One final response to this: when I began to doubt I realized that I never had the surety necessary to defend my religious beliefs. I decided that this was not acceptable. I no longer wanted to be ashamed of ‘evangelization’, lacking in convincing reasons why someone else should consider my claims true, etc. So I embarked on my quest for knowledge. I’m far more satisfied and comfortable defending the propositions of atheism than Catholicism. That’s what it’s come down to for me thus far. Intellectually I can’t believe the knots I would get myself tied up into defending the Christian concept of god rationally. Thus, at present, my life is intellectually atheistic but I still allow believers in my community to pray for me and pray as best I can something like, ‘Lord, let me be convinced. I will receive whatever you have for me.’
The point is that no matter where my path took me, I wanted the ability to stand on as firm of an evidence and reason based grounding religiously as possible. I no longer think that Christianity is that ground. It’s extremely difficult to stand on and results in exactly what you describe. It gets scary not to understand how god could be like x but the world look like y and I was forced into ‘I just can’t go there’ or ‘there are answers but I just don’t know them’ rather than examining the explanatory power of the other answers instead… That’s what being open and seeking the best evidence is about for me.
—It appears that you are more interested, jinminn, in winning the arguments, than in sharing the truth (planting seeds when evangelizing) and allowing the Holy Spirit to water them and bring them to fruition. It is not us mortals who convert people, it is God. We don’t mind being called “fools for God” because, we need to be humbled, not exalted. God helps us to stay humble by not always giving us what we want, He knows what is for our good, and His timing is perfect, whether we recognize it or not. It’s not about winning arguments! And also admitting that we do not know much at all in the scheme of things and asking the Holy Spirit to give us the words. All those “facts & figures” you have quoted are merely “theories”, none proven in any way, and if the world had actually existed without God, it would not have lasted this long. People would have killed each other in such large numbers that there would hardly be anyone left, because there would be no moral law, and no reason to not kill everyone, until only one was left standing, unable to reproduce.
There has been an effort by philosophers and politicians, over the past three centuries and more, to build a society as if God did not exist. That Enlightenment culture is built on three lies, secularism, relativism and individualism. They are components of what Benedict XVI called a “dictatorship of relativism… that recognizes nothing as absolute and which leaves only the ‘I’ and its whims as the ultimate measure.” Those three lies are weapons deployed by our enemy, Satan, the father of lies. Our job is to counter his lies with the truth. If you speak the truth, you will have an impact beyond what you know.
Cardinal Edouard Gagnon described a conversation he had with John Paul II:
“The Holy Father… told me, “error makes its way because truth is not taught. We must teach the truth… not attacking the ones who teach errors because that would never end—they are too numerous. We have to teach the truth.” The truth may not immediately enter in the mind and heart of those to whom we talk, but the grace of God is there and at the time they need it, God will open their heart and they will accept it. He said, error does not have grace accompanying it.” (Lay Witness, March, 1990, 6-7)
The first lie is secularism: There is no God or He is unknowable. The existence of God is not self-evident. But it is unreasonable not to believe in God, an eternal being that had no beginning and always existed. The alternative is that there was a time when there was absolutely nothing. But that makes no sense. St. Thomas Aquinas said, “if at one time nothing was in existence, it would have been impossible for anything to have begun to exist; and thus even now nothing would be in existence–which is absurd.” Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing ever could.
The second lie of Satan is relativism. To say that all things are relative is absurd, for that statement itself must be relative. The jurisprudence of relativism is some form of legal positivism, which asserts that there is no higher law that limits what human law can do. A law of any content is valid if it is enacted pursuant to prescribed procedure and is effective. Hans Kelsen, the leading legal positivist of the 20th century, said that Auschwitz and the Soviet Gulags were valid law. He could not criticize them as unjust because justice, he said, is “an irrational ideal.” Kelsen claimed that relativism is the philosophy of democracy. John Paul II said relativism leads instead to totalitarianism: “If one does not acknowledge transcendent truth, then the force of power takes over, and each person tends to … impose his own interests … with no regard for the rights of others.” In your personal and professional lives you will be pressured to be a relativist, to lie, cheat or steal. As John Paul put it, the negative prohibitions of the Commandments, which are a specification of the natural law, "allow no exceptions. Lying, cheating and stealing are what governments do best, and this is destroying our world. Look around!