There is this guy

[laurie55]

sigh

There is a guy that I obviously have a great attraction for. We work together, and when it comes to the Church we agree on everything. He is alright looking. He is very orthodox. He is very nice. He is always very sweet toward me, and because of work we have to talk frequently. He has done things in the past that make me think he is attracted to me too. He also told me that our boss mentioned something about us together and he laughed at the idea and asked me how absurd I thought that was… so there are mixed signals. Anyway, I can’t help but like him a lot.

He knows I am discerning, and he has even told me he would like to see me as a Poor Clare and that he believes I have a vocation. I have known for a while that I am called to religious life, and I know where God is calling me. I know that is what God wants for reasons I won’t disclose, but the point is… I know it. I live with that knowledge everyday, and I am working toward being in a position to enter.

Everyday I also have to talk to guy, and I thought I had dealt with this and I was going to be able to just deal, but apparently I can’t. I was at work today and a woman walks in. My friend, who doesn’t know I am attracted to guy, starts talking to her. They get on the subject of woman’s daughter and then my friend brings up guy and how they have so much in common and how she should get her daughter to come by work randomly next week and meet him. Apparently daughter is very Catholic and is looking for a great Catholic guy…They were both so excited, and since I know guy better then everyone else at work and was there listening they were asking me questions about him. I had to admit and answer that yeah… apparently they are in to the same things and he is a great guy and he is interested in such and such…

I just got home and I can’t stop thinking about him and this girl. I can’t believe I am so troubled by this. I thought I had dealt with this, but apparently not.

I don’t know if I am looking for support… encouragement to keep trucking on or what I am looking for on here… I am just troubled right now by my growing attraction for him, and I have no one to talk to about something that is on my mind a lot… much more then I think it should be. I guess I’ll just have to suffer through it. Any advice?

I don’t think I could live with the knowledge that I didn’t do what God had first called me to do, and I know that is to be a sister.

I guess I just keep going and try to ignore this. Please pray.

 

[Eucharisted]

Entrust the matter to God, He might have other plans for you.

 

[Angel_Face]

*Dear laurie55,
Perhaps you are being tested at this time. Should I become a Sister or Nun or should I take myself in a whole new direction?
I believe it would do you good to pray more to God and ask Him to help you with this decision making.
Answers are not always easy to come by, you may need to seriously sit down and write down the pros and cons of both, and then knee down and pray about it! My prayers are with you, too!
God Bless,
Angel Face
*

 

[Liquid47]

Hey there,

Just pray to God, and ask him for guidance. I would say though, that always remember God comes first, and everyone else comes second. I am sure, however, God can be accommodating. Just pray for guidance!

Thoughts and prayers are with you too!

 

[flyingfish]

Pray to God about what is the right thing to do is, you say you “know” what it is that God wants, but how can any of us truly know?

 

[prodigalson12]

It’s a test of sorts, it’s his way of telling you to take a much more serious thought into your chosen vocation, and since you have such strong feelings for this guy, doesn’t matter if he’s the one or not on any terms, from my observation, your vocation is clearly with marriage.

I know, short and sweet and rather blunt. We are called to our vocations from birth,. it has nothing to do with personal aspirations at all. I hope this helps.

 

[Sister_Rose]

I know that I struggled with the idea of giving up marriage before I entered. Being strongly attracted or even in love does make to sacrifice of celibacy very real.
This could very well be a temptation. It is really hard to listen to God, when you are close to the object of temptation. I think you may need to get out of the situation for a bit to really pray and think this through. It might be a good time for a retreat.

 

[flyingfish]

I know that I struggled with the idea of giving up marriage before I entered. Being strongly attracted or even in love does make to sacrifice of celibacy very real.
This could very well be a temptation. It is really hard to listen to God, when you are close to the object of temptation. I think you may need to get out of the situation for a bit to really pray and think this through. It might be a good time for a retreat.

What makes you so sure you are called to be celibate? It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for God to call you to celibacy but at the same time have you feel so intensely for a man who is so well suited for marriage and seems to return your feelings.

I only know one nun, and when she became a nun she gave up a fairly successful career and life in the world. But she didn’t regret it one bit. Are you going to regret if you give this up?

 

[elizabeth_anne_1]

Dear Laurie-
You are running into the truth that you are human and that it is completely natural and normal for you as a human to have attractions. This is a normal experience whether your calling is to marriage or celibacy. You probably already know that, but just affirming the healthiness of what you are experiencing may help you to *freely choose *otherwise if the Lord is truly asking you to. I will pray for you as I understand a little of how our emotions can get so wrapped up in things. These feelings may be a challenge sometimes on our path to fulfilling the will of God in our life, but are so valuable when accepted and then offered back to our God.

 

[laurie55]

What makes you so sure you are called to be celibate? It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for God to call you to celibacy but at the same time have you feel so intensely for a man who is so well suited for marriage and seems to return your feelings.

I only know one nun, and when she became a nun she gave up a fairly successful career and life in the world. But she didn’t regret it one bit. Are you going to regret if you give this up?

I’ve been asking myself these questions…

And I keep coming up with these answers. Like someone reminded me here, it is natural to feel what I feel. I am a human being. I am a woman. I naturally want a family, a husband, children. I want to give and return love in a physical way through interacting with my family. Anyone can be attracted to anyone. Priests and nuns are probably attracted to certain people. It is not something we control. We can control how we respond to it though.

I offered this over to God plenty of times, but it never really goes away. As soon as he calls regarding work I start smiling and I get so happy and it pops right back up again. I just am continuing to offer it. I am sure there were religious, probably even some saints, who had attractions for others yet entered religious life.

I don’t know if I’ll regret giving up marriage and children, however I can see me regretting giving up religious life and feeling as if I turned Christ down.

As much as I like this guy (and I really do) I couldn’t be with him. There are too many practical matters that are in the way that I won’t go into. It just would not happen, even if we did mutually like one another, which I am not really secure in thinking he returns my feelings. I am just suffering so much through this, and I can’t tell anyone but God and when I give it to him I sometimes receive peace and ease about it, but it pops up again. My friends would tease me and not take this seriously. I would receive little or no help or comfort from them, and my family would think I wasn’t serious about religious life if I mentioned it and they might get their hopes up that I won’t enter when that is not at all what I see happening. I just need a release and prayer, I suppose.

I keep reminding myself that Our Lady told St. Bernadette that we will never be happy in this life. sigh

The hardest thing is trying to keep myself from spending time with him at work that isn’t necessary. I am finding it the hardest I have ever found it to protect my heart which I feel, in some ways, I have kind of given to him a little without even knowing it. This is painful.

 

[benedictus2]

sigh

There is a guy that I obviously have a great attraction for. We work together, and when it comes to the Church we agree on everything. He is alright looking. He is very orthodox. He is very nice. He is always very sweet toward me, and because of work we have to talk frequently. He has done things in the past that make me think he is attracted to me too. He also told me that our boss mentioned something about us together and he laughed at the idea and asked me how absurd I thought that was… so there are mixed signals. Anyway, I can’t help but like him a lot.

He knows I am discerning, and he has even told me he would like to see me as a Poor Clare and that he believes I have a vocation. I have known for a while that I am called to religious life, and I know where God is calling me. I know that is what God wants for reasons I won’t disclose, but the point is… I know it. I live with that knowledge everyday, and I am working toward being in a position to enter.

Everyday I also have to talk to guy, and I thought I had dealt with this and I was going to be able to just deal, but apparently I can’t. I was at work today and a woman walks in. My friend, who doesn’t know I am attracted to guy, starts talking to her. They get on the subject of woman’s daughter and then my friend brings up guy and how they have so much in common and how she should get her daughter to come by work randomly next week and meet him. Apparently daughter is very Catholic and is looking for a great Catholic guy…They were both so excited, and since I know guy better then everyone else at work and was there listening they were asking me questions about him. I had to admit and answer that yeah… apparently they are in to the same things and he is a great guy and he is interested in such and such…

I just got home and I can’t stop thinking about him and this girl. I can’t believe I am so troubled by this. I thought I had dealt with this, but apparently not.

I don’t know if I am looking for support… encouragement to keep trucking on or what I am looking for on here… I am just troubled right now by my growing attraction for him, and I have no one to talk to about something that is on my mind a lot… much more then I think it should be. I guess I’ll just have to suffer through it. Any advice?

I don’t think I could live with the knowledge that I didn’t do what God had first called me to do, and I know that is to be a sister.

I guess I just keep going and try to ignore this. Please pray.

Here’s the thing, just because you are called to the religious life does not mean that you will cease being attracted to men. That is just not the case at all.

If you are heterosexual this is a very natural thing. What we do with this inclinations is something else.

I would strongly suggest doing the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius. This is a wonderful tool for discernment. And St Ignatius formulated his rules because he was in a similar situation as you.

If you are not familiar with this, PM me and I will send your literature on it.

But if you are going to do it, make sure you have a good holy priest as a spiritual director.

Entrust yourself to God, and pray to know His will and to desire only His will.

May God reveal His will to you, May He grant you the grace to follow it with Joy.

One last thing, you will know it is God’s will if there is peace and joy in your heart. And there will be confirmations as well.

One wise Jesuit gave this advice. Never confuse a lack of generosity for a lack of vocation to the religious life.

 

[benedictus2]

I don’t know if I’ll regret giving up marriage and children, however I can see me regretting giving up religious life and feeling as if I turned Christ down.

I think this is a very important insight.

 

[benedictus2]

I know that I struggled with the idea of giving up marriage before I entered. Being strongly attracted or even in love does make to sacrifice of celibacy very real.
This could very well be a temptation. It is really hard to listen to God, when you are close to the object of temptation. I think you may need to get out of the situation for a bit to really pray and think this through. It might be a good time for a retreat.

Excellent advice.

 

[flyingfish]

I’ve been asking myself these questions…

And I keep coming up with these answers. Like someone reminded me here, it is natural to feel what I feel. I am a human being. I am a woman. I naturally want a family, a husband, children. I want to give and return love in a physical way through interacting with my family. Anyone can be attracted to anyone. Priests and nuns are probably attracted to certain people. It is not something we control. We can control how we respond to it though.

I offered this over to God plenty of times, but it never really goes away. As soon as he calls regarding work I start smiling and I get so happy and it pops right back up again. I just am continuing to offer it. I am sure there were religious, probably even some saints, who had attractions for others yet entered religious life.

I don’t know if I’ll regret giving up marriage and children, however I can see me regretting giving up religious life and feeling as if I turned Christ down.

As much as I like this guy (and I really do) I couldn’t be with him. There are too many practical matters that are in the way that I won’t go into. It just would not happen, even if we did mutually like one another, which I am not really secure in thinking he returns my feelings. I am just suffering so much through this, and I can’t tell anyone but God and when I give it to him I sometimes receive peace and ease about it, but it pops up again. My friends would tease me and not take this seriously. I would receive little or no help or comfort from them, and my family would think I wasn’t serious about religious life if I mentioned it and they might get their hopes up that I won’t enter when that is not at all what I see happening. I just need a release and prayer, I suppose.

I keep reminding myself that Our Lady told St. Bernadette that we will never be happy in this life. sigh

The hardest thing is trying to keep myself from spending time with him at work that isn’t necessary. I am finding it the hardest I have ever found it to protect my heart which I feel, in some ways, I have kind of given to him a little without even knowing it. This is painful.

I don’t know, aren’t there third orders that allow you to be kind of a nun and a married woman at the same time?

It just doesn’t seem right that anyone would be called to something that would create such conflict for them. A calling should feel perfect and right, like it’s where you belong, like you don’t want to do anything else.

Do you really think that if you choose to marry you will turn Christ down?

 

[Sister_Rose]

I don’t know, aren’t there third orders that allow you to be kind of a nun and a married woman at the same time?

It just doesn’t seem right that anyone would be called to something that would create such conflict for them. A calling should feel perfect and right, like it’s where you belong, like you don’t want to do anything else.

Do you really think that if you choose to marry you will turn Christ down?

I don’t mean to offend you but I do disagree with the way you are approaching this. You should not enter a secular third order so you can have your cake an eat it too. Just like other things, you enter because you are called to it. Just like you should marry, enter religious life or remain single because you think God want that of you.
A call to religious life or any vocation for that matter usually causes conflict. The peace comes when you surrender your will to God. But the surrendering isn’t easy. Just think of the rich young man in the Gospels. He was called by Jesus himself, and asked to do something very hard for him. He did not surrender, and went away sad.

Now, I am not saying that Laurie definitely has a vocation to religious life, she’ll have to find that out.

 

[Angel_Face]

*I believe if you intend to give your life to Jesus Christ, it needs to be done with 100% commitment.
It’s never good to do anything half way when it comes to The Holy Trinity!
God Bless you! This has to be very hard for you!
Try to go away by yourself and pray, pray, pray for some answers!
May peace be with you,
Angel Face
*

 

[flyingfish]

I don’t mean to offend you but I do disagree with the way you are approaching this. You should not enter a secular third order so you can have your cake an eat it too. Just like other things, you enter because you are called to it. Just like you should marry, enter religious life or remain single because you think God want that of you.
A call to religious life or any vocation for that matter usually causes conflict. The peace comes when you surrender your will to God. But the surrendering isn’t easy. Just think of the rich young man in the Gospels. He was called by Jesus himself, and asked to do something very hard for him. He did not surrender, and went away sad.

Now, I am not saying that Laurie definitely has a vocation to religious life, she’ll have to find that out.

Right, but for the vast majority of us God doesn’t appear “in the flesh” and tell us exactly what he wants us to do.

Even if you surrender your will to God, you’re still left with deciding what you think God wants you to do. Chances are, God is not going to appear in a vision to the OP and tell her he wants her to become a nun or marry.

All you can really do is speculate about signs on whether you’re on the right path. And it seems to me that if you are on the right path, you should feel joy, relief, and an overwhelming sense of having found your calling. If you’re feeling sadness, conflict, tension, are constantly struggling with yourself then it just doesn’t seem like that is what you are made for.

The example of the man walking away sad doesn’t quite apply. If he had stayed and was sad, then it would be an example of how you can be doing what you’re called to do and feel all sad and torn up about it.

 

[elizabeth_anne_1]

God’s will is not always easy…and being human and complex creatures we are bound to have conflict with ourselves sometimes. This is especially so when we are asked to make tangible sacrifices- dying to yourself is not meant to be a painless process!

Laurie said: “I don’t know if I’ll regret giving up marriage and children, however I can see me regretting giving up religious life and feeling as if I turned Christ down.”

She is going to have conflict in herself if she dates also, the conflict of wondering if she is turning down the invitation of Jesus. She has an inner conviction that she is being invited by the Lord…and this inner conviction should not be just discounted.

Laurie, as you continue to be faithful the Lord will make your vocation clear in His time…I hope you have a good director you can speak to. I would not suggest taking all of your advice from these forums. For my part I will pray for your continued discernment and that the Lord will visit you with His peace as you seek His Will.

 

[benedictus2]

Right, but for the vast majority of us God doesn’t appear “in the flesh” and tell us exactly what he wants us to do.

Even if you surrender your will to God, you’re still left with deciding what you think God wants you to do. Chances are, God is not going to appear in a vision to the OP and tell her he wants her to become a nun or marry.

That is why there is such a thing as discernment. This is when St Ignatius rules are very helpful.

Some may be called to give only a little, but some are called to give their all, to forsake all for Christ. It is very easy in today’s world to choose the convenient, easy road.

In deciding a vocation, the first question should be how best to serve God. Only after that do we look at either the religious or married life.

But a lot of people decide to marry then try to figure out later how best to serve God in that state.

All you can really do is speculate about signs on whether you’re on the right path. And it seems to me that if you are on the right path, you should feel joy, relief, and an overwhelming sense of having found your calling.

Not if you are in the discerning phase. It is quite a known fact that the devil will cause you distress and throw out temptations your way to disuade you from your goal. She seemed to be quite happy till she met this man. The lack of peace came with the association with this man not with her earlier discerned vocation.

If you’re feeling sadness, conflict, tension, are constantly struggling with yourself then it just doesn’t seem like that is what you are made for.

The sadness, conflict, tension, came with the guy.

I would suggest for the OP to entrust her cares to Mary. I was very much in love with a man once. Before I met him I was quite joyfully at peace with myself. But for close to 5 years he played havoc with my emotions. Then I decided to write all this down and put it by the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, actually asking that he be the one that God intended for me. But the most beautiful thing happened. Instead of God granting that request, I noticed that a week or two later all my feelings for him had somehow slowly disappeared and I was once more at peace.

If there is much tension with her now, then this could be a possible sign that the devil is disturbing her so that she will be distracted from her vocation.

What we need to do is to pray that she not choose anything contrary to Christ’s will.

 

[wxboss]

I don’t mean to offend you but I do disagree with the way you are approaching this. You should not enter a secular third order so you can have your cake an eat it too. Just like other things, you enter because you are called to it. Just like you should marry, enter religious life or remain single because you think God want that of you.
A call to religious life or any vocation for that matter usually causes conflict. The peace comes when you surrender your will to God. But the surrendering isn’t easy. Just think of the rich young man in the Gospels. He was called by Jesus himself, and asked to do something very hard for him. He did not surrender, and went away sad.

Now, I am not saying that Laurie definitely has a vocation to religious life, she’ll have to find that out.

I have to agree with Sister Rose. The life spent following Christ is not one of compromise or reconciling worldly things to heavenly things. Those who attempt to do so are called ‘lukewarm’ and are spewed from Our Lord’s mouth (Rev. 3:16).

This is what Our Lord stated in the 10th chapter of Matthew need to be reviewed;

***34 Do not think that I came to send peace upon earth: I came not to send peace, but the sword. 35 For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

36 And a man’s enemies shall be they of his own household. 37 He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me. 38 And he that taketh not up his cross, and followeth me, is not worthy of me.

---

Laurie needs discernment and guidance. In other words, she will need to make a choice (which the Lord will guide her through). A choice is always decisive - it’s never “wishy-washy” or all inclusive.