Thinking sick or morbid thoughts?

[wcknight]

Evanescence:

Trust me I’ve tried praying and even during prayer the thoughts won’t stop, it is SOOOOOOO ANNOYING!!! i can’t even pray without these thoughts and yes my thoughts turn to god, but they are not very good thoughts when I pray i get thoughts like “god kill me!” “god I hate you!” (its not true though) “he’s not listening, he hates you” THESE THOUGHTS DRIVE ME NUTS!!!

and they are embarrasing cause I am in the middle of trying to socialise with god…
and my conscience kills me for it as i die of guilt!
ARRRRRRRRRRRR :crying: darn these thoughts they are out of control!

Evanescence

fading away, soon to be consumed by my fears and my inner lie

It sounds like you have a very serious problem. You may not like counselors or priests but it would be the best thing for you. You do not want to go through life dwelling on such negative thoughts and ideas,

Before you start acting on such negative feelings, you must recognize that you need help. That inner voice that is preventing you from seeking help will only get worse. Whether it is psychological or demonic, you can not deal with it on your own.

Getting a Miraculous medal and having it blessed and wearing it always will definitely help, but if it doesn’t get better or it gets worse then you may need more help than that…

The voice is of course lying to you. It does not want you to pray, and it does not want you to get better. IF you can command it to leave in the Name of Jesus, do so, as often and each and every time you hear it or think it. We will pray for you also.

Christ’s Peace.

 

[Evanescence]

Except pray for you to burn in Hell. God loves priests best.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK god loves priests best so i’m sure he will answer all of their prayers…

Evenescence

I used to have those kind of thoughts when I was around 17. Actually I was quite disturbed because I would have lesbian dreams - even though I had no homosexual desires normally. It was frustrating because you cannot control your dreams!
Also I would have thoughts about violence, both against myself and others. I suffer from depression and anxiety. For me a combination of medication and therapy has helped. Everyone is different however but I will say this. It is VERY important to tell someone how you are feeling. Bottling it up makes it worse - believe me.
Don’t worry about having those thoughts when you are praying. It is more common than you think! I seem to be plagued by lustful thoughts during Mass. How inappropriate!
These thoughts will lessen but you need to keep taking positive steps.

Firstly, keep praying despite the thoughts. Just keep repeating the same prayer if you need to - find a picture or a statue of Our Lady and focus on her - ask for her help.
Secondly, don’t let your fear of a priest stop you from going to church. Just remember that he is representing Jesus - try to ignore the man he is and just go to participate in the Mass.
Thirdly, go to confession. If you need to stay behind the screen so the priest can’t see you.
Fourth, read up about the lives of the saints. Try and find parts of their lives that are inspirational to you. It can be a good distraction.

I will pray for you - please pray for me also. I still struggle also - especially trying to find a useful therapist! (there are many dud ones out there).

Wow Cadence, your problems are almost identical, I also get disturbing thoughts at mass, its sooooooo annoying!

I also suffer from depression myself. I tried medication but it was no good, it only made me worse, the medication did not agree with me.

I have seen a counsellor, a professional one. In the end though the counsellor stopped seeing me cause she did all she could to help me so yeah.

Who could I tell about my feelings? my parents would get very upset about my thoughts, they already get upset enough as it is when I accidently leave one of my songs lying around.

There is nooo way i can tell my friends, i don’t see a counsellor anymore and I feel uncomftable telling one about my thoughts so yeah… I really cannot open up its hard and everyone gets upset with me when i do. its easier on a forum site cause u guys don’t know me and most of you are on the other side of the world anyways!
I do try to advoid posting disturbing thingd though.
I just post things asking for spiritual guidance. It really helps with christian fellowship.

The confessional at my local church does not have a screen you are bacically in a small room together with the priest, there is nothing to hide behind! and its kinda embarrasing asking…

especially trying to find a useful therapist! (there are many dud ones out there).

LOL definatly!!! I even had to put up with my school counsellor breaking my confidentiality anf making things ten times worse!!!

While my proffesional counsellor just couldn’t suggest anything helpful and in the end stopped seeing me.

I seriously am sick to death of counsellors!!! they think they know everything because they have a peice of paper proving it :whacky:

Ohh well thats just what i think anyway (the school counsellor i had sure acted that way)

I will pray for you - please pray for me also.

Sure thing! christian fellowship really works!

do you have OCD? (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

What is that?

It sounds like you need drugs and treatment.

I tried drugs (prescribed by docter) but it only made me worse! it totally unbalenced my mood swings and I was not myself at all!

Well thanks for your help everyone

Evanescence

 

[Ruthie]

Hang in there, kiddo.

It sounds like you are a music lover. You say you write depressing songs. Do you listen to depressing music, too? If you do - knock it off! (said with a fond smile) If music is a major part of your life, ol’ Dr. Ruth prescribes hiding all the gloomy, ugly, angry music away, and playing nothing but happy, uplifting stuff.

I have chronic major clinical depression, mildly bipolar. I also have fibromyalgia. Between the two of them, …well, it can be a struggle just to get the dishes in the dishwasher.

I’m also a music lover, veteran of concert choirs.

My mood can definitely be affected by music. I’m a lover of harmony and melody. I don’t listen to some genres, because of the loud, angry noise. It tenses me up - and I can relax by hitting “eject.”

I love baroque composers such as Bach and Vivaldi. It’s such happy music, even when it’s in a minor key. I like folksingers Bob Franke and Bill Staines. Marc Cohn. I like some Christian music, especially Casting Crowns. Doc Watson’s gospel album is another good one, if you like bluegrass. And of course, the Beatles and the Beach Boys.

And, for some reason, the sad, haunting Scots and Irish tunes make me feel better. (My husband finds them depressing, but likes the fiddle tunes, jigs, reels, etc. .) Not to mention the upbeat stuff! Can’t sit still when that’s on the box! Steeleye Span, Dougie MacLean, Boys of the Lough, lots of others. I think that they and the Bluegrass folks are the heirs of the Baroque.

And we can always get down into the blues… BB King still rules! Eric Clapton… Buddy Guy will be here in about a month and a half.

Do you like to read? I find some children’s books to be a good place to go when I’m low, like the Railway Children by E. Nesbit, or Puck of Pook’s Hill, and Rewards and Fairies, by Rudyard Kipling. Or sometimes Zane Gray westerns - he has this nice world one can retire to, where good and evil are black and white - no shades of gray - good always wins, and the guy and girl always get together.

Just some of the things I do when I’m getting into that way low point, feeling worthless, etc.

It also helps to know that it is my disease that does this to me. It is not natural to my self. God did not do it to me, and I don’t deserve it. It’s my cross to bear.

I’m a new Catholic, and I’ve discovered that it helps me accept my suffering to know that I can offer it up to God for some poor soul in Purgatory. (Which, in my protestant days, I thought was reeeely stooooopid.)

Remember what Jesus said: “Come unto me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Mt 11:28-29, RSV)

Well, been up all night again. I’m gonna go to bed now, but before I sleep I’ll say a Rosary for you. Oh, yeah, and why not pray to Saint Jude, patron of hopeless causes?

One last thing; a spiritual excersize. Try to do some small kind thing for someone, once a day, without getting caught. If you get caught, it doesn’t count. This gives you a NICE secret to think about!

G’night…

Ruthie, sometimes known as “Mama Ru.”

 

[wcknight]

It also sounds like you need a different counselor or at least some friends who can give you better advice.

You can control this IF you stay aware of how you are thinking. As the previous reply from Ruthie suggests, stay away from depressing music. Listen to more up beat stuff and read more upbeat materials. Develop a sense of humor, and buy and read some more light hearted stories.

To get out of the doldrums, you need to change your outlook on life. Watch comedies instead of dramas, make it a point to be more cheerful. Focus on the good things in life. and minimize anything unfortunate or sad. Life is not a bed of roses BUT neither is it all sad and full of thorns.

Get in the habit of doing some good deeds, volunteer to help out somewhere. You know you are suffering so as Ruthie also suggests offer up your pain to help the poor souls in Purgatory.

Start focusing on the good you have done and look forward to the good that you can still do. There are a lot of folks who are going though your same experiences, and there will be more who will have to deal with it down the road.

Remember how you learned to deal with it and you can help someone else through a similar situation later on. Find out what works for you, and you can teach someone else. Post what you learn on these boards and you may even save a life in the process. How you overcome your pain and depression could be a tremendous help for some one else.

May Christ’s Peace help you,
wc

 

[Evanescence]

It sounds like you are a music lover. You say you write depressing songs. Do you listen to depressing music, too? If you do - knock it off! (said with a fond smile) If music is a major part of your life, ol’ Dr. Ruth prescribes hiding all the gloomy, ugly, angry music away, and playing nothing but happy, uplifting stuff.

stay away from depressing music. Listen to more up beat stuff and read more upbeat materials.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

No way can I ever in my life give up Evanescence music!

I may add that evanescence music and other depressing music really helps me, when i was going through the suicidal thoughts, and when i was in the worst of my depression Evanescence music really helped me, just listening to the music helped me unbottle my feelings (may I add I’m listening to evanescence right now! -My immortal)
Depressing music as crazy as it may sound to you lot really inspired me, listening to songs like "Lets be happy (annoying target add) is pain to my ears especially when it gets stuck in my head and drives me insane!! :banghead:
I can’t stand affirmation messages, like at my school it has posters everywhere saying stuff like “when you believe in yourself anything is possible” well I just won’t tell you what i did to the poster… (mishevious grin)

Develop a sense of humor, and buy and read some more light hearted stories.

I do have a sence of humour ask any of my friends, and I find reading boring.

Watch comedies instead of dramas, make it a point to be more cheerful. Focus on the good things in life. and minimize anything unfortunate or sad. Life is not a bed of roses BUT neither is it all sad and full of thorns.

lol I love humour shows they are my favourite type, I don’t watch t.v much so I don’t see much of the O.C or anything

Start focusing on the good you have done and look forward to the good that you can still do. There are a lot of folks who are going though your same experiences, and there will be more who will have to deal with it down the road.

Remember how you learned to deal with it and you can help someone else through a similar situation later on. Find out what works for you, and you can teach someone else. Post what you learn on these boards and you may even save a life in the process. How you overcome your pain and depression could be a tremendous help for some one else.

I was thinking with my talents when i’m older that i will be able to do something along the lines of that.

My mood can definitely be affected by music. I’m a lover of harmony and melody. I don’t listen to some genres, because of the loud, angry noise. It tenses me up - and I can relax by hitting “eject.”

Do you mean the music that sounds like as if the singer is a pig going through a slaughter house?

Well I like evanescence, Amy Lee has such a nice sweet voice.

I love baroque composers such as Bach and Vivaldi. It’s such happy music, even when it’s in a minor key. I like folksingers Bob Franke and Bill Staines. Marc Cohn. I like some Christian music, especially Casting Crowns. Doc Watson’s gospel album is another good one, if you like bluegrass. And of course, the Beatles and the Beach Boys.

I can now see that we have very different tastes in music!

Do you like to read?

Nope, some books I can read but very rearly I come accross a book I’d actually read. Books I like is “the raging quiet” (can’t remember how to spell the authors name)
And I aslo like the books by Andy Griffiths But the “Zombie bums from ouyt of space” book really grossed me out so i couldn’t read it all

Well, been up all night again. I’m gonna go to bed now, but before I sleep I’ll say a Rosary for you.

Wow, thanks!

pray to Saint Jude, patron of hopeless causes?

Never heard of it…

Try to do some small kind thing for someone, once a day, without getting caught. If you get caught, it doesn’t count. This gives you a NICE secret to think about!

Well I fell for a prank today, someone felt like putting icky slimey stuff on the girls toilets seats and me being a dumb blond fell for it feeling rather grossed out for the rest of the day the good deed is I made a prankster feel happy because someone actually fell for the trick!
Does that count? Na of cause not I jsut told the whole catholic forum about the evils of my CATHOLIC high school I go to…

oops…

Evanescence

 

[Ruthie]

Hiya, kiddo,

“I may add that evanescence music and other depressing music really helps me…”

I haven’t heard of evanescence music before. Is it a genre; or a group? Tell me a good group & song, and I’ll spend 99 cents on I-Music.

I can relate to being helped by music that some folks find depressing. I love a section of Scottish music about “Bonnie Prince Charlie” and his time. All the songs are sad, but I love listening to them and singing them. Plus a couple of my favorite operas are real weepers.

"listening to songs like "Lets be happy (annoying target add) is pain to my ears especially when it gets stuck in my head and drives me insane!! :banghead: "

I can SO relate! Once I had “It’s Howdy Doody time” stuck in my head for three days! (If you’ve never heard of it, it, too, is relentlessly cheerful.) Day before yesterday, I had a depressing song (“The Desperate Ones” by Jaques Brel) stuck in my head until I just defied it by humming something happy. (“Domine Fili Unigenite” from Vivaldi’s Gloria.)

"I can’t stand affirmation messages… "

I’m with you. They’re right there with the relentlessly cheerful. I tried doing affirmations a few years ago - nothing happened. I’m well past obese; I did all kinds of positive affirmation stuff about losing weight - nothing happened till I asked St Jude to pray for me about it. Since then, I’ve lost 15 lbs.

St. Jude is the patron saint of “hopeless” causes. It’s because he got, and gets, passed over a lot, since his name is similar to Judas.

My mood can definitely be affected by music. I’m a lover of harmony and melody. I don’t listen to some genres, because of the loud, angry noise. It tenses me up - and I can relax by hitting “eject.”

“Do you mean the music that sounds like as if the singer is a pig going through a slaughter house?”

That would be one of them… and using every special effect a guitar is capable of, all at once … and whining into the mike instead of singing…

Example of bad rock music - nearly any “hair band.”
Good rock music: Queen. Freddy was a real genius.

Quote:
Do you like to read?
“Nope, some books I can read but very rearly I come accross a book I’d actually read. Books I like is “the raging quiet” …”

I haven’t read that, so I checked the blurb on Amazon.com. I can’t quite tell if it is fantasy, or historical fiction. I read both, so who cares? I’m gonna look for it.

Want a mix of historical, fantasy, and SF? Try the “wizard” and “warlock” series written by Christopher Stasheff - and he’s a Catholic! I like the “Wizard in Rhyme” series best. It starts with “Her Majesty’s Wizard.”

Enjoy!

 

[NiceGuyPose]

Alright… Positive music makes for positive mindset. I listen to a lot of music mostly hard rock, emo punk and whatever in between. I Love music and the best most encouraging to me is Christian. I have found so many awesome bands out there that rock my world. I’m not talking about some of the stuff on the radio… I love screaming and some hard music that would never make it on to the radio. I love Emery they are melow and hard both with screaming but its very tastefull and the music has a great melody. RelientK is one of my favorite bands. I love how they make me feel. Not only do they sing about God but also about life and frankly they are very positive at least most of it. I need positive music because it is a huge part of my life. What we put in our minds is what comes out… its weird but true. If we frown a lot we become that frown. Our attitude reflects our influences. To many bad influences drag us down.

I think I have learned a lot in my twenty years…

by the way evanesence (Sp?) is a band… Its rock with a girl I’m not sure her name. I guess my point there are many bands out there that you may find even better then evanessence. Check out Emery or other tooth and nail bands…

 

[Evanescence]

by the way evanesence (Sp?) is a band… Its rock with a girl I’m not sure her name. I guess my point there are many bands out there that you may find even better then evanessence. Check out Emery or other tooth and nail bands…

Evanescence is how you spell it. Evanescence is my favourite band, the girl is called Amy Lee. No band is better than evanescence!

Here are their lyrics to those who don’t know them, azlyrics.com/e/evanescence.html

Evanescence

 

[Evanescence]

I haven’t read that, so I checked the blurb on Amazon.com. I can’t quite tell if it is fantasy, or historical fiction. I read both, so who cares? I’m gonna look for it.

Its really good! i loved it

Its more historical set in medievil times I think

Evanescence

 

[Shinobu]

Oh, Evanescence I can sympathize with you. I have thoughts pop into my head that shame me. The mind is cruel like that, it makes wierd thoughts pop up into your head that you don’t want and certainly don’t want to entertain or act out.

I have this problem as well, mine mainly comes from my anxiety disorder, in that, thoughts will pop into my head. It’s stuff I don’t want mind you, I think it’s mainly my fear of acting out in front of others. It is stuff I would never do but it’s just a fear I have of losing control of myself. That is the problem with anxiety disorders, you feel as if you are loosing control of yourself and so these thoughts torment you. You know you wouldn’t dare be that kind of person or do the things your thoughts show and that is why you fear them. You think “Why would I think such horrible/vulgur/scary/hopeless things?”

 

[NiceGuyPose]

Evanescence is how you spell it. Evanescence is my favourite band, the girl is called Amy Lee. No band is better than evanescence!

Here are their lyrics to those who don’t know them, azlyrics.com/e/evanescence.html

Evanescence

Then you really don’t know… sorry Emery is possibly the best band out there. I think you should check them out. If you don’t you are missing out and it has been a great tragedy.

 

[Evanescence]

Oh, Evanescence I can sympathize with you. I have thoughts pop into my head that shame me. The mind is cruel like that, it makes wierd thoughts pop up into your head that you don’t want and certainly don’t want to entertain or act out.

I have this problem as well, mine mainly comes from my anxiety disorder, in that, thoughts will pop into my head. It’s stuff I don’t want mind you, I think it’s mainly my fear of acting out in front of others. It is stuff I would never do but it’s just a fear I have of losing control of myself. That is the problem with anxiety disorders, you feel as if you are loosing control of yourself and so these thoughts torment you. You know you wouldn’t dare be that kind of person or do the things your thoughts show and that is why you fear them. You think “Why would I think such horrible/vulgur/scary/hopeless things?”

Wow that is hard too live with, I have similar problems like that too.
I get thoughts that try to convince me to act on them or convince me that is how I trully fell, but I know its not true! I think 'how can I think such thoughts?"

It stresses me out and increases anxiety for me, don’t really suffer from an anxiety disorder, but I do have those days when I have panic attacks and get totally stressed out.

Then you really don’t know… sorry Emery is possibly the best band out there. I think you should check them out. If you don’t you are missing out and it has been a great tragedy.

IF Emery is so good then why are they soooo lazy that they can’t be bothered releasing their music in Australia? they can’t be that good then…
Evanescence is definatly the best!

Evanescence

 

[BarbaraTherese]

:banghead: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Darn! These thoughts are soooooooo hard to get rid of as well! even worse I have noooooooo interest in sex or lesbian behavior but I still get the thoughts!
…and the temptations…

And suicidal thoughts gosh don’t get me started on those!
And the negative thoughts on my self! I get those 24/7 gee I’m damned arn’t i?

When I get angry with others, those thoughts of murder come in!

But don’t worry there is no way i’m ever going to act on them! I would never want to kill anybody… Id rather suicide!
And even then with the suicidal thoughts I still won’t act on them cause I don’t want to offend god like that!

I did suffer from Depression and I still do but my depression is no where near as bad as it used to be.

Evanescence

Hi Evanescence smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_4_116.gif …I think we have more or less to leave such matters as mortal/venial/not sin, to God in some instances. How can we ever really be sure! I dont think we can say: that is a mortal sin, this is a venial sin, that is a mortal sin … because the criteria for mortal/venial/not sin is one of disposition: There are three requirements for mortal sin according to The Church:

To knowingly
And Willingly
Consent to something which one believes to be a mortal sin

It is obvious you cannot settle this last point which brings the first two conditions into question…that you are in conflict about them. You are also trying to discern and inform your conscience by the question you ask of this Forum. I do not think mortal sin is involved at all. Perhaps your most telling statement that clarifies the issue as not mortal is your statement of your own interior disposition and I quote you:

" I don’t want to offend god like that! "

I once asked of a moral theologian in my own quandry on a moral matter : “Father, how do I know if I have committed a mortal sin or not?” Father replied:
“Your heart will tell you”

From what I have read of your Posts you desire to love and serve God (the direction and disposition of your heart)and you ‘quarrel’ with your thoughts (strive to deal with them)…cast yourself on His Mercy ask with simplicity for His Help which abounds absolutely to any repentant person, or indeed quandried person and be at total Peace!

Jesus has told us “My Peace I give to you” and we needs humbly accept his gratuitious (free) gift of Peace for he came not for the healthy…but for sinners. We can in no way NO WAY EARN OR DESERVE His Gift…He gives it freely to us and we need with humility and gratitude to receive it…to take it if you like.

Reflect on the parable of the pharisee and the sinner. The pharisee is very proud that he has avoided sin, not like the public sinner kneeling ashamed down the back. Who does God favour? The poor public sinner! because his head is bowed before God weighted as he is by the burden of his sinfulness asking God humbly to have Mercy on him.
If you attend the Sacrament of Reconciliation…confess your sins (Personally I dont worry about whether they are mortal or venial…to me sin is sin!) with simplicity and listen to Father if he gives any advice. Be at Peace! We are all in the state of some sin or other…sinner that I am.

I am sure that if you suffered depression or to some degree still suffer it that the less pressure you put on yourself, the easier these thoughts will be to deal with. At the moment you labour obviously with a ‘dread’ and a huge burden…let Jesus lighten the load for you! and in His Loving Mercy He will but not unless you will to receive it, and he will if you will let him! A simple twist of atittude if you like…opens one to the abundance of God’s Mercy.

Regards Barb smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_1_70v.gif
Bethany Sth. Aust.
Sunday 26.6.05 6.08pm

 

[NiceGuyPose]

Evanescence:

IF Emery is so good then why are they soooo lazy that they can’t be bothered releasing their music in Australia? they can’t be that good then…
Evanescence is definatly the best!

Evanescence

Well I’ll tell you why they only released their first album not too long ago… maybe a year. They rock my socks off… This may not be true for you but… check out their stuff. purevolume.com/emery They have a new album coming out this August I can’t wait. Well I know that there are so many bands. It takes a while for a band to recognized you must know that.

 

[Evanescence]

Ok I didn’t know they were new…

Evanescence

 

[Dolores49]

Evanescence is how you spell it. Evanescence is my favourite band, the girl is called Amy Lee. No band is better than evanescence!

Here are their lyrics to those who don’t know them, azlyrics.com/e/evanescence.html

Evanescence

Here is my “DrLaura” Reply: EVANESCENCE IS BANNED IN OUR HOME!!! Please consider other bands because the band Evanescence is a problem. I threw a fit when I read their lyrics - they’re about SUICIDE! My daughter was 13 at the time.

EVANESCENCE (ev’e-nes’ens ): a dissipation or disappearance like vapor
www.evanescence.com A band from Little Rock.

Songwriter and lead singer of Evanescence looks dissipated. This band won 2 Grammy Awards in 2004. Kids don’t know good music until adults force feed it to them.

Our daughter now listens to soft rock, jazz, FRANK SINATRA, JOSH GROBAN, Beatles, and dropped death metal bands.
LYRICS by Evanescence

“tourniquet” - [a song about suicide]

i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i’m pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i’m dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i’m dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

---

The lead singer looks like death.

My research into the band’s label:
© 2003 Wind-Up Records www.wind-up.com Dark rock bands that you might not want your kids listening to or emulating.

“bring me to life”

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i’ve become

now that i know what i’m without
you can’t just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i’ve become
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time i can’t believe i couldn’t see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don’t let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

© 2003 Wind-Up Records

“haunted”

long lost words whisper slowly to me
still can’t find what keeps me here
when all this time i’ve been so hollow inside
i know you’re still there

watching me wanting me
i can feel you pull me down
fearing you loving you
i won’t let you pull me down

hunting you i can smell you - alive
your heart pounding in my head

watching me
wanting me
i can feel you pull me down
saving me
raping me
watching me

© 2003 Wind-Up Records

---

FROM A FAN’S WEB SITE: "A lot of our songs are written in a way that you could take them to mean several different things. That one was written by our drummer Rocky [Gray], who was in a Christian death metal band before he joined us.

“He told me that it is coming from a Christian standpoint, but it’s about suicide. It’s from the perspective of someone who has just committed suicide and it’s about the controversy in Christianity that if you commit suicide, will you go to heaven or hell?

“If all sins are forgiven after accepting Christ, why would there be an exception?"

---

 

[wcknight]

Evanescence, sounds like you are in a vicious circle.

The music that you like has depressing and morbid lyrics. So of course it will continue to lead you to have depressing and morbid thoughts. IT is being constantly drummed into your consious and sub conscious thoughts.

You may think this is inspiring and uplifting but it obviously is not as uplifting as you thiink. You need to really minimize or eliminate this kind of music. Fortunately there is a whole lot of music out there in many different ranges, search out something that can put in a more cheerful mood.

Jesus tells us if your eyes cause you to sin, remove it. It is better to go into Heaven blind than to burn in Gehenna. You need not be that drastic, but removing one group of music is far better than risking suicide or serious sin.

You may want to think of it as expanding your music tastes, and at the same time saving yourself from awful thoughts. Morbid and depressing thoughts can easily lead you morbid and depressing actions. Don’t let it reach that point. You have an opportunity to do something before it gets any worse, please take it. Deep dwon you know it is not good for your health, mental or spiritual.

It just takes a bit of effort and determination to overcome this.

wc

 

[John_of_Woking]

Evanescence:

Is it a sin to think morbid thoughts, killing yourself or someone else, thinking up made up sad stories eg. A flood came and everyone in your house drowned and your the only one alive, you make it to the roof and are left all alone.

What about negative thoughts.
I’m worthless, no point in living etc…

And sick thoughts Girl on girl action etc.

If so why? the thoughts arn’t harming anyone, sure it may be a bit disturbing but why would it be any of Gods concern?

Evanescence

The two extremes you should avoid is presumption and despair

It is a sin if you consent to these thoughts especially if you toy with the lesbian thoughts and actively stimulate such thoughts. As for the negative, worthless thoughts these are not per se sinful and could be a prompting to unite your sufferings in cruciform prayer. If you doubt that you have consented to the thought it is no sin.

 

[Jade]

Ruthie:

Hang in there, kiddo.

It sounds like you are a music lover. You say you write depressing songs. Do you listen to depressing music, too? If you do - knock it off! (said with a fond smile) If music is a major part of your life, ol’ Dr. Ruth prescribes hiding all the gloomy, ugly, angry music away, and playing nothing but happy, uplifting stuff.

I have chronic major clinical depression, mildly bipolar. I also have fibromyalgia. Between the two of them, …well, it can be a struggle just to get the dishes in the dishwasher.

I’m also a music lover, veteran of concert choirs.

My mood can definitely be affected by music. I’m a lover of harmony and melody. I don’t listen to some genres, because of the loud, angry noise. It tenses me up - and I can relax by hitting “eject.”

I love baroque composers such as Bach and Vivaldi. It’s such happy music, even when it’s in a minor key. I like folksingers Bob Franke and Bill Staines. Marc Cohn. I like some Christian music, especially Casting Crowns. Doc Watson’s gospel album is another good one, if you like bluegrass. And of course, the Beatles and the Beach Boys.

And, for some reason, the sad, haunting Scots and Irish tunes make me feel better. (My husband finds them depressing, but likes the fiddle tunes, jigs, reels, etc. .) Not to mention the upbeat stuff! Can’t sit still when that’s on the box! Steeleye Span, Dougie MacLean, Boys of the Lough, lots of others. I think that they and the Bluegrass folks are the heirs of the Baroque.

And we can always get down into the blues… BB King still rules! Eric Clapton… Buddy Guy will be here in about a month and a half.

Do you like to read? I find some children’s books to be a good place to go when I’m low, like the Railway Children by E. Nesbit, or Puck of Pook’s Hill, and Rewards and Fairies, by Rudyard Kipling. Or sometimes Zane Gray westerns - he has this nice world one can retire to, where good and evil are black and white - no shades of gray - good always wins, and the guy and girl always get together.

Just some of the things I do when I’m getting into that way low point, feeling worthless, etc.

It also helps to know that it is my disease that does this to me. It is not natural to my self. God did not do it to me, and I don’t deserve it. It’s my cross to bear.

I’m a new Catholic, and I’ve discovered that it helps me accept my suffering to know that I can offer it up to God for some poor soul in Purgatory. (Which, in my protestant days, I thought was reeeely stooooopid.)

Remember what Jesus said: “Come unto me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Mt 11:28-29, RSV)

Well, been up all night again. I’m gonna go to bed now, but before I sleep I’ll say a Rosary for you. Oh, yeah, and why not pray to Saint Jude, patron of hopeless causes?

One last thing; a spiritual excersize. Try to do some small kind thing for someone, once a day, without getting caught. If you get caught, it doesn’t count. This gives you a NICE secret to think about!

G’night…

Ruthie, sometimes known as “Mama Ru.”

Ruthie,

What a wonderful post! I hope that Evenescence takes heed!

Thank you for sharing.

Jade.

 

[Jade]

Evenescence,

Hello!

I would like to attest to previous posters comments about a shift in music. I used to listen to Evenescence as well. At that time in life, the music allowed me to feel things that I would not/could not allow myself to acknowlege consciously. It was a ‘safe’ way to express these things that I felt. I will say, in their favour, that they’re sound in very haunting and the vocals are beautiful…it’s the lyrics that pose a problem.
I see the world in a different light now. I am able to see the beauty in everything. Colours are brighter where as before, the world was shrouded and dull. No doubt this is the result of much prayer and devotion and grace, but my choice of music has had an effect. If you find it too hard to give up the band entirely, stop listening to other negative music that you own. Start slow. Be aware of any changes that result within you. I have found a Christian band that has much of the same sound as Evenescence but with a postive message. They call themselves Kutless. Check them our and let me know what you think of them.

If I could give you one peice of advice, it would be to percivere. Do not give up!
Run to Christ at every opportunity.
Visit Him in the Blessed Sacrament.
You may have to drag yourself to Church. Push yourself to the Alter and recieve Christ. You may not want to go to Church, but make it an act of the will. GO.
Pour out your heart to Him (yes, even the bad parts, the parts that make you frusterated and angry, the thoughts that ashame you and make you cringe.) He alone knows you and understands you totally. IF you find it hard to be there, if you can’t pray because of negative thoughts, just sit in church infront of the alter and look at the Tabernacle and just be still. The thoughts may still come, they may even intensify, but sit there still and look at the Hidden Chist and just by your mere presence there, you are showing your love for God, even if your mind is screaming the opposite. Jesus is the Healer. He will bless you for coming to visit Him. He knows you, Evenescence. He created you. He loves you to no end. While you sit with Him, He will sit beside you, draw you in His Arms and give you strength. You are not alone. Jesus is with you ALWAYS. Never forget this, my friend.

Cling to Christ with all that you are.

Give Him everything and ask Him to transform it, to use you according to His Will. God knows everything about you and me- even the parts that we cringe at and shrink away from and are ashamed to admit- and HE LOVES US STILL. That is the beauty of God- He knows us better than we know ourselves and He still loves us to no end! How great is our God!!

If you haven’t already done so, tell your doctor that the meds don’t work for you. He/she may be able to perscribe different meds. I have personal expirence with depression. My mother suffers from depression amoung other things, and for her, the first meds didn’t work. Her doctor had to try many kinds until they found some that worked.

May God Bless you. May be hold you close to His Heart. May he bring you strength and hope and comfort.
You are in my prayers.

If you would like, please PM me and we can talk at greater length.

To close, I’d like to share a story I read about Mother Teresa in a little book called “Mother Teresa”:

Mother Teresa went to visit a woman who was suffering greatly and in much pain. She was moved by the suffering of this woman. The woman asked Mother to pray for her. Mother Tersea encouraged her, saying that she is very close to Christ on the Cross. So close that Jesus is kissing her. The woman looked at Mother Teresa and asked her, “pray that Jesus never stop kissing me.”

I thought you might like that story.

In His Love,
Jade.