Thinking innocent thoughts that lead to unconsented impure thoughts: sinful?

[EtCaritas]

I like a girl at school and I find myself thinking about her a lot. When I do, though, impure thoughts often arise (but I think I can safely say that I don’t entertain them). Would it then be sinful to think about her, considering this?

I don’t think this would fall under the “near occasion to mortal sin” category because it’s not leading me to commit actual mortal sin. But could it be that my consent to the impure thoughts is in thinking innocently about the girl which I know will probably cause the impure thoughts?

 

[EtCaritas]

Nobody?

 

[EtCaritas]

Answers are greatly appreciated!

 

[DexUK]

Everyone thinks about people they like and are attracted to. If we didn’t, there wouldn’t be any way to find husbands and wives without sinning.

What matters is that you don’t dwell on the impure thoughts or objectify the person of your affections for your own purposes. If you are thinking nice things about this person, then if a nasty thing pops into your mind, just ignore it and try not to think about it.

It’s not sinful to be tempted. Temptation comes to all of us. It’s only sinful to act on that temptation.

From what you’ve written you are being honourable and dismissing the thoughts you don’t want. I can’t see that you’re sinning.

 

[EtCaritas]

Everyone thinks about people they like and are attracted to. If we didn’t, there wouldn’t be any way to find husbands and wives without sinning.

What matters is that you don’t dwell on the impure thoughts or objectify the person of your affections for your own purposes. If you are thinking nice things about this person, then if a nasty thing pops into your mind, just ignore it and try not to think about it.

It’s not sinful to be tempted. Temptation comes to all of us. It’s only sinful to act on that temptation.

From what you’ve written you are being honourable and dismissing the thoughts you don’t want. I can’t see that you’re sinning.

Even if I know that impure thoughts will generally arise from thinking about her?

 

[DexUK]

I think you’re being hard on yourself. Even if you never think about this girl ever again, it’s likely that someone else who is attractive will come into your life in future and you’re going to be thinking about them in ways which may prompt thoughts that could be similar.

You can’t deny your instincts. But remember we don’t have mortal responsibility for our instincts because they’re not specifically under our control. They’re unbidden. What matters is what we do once the instinct is prompting us to make a decision about what to do.

So in this case, when your instinctive reaction upon thinking about this girl is a temptation to think in intimate terms, the answer is not to dwell on it and to turn your attention elsewhere.

Unless you spend your life in a cave never seeing or interacting with anyone, you’re going to have to cope with recognising beauty and attractiveness in the women who pass through your life. Everyone has the same problem and the same answer: behave honourably despite your temptations. You clearly don’t want to dwell on lascivious thoughts about this girl, so don’t! I can’t see that you’re doing anything wrong, except perhaps winding yourself up with unnecessary scrupulosity.

If you want further reassurance, make an appointment to talk to your priest about this or ask a question about it in confession. I’m sure he’ll put your mind at rest.

 

[thewanderer]

Even if I know that impure thoughts will generally arise from thinking about her?

Well if these impure thoughts arising were causing you to commit mortal sins then maybe you should be worried about it, but as they are not, I don’t think it is a problem. I think it is important to realize both that attraction is not the same as lust and that the degree that we must avoid actions which bring temptation depends both on the severity of the temptation and the importance of the action which causes the temptation. It is almost impossible to develop a relationship which can lead to marriage without thinking about the other person, so if marriage is your vocation it is going to be necessary to spend time thinking about the girl you are interested. That gives a sufficient reason for allowing yourself the opportunity to be faced with temptations to which you do not fall.

 

[NickD]

It sounds like you may be being a bit scrupulous here; I often find myself in this type of scenario. Remember that to look at a girl and think “oh she’s pretty/attractive!” Isn’t a sin. The problem is when sexual thoughts, i.e. images popping up in your imagination regarding sexual relations with her, are dwelt on or built upon. However, if those initial sexual thoughts are dismissed, then I see nothing sinful with those initial sexual thoughts, as you didn’t instigate them.

Does that make sense?

NB, all: I don’t mean to say anything contrary to magisterial teaching; if I am incorrect, feel free to correct me and say why you corrected me!