Things you wished to have done *before* your first child

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starlady said:
I would have liked to have had more time before being pregnant to just be with my husband, out walking downtown, visiting a museum, playing badminton, etc. We met and began dating for a year, got engaged for a year, and got married this past summer. We’ve really only had one full summer
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This ist exactly what worries me a bit, the lack of time we spent together. I am 25 and we both dont want to be much older with the first child, but on the other hand we had not much couple time. We have a deficit of some marriage years 😂
 
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The only thing that comes to mind is finishing my masters, but I want to quantify that as “I wish I’d started my masters sooner.” not “I wish I’d waited until I as done with my masters.”

PS- I personally love travelling with my kids. They are 4 and 2 and both great in the car and were great on the one plane trip we’ve taken. My daughter lives for hotels. Our power was knocked out over the summer in 95+ degree heat and she was thrilled to get to spend the night at a hotel. She loves the phone on the night stand the best.
 
Allegra said:
The only thing that comes to mind is finishing my masters, but I want to quantify that as “I wish I’d started my masters sooner.” not “I wish I’d waited until I as done with my masters.”
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This is interesting. Because of the workload? We planned exactly this. In germany, the social care is for poorer people best at university and you are flexible enough to not ne forced to work after one year or to be totally out of your Business.
 
alice24 said:
This is interesting. Because of the workload? We planned exactly this. In germany, the social care is for poorer people best at university and you are flexible enough to not ne forced to work after one year or to be totally out of your Business.
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I didn’t quite understand the last sentence, but I’ll add that graduate school in the US is really HARD for mothers.

I know quite a number of grad student moms, and unless they have good childcare/help, they don’t make much academic progress until their babies are 3-4 years old. So, the more school you can get through, the better. (And this applies even to pregnancy–a lot of women find that pregnancy makes them sleepy and stupid.)
 
Sorry, I wrote the last post on the run and chose the wrong words.
What I tried to say is that our university system has beside all troubles many benefits for parents, as low health care tax, mother groups, longer time for exam preparation.
If I would finish first, we had to pay alot more for this.
I also enjoy the idea to have at least one or two seminars a week and hear something interesting with adult people, not only “Baby stuff”. Maybe I won’t feel lonely in a new city this way.
 
alice24 said:
Sorry, I wrote the last post on the run and chose the wrong words.

What I tried to say is that our university system has beside all troubles many benefits for parents, as low health care tax, mother groups, longer time for exam preparation.

If I would finish first, we had to pay alot more for this.

I also enjoy the idea to have at least one or two seminars a week and hear something interesting with adult people, not only “Baby stuff”. Maybe I won’t feel lonely in a new city this way.
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Oh, very good.

(16 characters.)
 
Xantippe said:
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starlady:
And I’m looking forward to walking downtown in the nice weather pushing a stroller with my husband and doing things like that.
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It is really nice!

If you have a zoo and good weather, that’s also nice!
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I am looking forward to it! I kind of really just want the warmer weather and the sunlight in the evenings haha.

We have a great zoo - one of the best in the country! Been talking about a membership…I think we will have to get one.
 
alice24 said:
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starlady:
I would have liked to have had more time before being pregnant to just be with my husband, out walking downtown, visiting a museum, playing badminton, etc. We met and began dating for a year, got engaged for a year, and got married this past summer. We’ve really only had one full summer
Click to expand...
This ist exactly what worries me a bit, the lack of time we spent together. I am 25 and we both dont want to be much older with the first child, but on the other hand we had not much couple time. We have a deficit of some marriage years 😂
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Yeah, I understand. At the same time, we are excited about the baby and I think that overshadows any other regret we might have. We considered waiting a bit longer to have kids but decided to just let God decide. And He decided not to have us wait! 😉
 
starlady said:
I am looking forward to it! I kind of really just want the warmer weather and the sunlight in the evenings haha.

We have a great zoo - one of the best in the country! Been talking about a membership…I think we will have to get one.
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Nice!

Babies can start getting something out of going to the zoo when they’re 5 or 6 months old, but it’s also just a nice place to walk.
 
I strongly endorse your final point. I don’t think young families should be 100% car dependent. Its much cheaper, better for the environment, and better for your health if you can maximize walking places with your children (with a stroller if required of course). We walk or take the train for 99% of our day-to-day transportation needs…but I recognize that doesn’t work in every neighbourhood / city.
 
Totally! Our St Louis Zoo is incredible and it’s free. It’s the perfect place to walk with a stroller and get exercise. Lots of hills in some parts so you get your workout too. They have lots of buildings to warm up in in the winter and the penguin house to cool down in in the summer. They technically open at 830, but the gates are usually open by 730 in the summer for people who want to walk. I don’t know if the kids get as much out of it as babies, though they do have a splash pad and several areas that are hands on and for climbing.
 
Congratulations! I wish you the best for your little one!!
Well, I don’t worry about being not happy or ready if it happens. Strange, but I am sometimes a bit sad that we can’t leave it up to god without a plan we made, but caused by the fact that I needed to check my cycle for health reasons for a few months now and nfp knowledge I can’t not see fertile and infertile days. Not much surprise possible 😐
Funny, but no one mentioned “we should have talked more about the right time and why we want kids”. Maybe because being ready for kids in general is part of being ready for marriage, but I have to say that for me, I can’t give a well thought reason beside a String wish.
Of course, it’s natural. But when I was younger, I thought well prepared parents-to-be should know why they want a baby. Of course I like the idea of caring and educating them, but at least I don’t want them for myself to play a specific role, I just want them to exist. Not a rational reason, yes. Is this strange?
 
Good to hear 😂 is “because I want” a common… reason? 😀 Husband said the same.
 
Xantippe said:
I didn’t quite understand the last sentence, but I’ll add that graduate school in the US is really HARD for mothers.

I know quite a number of grad student moms, and unless they have good childcare/help, they don’t make much academic progress until their babies are 3-4 years old. So, the more school you can get through, the better. (And this applies even to pregnancy–a lot of women find that pregnancy makes them sleepy and stupid.)
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Yes to all of this. I know that I could not have finished my graduate degree while being a mom at the same time. Some people can handle it and do quite well. Others cannot, or have children who need more care or have developmental/health issues that take up a lot of time. In general I’d recommend that if someone is young enough (not worried about fertile years slipping away), she get all of the education she hopes to before having kids, because you never know whether you’ll have the chance again.
 
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May I ask what you have studied?
I hear this alot from technical studies because they tend to be more formally organised with less room for personal designed working times (in germany) .
 
My field is not really considered “technical” in the way that say, engineering might be, but my graduate program was still quite rigorous, and I had to work two jobs while doing it. I am certain that I never would have finished if I had my son then, especially because he has some special needs. I’m glad I did it while I could, because my degree has allowed me more opportunities for flexible work as a mom than I would have otherwise.

I would guess that moms who successfully complete a degree while parenting must have a husband who stays home, or a lot of outside help, and/or kids who are pretty easy and have no health or developmental issues.
 
A friend of mine becomes a veterinarian and it’s exactly like this, much work, and tight plans. In the history/philology/ theology department, work is also much, but more home office based and with flexible exam dates. I had to work at two jobs during my bachelor first plus had to learn latin in a few months, but now as this is over, there is more space for children.
 
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