Things a guy should be doing for his future spouse?

[Epsilon_Omega]

Well, the title doesn’t explain it well, but I will explain it better what I am asking. Besides prayer (I don’t pray for her enough as it is), what should a guy do for his future spouse. I don’t know who my future spouse will be… more than likely it will be the church, but if its some girl, I want to know what to do for her. See girls can write letters to their future husbands, and not that its bad for a guy to do that for his future wife, but I feel that writing to my spouse in a journal is kind of awkward I guess. Are there any ideas you all have about what I can to do show my future spouse, whenever wedding day is (whether it is in 4 years or in 10) how much I am going to appreciate her? Just tell me anything that my help me and maybe even personal things that a guy did for his future wife. Thanks a lot. (I just feel bad for her, whoever she is, because I have already hurt her so much that I want to start going in the right direction and start mending the wounds I have caused her.)

Thanks,
Gabe

 

[Cloisters]

I know Dr. Billy Graham and his wife started praying for their children’s spouses the day their babies were born.

There may be a wife in your future, but, then again, there may not be. But in case she is in your future, the best thing you can do is tweak the humility stated in the last part of your post. You’ve not hurt anybody yet, so don’t think that way.

Hubby and I will have been married 17 years this Oct. 13. And I’m sure there’s a few on these boards who have been married for longer, so I can only give you “advice” from my perspective.

Yes, pray for her, but also pray for yourself in your future vocation. Humility towards each other; taking care of her to the point of self-sacrifice (like Christ toward the Church–He gave His life for her); never going to bed on an argument. . .just three things I can tell you to prepare for.

I saw a wedding on “The Saddle Club,” and what the bride and groom said when repeating vows impressed me–particularly when they said, “rejoice in your strengths and support you in your weaknesses.” The latter part carries the most weight. Don’t expect your future spouse to be perfect–pray that she’s PRUDENT, esp. where money is concerned, and that she’s not vain.

These days, good mothering is of the utmost importance. Please pray your future wife and mother of your children doesn’t encounter mental problems caused by hormones. Make sure she has time away from the kids (like your spending time with them), and realize that crankiness on her part is more than likely fatigue. When she becomes pregnant with her first child, her senses will be heightened, and her hearing will become more acute. Very sensitive hearing has been found to be one cause of depression and headaches. Keep this in mind, and make sure she has a good support system. I speak from experience.

Pray for her to be Mary-like in all things. Third Orders are good places to find “holy” spouses, but even there, you’d run into the problem of a girl being set in her prayer routine, and you’d have to learn to compromise on that. But that’s a whole other ball of wax.

Alas, I digress. Just pray for God’s will to be done. And always be a gentleman.

Blessings,
Cloisters

P.S. Spiritual directors are not just for those who are discerning religious life–everybody is supposed to have one.

 

[FrankLawrence]

1. Avoid pornography, and all television or movies that portray women as objects.
2. Don’t even consider getting romantically involved with someone who doesn’t share your Catholic faith. Avoid all “casual” or “fallen-away” Catholics, but only get involved with real Catholics.
3. Sever all ties from ex-girlfriends, totally.
4. Avoid all lustful fantasies.

 

[true_believer]

First of all, I would say that one of the best ways to show your future spouse that you care for them, is to save yourself for marriage.

If it’s too late for that, then just keep yourself pure from now on.

Other than that, I would just echo what others have said about praying about the vocation you are called to, and if it is marriage, then pray that you will have a long and happy relationship - one where you respect each other and really look out for each other’s needs.