approve of you. Just be the best person you can be. Her opinion is not a failing on your part.

 

[holyrood]

Her mom? Big problem. She wants to convert me to…whatever she believes; Christian happy clappy laugh along songs. Ugh.

Objective: What to do?

Is this thread about my girlfriend’s mother or I?

Given your own words, it sure sounded like it was about both: her mother is a problem and what should you do about it?

So what exactly is the question? What to do about her mother pressuring you to convert?