Theft or Scrupulosity?

  • Thread starter Thread starter cassidyaltarboy
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

cassidyaltarboy

Guest
I am 16 and I realize I am scrupulous, but I am actually concerned about this one. Story: My family went to a local fundraiser meal and gathering at a community center. I showed up late and asked if I had to pay for admission (which would have been $12). My mother talked to the lady at the admission desk and the woman at the desk said I could eat for free because the event had been on for an hour or so and the food was cold. I went in and ate as normal and didn’t worry at first. After eating my mother told me that the leader of the club that the fundraiser was for didn’t really want people getting free admissions and was being kind of picky. At this point I got nervous. My mother and father told me several times I wasn’t allowed to pay (under their command) and not to worry. On my way home I saw a broke hitch-hiker that I also noticed on my way there. I gave him the $12 as a kind of restitution and I am worrying about weather I should pay the local group. Please help. God Bless.😊
 
Listen to your parents. They’re responsible for you. If someone would have approached you to pay, you’re parents would surely have taken care of it for you.

If it still bothers you, by all means donate the $12, but you didn’t do anything wrong by following the directions of the person at the door and your parents.
 
That does not sound like a big deal to me, and I am also scrupulous. I have read some of your recent posts and I want to tell you that you should email your pastor to have a meeting with him to deal with your scrupulosity. It could get worse. Try it. I finally worked up the courage to email mine and a religious order in a attempt to get a spiritual director. It saddens me that it has been over a week and I have not gotten a reply back from my pastor nor senior pastor from the religious order. But maybe you will have better luck. Not that I believe in luck.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
That does not sound like a big deal to me, and I am also scrupulous. I have read some of your recent posts and I want to tell you that you should email your pastor to have a meeting with him to deal with your scrupulosity. It could get worse. Try it. I finally worked up the courage to email mine and a religious order in a attempt to get a spiritual director. It saddens me that it has been over a week and I have not gotten a reply back from my pastor nor senior pastor from the religious order. But maybe you will have better luck. Not that I believe in luck.
Click to expand...
The closest spiritual director is five hours away 😦 I just got on the phone with my old parish priest and we talked a little bit; it helped a lot.
 
You did well. You obeyed your parents and also were able to help some else. 👍
 
What if the woman at the desk had been as fearful of doing the wrong thing as you, you paid full price, and now she felt guilty for charging your parents full price to give you cold food because she was pressured to do what the woman running the fundraiser wanted her to do, instead of what she thought was fair? Would that be better, because she feels guilty instead of you?

You did nothing wrong. Certainly if I ran the fundraiser, I would not let you pay, either, even if I were tweaked at my volunteer who found a reason to give you a free meal that I wouldn’t allow. That is because an organization with integrity does not give someone a decision and then go back on it. The event workers could have gone either way, but once they gave you a decision, integrity binds them to do what they say they’ll do, which is in this case means letting people eat free once the quality of the food has gotten so bad as it had.

If I were your mother, I would also not let you make a donation in order to ease a false sense of guilt. Give because you want to be generous–that is a good reason! Don’t give in order to appease a sense of guilt that has you fearful all of the time. It is time to master that false guilt before someone finds you, discovers this little demon that has its fork into your neck, and uses that little demon to manipulate you into doing their bidding instead of God’s bidding.

I do not mean that there is literally a little demon with a fork in your neck. I do mean that you are hugely vulnerable to being manipulated by a sociopath or even someone easily tempted to use others. A sociopath will play a person with a highly sensitive sense of guilt and pity like a fiddle. The person struggling with a habit of using others, meanwhile, does not need to be surrounded by people with a false sense of guilt.

Do not act out of guilt or pity. Act out of virtue, including charity. Don’t insist that no one can ever give you a generous deal, because you are the only one who gets to be generous. That is pride. Be willing to be the one with a need that is met, the poor one, and not always the one who gets the “high” road.
 
EasterJoy said:
What if the woman at the desk had been as fearful of doing the wrong thing as you, you paid full price, and now she felt guilty for charging your parents full price to give you cold food because she was pressured to do what the woman running the fundraiser wanted her to do, instead of what she thought was fair? Would that be better, because she feels guilty instead of you?

You did nothing wrong. Certainly if I ran the fundraiser, I would not let you pay, either, even if I were tweaked at my volunteer who found a reason to give you a free meal that I wouldn’t allow. That is because an organization with integrity does not give someone a decision and then go back on it. The event workers could have gone either way, but once they gave you a decision, integrity binds them to do what they say they’ll do, which is in this case means letting people eat free once the quality of the food has gotten so bad as it had.

If I were your mother, I would also not let you make a donation in order to ease a false sense of guilt. Give because you want to be generous–that is a good reason! Don’t give in order to appease a sense of guilt that has you fearful all of the time. It is time to master that false guilt before someone finds you, discovers this little demon that has its fork into your neck, and uses that little demon to manipulate you into doing their bidding instead of God’s bidding.

I do not mean that there is literally a little demon with a fork in your neck. I do mean that you are hugely vulnerable to being manipulated by a sociopath or even someone easily tempted to use others. A sociopath will play a person with a highly sensitive sense of guilt and pity like a fiddle. The person struggling with a habit of using others, meanwhile, does not need to be surrounded by people with a false sense of guilt.

Do not act out of guilt or pity. Act out of virtue, including charity. Don’t insist that no one can ever give you a generous deal, because you are the only one who gets to be generous. That is pride. Be willing to be the one with a need that is met, the poor one, and not always the one who gets the “high” road.
Click to expand...
Wow, thanks for taking all that time to answer. It’s people like you that I look up to.
 
cassidyaltarboy said:
… My mother and father told me several times I wasn’t allowed to pay (under their command) and not to worry.
…
Click to expand...
It sounds like your parents are aware of your worry, feelings of guilt, and scrupulosity. It sounds like they are giving you good advice. Listen to them. Also if you are one of those teenagers who can talk freely with your parents, talk to them about your worries. Parents know a lot about all sorts of things because of their life experience. (Don’t forget, they were teenagers too!) They could be an excellent resource for you in dealing with anything that troubles you, as well as sharing in your joys and successes.
 
Cassidy - first of all, welcome! Secondly, do you live in a very small town where there is only one Catholic Church? As a retired high school teacher, I’m worried about you, just as it is obvious that you are worried about yourself. If you are not having any luck finding help in the official Church administration, ask your counselor at school for help in finding someone to help you deal. You are sixteen!!! You should be excited about learning, looking forward to going off to the university and worrying about which person to ask to the prom. Another poster suggested that when you begin to feel overly anxious about a tiny venial sin that you substitute that worry with another ritual such as counting to fifty or snapping a band you put on one of your wrists. Sometimes I just say two Hail Mary’s to myself and I can feel myself calm down. I will be praying for you. Please private message me if I can be of any help to you in any way!🙂
 
kozlosap said:
Cassidy - first of all, welcome! Secondly, do you live in a very small town where there is only one Catholic Church? As a retired high school teacher, I’m worried about you, just as it is obvious that you are worried about yourself. If you are not having any luck finding help in the official Church administration, ask your counselor at school for help in finding someone to help you deal. You are sixteen!!! You should be excited about learning, looking forward to going off to the university and worrying about which person to ask to the prom. Another poster suggested that when you begin to feel overly anxious about a tiny venial sin that you substitute that worry with another ritual such as counting to fifty or snapping a band you put on one of your wrists. Sometimes I just say two Hail Mary’s to myself and I can feel myself calm down. I will be praying for you. Please private message me if I can be of any help to you in any way!🙂
Click to expand...
I live in an extremely small town with one Church which I altar serve at (9 years serving). I am discerning the priesthood and have been doing so for quite a while. I have never been able to imagine myself as a father and I get immense joy when I picture myself as a priest in service of God and others. I will definitely message you if I ever want to talk.
 
cassidyaltarboy said:
The closest spiritual director is five hours away 😦 I just got on the phone with my old parish priest and we talked a little bit; it helped a lot.
Click to expand...
You sound like a great young man. But it is a sure bet that the posters on here are further than 5 hours from you. Find some good spiritual direction. This is a must especially if you are considering a vocation!
 
cassidyaltarboy said:
I live in an extremely small town with one Church which I altar serve at (9 years serving). I am discerning the priesthood and have been doing so for quite a while. I have never been able to imagine myself as a father and I get immense joy when I picture myself as a priest in service of God and others. I will definitely message you if I ever want to talk.
Click to expand...
I don’t think you are literally scrupulous. I think you are morally careful and not sure enough of the right thing to do to be willing to let some things go, lest you make a moral mistake. This is as typical as a young man who tries too hard to please his girlfriend and annoys her, instead. It is not an exact analogy, but I hope you will see what I’m getting at. Unlike a girlfriend who is just as immature, God can appreciate the immature but ardent desire to please Him. Keep getting spiritual direction, but let go of worry about doing the wrong thing.

This is a prayer written by Thomas Merton; do you recognize yourself in it? Dare to trust in the mercy of God. Our Lord will not let you down nor leave you orphaned.

*My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.*
 
Aren’t you the same poster who was worried about the extra large pizza? It’s kind of strange that everyone keeps wanting to give you free stuff when you don’t want it. I can probably count on one hand the number of times in my life someone offered me something for free! If the person running the event offered you their left-over, cold food for free, then you did nothing wrong by accepting. It’s a blessing for other people to be able to be kind, just as it is for you.
 
Allegra said:
Aren’t you the same poster who was worried about the extra large pizza? It’s kind of strange that everyone keeps wanting to give you free stuff when you don’t want it. I can probably count on one hand the number of times in my life someone offered me something for free! If the person running the event offered you their left-over, cold food for free, then you did nothing wrong by accepting. It’s a blessing for other people to be able to be kind, just as it is for you.
Click to expand...
Yaup m the scrupulous pizza eating teenager. Never thought about that.
 
Allegra said:
Aren’t you the same poster who was worried about the extra large pizza? It’s kind of strange that everyone keeps wanting to give you free stuff when you don’t want it. I can probably count on one hand the number of times in my life someone offered me something for free!
Click to expand...
Weirdly, this has happened to my sister a few times. I don’t get it either. During her college years she was once in a department store looking at winter hats and an elderly couple she had never met before bought a hat for her. 🤷
 
on_the_hill said:
Weirdly, this has happened to my sister a few times. I don’t get it either. During her college years she was once in a department store looking at winter hats and an elderly couple she had never met before bought a hat for her. 🤷
Click to expand...
If you’re the kind who believes in paying it forward, you have to believe that sooner or later somebody may inexplicably choose to pay a debt of gratitude from *their *past forward onto you!!

Don’t try to stop them and don’t automatically* be wary of kindness! Just remember to give thanks and pay it forward yourself! 👍

*sometimes, you’ll smell something wrong with a stranger who is a gracious giver. You can render your apologies for being suspicious, if you like, but don’t ignore that feeling. If the gift horse looks like he’s not quite right, go ahead and look into his mouth! The Trojan horse was not the world’s last example of a deceptive gift.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top