There's a sadness in their eyes

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I don’t know if it’s just me, but most all young Catholic ladies I’ve met/dated had an unexplainable sadness in their eyes. Maybe that’s what I’m attracted to, but it’s just something I’ve noticed. Perhaps it’s because they’re of the melancholic personality type? Anyone else notice this? Is this a Catholic thing?

 

[Lady_Bug]

Maybe they’re really lonely to find a Catholic spouse and they feel pessimistic about it and they hope that whatever relationship they may be in works out soon.

 

[chevalier]

I don’t know what it is, but I think I’ve seen it. Not only women have it, though, it must be something not gender specific. According to people’s comments, I do, and I’m a guy. Perhaps it’s more about Catholic than it is about girls. Don’t know, bad experience with the opposite sex? Bad experience in life in general? Who knows. But chances are it’s the type of girls you’re attracted to or interact with. Can you name any other consisent factors? Say, exposure to violence, beying betrayed, being an outcast?

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Maybe they’re really lonely to find a Catholic spouse and they feel pessimistic about it and they hope that whatever relationship they may be in works out soon.

It’s possible, but I wouldn’t assume that, and I certainly hope that I’m not the cause of their sadness! It’s actually interesting that most of those girls have not had much dating experience at all.

I don’t know what it is, but I think I’ve seen it. Not only women have it, though, it must be something not gender specific. According to people’s comments, I do, and I’m a guy. Perhaps it’s more about Catholic than it is about girls. Don’t know, bad experience with the opposite sex? Bad experience in life in general? Who knows. But chances are it’s the type of girls you’re attracted to or interact with. Can you name any other consisent factors? Say, exposure to violence, beying betrayed, being an outcast?

No, I don’t think I can really name any consistent factors. All of them are different, and the only consistent thing I can think of is that they were all very serious Catholics. Most of them have lived fairly sheltered lives, so I don’t know about life hardships. I really don’t know what type of girls I’m attracted to; I usually get along well with just about anyone.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

It’s actually interesting that most of those girls have not had much dating experience at all.

All of them are different, and the only consistent thing I can think of is that they were all very serious Catholics.

**
Just my educated guess…

the sadness may come from knowing that being a faithful Catholic in today’s society leaves one vulnerable and lonely since most of our culture is against everything we are for and for everything we are against. For a young woman in her dating years the hope of finding a dedicated Catholic spouse seems slim and that may make them sad.**

 

[shannyk]

Just my educated guess…

the sadness may come from knowing that being a faithful Catholic in today’s society leaves one vulnerable and lonely since most of our culture is against everything we are for and for everything we are against. For a young woman in her dating years the hope of finding a dedicated Catholic spouse seems slim and that may make them sad.

Good guess Malia I’ve been told I have this…look. Hmmmmm. I didn’t know it was a Catholic thing but it makes sense the way Malia puts it.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think the ‘sadness’ that SomeCatholicGuy speaks of is really a look of contriteness, and humility. I noticed it in a few priests back in PA…it’s a very endearing look (to me) I also remember seeing that ‘look’ in the Passion of the Christ, when Jesus was being persecuted and mocked. There was something sad, yet not sad–all at the same time…while secularly we might perceive it as sad looking, I noticed a humble look.

Just my two cents–maybe I’m way off here, but that’s how I see it!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

It’s a look that says, "I have a choice between having “fun” and companionship or betraying God. And I’ll probably never find someone who really “gets me” and values what I value.

So I can continue to be alone, or I can throw my eternal soul away.

Because life rarely seems to offer a third choice, one that is good.

And what you see as “sad” is also a questioning doubt when they look at you. Will you be just one more guy that is attracted to innocence only to want to defile it? Or are you the guy who doesn’t want to date her. But after you’ve had a lot of “fun” and been with all the fun girls, then she’s the “kind you marry.” Which, I’m sorry, isn’t a big compliment. And she’s smart enough to know that.

Or will you be the man who mirrors the love of Christ to her and replaces that look in her eye with joy.

Because let me tell you, it’s horrible when the world doesn’t value you as you are because you’re living according to God’s law.

I hadn’t noticed it was a “Catholic” thing. Maybe because to see the world through Catholic eyes is to see reality from the vantage point of eternity, and it’s not always pretty.

 

[chevalier]

It’s actually interesting that most of those girls have not had much dating experience at all.

That’s interesting indeed. Surely they are not sad because of it. One rather becomes sad through it.

No, I don’t think I can really name any consistent factors. All of them are different, and the only consistent thing I can think of is that they were all very serious Catholics. Most of them have lived fairly sheltered lives, so I don’t know about life hardships. I really don’t know what type of girls I’m attracted to; I usually get along well with just about anyone.

Sheltered lives you say. Are they in some way more sensitive than most people? Maybe the key would be somewhere there. Surely not just about anyone has sad eyes.

Just my educated guess…

the sadness may come from knowing that being a faithful Catholic in today’s society leaves one vulnerable and lonely since most of our culture is against everything we are for and for everything we are against. For a young woman in her dating years the hope of finding a dedicated Catholic spouse seems slim and that may make them sad.

We’re talking about young women. Would they be so preoccupied with it bein difficult to find a guy as to cause a permanent sadness visible to others?

I hadn’t noticed it was a “Catholic” thing. Maybe because to see the world through Catholic eyes is to see reality from the vantage point of eternity, and it’s not always pretty.

Hmm… Now I recall there was a discussion of this, but one in the Spirituality forum. It was somewhat Catholic-specific. I think there are some kind of gazes that are influenced by one’s faith and that would include some Catholic ones.

 

[SarahR]

Perhaps it’s “wariness” rather than sadness.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

We’re talking about young women. Would they be so preoccupied with it being difficult to find a guy as to cause a permanent sadness visible to others?

LOL, it is obvious you have never been a young woman… on the other hand, I used to be one (not THAT long ago) and if a woman feels called to marriage then naturally she is hoping to find a suitable spouse… but looking around at her “options” it can get very disheartening very quickly.

 

[Ag_not]

GUILT !!!

Im sorry Im sorry I couldnt help it

I cant say Ive noticed this - the young women I spoke to at church last week and the family I met were positively bubbling.

I dont know if my friend is dating but her eyes sparkled, danced, and energised everyone and everything around her.

Her smile was simply captivating and she smiled unceasingly.

Hmmm, Im going to have to pay attention tomorrow

 

[Belgarion]

Sadness???

I know pleny of Catholic girls who are always happy when I see them. Granted, everyone has their bad days.
Though one in particular is ALWAYS happy when I see her! That kind of joy is attractive.

I feel bad for the girls you know…This IS a sad time though…

 

[KayFrisco]

I don’t know many single catholic women right now, so I guess I haven’t noticed what you’ve observed. I work with several single catholic guys, and DH has a couple buddies who are still single… None of them have sad eyes… I guess one of them might now that I think about it.
When I was in my early 20s, I probably had a lot more wariness around guys, and that may have come across as sadness when I spoke one-on-one w/a guy who seemed interested – or even just noticed me (I was sheltered, if I understand what you mean by that). I think I came across as pretty cheerful though. As I got into my mid-later 20s, I felt less wariness because I realized that I could out-wait guys as far as getting involved emotionally/romantically, so they were really going to have to be serious in order to stick around. LOL.

 

[chevalier]

LOL, it is obvious you have never been a young woman… on the other hand, I used to be one (not THAT long ago) and if a woman feels called to marriage then naturally she is hoping to find a suitable spouse… but looking around at her “options” it can get very disheartening very quickly.

Disheartening, sure, possibly even leading to something which looks like a mild form of depression, but would it be so visible in everything they do all the time? I’d think it would take a childhood trauma or several years of bad experience.

 

[chevalier]

Sadness???

I know pleny of Catholic girls who are always happy when I see them. Granted, everyone has their bad days.

Yeah, like when they don’t get to see you, right?

Cheers.

/me dogdes the incoming projectile

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut so far! I don’t know if it has anything to do with dating per se, but like a previous poster said, this may be a humble/reverent look, but I can’t help but see a sadness/melancholy, especially in photos; in person, not as much. Personally, I think photos tend to reflect better your inner being; whereas the veil that people put up in person tends to cover this up sometimes, but sometimes a single look can belie this effort. Perhaps sadness is not the right word, and kindness might be a better description. I do admit that I’m very attracted to kind eyes and kindness in general, so maybe there is something to it.

 

[Ag_not]

… but I can’t help but see a sadness/melancholy, especially in photos; in person, not as much.

How would you know by looking at a photograph if the girl was catholic or not

 

[Demetra2]

To the OP:
Your initial question is insulting. I couldn’t say why the Catholic women that you know seem sad but not all young Catholic women are sad. I have two lovely twenty something aged daughters who are very attractive, educated, beautifully dressed and have great personalities. If they are unhappy they keep it to themselves around other people. However they DO get frustrated at the immature behavior of Catholic men that they meet at young adult events. Women like MEN not boys.

Did you ever consider that these Catholic women are sad around potential Catholic spouses because of the poor social skills that many Catholic guys have? Quite often the Catholic women have to deal with guys who do not even have the confidence to ask them out on a date! Or the guy is considering being a seminarian but wants to waste the girl’s time while he figures it out. Worse yet is the seminarians who ask girls out to lunch etc. My daughter had one ask her out for Valenine’s day!! She refused by the way. Then there is the Catholic guy who doesn’t want to work hard and really has no ambition other than being a part time music director at church. Anthony Buono from Ave Maria singles has been critical of these Catholic dudes who don’t want to work hard (with more than one job if necessary) and then are upset because women don’t want them. Being around this type of guy is frustrating and a waste of time which you may be interpreting as sadness.

Catholic guys, be a man and ask these young women out on a nice date. And be sure to dress well and bring flowers! Women like men who will take initiative and be bold enough to risk rejection. And if you are not the best looking guy then your assignment is to have excellent personal hygiene, dress well, be complimentary, cultivate good social skills and a pleasant personality. Improve yourself and have a decent job and with a good future. If you do these things you will stand out and there will be many happy girls delighted to be in your company!

 

[chevalier]

How would you know by looking at a photograph if the girl was catholic or not

You can’t, but you can make guesses sometimes. There’s a ton of little things in pictures which make this more likely or less likely.

especially in photos; in person, not as much. Personally, I think photos tend to reflect better your inner being; whereas the veil that people put up in person tends to cover this up sometimes, but sometimes a single look can belie this effort.

Yup.

Perhaps sadness is not the right word, and kindness might be a better description.

Kindness has something to do with it for sure.