This Couple Won't Leave $4 Billion Fortune for Their Children

[90Domer]

I don’t think she lost respected for them because they had money, I think the loss of respect was because of their unwillingness to help their own son and grandson with medical expenses when they could afford it easily. I think that’s so wrong. :nope:

The crusher was when we asked for help with speech therapy costs (son was newly diagnosed with autism) because we were on a long waiting list for county services and were told by the ppl who did the diagnosis that he needed services immediately.

Hubby and I never recovered from that one.

 

[90Domer]

I think it’s sad if a parent would refuse to help their children in a true financial crisis, but that doesn’t change the point that no one is obligated to give anyone money – family or otherwise. I think that speaks more to the relationship you have with your in-laws than the amount of money they have. I think it is a parent’s moral responsibility to plan for their retirement; and with people living longer and longer these days, retiring with $1 million in the bank is the responsible thing to do.

I have no issue with how they planned for retirement. I agree. Just don’t go crying poverty and expect us to have sympathy when your lawyer tells a different story.

 

[newf]

The crusher was when we asked for help with speech therapy costs (son was newly diagnosed with autism) because we were on a long waiting list for county services and were told by the ppl who did the diagnosis that he needed services immediately.

Hubby and I never recovered from that one.

What a kick in the gut. That’s really too bad you were treated this way.

But I think people like your in-laws are not anyone you want to be dependent on financially anyway. There is no winning with them. In the long run, they may have done you a favor by refusing to help you.

Did your son end up getting the therapy he needed?

 

[EasterJoy]

I found this post funny in a sad way because when my in-laws retired, my FIL kept reminding his three sons that he and my MIL were going to spend the inheritance, It got to be so obnoxious that I called him out to please stop because it was insulting. The two times we asked them for financial help–both for large medical expenses for my husband and my son–they turned us down. When they retired with an excess of $1 million in the mid-90’s, I lost a good measure of respect for them.

I don’t agree with not helping family members with medical expenses when you can, and yes your FIL was obnoxious, but I don’t agree that children ought to feel entitled to an inheritance.

There was a time when a child’s ability to make it in the world was tied to acquiring land, which in the upper classes was handed down from generation to generation. It went to the first born, however, because otherwise the family “opportunity” would be diluted so much in a very few generations that there would be too little land left to any particular heir to make a go of it. That was how the older generation handed down opportunity from one generation to the next. In lower classes and for younger siblings of the wealthy, it was an education or a trade or a craft that was handed on, not money. (The truth is, it was more that the children were expected to feed their parents in their old age when they could not work!)

I very much doubt that this wealthy couple is going to deny their children any educational opportunity to make their own way. Where introductions are needed, I do not doubt that introductions will be made, too. I also doubt that they’re going to watch their children or grandchildren go without health care while they still live.

I still don’t see why anyone should expect to inherit more than a very modest portion of four billion dollars. Who needs that much? No one does!! The parents see their amassed wealth as something far beyond the needs of both themselves and their heirs, and therefore something that ought to be used to benefit a greater number of people, starting right now. They aren’t going through the wealth to please themselves, but in order to do philanthropy both now and after they die. That is a totally different and very much richer legacy than your obnoxious FIL was proposing to leave behind him.

 

[Robertanthony]

I don’t agree with not helping family members with medical expenses when you can, and yes your FIL was obnoxious, but I don’t agree that children ought to feel entitled to an inheritance.

There was a time when a child’s ability to make it in the world was tied to acquiring land, which in the upper classes was handed down from generation to generation. It went to the first born, however, because otherwise the family “opportunity” would be diluted so much in a very few generations that there would be too little land left to any particular heir to make a go of it. That was how the older generation handed down opportunity from one generation to the next. In lower classes and for younger siblings of the wealthy, it was an education or a trade or a craft that was handed on, not money. (The truth is, it was more that the children were expected to feed their parents in their old age when they could not work!)

I very much doubt that this wealthy couple is going to deny their children any educational opportunity to make their own way. Where introductions are needed, I do not doubt that introductions will be made, too. I also doubt that they’re going to watch their children or grandchildren go without health care while they still live.

I still don’t see why anyone should expect to inherit more than a very modest portion of four billion dollars. Who needs that much? No one does!! The parents see their amassed wealth as something far beyond the needs of both themselves and their heirs, and therefore something that ought to be used to benefit a greater number of people, starting right now. They aren’t going through the wealth to please themselves, but in order to do philanthropy both now and after they die. That is a totally different and very much richer legacy than your obnoxious FIL was proposing to leave behind him.

But 4 billion isn’t that much money these days. If we had 1 million dollar bills, that’d be only 4 thousand of those bills. Hardly enough to write home about. Buy a couple of tropical islands, a few minor countries, a few yachts, private jets, and the money is all gone.

 

[EasterJoy]

But 4 billion isn’t that much money these days. If we had 1 million dollar bills, that’d be only 4 thousand of those bills. Hardly enough to write home about. Buy a couple of tropical islands, a few minor countries, a few yachts, private jets, and the money is all gone.

Still, a hundred million here, a hundred million there, and pretty soon you’re talking real money!

 

[90Domer]

What a kick in the gut. That’s really too bad you were treated this way.

But I think people like your in-laws are not anyone you want to be dependent on financially anyway. There is no winning with them. In the long run, they may have done you a favor by refusing to help you.

Did your son end up getting the therapy he needed?

Totally agree that we wouldn’t want to rely on them financially. It would be a nightmare.

My son got some of the therapy he needed but nowhere near what the developmental pediatrician and his therapists thought he could use. We provided the most we could privately, my parents were a big help as well. The county gave services too, but they were soon cut due to funding. However, we feel blessed that my kid got at least something before the cuts came.

Thank you for asking.

 

[90Domer]

I don’t agree with not helping family members with medical expenses when you can, and yes your FIL was obnoxious, but I don’t agree that children ought to feel entitled to an inheritance.

There was a time when a child’s ability to make it in the world was tied to acquiring land, which in the upper classes was handed down from generation to generation. It went to the first born, however, because otherwise the family “opportunity” would be diluted so much in a very few generations that there would be too little land left to any particular heir to make a go of it. That was how the older generation handed down opportunity from one generation to the next. In lower classes and for younger siblings of the wealthy, it was an education or a trade or a craft that was handed on, not money. (The truth is, it was more that the children were expected to feed their parents in their old age when they could not work!)

I very much doubt that this wealthy couple is going to deny their children any educational opportunity to make their own way. Where introductions are needed, I do not doubt that introductions will be made, too. I also doubt that they’re going to watch their children or grandchildren go without health care while they still live.

I still don’t see why anyone should expect to inherit more than a very modest portion of four billion dollars. Who needs that much? No one does!! The parents see their amassed wealth as something far beyond the needs of both themselves and their heirs, and therefore something that ought to be used to benefit a greater number of people, starting right now. They aren’t going through the wealth to please themselves, but in order to do philanthropy both now and after they die. That is a totally different and very much richer legacy than your obnoxious FIL was proposing to leave behind him.

Actually, we do not expect an inheritance from either of our parents–that would be very presumptuous of us. However, we do play on making sure we leave a large amount of money to my son (in trusts, etc) due to his disability.

 

[90Domer]

What a kick in the gut. That’s really too bad you were treated this way.

But I think people like your in-laws are not anyone you want to be dependent on financially anyway. There is no winning with them. In the long run, they may have done you a favor by refusing to help you.

Did your son end up getting the therapy he needed?

I have to admit that I feel far worse for my husband because it is his parents who are not being terribly helpful. My parents would give their last dime to help my son. What a difference between the two.

 

[90Domer]

But 4 billion isn’t that much money these days. If we had 1 million dollar bills, that’d be only 4 thousand of those bills. Hardly enough to write home about. Buy a couple of tropical islands, a few minor countries, a few yachts, private jets, and the money is all gone.

The oil barons in Qatar would consider that mere pocket change!

 

[EasterJoy]

Actually, we do not expect an inheritance from either of our parents–that would be very presumptuous of us. However, we do play on making sure we leave a large amount of money to my son (in trusts, etc) due to his disability.

What was really awful was your FIL presuming that you *were *presuming, as if you were vultures waiting around for your in-laws to hurry up and die. It makes you out to be some revolting variation on Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

Leaving trusts for your son, OTOH, will help give any siblings peace of mind, since they will not have to wonder if they will need to save money or find money for needs he might have. Were I his sister, I would consider a trust left for him to be just as much a trust left for me.

 

[90Domer]

What was really awful was your FIL presuming that you *were *presuming, as if you were vultures waiting around for your in-laws to hurry up and die. It makes you out to be some revolting variation on Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

Leaving trusts for your son, OTOH, will help give any siblings peace of mind, since they will not have to wonder if they will need to save money or find money for needs he might have. Were I his sister, I would consider a trust left for him to be just as much a trust left for me.

Dear son is an only child, so we don’t have to worry about sibling issues.

We were so affronted by in-laws assumptions about us that we no longer accept any gifts from them. Rather, we asked them (actually FIL is now deceased) to donate them to an orthodox Catholic charity. Everyone wins and there is less drama.

 

[EasterJoy]

Dear son is an only child, so we don’t have to worry about sibling issues.

Oh, nor siblings to take up his cause when you have died. Yes, I can imagine that you want to leave him a sizable estate, and in very capable hands, if he won’t have siblings to look after him. I hope you live a very long time and always enjoy good health yourselves, so you can see to him yourself for as long as possible.

 

[90Domer]

Oh, nor siblings to take up his cause when you have died. Yes, I can imagine that you want to leave him a sizable estate, and in very capable hands, if he won’t have siblings to look after him. I hope you live a very long time and always enjoy good health yourselves, so you can see to him yourself for as long as possible.

Thank you! We try to live a good, clean religious life so that we can give our son the best guidance that we can. We certainly thank God for the healthy life he’s given us thus far. :getholy:

 

[Skye_Ariel]

The crusher was when we asked for help with speech therapy costs (son was newly diagnosed with autism) because we were on a long waiting list for county services and were told by the ppl who did the diagnosis that he needed services immediately.

Hubby and I never recovered from that one.

I have to admit that I feel far worse for my husband because it is his parents who are not being terribly helpful. My parents would give their last dime to help my son. What a difference between the two.

Yes that’s horrible and that couple needs to think about the fact that they may need you and your husband in the future for something money can’t buy, like donating an organ or something especially since they are getting older. People don’t think about things like that. Be careful of the seeds you sow. They may need their grandson one day when he grows up.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I hope the parents plan to live modestly and help to fund charities while they are living. It does seem slightly presumptuous to state their plans for wealth 20 odd years from now that is to talk about it, not spend it on their own family, and yet not help others with it now.

 

[CathLifeHacker]

Regarding the original article:

I have seen this idea being promoted in a lot of places- don’t leave your inheritance to your kids- donate it to charities.

Personally I think it is a conspiracy by the government to make everyone poor. My parents wouldn’t be where they are at today had they not gotten an inheritance from my immigrant grandparents and I wouldn’t be were I am at today had it not been for the financial support of my parents at a rough time in my life.

Many Catholic monarchies (who passed all their wealth down through inheritance) built some of the greatest Catholic Churches in Europe.

Why not train your kids to know how to invest the money and make more money so as to continually give to charity? A lot of charities spent a lot of their money on overhead too. Why trust the employees of a charity more than your own children? That’s ridiculous.

 

[EasterJoy]

Regarding the original article:

I have seen this idea being promoted in a lot of places- don’t leave your inheritance to your kids- donate it to charities.

Personally I think it is a conspiracy by the government to make everyone poor. My parents wouldn’t be where they are at today had they not gotten an inheritance from my immigrant grandparents and I wouldn’t be were I am at today had it not been for the financial support of my parents at a rough time in my life.

Many Catholic monarchies (who passed all their wealth down through inheritance) built some of the greatest Catholic Churches in Europe.

Why not train your kids to know how to invest the money and make more money so as to continually give to charity? A lot of charities spent a lot of their money on overhead too. Why trust the employees of a charity more than your own children? That’s ridiculous.

Well, the Lord did say that it is more difficult for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God, so the parents might also have a spiritual reason to limit the wealth you hand on to your heirs. The thought that their children would be better off not having their parents’ wealth to manage is the more charitable assumption concerning the parents’ motives.

Certainly there is no reason to believe the couple wants the government to have their wealth, since passing most of it to their children would be an excellent way to make sure the government got a huge chunk of it. The children of the couple in question will certainly be given the opportunities they need to provide for themselves very well, and will be trained to make their own living. That is a legacy many would love to have.

 

[kbachler]

IIRC, Bill and Melinda Gates set up $10M in investments for each child - they will get that (plus interest), education and help if there is a medical issue. Gates is giving away the rest to the Gates foundation - which I think he was at around $85-$90B when he started this process.

 

[EasterJoy]

IIRC, Bill and Melinda Gates set up $10M in investments for each child - they will get that (plus interest), education and help if there is a medical issue. Gates is giving away the rest to the Gates foundation - which I think he was at around $85-$90B when he started this process.

That is plenty. They will never want for anything, and if fate allows them to support themselves they will have plenty to pass on to the grandchildren. They will have to be careful not to attract gold diggers wanting to marry them, even so. Imagine how much worse it would be, if they had ten times more given to them, let alone their parents’ entire fortune.