Thinking about leaving the forums

[CWBetts]

I am thinking about leaving Catholic Answers Forums. Beofre anyone jumps to conclusions, let me explain why. I know that I have a problem with my temper. I am tired of certain members (who shall remain nameless) who come to the forums looking not for honest, open, discussion, but to attack and insult. I know in my heart of hearts that the Catholic Church is right, and I am getting better at defending Catholic doctrine, but I always end up getting in battles of wits with unarmed opponents. I actually feel my blood pressure bulid as I am responding to these people. I would like to stay active in the forums, so given my struggles with anger issues, can anyone give any advice as to how I can manage this? I have certain ideas myself, but I would like to see what fellow Catholics say.

 

[withwind]

I hear your concern and it is very important that you have realized how it is affecting you. I think you might have a few choices - (1) leave the forums for awhile and come back later; (2) leave some particular forums on this website and participate in others on this site where you believe you will grow in your faith and help you in spirituality; (3) leave for good …

I wouldn’t recommend number 3 as I believe you have a lot to offer to many of us. Hence; I think you can take option 2 and choose the best forum where there is peace in your heart each time you post something.

 

[Kevin42]

Perhaps you could limit yourself to certain sections of the forums that tend to be more calm, such as the Spirituality section. I know that I have to be careful not to go into certain sections if I don’t want to become angry.

And then of course, as with anything, I would suggest praying before you get on the forums. That’s pretty easy to do, and it certainly won’t hurt.

Peace and good!

 

[Fidelis]

Many people have found that it is helpful to take a break from the Forums when they find they are developing too much anxiety over the pervasive negativity. Lent is a favorite time, but you might give yourself a time out anytime. How about until after Christmas?

 

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

I don’t necessarily get angry with posters, but I do become very
frustrated when they go on and on and rationalize their positions.
So I have been putting them on my “ignore” list. It really seems
to be working, and I can still see where the discussion is going
by the responses of others who seem to have more patience.
Maybe that is something you could try. By the way, you are
NOT on my “ignore” list and I would miss your posts so I hope
you don’t leave the forum.

 

[Scruffy]

You could create another user account with a completely different name and only visit those forums where you can find joyful and edifying discussions. With the alternate user name those who would try to seek you out and torment you would not be able to find you. :slapfight:

Please don’t leave entirely. We all need folks like you!

 

[Dale_M]

Perhaps you could limit yourself to certain sections of the forums that tend to be more calm, such as the Spirituality section.

I think this is very good advice. I rarely go to Non-Catholic Religions because it is simply too combative for me.

And sometimes I do take time away from CAF, just to regain my sense of proportion in life. Usually I do this if I am feeling consistently angry with someone. A week or two off, and all is better.

 

[CWBetts]

Thank you everyone for your responses! I was a little surprised by some of your compliments. I have considered reducung my presence to X days per week, and have definitely identified acouple of areas that do an exceptional jib of getting my blood boiling (most notably “non-Catholic religions” and “Traditional Catholicism”). Again, i thank you for your support.

 

[leonie]

Thank you everyone for your responses! I was a little surprised by some of your compliments. I have considered reducung my presence to X days per week, and have definitely identified acouple of areas that do an exceptional jib of getting my blood boiling (most notably “non-Catholic religions” and “Traditional Catholicism”). Again, i thank you for your support.

I had to spend a couple months on the clubhouse forum at a certain point. Now, I am very particular about which threads I chime in on.

 

[DJgang]

Just hang out on the spirituality forum … keeps you away from the confessional and in the right spirit!

God bless!

 

[beckycmarie]

Dear CW,

Anytime you lose your peace, something has gone awry spritually. My pastor teaches about the freedom that comes with having the **Fruits of the Spirit ** – that no matter what someone else does, they shouldn’t take our peace, our joy, or our love. There should be nothing someone else can say or do that can make us stop loving them.

If you find yourself becoming angry and resentful after an exchange here, then it’s time to do a self-examination. The root of it may be that you have the opposite of one of the fruits of the Spirit.

 

[CWBetts]

Dear CW,

Anytime you lose your peace, something has gone awry spritually. My pastor teaches about the freedom that comes with having the **Fruits of the Spirit ** – that no matter what someone else does, they shouldn’t take our peace, our joy, or our love. There should be nothing someone else can say or do that can make us stop loving them.

If you find yourself becoming angry and resentful after an exchange here, then it’s time to do a self-examination. The root of it may be that you have the opposite of one of the fruits of the Spirit.

Sorry, but I am not the type to let someone bad-mouth the Church. Anger in and of itself is not a sin. How you deal with your anger is what leads to sin. How can someone be a follower of Christ, and be unwilling to defend His Church? The other posters don’t necessarily take my peace, or my joy in Christ, but when they do rediculous dances around the Scriptures to try to make them say what they do not, or attempt to claim the Church is something it is not, I will not sit idly by as thry try to lead others astray. Try reading some ogf the threads that I have been embroiled in before you make assumptions about the state of my spirituality, which you obviously did. Other posters on this thread have been supportive of me as I struggle, offering prayers, whereas you offer condemnation. How would you feel of I told you that you were lacking of the fruits of the spirit becuase of a “holier than thou” attitude (which I am not, that would be out of line) I am simply suggestign you should think about what you post. Offering condemnation to fellow Catholics is not what we should be about.

 

[RyanML]

Sorry, but I am not the type to let someone bad-mouth the Church. Anger in and of itself is not a sin. How you deal with your anger is what leads to sin. How can someone be a follower of Christ, and be unwilling to defend His Church? The other posters don’t necessarily take my peace, or my joy in Christ, but when they do rediculous dances around the Scriptures to try to make them say what they do not, or attempt to claim the Church is something it is not, I will not sit idly by as thry try to lead others astray. Try reading some ogf the threads that I have been embroiled in before you make assumptions about the state of my spirituality, which you obviously did. Other posters on this thread have been supportive of me as I struggle, offering prayers, whereas you offer condemnation. How would you feel of I told you that you were lacking of the fruits of the spirit becuase of a “holier than thou” attitude (which I am not, that would be out of line) I am simply suggestign you should think about what you post. Offering condemnation to fellow Catholics is not what we should be about.

I don’t think beckycmarie meant anything against you and was simply making a suggestion. There is nothing wrong in righteous anger, but we must choose our battles wisely. We can argue and debate with those who disagree with us, but if the only thing we get out of it is anger and frustration then we are wasting our time. Perhaps more good could be done with that time by praying for those in error. God bless!

 

[Elizabeth502]

CW,
I have been on other messageboards where I have seen much more stubbornness and rancor than what is on CAF. (OTOH, I have not visited some subforums here; I’m talking about the subforums I generally visit.) I am not taking a position on your posts about issues or arguments (I have not read them), but rather on the phenomenon that stubbornness can accompany both true conviction (and the facts) on the one hand, but also self-deception (and ignorance) on the other.

I understand your point, because for my own piece of mind I have had to take temporary, even extended leaves from those other messageboards I refer to, for my own sanity. My involvement in them didn’t necessarily cause me to lose the Fruits of the Spirit (maybe, maybe not), but it simply frustrated me to argue indefinitely with people who either were not interested in a truly logical discussion with genuine dialogue, or simply had a political agenda (such as some posters on some threads on CAF) for which they rationalized every statement.

Keep in mind that some of the most frequent posters on CAF are, by their own admission, not Catholic. (Some never have been, others admit to being non-practicing.) I am not arguing for monolithic viewpoints among all Catholics, just saying that, for example, discussions about theology & social issues are difficult to navigate with satisfaction with prominent participants who have limited background in Catholic premises and/or reject those premises (without saying so overtly). People who cannot or do not include a faith perspective along with the intellectual will be oppositional to many stands that conform to traditional Catholicism. Some other contributors have limited Catholic education due to minimum catechesis, which similarly frustrates satisfying discussion.

CAF includes mild-mannered, genuine debaters; non-Catholic saboteurs who have no intention of accepting Catholic moral/social teaching that contradicts their personal lifestyle or political agenda; and frankly some reactionary debaters with a ‘slash-and-burn’ approach to anyone not conforming to an extremely rigid definition of Catholic behavior & Catholic viewpoint.

On other messageboards I have found it helpful to leave certain threads until others came in and made my arguments for me. Alternatively, when I stopped responding on some, no one else did either, and my opponent(s) just went away. (Can’t argue with people who refuse to argue.)

 

[yellowbird]

Alternatively, when I stopped responding on some, no one else did either, and my opponent(s) just went away. (Can’t argue with people who refuse to argue.)

Good advice. Agree to disagree… Don’t insist on having the last word. Those are things I do to keep my blood pressure down. If there are particular posters who really push you over the edge, pray for them. It’s almost impossible to remain angry with people for whom we pray - I think.

 

[mercygate]

Thank you everyone for your responses! I was a little surprised by some of your compliments. I have considered reducung my presence to X days per week, and have definitely identified acouple of areas that do an exceptional jib of getting my blood boiling (most notably “non-Catholic religions” and “Traditional Catholicism”). Again, i thank you for your support.

Wait two days before you submit a response to something. Craft your response off line. Keep track of the thread title and post number. After two days, review your answer to assure that it is temperate, reasoned, gentle, rational, and lucid. If it is not, then fix it.

Edit out ANY hot button words or phrases that indicate a chip on your shoulder, any ad hominem snipes, anything that smacks of impatience. IOW, as Joe Friday used to say: “Just the facts.” Words like “ignorant,” “immature” or “shallow” are insulting and only make the other person angry and make you look like a jerk.

I have noticed that you are sometimes testy. Good that you see that. It’s a gift.

 

[Marsha_Adams]

If a specific poster rings your bells and raises your blood pressure, put him/her on ignore.

 

[Beautiful]

I think this is very good advice. I rarely go to Non-Catholic Religions because it is simply too combative for me.

I’m not sure that Non-Catholic is much different from Catholic these days.

Leaving for a day, week, month or months is helpful plus you get a chance to catch up on your stack of spiritual reading. I’ve about 8 in my stack beggin’ to be read.

Coming back with a new name helps. You might have a new perspective with a new name and clean slate. Sometimes people get your number and try to peg you till you bleed foul words and thoughts. After time I’ve developed a bit of hard shell about those that target pariticular individuals. Stalking it happens. What are you going to do?

 

[CWBetts]

I thought having mutiple user names was aginst the rules?

 

[Beautiful]

I thought having mutiple user names was aginst the rules?

Under special circumstances an individual may need to regain privacy and a new name is likely to be granted. That seems fair.

I shouldn’t have said that individuals can be stalked here without saying that some simply have a following.
Being followed and stalked are two different things. Being followed could mean a good thing. Being stalked is uncomfortable.