There's a sadness in their eyes

  • Thread starter Thread starter SomeCatholicGuy
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I am 32 and Catholic and people always tell me my eyes sparkle. But I do drink carrot juice everyday! I second what other posters have written about feeling sad about the difficulty of finding a single man who practices our Catholic faith. That sometimes makes me feel sad but I try not to project this when I am out and about.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Demetra2 said:
To the OP:
Your initial question is insulting. I couldn’t say why the Catholic women that you know seem sad but not all young Catholic women are sad. I have two lovely twenty something aged daughters who are very attractive, educated, beautifully dressed and have great personalities. If they are unhappy they keep it to themselves around other people. However they DO get frustrated at the immature behavior of Catholic men that they meet at young adult events. Women like MEN not boys.
Click to expand...
Hi Demetra2, I apologize if you found my question insulting; however, I believe you may have misunderstood what I said. I did not by any means imply that these Catholic young women are sad; I merely stated what I observed, that there is a sadness in their eyes - there is a big difference between the two.

Also, I did not imply that it had anything with dating at all, as I made clear in a subsequent post. These women include friends and those who were more than friends, but it’s only a general observation. I’m sure your daughters are very lovely ladies, but I’m not the kind of guy that your daughters have had the unfortunate chance to know, so please do not lump me with them.

Lastly, I wanted to stress again that I did NOT imply that these women are sad or unhappy, and I wanted to thank you for bringing that up so that I can clear this up and get it on the record. I apologize again if that’s the impression that it gave.
Demetra2 said:
Did you ever consider that these Catholic women are sad around potential Catholic spouses because of the poor social skills that many Catholic guys have? Quite often the Catholic women have to deal with guys who do not even have the confidence to ask them out on a date! Or the guy is considering being a seminarian but wants to waste the girl’s time while he figures it out. Worse yet is the seminarians who ask girls out to lunch etc. My daughter had one ask her out for Valenine’s day!! She refused by the way. Then there is the Catholic guy who doesn’t want to work hard and really has no ambition other than being a part time music director at church. Anthony Buono from Ave Maria singles has been critical of these Catholic dudes who don’t want to work hard (with more than one job if necessary) and then are upset because women don’t want them. Being around this type of guy is frustrating and a waste of time which you may be interpreting as sadness.
Click to expand...
I’m very sorry to hear that. Personally, I’m not a seminarian - or have any real intentions of becoming one, as I’ve discerned that my vocation is to marriage. I went to college and grad school and have been working ever since. I may go to business school, but that’s another story. I aim to be a good provider for my future family.
Demetra2 said:
Catholic guys, be a man and ask these young women out on a nice date. And be sure to dress well and bring flowers! Women like men who will take initiative and be bold enough to risk rejection. And if you are not the best looking guy then your assignment is to have excellent personal hygiene, dress well, be complimentary, cultivate good social skills and a pleasant personality. Improve yourself and have a decent job and with a good future. If you do these things you will stand out and there will be many happy girls delighted to be in your company!
Click to expand...
I usually have no qualms about asking girls out, and I always make my intentions clear. I do all the things you mentioned, and I’m not bad to look at, either, if I must say. Again, I’m really sorry that this has been your daughters’ experience, but rest assured that there’re still good ones out there - it just takes time to find them. God bless!
 
Demetra2 said:
And if you are not the best looking guy then your assignment is to have excellent personal hygiene, dress well, be complimentary, cultivate good social skills and a pleasant personality.
Click to expand...
**
But if you are good looking you don’t have to worry about being stinky or socially awkward…don’t have to say anything nice about the young lady, she’ll be hot for your body anyways…and pleasant personality??? Who needs that when they’re good looking!**😛

Just trying to inject a little humor here… I know you didn’t intend it to sound that way but it can look like that:D
 
I’m going to get flamed, but…

…A young woman should know better than to look down at those men on whom she has a powerful effect. She had better realise that she’s in a much better situation compared to if she weren’t able to have it.

…A young woman should not look down on a man who’s awed by her lest she end up with one that is not much moved at all.

…A young woman should watch herself falling for decisive types lest she end up with one that perfectly knows what he wants, and how to get it.
 
chevalier said:
I’m going to get flamed, but…

…A young woman should know better than to look down at those men on whom she has a powerful effect. She had better realise that she’s in a much better situation compared to if she weren’t able to have it.

…A young woman should not look down on a man who’s awed by her lest she end up with one that is not much moved at all.

…A young woman should watch herself falling for decisive types lest she end up with one that perfectly knows what he wants, and how to get it.
Click to expand...
I’m going to ly down in a darkened room. I’ve entered another one of those weird CAF parallel universes. Anyone rememeber when we used to get net splits on MIRC - and you’d end up in some weird place you never knew existed. It’s happening again mammy :eek:

😛
 
chevalier said:
I’m going to get flamed, but…

…A young woman should know better than to look down at those men on whom she has a powerful effect. She had better realise that she’s in a much better situation compared to if she weren’t able to have it.

…A young woman should not look down on a man who’s awed by her lest she end up with one that is not much moved at all.

…A young woman should watch herself falling for decisive types lest she end up with one that perfectly knows what he wants, and how to get it.
Click to expand...
Flames? Heck no. That’s the best thing I’ve read in a long time. How about a hug instead:hug1:

Dang…I’m impressed:bowdown:
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
I don’t know if it’s just me, but most all young Catholic ladies I’ve met/dated had an unexplainable sadness in their eyes. Maybe that’s what I’m attracted to, but it’s just something I’ve noticed. Perhaps it’s because they’re of the melancholic personality type? Anyone else notice this? Is this a Catholic thing?
Click to expand...
Never noticed this before. Sounds strange.
 
My DH was single until he was 42, so I asked him if he ever noticed anything like sadness in the eyes of single catholic women. He actually said he DID notice something like that, but that maybe he’d describe it as a more “solemn” look instead of sad. I asked if “humble” might also describe it, and he said “yes”. He said it wasn’t so much the women who attended church every week, but mostly the ones who were more activitely involved – like in ministries. I don’t know what to make of that! DH didn’t know me when I was active in ministry, so I don’t know if he’d have described me the same way.

SomeCatholicGuy: DH says that you should kindly ask to meet Demetra2’s daughters!

Demetra2: I wish DH and I could introduce your sweet daughters to a certain friend of ours! They deserve to know more good, single, Catholic (Oh, and successful!) men like him exist.
 
Belgarion said:
…hey I never implied that…😉
Click to expand...
Of course you didn’t, but I still implied you did. 😉
KayFrisco said:
My DH was single until he was 42, so I asked him if he ever noticed anything like sadness in the eyes of single catholic women. He actually said he DID notice something like that, but that maybe he’d describe it as a more “solemn” look instead of sad. I asked if “humble” might also describe it, and he said “yes”. He said it wasn’t so much the women who attended church every week, but mostly the ones who were more activitely involved – like in ministries. I don’t know what to make of that! DH didn’t know me when I was active in ministry, so I don’t know if he’d have described me the same way.
Click to expand...
Solemn is much like it as well.

I also remember a fallen-away Catholic woman who seemed to have much of that look, although not particularly in the eyes.
Ag_not said:
I’m going to ly down in a darkened room. I’ve entered another one of those weird CAF parallel universes. Anyone rememeber when we used to get net splits on MIRC - and you’d end up in some weird place you never knew existed. It’s happening again mammy :eek:

😛
Click to expand...
Come on, a bit of an off-topic discussion in a message board is not the same as a server split on IRC. 😛 By the way, if those eyes in the signature are yours, they’re too pretty to waste on IRC. 😛
 
OK… let’s give you my (name removed by moderator)ut, from a girl who used to have this melancholic look for years…

In my case, it was a combination of
  • “will I ever find someone to love me ?”
  • “why am I so different from the others”: different values, …
  • AAAAAND : a thing which stemmed from the first one: somehow some classical literature gave me the impression that one may fall for my “beautiful, soooo melancholic eyes”, that one would feel intringued by this sadness, would take an interest in me and finally love me !
    such **** 😃
    I truly have witnessed this reasoning in many other girls though (my youngest sister is one of them, and I warned her)
it is sooooo stupid !!

Nowadays, noboldy falls in love with melancholy: one is naturally drawn to joy, not to sad people !!

Honestly, one of the compliments I hear most often now is how I’m almost always smiling. That’s what enables me to make friends easily (which was so hard for me before I made this change). And THAT’S how I “caught” my hubby:p , because I had realized that melancholy was not the way to live my life !
 
FrenchGwen said:
OK… let’s give you my (name removed by moderator)ut, from a girl who used to have this melancholic look for years…

In my case, it was a combination of
  • “will I ever find someone to love me ?”
  • “why am I so different from the others”: different values, …
  • AAAAAND : a thing which stemmed from the first one: somehow some classical literature gave me the impression that one may fall for my “beautiful, soooo melancholic eyes”, that one would feel intringued by this sadness, would take an interest in me and finally love me !
    such **** 😃
    I truly have witnessed this reasoning in many other girls though (my youngest sister is one of them, and I warned her)
it is sooooo stupid !!

Nowadays, noboldy falls in love with melancholy: one is naturally drawn to joy, not to sad people !!

Honestly, one of the compliments I hear most often now is how I’m almost always smiling. That’s what enables me to make friends easily (which was so hard for me before I made this change). And THAT’S how I “caught” my hubby:p , because I had realized that melancholy was not the way to live my life !
Click to expand...
I think you hit the nail right on its head! Thank you for sharing!
 
I thought of another possibility.

In my grandmother’s church, it seemed that there was an emphasis on “bearing your cross” and sharing in Christ’s burden in a day by day manner (I should say this may just be the women’s prayer group I was exposed to - perhaps not the whole church). Anyway, it seemed like they felt that having a solemn or burdened countenance was seen as being more Christ-like - something to aspire to. I don’t suppose that could affect a woman’s mindset? Not sure it’s very a common mindset though - maybe just that subgroup.

If the “look” is coming across in photos and as something behind a cheerful expression… it seems like it would be subconscious and not necessarily intended to make them look desirable. I don’t know though. 🤷
 
FrenchGwen, you’re talking about a melancholic, sentimental pose and one which is perfectly conscious. I don’t think it’s the same the Opening Poster is talking about and the ones I’ve noticed, I don’t think they’ve been poses.

KayFrisco, interesting… And yes, something subconcious. I’d still stick with childhood traumas, though.
 
FrenchGwen said:
somehow some classical literature gave me the impression that one may fall for my “beautiful, soooo melancholic eyes”, that one would feel intringued by this sadness, would take an interest in me and finally love me
Click to expand...
I can sooooooo relate to this 😃 I have naturally sparkling eyes, no thanks to anything I do, it’s just genetics, and I soooooo wanted to have that sultry meloncholic vixen look when I was a teenager :o Never worked though.

Instead guys hitting on me used to always think I was giving them the come-on. I used to apparently give them ‘‘that look’’ 🤷

Dating someone is right down the bottom of my agenda right now. And I’m dreading hitting the singles scene again looking for a good decent catholic boy - gotta say that will be a new one on me - but I can assure you of one thing - I wont have sad eyes - I dont so sad eyes 😃
 
Maybe you’re a terrible date?

…Sorry, sorry.

In all seriousness, I haven’t noticed it myself. I only know the two truly catholic girls though. They both smile with great frequency, but that could be my "puppyness "(their words, not mine…)

Have you tried random acts of romance, adventure or just fun? They work on everyone.

If they are melancholy, find out why then be charming in getting away from the subject. Discover but don’t dwell.

If that doesn’t work… Give them sugary treats.
 
Where are my manners. Shannyk, thank you for your kind words. 🙂

Jwlynas, true there. Unless the girl has taken a vow of sadness and misery, there’s pretty much always something to do to make her eyes glow a different light. But childhood traumas cannot be done away with so easily. If she’s sad because of guys, being a great guy should cure her well enough in time. If it’s something more deep-seated, say, history of abuse or being betrayed, abandoned and whatnot, then you won’t cheer her up so easily.
 
Ah, very true chevalier. But that sort of background would not be exclusively catholic, nor would catholic girls have a greater frequency of that. As the topic creator seems to be pondering the seeming depression of catholics in specifics, we can not presume traumatic experiences to be the norm.

At least, I would hope not…

If traumatic pasts are the issue, then all you can do is be there for them. But as far as I know not all catholics have hard lives. Maybe you just seem the typoe of person who is good at comforting? “Damaged” people tend to zone in on comforters.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top