Things to Confess

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JoeFreedom

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Okay, this is going to *read *very prideful, but I assure you, it is not. It is simply my nature that I am forgetful and am single-minded, able to focus mainly on the present.

Over the past two years, I have been going to confession somewhat regularly, because, I would constantly remember mortal sins I’ve committed and thus would go back to confess them (even though I know that all sins are forgiven provided certain conditions: sorry for all sins, conscience explored and did best to remember all sins, etc.), and so I feel that after these confessions, I’ve really gone through the entire “list” so-to-speak of mortal sins that I can possibly remember. I did for a while go back regularly for one sin that I struggled with, but now have more will power over and prayers answered (not sure if I explained that well).

But anyway, now that I feel like I can avoid mortal sins (I hope), I want to continue to go to confession weekly, but I feel like I can NEVER remember what sins (venial) I’ve committed, and so it would seem stupid for me to go to confession and not say anything (EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I’VE COMMITTED SINS), I just CANNOT seem to remember.

I’ve been told NEVER to write down sins for later confession. I’ve been told not to visit some of those sites that list out your sins, they are no good. I try to examine my conscience and I can’t think of things, because I have such a bad memory. I know I’m a sinner but confession, you have to know your specific sins and quantity, but how do I examine my conscience if I’m also unfamiliar with exactly what is a sin? – Just FYI, I’m still learning the CCC and the Catholic Faith, and while my understanding of it has grown immensely, I’m still missing a lot.
 
Have you ever thought ill of anyone? Have you ever looked down on anyone? have you ever spoke ill of others in the workplace behind their back? have you ever thought you were better than anyone else? Have you ever been lazy at home and let your wife do more than she ought to around the house? Have you ever walked past a beggar without even so much as a smile or a kind word? Have you ever looked at anyone and judged them as lazy or work-shy?
 
Brendan_64 said:
Have you ever thought ill of anyone? Have you ever looked down on anyone? have you ever spoke ill of others in the workplace behind their back? have you ever thought you were better than anyone else? Have you ever been lazy at home and let your wife do more than she ought to around the house? Have you ever walked past a beggar without even so much as a smile or a kind word? Have you ever looked at anyone and judged them as lazy or work-shy?
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I am certain that I am guilty of all of those things, but I’m not living my life catalogueing my sins, and therein lies the problem. I’ve been told by many on these boards, and probably even by my confessor, well-meaning, that we should not focus on our sins, but rather loving Jesus, so this is what I do. I just seriously can’t recall the things I’ve done. Sort of like asking what you had for lunch the first Monday in February. I’m not trying to be snide or snarky, I’m just explaining. I want help. What do I do?
 
There is nothing wrong with writing down your sins for later confession. There are numerous websites and written examination of conscience to use to help you think of your sins. Try your local catholic bookstore or even some churches have examination of conscience available for patrons. If you don’t see them, ask your priest for where they are or websites that he thinks are good for examination of conscience. You don’t need to list how many times or any specifics for venial sins as opposed to mortal sins, where you do.
 
JoeFreedom said:
I am certain that I am guilty of all of those things, but I’m not living my life catalogueing my sins, and therein lies the problem. I’ve been told by many on these boards, and probably even by my confessor, well-meaning, that we should not focus on our sins, but rather loving Jesus, so this is what I do. I just seriously can’t recall the things I’ve done. Sort of like asking what you had for lunch the first Monday in February. I’m not trying to be snide or snarky, I’m just explaining. I want help. What do I do?
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You don’t need to be able to remember exactly when you did those things. The fact that you’re guilty of them means they ought to be confessed.

And as for not focussing on sins, what is the Sacrament of Penance about? It is about placing our sins at the foot of Our Lord and begging for forgiveness. Yes we should focus on loving Jesus, but we also need to be able to humbly admit our sins. There is no conflict between the two. Jesus spoke a lot about sin and we are called to admit what we are, sinners, and humbly admit to our sins, and resolve to sin no more.

In fact it is only through realising that we are indeed worthless sinners, unworthy of God’s love, that we can begin to understand God’s love for us. It is our complete unworthiness that highlights God’s love for wretches like us.

When we kneel before Our Lord we have nothing other than our sins to give Him, because everything else we have belongs to Him already. All we can offer Him is our sins, and he takes this corrupt gift from us, cleans our souls and loves us for it. We are like the prostitute who knelt before Christ and anointed His feet with the oil that she had earned through her sinful activities before washing His feet with her tears, and He loved her for it.

Focussing on our sins and offering them to him in sorrowful repentance is loving God.
 
I understand that you do not want to dwell on your sins all week long, but it wouldn’t hurt to do an examination of conscience just prior to confession. If you want something to remind you, take a look at these:
from USCCB: Examinations of Conscience
You wrote that you’ve “been told not to visit some of those sites that list out your sins,” but you also wrote that you are learning and growing in the faith, so perhaps you should use resources like these at least for a time in order to develop your understanding of what constitutes a sin and how to prepare yourself for confession.
 
I have a terrible memory. I keep a list on my phone in the “notes” app. I try to write it down as soon as I realize I’ve sinned or as soon as I feel convicted in my heart by the Holy Spirit that I’ve sinned. Sometimes something that I didn’t feel was wrong at the time will come back later in my thoughts with a guilty feeling- a gift from the Holy Spirit telling me that it was wrong and that it needs to be confessed. Then I add it to my list.

Then before I go to Confession I write them down on paper, as I don’t want to be pulling out my phone in the Confessional. My Confessor told me it’s ok to write them down, just be VERY sure to destroy the list and not lose it where someone else will see it.

Edit to add: I remember in a talk by Fr. Larry Richards on Confession that he said his parishioners can ask him for “The Questions” and he’ll guide them through Confession by asking them a bunch of yes/no questions. It’s possible your own Confessor has a method he uses to guide people, perhaps ask. (If you haven’t listened to his talk on Confession, it’s VERY good and I highly recommend it. Click here if you want to listen.)
 
Each day, perhaps just before you go to sleep, examine your conscience for that day. It should be possible, in just a few minutes, to review your day and remember - I was really impatient with that driver who cut in front of me when I was going to work. I got frustrated with X at work today and used bad language. Oh, yes! I was really rude to the person who I just can’t like… etc., etc.

Write these things down in a private notebook, perhaps using a personal code and keep it securely. Then before you go to confession, check over the examinations since your last confession and you will end up with a list of venial sins to confess. Afterwards you can shred the relevant pages.

I know that if I didn’t do that I would have a blank mind when I would try to think of what sins I committed!
 
I always thought I never committed too many sins in any given year until I watched this video. Hmm! What did I do to myself? Now I have to really think before I go to confession again!:confused:

Father John Corapi ~ HOW TO MAKE A GOOD CONFESSION

youtube.com/watch?v=PmMnJAToLOI
 
Joan_M said:
Each day, perhaps just before you go to sleep, examine your conscience for that day. It should be possible, in just a few minutes, to review your day and remember - I was really impatient with that driver who cut in front of me when I was going to work. I got frustrated with X at work today and used bad language. Oh, yes! I was really rude to the person who I just can’t like… etc., etc.

Write these things down in a private notebook, perhaps using a personal code and keep it securely. Then before you go to confession, check over the examinations since your last confession and you will end up with a list of venial sins to confess. Afterwards you can shred the relevant pages.

I know that if I didn’t do that I would have a blank mind when I would try to think of what sins I committed!
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See the Spiritual exercises of St Ignatius Loyola. Its a hard read, and hard to do the whole exercises on your own. But to the point - the examin is just that, a daily,summing up of the days sins and making note of them for confession…
 
I visited a number of websites that had what I considered good examinations of conscience and compiled a number of them into my own examination which now consists of about 700 questions. It’s divided into an examination based on the 10 Commandments (a combination from 3 different sites), one based on the 7 Deadly Sins (from at least 2 different sites), and one based on the Beatitudes, with a few shorter examinations in there, too.

I generally pick one of those three examinations each week on which to base my confession…yes, I go to confession every week. Not only that, I write down all my confessions in a nice little blank book. I’m not scrupulous but I do try to limit myself to just one written page to bring to confession, just in case. I also have prayers pasted into the book - prayers for before and after the examination of conscience, a few different acts of contrition, and a prayer for after confession. I usually make note of my penance in the book as soon as I can, if it’s one I cannot perform right away, as I tend to forget things.

When confessing mortal sins you do have to be specific in kind and quantity but when confessing venial sins that specificity is helpful but not necessary. for example: you can say “I am prideful in that I have a superior way of thinking and acting around others” without saying exactly how you acted superior around others in a specific situation.

So, unless you’ve been told by your spiritual director or regular confessor not to visit those websites and not to write down your confession you may want to re-think those admonitions you’ve been listening too.
 
Beryllos said:
I understand that you do not want to dwell on your sins all week long, but it wouldn’t hurt to do an examination of conscience just prior to confession. If you want something to remind you, take a look at these:
from USCCB: Examinations of Conscience
You wrote that you’ve “been told not to visit some of those sites that list out your sins,” but you also wrote that you are learning and growing in the faith, so perhaps you should use resources like these at least for a time in order to develop your understanding of what constitutes a sin and how to prepare yourself for confession.
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I find it interesting that the Exam in light of Social Justice is twice as long as the one for sins against the 10 Commandments! 🤷
 
Brendan_64 said:
When we kneel before Our Lord we have nothing other than our sins to give Him, because everything else we have belongs to Him already. All we can offer Him is our sins, and he takes this corrupt gift from us, cleans our souls and loves us for it.
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I love this. Thank you.
 
Thanks for the responses.

@Brendan, I apologize. I wasn’t clear with my words, now that I reread them. When I wrote, “I am certain I am guilty of those sins”, I was referring to it in a more generic sense, such that I would be certain I *could *commit those sins, but not necessarily sure I committed any specific one, since my trouble is remembering what I’ve done all week. So my trouble is more about going into the confessional and saying, “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I’ve sinned a lot, and done sinful things.” — and that being the extent of it.

So I see that other posters have recommended that it is okay to write down sins. I do suffer from some scrupulosity, and I suppose that this lack of ability to examine my conscience correctly is a swing back hard in the other direction, and also a reason others have told me not to write down sins, since I have trouble with discernment. Many of my other posts about my scrupulosity have had responses that mention that it bad to focus on sins when one is scrupulous, because many things those who suffer from scrupulosity believe are sins, are really not. So, I need help in discerning, and need help to swing back to the middle, which is to be able to confess only what is a sin, and not confess what is not a sin.

@Beryllos and @dreamer, I’ll take a look at this site and video over the weekend, before confession.

@Akdee, I think I may also use the approach of asking my confessor about if he can guide me. That might also be good.

@Joan, I might also try that, doing that before bedtime. Having one time once a day to do it seems reasonable.

@MaryEllen, I was not aware of the fact that venial sins could be confessed, generically. And in response to not visiting those websites, I listed one in another post long ago and the categorical response by fellow CAF’ers was DO NOT visit that site!!! That is the only site I had I believe, so I stopped going there.

So I thank everyone here for their responses. I’ll look at what has been offered, and maybe seek out something from Catholic books or something too.

Thanks!
 
AKDee said:
I have a terrible memory. I keep a list on my phone in the “notes” app. I try to write it down as soon as I realize I’ve sinned or as soon as I feel convicted in my heart by the Holy Spirit that I’ve sinned. Sometimes something that I didn’t feel was wrong at the time will come back later in my thoughts with a guilty feeling- a gift from the Holy Spirit telling me that it was wrong and that it needs to be confessed. Then I add it to my list.

Then before I go to Confession I write them down on paper, as I don’t want to be pulling out my phone in the Confessional. My Confessor told me it’s ok to write them down, just be VERY sure to destroy the list and not lose it where someone else will see it.

Edit to add: I remember in a talk by Fr. Larry Richards on Confession that he said his parishioners can ask him for “The Questions” and he’ll guide them through Confession by asking them a bunch of yes/no questions. It’s possible your own Confessor has a method he uses to guide people, perhaps ask. (If you haven’t listened to his talk on Confession, it’s VERY good and I highly recommend it. Click here if you want to listen.)
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Finally got a chance to watch. Thanks for sharing.
 
I still sometimes use my Laudate application on my phone. I tend not to use it when going face to face, but almost always use it if I can behind the screen. It has an excellent examination of conscience, and is FREE. It’s available for iPhone and Android. Plus, there are no ads. It’s even better than it sounds, actually.
 
I went to confession, yesterday, and came to the conclusion that I must bring list in with me and read it. I wrote them down and looked at them and did examine of conscience before going into confessional. I buried it in my purse. While in the confessional, I had a blank remembering my list. The pause was getting too long for me trying to remember, I concluded my confession. I must use a sheet IN the confessional and not simply look at it BEFORE confession.

I just returned to confession, recently. I was in invalid marriage for 16 years and recently had it blessed.

I have done the examination of conscience, printed a list of the internet of questions. And, get so angry with myself because I have more sins that pop up that were not brought to mind in previous confessions. Some of my older sins I can not recall how many times, and will tell the priest, that the best I can say is “many”. It is hard to recall how many times you committed a sin when it was so many years ago.

In my parish, they have old confessionals that are not lit up, so I never realized before that you could have a list. I may never go to my parish for confession, as I see that I must have a list because I blank. I believe it is an anxiety thing. I absolutely need a list In the confessional.
 
ccmcmg said:
I still sometimes use my Laudate application on my phone. I tend not to use it when going face to face, but almost always use it if I can behind the screen. It has an excellent examination of conscience, and is FREE. It’s available for iPhone and Android. Plus, there are no ads. It’s even better than it sounds, actually.
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The Laudate app is amazing. I read the daily readings and commentary on it, look up prayers, and have used the examination of conscience. It’s amazing how good it is and that it’s free.
 
JoeFreedom said:
Thanks for the responses.
I do suffer from some scrupulosity, and I suppose that this lack of ability to examine my conscience correctly is a swing back hard in the other direction, and also a reason others have told me not to write down sins, since I have trouble with discernment.
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Whether you suffer from scrupulosity or not, another good resource is Scrupulous Anonymous. Go to:
mission.liguori.org/newsletters/index.html

Then scroll down and select the PDF file “Ten Commandments for the Scrupulous (2013)” and it will give you some good guidelines to use when to confess things in the confessional. Using lists to use for self-examination is really a good idea, because it can identify what and if we are sinning, as long as you are using these lists for that purpose. The danger is to always be worrying if you are sinning. So even if you are not truly over-scrupulous there are many good things to read over at this site.

It is always good to try to use the same Confessor whenever possible and if you find you are always looking for different Confessors and Spiritual Advisors and they do not know about each other, then this can be a symptom of Scrupulosity.

Don’t know if this helps. Just another resource out there.
 
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