Thinking of resign from my job

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alice24

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Hello 🙂

I am totally stressed because I have a problem with my current job and don´t know hot to handle the situation.
I catch up my final secondary school examinations since last year via distance learning. I will have my final tests next spring and got a job as a shop assistant since last october for earning some money during my studies. It starts with an half-time job,but now i am working full time.
First I was very happy to have “my own money” to spend and not to be dependent on my husband or my parents before,and it was very good for the relationship to my husband, too. I became more appreciative because I understand him better when he comes home tired in the evening ( I never had a full job before because I was a student). But now I become more and more desperate.
The atmosphere at my workplace is very bad (my colleagues are nice, but my boss is horible.it happened that I had to force me to not start crying because of this women, and I am not a weak person…) and when I come home late in the evening I have no energy to continiue learning as I planed it and I am so stressed and annoyed that I notice that I act very inclement and unfriendly with my husband. I really feel sorry a few minutes after, but I have no energy to stop it after these days.I am nerved because no one of us have the time for cleaning ( he works very much, too) and wish I had more time to make a nice home for us.
My Husband was very happy when I start work ( sometimes he looked at me as I were a child with no life experience before, and this really hurts me in the past) because he saw that I was good in my job. Now I´am thinking to stopp working because of the reasons I write down an just concentrate on household and my exams.But I am afraid to talk with him. We have no children, and I fear that will be disappointed of me because he can handle much bether with his work stress. I don´t want to say “hey, I am not in the mood for working and have a stressy life as you, I want to be at home”- I fear that je coul thionk that i am just lazy or childish…
I would be very happy to hear some advice,
God bless:)
 
Talk with your husband about the situation overall. tell him what you have told us…that the boss is intolerable, that your studies are suffering as well as your ability to make a good and restful home for the two of you.
Ask him to help you prioritize here.
Perhaps, once it is all laid out, he will see that it is much better for you to concentrate on your studies now rather than working…because good grades will have a bigger pay-off later. Also getting you out of that bad situation will make for a much happier home.

Of course the other option would be to leave that job and seek another…less stressful one.

Do talk to your husband…I’m sure he wishes you to be happy.

Peace
James
 
alice24 said:
Hello 🙂

I am totally stressed because I have a problem with my current job and don´t know hot to handle the situation.
I catch up my final secondary school examinations since last year via distance learning. I will have my final tests next spring and got a job as a shop assistant since last october for earning some money during my studies. It starts with an half-time job,but now i am working full time.
First I was very happy to have “my own money” to spend and not to be dependent on my husband or my parents before,and it was very good for the relationship to my husband, too. I became more appreciative because I understand him better when he comes home tired in the evening ( I never had a full job before because I was a student). But now I become more and more desperate.
The atmosphere at my workplace is very bad (my colleagues are nice, but my boss is horible.it happened that I had to force me to not start crying because of this women, and I am not a weak person…) and when I come home late in the evening I have no energy to continiue learning as I planed it and I am so stressed and annoyed that I notice that I act very inclement and unfriendly with my husband. I really feel sorry a few minutes after, but I have no energy to stop it after these days.I am nerved because no one of us have the time for cleaning ( he works very much, too) and wish I had more time to make a nice home for us.
My Husband was very happy when I start work ( sometimes he looked at me as I were a child with no life experience before, and this really hurts me in the past) because he saw that I was good in my job. Now I´am thinking to stopp working because of the reasons I write down an just concentrate on household and my exams.But I am afraid to talk with him. We have no children, and I fear that will be disappointed of me because he can handle much bether with his work stress. I don´t want to say “hey, I am not in the mood for working and have a stressy life as you, I want to be at home”- I fear that je coul thionk that i am just lazy or childish…
I would be very happy to hear some advice,
God bless:)
Click to expand...
Curious to know if anyone else has problems with this woman and how long she has worked there? What is she specifically doing?

Have you spoken with her directly? I would talk to her before making a decision to leave as you don’t have anything to lose. You may want to discuss with the situation with her boss. Perhaps other people are complaining too.

Often the saying “this too shall pass” comes true quickly…this assumes she may not be there for a long time or if you talk to her…she may change her behavior.

If necessary, leave, find another job and tell your husband why. Hopefully he’ll be understanding but … You don’t need his permission and he’s not making the decision. He may have a lot of respect for your clarity of thought…and what husband would want their wife to be fundamentally unhappy.

Life is too short to be miserable …
 
I think you should prioritise your studies at this point. Perhaps leaving this job and finding something else part time would be a good solution. Or no job at all until you finish your degree, if you can afford that. Being able to make decisions and set priorities is a sign of maturity. Hopefully your husband will appreciate that.
 
alice24 said:
Hello 🙂

I am totally stressed because I have a problem with my current job and don´t know hot to handle the situation.
I catch up my final secondary school examinations since last year via distance learning. I will have my final tests next spring and got a job as a shop assistant since last october for earning some money during my studies. It starts with an half-time job,but now i am working full time.
First I was very happy to have “my own money” to spend and not to be dependent on my husband or my parents before,and it was very good for the relationship to my husband, too. I became more appreciative because I understand him better when he comes home tired in the evening ( I never had a full job before because I was a student). But now I become more and more desperate.
The atmosphere at my workplace is very bad (my colleagues are nice, but my boss is horible.it happened that I had to force me to not start crying because of this women, and I am not a weak person…) and when I come home late in the evening I have no energy to continiue learning as I planed it and I am so stressed and annoyed that I notice that I act very inclement and unfriendly with my husband. I really feel sorry a few minutes after, but I have no energy to stop it after these days.I am nerved because no one of us have the time for cleaning ( he works very much, too) and wish I had more time to make a nice home for us.
My Husband was very happy when I start work ( sometimes he looked at me as I were a child with no life experience before, and this really hurts me in the past) because he saw that I was good in my job. Now I´am thinking to stopp working because of the reasons I write down an just concentrate on household and my exams.But I am afraid to talk with him. We have no children, and I fear that will be disappointed of me because he can handle much bether with his work stress. I don´t want to say “hey, I am not in the mood for working and have a stressy life as you, I want to be at home”- I fear that je coul thionk that i am just lazy or childish…
I would be very happy to hear some advice,
God bless:)
Click to expand...
Is there perhaps another location in another city, or another department at your location that you could laterally transfer to?
 
You could also find a different job, even if you have to start part-time in a different shop. Surely your husband can appreciate it if you say you don’t like the way the treatment your boss gives you affects the way you treat your husband! That’s the kind of priority I think he can appreciate. Since you like working and making a salary, try talking to him about your problem in those terms, rather than simply in terms of quitting your current job.

I don’t know where this “make my own money” thing comes from, though. It is good to know that you’re capable in terms of contributing to the household needs and financial security, but I worry if you and your husband don’t think of all the money you both make as “our money”. What’s going to happen when you have children, or when your husband is out of work? Your place of dignity in your marriage ought to come from your love for each other, or at the very worst from your individual willingness to do what you have the capacity to do and what the family needs. That way, neither of you will have pride in your way if disaster strikes. Again: think of this in terms of defining work in such a way that you can each keep your dignity and security about your place in your marriage if your ability to be employable is taken away from you. That is a very important foundation to have when adversity strikes.
 
When a wife and husband join in marriage, the two become one. This is more than just a saying, it means that each brings their strengths to the relationship as well as help with each other’s weakness. When my wife was 9 months pregnant, she confided in me that she did not want to return to work. It was the greatest news I heard. I say this because my wife is now a SAHM. She is a great SAHM. In fact I work two jobs to be sure she can be a SAHM. My strength is my skill that allows me to be in demand for work. I can bring home the bacon even though I am working 6 days a week most months. While she can work if she really wanted to, she knows her place is with our children watching them grow up. Being their Mom who nurtures them and loves them.
Talk to your husband and tell him about your feelings.
 
Thank you for your answer (thank you ALL for your answers,of course 🙂 )
First of all, I have talked with my husband. I was crying and very sad, so please excuse my late answer. He was very undertsanding, and we discussed my whole job planing for the next years. my contrackt with my boss is over in July, and we decided that I will only work one or two days a week after july. I takled with him about staying at home fulltime, he said that he of course wants me to be happy and healthy , but that he also thinks (in general) that I am very active and energetic person who will be depressed if I would stay at home for a long time. I think he is right in this position. But we also decided that a work I can do at least part-time at home would be bether for me. I had many opinions for my later “job-life” in my head, very different ones so I didnt know what to do in the last weeks. I am tailoring for some years with passion and thought of making this professional, too, and my husband gie me the advise to finally do this because I am more flexible with this, can stay at home sometimes and do seomethin I love.
Well, the situation withj my current job…
talking with my boss makes no sense I think… her behaviour is intolerable, I will tell her exactly this when it comes to a new confrontation with her. At least, I just could call her boss if nothing will change. This is really difficult for me, I am always shocked when someone loses control in a talk like she does.
We decided that I will try so until july ( just because if I would work less now although I agreed to work more in december this could cause problems when I will have an interview with a future boss) but also that I won´t give so much energy in my work ( try to say “no” more often).

We also discussed some ways for bether learning. My husband has a similar situation with stidies and work in the past he told me, and gave me some tips for being less stressed with my current work, I think I could use this well.
 
runningdude said:
Is there perhaps another location in another city, or another department at your location that you could laterally transfer to?
Click to expand...
Unfortunately not…the distance from my home to my workplace would be too high…
 
EasterJoy said:
You could also find a different job, even if you have to start part-time in a different shop. Surely your husband can appreciate it if you say you don’t like the way the treatment your boss gives you affects the way you treat your husband! That’s the kind of priority I think he can appreciate. Since you like working and making a salary, try talking to him about your problem in those terms, rather than simply in terms of quitting your current job.

I don’t know where this “make my own money” thing comes from, though. It is good to know that you’re capable in terms of contributing to the household needs and financial security, but I worry if you and your husband don’t think of all the money you both make as “our money”. What’s going to happen when you have children, or when your husband is out of work? Your place of dignity in your marriage ought to come from your love for each other, or at the very worst from your individual willingness to do what you have the capacity to do and what the family needs. That way, neither of you will have pride in your way if disaster strikes. Again: think of this in terms of defining work in such a way that you can each keep your dignity and security about your place in your marriage if your ability to be employable is taken away from you. That is a very important foundation to have when adversity strikes.
Click to expand...
Of course you´re right, the foundation of every marriage should be defined with love, the financial part wich defines the ever-day live could change suddenly and should nothing really worthy in a relationship. I can say that our foundation is love and confidence. Where this “make my own money” comes from? Well, one the one hand, I see my husband working in a very stressy job day to day, coming home late, so tired. I just feel bether sometimes when I don´t have to ask for money of 100% of the things we need for our hosehould, or for myself. It feels good when I can do this sometimes.On the other hand, I became a little more independently since i started working, and this means I also became more understanding for my husband´s needs and problems.
 
…By the way, I want to excuse me for the horrible orthography in my posts…I just noticed all the faults, I have to train my english 😃
 
alice24 said:
…By the way, I want to excuse me for the horrible orthography in my posts…I just noticed all the faults, I have to train my english 😃
Click to expand...
Hi Alice, Your English is excellent! Better than some people who have English as a first language. 😃 (My mother is German and I am so proud of her because she taught herself to read, write and speak English and also does a wonderful job).

It seems that there are more and more very abusive “managers” and those in a position of authority these days, at least in my experience and those of my friends and acquaintances. I don’t know why this is happening more and more with abusiveness being pervasive, but it is extremely stressful. I too, am currently pondering leaving a job I love, but the atmosphere and the mental/emotional stress is just not worth it anymore to me, so I understand completely your situation.

God bless, my prayers are with you, and have a good day,

CEM
 
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