Thirty and no professional vocation

[Layp3rs0n]

Well first off, if this post comes across as whiny, I really am not whining. I have thankfully come to an insight about myself that I need to explore. I am thirty years old, work in a restaurant, feel lazy all the time, never finished college, feel unfulfilled, a bit discouraged, sad, lonely etc. Again, I know it sounds whiny but as I type this I am fine.
Anyway, this insight I have had is simple: I feel unfulfilled because I have not been able to pick a vocation in all my life. I don’t mean like a religious vocation vs. marriage, I mean like a trade. My parents divorced when I was twelve, and since then my only focus has been replacing the security of family by starting my own. I spent six years engaged and then my fiancee left. I have not been able to meet anyone who wants to marry me since. Due to this, I have ignored my need to find better employment. I’ve given no serious thought to what I want to do with my life. Nothing seems as important as having a family again. I know, I know, I can’t support a family, so why am I bothering? I need to feel secure like any other person. I feel extreme loneliness And at present have not nearly enough income to go back to school even part time. I don’t currently have a car or a licence. I rarely get to see my family. I feel like my tires are spinning. I just can’t decide on anything.

 

[Xantippe]

“And at present have not nearly enough income to go back to school even part time. I don’t currently have a car or a licence. I rarely get to see my family. I feel like my tires are spinning.”

Is there a community college where you could take a class? When you have the opportunity, I would suggest taking one class at a time in a variety of different subjects, until you hit something that stirs your interest.

The thing about your job is that it’s low enough on the food chain that it should be possible to get the equivalent job in a better location–for instance closer to your family or closer to a community college.

Also, bear in mind that colleges generally have food service, so it might be worth your while to investigate the option of working in food service at a college that offers tuition benefits to employees. The benefits will also probably be better than what you have now.

If it’s feasible, consider taking on a second job just to devote the income to getting a car (a cash car, naturally) and a driver’s license, because it sounds like not having that is hurting your self-image. And once you have that, you can devote your second income to whatever major project you are working on–tuition, money for dating, etc.

Work backwards from where you want to be (married with a family) and think about all the pieces that you need to put together to get there: car and license, more education, meeting more people, etc.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

I should add that I also have no feeling of accomplishment when I work hard. I apply myself at work, and when I actually make decent tips, when I make enough to feed myself and pay rent, when I am utterly exhausted from laboring, when I should feel proud of myself for a hard day’s work, I feel very little. I eat the food I earn, I sleep in a bed in an apartment I pay for. Umm, yay? I feel no joy or pride in my hard work.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Thank you for your response. My family lives down the road about four miles away. I see them perhaps once a week to every two weeks for short visits. I have never felt terribly welcome though. “Thanks for coming, nice to see you…okay well we’re gonna have dinner now so…”. I mean sometimes they allow longer visits. But with them its always a “guests are privileged to be here.” Kind of attitude.

Yes, I would like a second job. Praying to find one.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Well first off, if this post comes across as whiny, I really am not whining. I have thankfully come to an insight about myself that I need to explore. I am thirty years old, work in a restaurant, feel lazy all the time, never finished college, feel unfulfilled, a bit discouraged, sad, lonely etc. Again, I know it sounds whiny but as I type this I am fine.
Anyway, this insight I have had is simple: I feel unfulfilled because I have not been able to pick a vocation in all my life. I don’t mean like a religious vocation vs. marriage, I mean like a trade. My parents divorced when I was twelve, and since then my only focus has been replacing the security of family by starting my own. I spent six years engaged and then my fiancee left. I have not been able to meet anyone who wants to marry me since. Due to this, I have ignored my need to find better employment. I’ve given no serious thought to what I want to do with my life. Nothing seems as important as having a family again. I know, I know, I can’t support a family, so why am I bothering? I need to feel secure like any other person. I feel extreme loneliness And at present have not nearly enough income to go back to school even part time. I don’t currently have a car or a licence. I rarely get to see my family. I feel like my tires are spinning. I just can’t decide on anything.

Do you like resturant work? I assume you’ve been working in resturants for 10 years or more? Maybe that is your trade?

Working as a part-time server in a regular chain resturant isn’t enough to support a family on, but a full-time waiter in a higher end resturant might be. Managing a resturant, working as a cook/chief (full-time), bakery, catering…there might be full-time, living wage (or better) work in any of those areas.

Instead of seeing what you have as a hinderance, trying seeing it as a stepping stone. As for more hours, interview at higher end resturants, start taking cooking classes or maybe an accounting class so you can help keep the books. You don’t have to go back to school full-time for that - a class or two at a community college may be enough to help you move up a bit, and then as you get more work and more pay you can take a few more classes.

Say a novena to St Lawerence of Rome (he is the patron saint of cooks) or to Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection ( a monastery cook who wrote Practicing the Presence of God) to help you.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Thank you, but really really want to get out of the food industry.

 

[Xantippe]

Mrs Sally has some good ideas.

Do you think you may be depressed? Do you think you get enough physical exercise and enough time outside? Being indoors all the time can be depressing.

It doesn’t sound like seeing more of your family is going to improve your quality of life.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Thank you, but really really want to get out of the food industry.

Then start by looking for another job. It doesn’t have to be the final-what-I’ll-do-for-the-rest-of-my-life job. Just something to show expereince is another area and to get a more consistent paycheck. Working retail or something like that also may be a better schedule that would make it easier for you to take a class or two to start moving into a profession.