Thirty Years Of Hell Anniversaries ("Gang-Rape At Gunpoint") What Does God What From Me?

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centurionguard

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See forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=334275

Post’s No# 53 & 54

I sincerely apologize for feeling downcast. Like a dark shadow has come over me.
(“Satan Be Gone In The Name Of Jesus Christ”)
August my Gang Rape at Gunpoint Anniversary Month
The Trauma Of Shell Shock reverberates inside my shattered soul.

Asking God to erase such horrid memories would be like me kicking the goad through the narrow gate so few enter. How many can say that they have gone through. Or are going through such a similar story as spoken in the biblical story of Job ?

I have fought 30 years of Hell on earth eating away at my soul through this temporal Dark Night of the Soul. You would think that God would grant me humble wisdom such a rare gift in this lonely suffering life. But Who Am I to voice concerns and complaints.

My life in this world is fading away with many illnesses, and some terminal.
And what could I add to my disgusting embraced pain that has not already bee spoken of down through the centuries. What more does God want from me ?

All be leaving Catholic Answers and friends for a while to do some deep soul searching.
Please Pray For Me.

Yours In The Peace and Love
of Christ Jesus

Chris xo
 
I was abused by my father when I was a child.I forgave him it was hard to do.I feel alot better since I have done it.I will pray for you.:
 
Centurionguard,

I read your story with horror and sadness. I am so sorry this happened to you. These are totally inadequate words, I know. But my heart goes out to you. I pray that you find peace.
 
There are souls who walk through hell
to try to pull other souls out of hell.
It’s not easy.
It’s not easy.
It’s not easy.

It’s not easy to walk through hell.
It’s not easy to deal with the souls in hell.
It’s not easy to argue with the souls in hell
It’s not easy to bear wounds wrought by the souls in hell
It’s not easy to bear the diseases and sufferings of hell.
It’s not easy.
It’s not easy.
It’s not easy.

It’s not easy to be screaming on the cross
GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?
It’s not easy to ask why am I dying?
It’s even worse to ask why did I live?
It’s even worse to know that
I lived for nothing
I died for nothing
I suffered for nothing
for absolutely nothing.
It’s not easy.
It’s not easy.
It’s not easy.

In the end all the suffering ends, all the pain ends, and the beautiful light comes,
and the most beautiful gentle comforting voice of God wraps you in the light and says:
My daughter, my son, with you I am well pleased.
Because it wasn’t all for nothing…
you gave them what the Christ Himself was also sent to give them…
you gave them the greatest gift of all…
the opportunity to learn compassion.
 
centurionguard - I know that you posted this to let us know you will be leaving the forums for a bit, but I could not go without responding to your post and letting you know that you are in my prayers. I will say a Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3:00 for your intentions.
You are very courageous for posting your experience in the other thread. I read it last night and it has been on my mind ever since.
I know that you are leaving to do some soul searching, but after reading through some of your posts I can see that you are a person who has already found their soul in God. You are loyal to him and for that your soul is found in him.
Even though you still suffer, you love God and for that you have truly come out on the other side of this whole ordeal. How many of us might have turned our backs on God after such an experience? How many of us may have cursed him? And yet you have chosen to glorify him.
It is so shocking to think that any human could harm another in the way you have been harmed, but it is a reminder that we are fallen. In your account, you mentioned that these people may have been involved in drug culture. I remember hearing father Corapi discuss seeing satanists perform black masses over shipments of drugs before sending them out into the population. I am convinced that the drug issues in our culture today have a demonic source and many people are oppressed by it. These people who harmed you, if they are still alive today, will be accountable to God for what they did to you. If they have passed away since, the have already been accountable to him. Someday you will see God’s face also and you will be healed of your suffering once and for all. In the mean time, in your loyalty to him, you will have a bouquet of your works to lay at his feet.
 
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