This is awful, but which is worse?

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OK, I’m home from college for the week, and I’m going back tomorrow for summer school, so this is a temporary situation. I’m pretty sure I’m in a state of mortal sin right now, and have been for quite some time. I know I should go to confession, but I can’t seem to stop sinning right now so any act of contrition I make would be pretty hypocritical and hollow. For example, I went to confession about two weeks ago and I think I lasted two hours before I fell back into mortal sin.

That being the case, I’ve decided to stop recieving the Eucharist for a while until I can sort my problems out and stop committing mortal sin on a daily basis. At school this is ok and I can go to church and just remain in the pew during Communion. I feel sad that I can’t take Communion and also slightly embarrassed, but I just try and focus on prayer. Here at home it’s different. When I go to church with my mom, I just can’t do that. I know she would think it rediculous and scrupulous if I decided not to recieve Communion. She would demand to know why and might even have a whispered argument with me in church about how silly I was being. She is kind of a “cafeteria catholic”, as I have been until recently, and she doesn’t think confession is all that important, nor does she really subscribe to the idea of “being in mortal sin”. I know she would be upset with me and I can’t really face that right now.

Last week I went to church with her, and although I knew I shouldn’t, I took communion. I don’t want to do that today. My question is, which is worse, to take communion in a state of mortal sin or to miss the Sunday obligation? I know I should just go and not recieve, but I also know that right now, I’m not strong enough to do that.
 
Oh for Pete’s sake. It’s nobody’s business why you do not receive Communion. Even your mother has no right to know and certainly no right to ask. If you think she will, then just eat breakfast 5 minutes before you leave the house.

Then plead the one hour fast.

If she thinks that’s scrupulous of you, just say that you don’t think it’s scrupulous to follow the disciplines of the Church. Then do not allow yourself to be dragged into a discussion.
 
Dear Kiwibird,

Taking communion in a state of mortal sin or intentionally missing Mass without a good reason are both sins you’ll need to confess later if you do either one.

Rather than waiting around trying to sort things out and not sin again, I recommend you go to confession ASAP. If you go with a truly contrite heart, even if you feel you may sin again do to weakness, this is not being hypocritical.

One of the things that comes with sanctifying grace is strength to overcome mortal sin. If you wait around in a state of mortal sin, you’ll just sin some more because you don’t have that grace.

Besides, one form of presumption is thinking that you can overcome sin on your own. You can’t. None of us can. You need to cultivate a habit of prayer when you are tempted, and stop the temptation at the thought if you want to overcome the sin. If you dwell on the temptation, it just becomes stronger, and if you neglect to ask God for strength to overcome it, you’ll likely fall time and again.
 
Both skipping and receiving in a state of mortal sin are bad. Both are grave. Don’t give in. Don’t do either one of those.

Remember, you are free to attend a different mass than the one your mother goes to. If that’s what it took to keep me out of huge trouble, I’d do that. Develop a need to see the parish on the other side of town, to see what mass is like in Spanish, to visit a certain historic shrine, to go at the crack of dawn, anything. That may not work for you now, since Sunday is almost over, but in the future you could use it. Mercygate is, of course, right that you can eat food without sin right before mass, since you won’t receive.

If you are stuck in mass with her, kneel there and ignore her. If you need to, move to another pew on the other side of the church if she tries to push you to receive.
 
I have a solution:

Go to confession before Mass. Surely you can’t commit a mortal sin from the time you step out of the confessional until you recieve half an hour later. If that means going to confession every week, why not? I go to confession every week, as does the Pope.

Whenever you’re in a state of mortal sin, you ought to run to confession as fast you can. Remember that should by some accident you die in mortal sin (and it does happen) your soul may not wind up where we would like it to, or where it had the potential to be.

Just because you can’t make it a long while without sinning again doesn’t mean the absolution was invalid, or God didn’t believe you were contrite. If you walk into the confessional knowing you are sincerely going to try your best not to sin and get help, that’s fine–just as long as you’re not doing it every day for years.

Also, be sure to get help. If this particular sin is what I think it is, know that many people have quit and are living Holy lives, including, I would assume, many people on this fourm. We are all call to be Saints, and although It’s hard to acheive it, we call reach some degree of sanctity.

The best start to kicking any sinful habit is becoming a man (or woman) of prayer. Develop a daily prayer life. For a laymen, taking half-hour broken up over the course of the day and dedicating it to prayer is not taht much of sacrifice, and works miracles. It is also essentially to get rid of anything that stimulates or provides occasion for sin. If it’s the computer, take a break from the internet for a few weeks. If it’s TV, don’t watch it–crack open your books for this summer instead.

This is just a start. God Bless, and may you overcome your difficulties,

Mat.
 
KiwiBird87 said:
OK, I’m home from college for the week, and I’m going back tomorrow for summer school, so this is a temporary situation. I’m pretty sure I’m in a state of mortal sin right now, and have been for quite some time. I know I should go to confession, but I can’t seem to stop sinning right now so any act of contrition I make would be pretty hypocritical and hollow. For example, I went to confession about two weeks ago and I think I lasted two hours before I fell back into mortal sin.

That being the case, I’ve decided to stop recieving the Eucharist for a while until I can sort my problems out and stop committing mortal sin on a daily basis. At school this is ok and I can go to church and just remain in the pew during Communion. I feel sad that I can’t take Communion and also slightly embarrassed, but I just try and focus on prayer. Here at home it’s different. When I go to church with my mom, I just can’t do that. I know she would think it rediculous and scrupulous if I decided not to recieve Communion. She would demand to know why and might even have a whispered argument with me in church about how silly I was being. She is kind of a “cafeteria catholic”, as I have been until recently, and she doesn’t think confession is all that important, nor does she really subscribe to the idea of “being in mortal sin”. I know she would be upset with me and I can’t really face that right now.

Last week I went to church with her, and although I knew I shouldn’t, I took communion. I don’t want to do that today. My question is, which is worse, to take communion in a state of mortal sin or to miss the Sunday obligation? I know I should just go and not recieve, but I also know that right now, I’m not strong enough to do that.
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Please go to confession. Sins are often fun to do, so they can be difficult to detach ourselves from, but all we need to make a good confession is a desire to not sin (not simply to not enjoy the action that the sin is, but to not offend God), and a desire to change our lives (maybe that means you really don’t want to give up the sin, but simply that you want to do what God wants you to do). Although I can’t read your heart, I’m not sure you would have written this post if you didn’t have at least some degree of remorse for your sins. Confession restores the soul to sanctifying grace- and it strengthens you against temptation. Please go to confession- even if you don’t *think *you are ready- we all have to start the path to holiness somewhere if we are to reach it at all.
 
Pious_Mat said:
I have a solution:

Go to confession before Mass. Surely you can’t commit a mortal sin from the time you step out of the confessional until you recieve half an hour later. If that means going to confession every week, why not? I go to confession every week, as does the Pope.
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Do many parishes have Sunday-morning confession? My parish has it on Saturdays for one hour. The TLM parish I sometimes go to does have confession before (and, actually, during) every single Mass including weeknights, but if I were going to my parish, I wouldn’t have the opportunity. I guess I could always go early and grab a priest, but I’ve never seen anyone do that and I wonder what the response would be!

Barring getting to confession, though, I agree: Kneel and ignore her. Easier said than done, no doubt, I know!

Francesca
 
If it were me, I would go to Confession and explain it all to Father and ask his advice…and if I felt I would not be able to do this, I would print out my post and take it to Confession with me, telling Father that this is a difficult confession for me and I need to read something to him. Would not be the first time I have asked Father’s good graces in a difficult confession to listen while I read something to him. Some can get all tongue tied, even forgetful of important facts, in a difficult personal situation.:o

Remember that a good confession and valid state of sorrow for sin does not ask that I am convinced absolutely that I would never repeat the sin again. It does ask that I intend to strive with all my best not to do so and with honesty and integrity, though I may doubt/be fearful of my ability to be successful. And always best to put Father totally in the picture for one’s own state of Peace and also so Father knows “where you are coming from” and how to advise you.
Over and above all of that, it is Christ to whom you are confessing who knows your heart anyway…open it up in the Confessional.
For years I felt like kneeling down in Confession and saying “Sorry Father, but its same old same old, as always” and then one day I realized that the same old same old had vanished seemingly with no effort from me. Regular Confessions are a wondrous even awesome source of Grace.

Reading your post, I really do think that you need spiritual advice…and also to strive to separate yourself from being influenced by your mother, or other’s, personal opinions. Others are quite free to form such even express them, we however are under no obligation to abide by their opinions and most especially if we think they are not correct. Are you able to sit separately from your mother during Mass - you should be able to do this.
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We should not receive Holy Communion if we know we are in the state of mortal sin for sure!  We are still under the obligation to attend Mass on Sunday if possible and without attending Holy Communion if in the state of mortal sin.  We are also obliged if in the state of mortal sin to attend Confession as soon as we can.  But I think all this needs to be talked out and either Confession or an appointment with Father would be the best way.
Spend even only one minute daily in heartfelt prayer asking The Lord to help you with this situation. It is not the length of prayer, rather the heart invested in the time we are at prayer. Or perhaps you have devotion to Our Lady or some saint you could ask to pray for you to The Lord in your problems. May The Lord speedily rescue you with His Strength and His Peace.

God bless you and I will keep you in prayer. May The Lord grant you all Graces necessary to live in His Peace always fighting the good fight (St. Paul) - we are all engaged in a battle somewhere or other - be assured of that:thumbsup: …Blessings and regards…Barb:)
 
  1. Confession. Not only are we forgiven through the Sacrament, but we are also healed. God gives us the graces we need to being to overcome our sins- even the super persistent ones.
  2. Go to Mass. Either follow a previous poster’s advice and go to one without your mother or else begin acting like the adult she’s not allowing you to be by trying to bully and direct your spiritual life. Before you go in to Mass, tell her politely but firmly that you don’t want her trying to force you into receiving, and if she tries to, you will sit apart from her so she isn’t tempted. Then don’t discuss it any further than that.
  3. Find a saint who suffered from the same temptation you do and cultivate a prayerful devotion to him or her. Frequent confession, the graces received from assisting at Mass, making a Spiritual Communion during the Eucharist, and asking your new patron saint to intercede for you will all help in overcoming your temptation.
  4. And most importantly- you are an adult (I assume, since you mention college). While we are commanded to honor our Mother and Father, we are not to commit sins on their behalf. Receiving in a state of mortal sin OR missing our Holy Obligation to avoid scenes with one’s parents do not fall under the observation of that Commandment.
 
Read all the other posts, they cover the details.

On the other hand, i’ve been to confession every week to the same confessional for the same reason for about 3 months now. My confessor knows me now, and thankfully every week offers reassuring advice.

Know that it is truly Jesus in there, and when you really feel bad about something he will make himself manifest in your spirit. Most of the time, you’ll just get absolution and feel a little tingle knowing you’re clean now just long enough to receive Jesus.

My confessor gave me some good advice, about how I could remain in the same sin for the rest of my life, or for one more week. It is entirely up to Jesus, and up to the plan of God concerning how much grace he gives you.

Also, i take it you are a young person. Sometimes we try to do it all on our own, stop sinning that is. It is a heavy burden to carry. The best thing i ever did in my battle was give up. I gave up on myself and said “Jesus, here i am. I can’t handle me, but i know you can. Help me out…I give you everything…my life, my breath, my sexuality, my brain, my thoughts, etc, for you to guide”. Try it, it helped me out a lot.

I still sin every now and then. My own fault, but i accept my sin because I am a man and what is man without sin?

Don’t worry about missing communion if you havent confessed. If your mom asks why tell her its really none of her business. Don’t EVER fall into the habit of just receiving whenever just because you’re there. Examine your conscience seriously (not scrupulously) and if you feel there are serious sins on you, don’t go up. The fact that this bothers you shows the great depth of the spiritual battle you are facing.

The devil wants to keep you out of that confessional, away from the great mercy of Jesus. He wants you to receive Jesus in a state of sin, he wants to enslave you to your sin. In the beginning for me, i almost had to go to confession every day! It was horrible. I swear, it would be confession, then as soon as i got home sin again. Then confession. Then sin again.

Finally, the end of this long ramble: confession is the most overlooked and under-promoted sacrament there is. It is also very important. I have not heard one priest to this day ever mention this sacrament in his homily, which explains your mother’s attitude that it isn’t necessary. I can guarantee you it is VERY necessary. Confession requires a great deal of humility when done sincerely.

Please, don’t feel like a hippocryte when you pray an act of contrition. That is how satan wants you to feel. If you intend what it is you say, even if for only that one moment, it is good. If you have a bible handy read Romans chapter 8. It is all about the two natures of spiritual people.

Also, please PM me whenever you feel like, i have gone through all this and I am sure i can be of some help.

-revelations
 
Great post in every way I thought!👍
I still sin every now and then. My own fault, but i accept my sin because I am a man and what is man without sin?
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A man without sin is a big man…a man who is a sinner and humbly accepts it is a giant of a man!..and surely reflects the beloved sinner in the parable of the “Publican and The Sinner”. Humility when genuine brightly shines and is so beautiful.👍
Finally, the end of this long ramble: confession is the most overlooked and under-promoted sacrament there is. It is also very important. I have not heard one priest to this day ever mention this sacrament in his homily, which explains your mother’s attitude that it isn’t necessary. I can guarantee you it is VERY necessary. Confession requires a great deal of humility when done sincerely.
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Amen, Amen to all of that:thumbsup: - and no long ramble at all - well worth a read! I have not heard the Sacrament of Reconciliation mentioned in a homily in over 30 years to my memory. I was speaking with a priest a couple of months ago who was very much lamenting that in the main the average Catholic does not insight the way of spirituality. I think what Father may have forgotten is that his own formation in the seminary was quite intensive and focused and in many ways is still ongoing and throughout his life. He is just back from a trip overseas to the Holy Land paid for by the diocese…and a study trip too. I think we average Catholics lack much that really does need focused attention. The only time we ever get to hear anything even remotely approaching a formation is through the Sunday homily…and sometimes even this is lacking in quality of formation - to my mind anyway.

I do repeat a little ‘joke’ of mine now and then. Our priests are so busy studying pastoral care, they have no time for pastoral care.
Our priest shortage here in Australia is dreadfully dire however - dreadfully…and all our priests we do have are near on run off their feet with quite important duties - near on 50percent of our current priesthood will be at retirement age in the next 5 years. My own director, well and truly a retired priest still has duties in the diocese and one of them an assistant parish priest. I dont think our priesthood ever really gets to actually retire.
Our seminaries have students one can count on the ten fingers last I heard. Although I hear we do have two ordinations coming up, Deo Gratius.

Here in Australia anyway retreats that do offer some sort of focused spiritual formation are quite costly and though one can plead poor and not pay at all, or pay a reduced cost, the actual poverty level out here in some suburbia generally is not understood in our diocesan Church and general administration, I don’t think. But then The Church has costs to pay too I guess. Even the reduced cost to my pocket is quite expensive…and pleading “unable to pay at all” always is too embarrassing. Even a spiritual director nowadays costs. Books keep me absolutely poor more or less…and bills and the cost of living, running Bethany here, pretty well takes care of the rest. If it were not for CAF here, I would not get to ‘speak’ with a fellow Catholic and ‘compare notes’ as it were at all. My parish still finds me a bitter pill to deal with.:o I have been in my parish for near on 28 years now and at Sunday Mass and for many years at daily Mass until I returned to College…every Saturday Vigil now I stand outside waiting for my lift to take me home and no one ever talks to me. I now no longer attend parish social functions for the same reason. I don’t say this purely for a groan or a gripe, but to draw attention to a sad reality.

The parish retreats/missions we used to have most often given by our Passionist priests back then pre V2 for me were absolutely wonderful for a week of intensive formation process each night and given once or twice yearly, sometimes three times. Nowadays I think the Passionist Monastery is almost empty of priests and vocations too.

Let us pray that The Lord will send us more holy and stable vocations to the priesthood and religious life and to our leadership generally…as well as to all walks and states of life. This need presses on The Church and especially I think perhaps on we average in-the-street Catholic. We need formation.

I was terribly sad some years ago on emptying out my bag, looking for something or other and midst everything else, putting a rosary on the table, and my friend’s daughter, then about 10 years old and in a Catholic school asked me what my rosary was.

Blessings and regards…Barb:)
 
Just read your previous post located here again and slowly, Revelations, and solely for my own profit and benefit, edification - you sure have great insight and understanding, obviously drawn from personal experience and shared with beautiful unlaboured honesty and also empathy…and spot on theology to my mind! It really is a wonderful post.
Please, don’t feel like a hippocryte when you pray an act of contrition. That is how satan
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wants you to feel. If you intend what it is you say, even if for only that one moment, it is good.*** If you have a bible handy read Romans chapter 8. It is all about the two natures of spiritual people***.

I followed your advice and caught up with Romans Chapter 8 and thought I would post a link : drbo.org/chapter/52008.htmdrbo.org/chapter/52008.htm

Thank you very much for sharing so much insight …and very much more too and by one whom at my 63yrs:D is of such tender years still…Barb:)
PS I peeked at your Public Profile, you may want to change “soon to be Catholic”…
 
Thank you Barbara for your kind words. Insight has not come without great battles, lol. (ps thanks for the heads up on my profile page! it’s changed now…)

And I figured this would be a good post to link to. OP, its not easy for any of us, in this post was my state of mind but a week ago to this day:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=239528

Stay strong, it is not an easy battle.
 
Thanks for your suggestion about the 1 hour fast Mercygate. That’s what I ended up doing, and while my mother thought it was all very silly, she didn’t press the issue, so it worked out and I did get to church yesterday. It was too late for me to go to Confession before Mass yesterday, but the posts in this thread have really made me feel hopeful about the sacrament again, and I plan to go sometime this week.
beckycmarie said:
Dear Kiwibird,

Rather than waiting around trying to sort things out and not sin again, I recommend you go to confession ASAP. If you go with a truly contrite heart, even if you feel you may sin again do to weakness, this is not being hypocritical.

One of the things that comes with sanctifying grace is strength to overcome mortal sin. If you wait around in a state of mortal sin, you’ll just sin some more because you don’t have that grace.
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Hmm, thank you for this. I guess I have been thinking of confession just in terms of it “cleaning the slate” and then leaving me on my own to keep it that way. It kind of feels like forgiveness is pointless since I’m sure to just mess it up again. That is a really good point though, that the sacrament also gives us a sanctifying grace, to help us fight off sin. I’d kind of forgotten about that.
Pious_Mat said:
I have a solution:

The best start to kicking any sinful habit is becoming a man (or woman) of prayer. Develop a daily prayer life. For a laymen, taking half-hour broken up over the course of the day and dedicating it to prayer is not taht much of sacrifice, and works miracles. It is also essentially to get rid of anything that stimulates or provides occasion for sin. If it’s the computer, take a break from the internet for a few weeks. If it’s TV, don’t watch it–crack open your books for this summer instead.
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Unfortunatly it’s pretty much impossible for me to avoid the temptation for my particular sin. (I don’t think it’s the one you’re thinking of). But you’re right, I do need to work on my prayer life in general, and particularly when I am faced with temptation. My prayer life is really kind of sketchy and while I do think about and study about God a lot, I guess I can go days without really talking to Him, so thanks for reminding me to work on that.
BarbaraTherese said:
For years I felt like kneeling down in Confession and saying “Sorry Father, but its same old same old, as always” and then one day I realized that the same old same old had vanished seemingly with no effort from me. Regular Confessions are a wondrous even awesome source of Grace.
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That’s wonderful! And it’s very encouraging to hear.
revelations said:
The best thing i ever did in my battle was give up. I gave up on myself and said “Jesus, here i am. I can’t handle me, but i know you can. Help me out…I give you everything…my life, my breath, my sexuality, my brain, my thoughts, etc, for you to guide”. Try it, it helped me out a lot.
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I guess I feel kind of hypocritical asking for God’s help, since I’ve shunned it so often in the past in order to keep sinning. But I think I’ve finally realized that I both want and need His help, even if I don’t deserve it. I like your suggestion. And that’s a good point that accepting God’s help also means giving ourselves over to Him. I really need to work on that. Thanks for your whole post in general - it was very thought provoking.
revelations said:
If you have a bible handy read Romans chapter 8. It is all about the two natures of spiritual people.
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Wow. I think I’ve read that before, but not very thoughtfully or carefully. That really is an amazing chapter, especially the ending.
BarbaraTherese said:
I have not heard the Sacrament of Reconciliation mentioned in a homily in over 30 years to my memory.
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We have a really good campus ministry where I go to school, and we hear about the sacrament of reconciliation in at least a handful of homilies over the course of the year. But I don’t remember hearing about it in homilies at other churches, although I haven’t been the most attentive churchgoer in the past :rolleyes:
 
revelations said:
Thank you Barbara for your kind words. Insight has not come without great battles, lol. (ps thanks for the heads up on my profile page! it’s changed now…)

And I figured this would be a good post to link to. OP, its not easy for any of us, in this post was my state of mind but a week ago to this day:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=239528

Stay strong, it is not an easy battle.
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…no pain, no gain - huh RV?😉 …we are all battling on some level somewhere for sure…we are all sinners and The Lord, knowing this better and we, has made His Love and Mercy big enough and total enough and all embracing enought to embrace us totally at any time, anywhere, and under any circumstances - giving us free will, all He asks is to ask Mercy of Him - that is all, and He is there at our side to embrace us with absolute Love and Mercy and rich compassionate understanding and with His Gifts of Peace and Joy He longs so much to share…keep up the great work, RV, and also advocating spiritual direction and the Sacrament of Confession.

I wrote in a poem years ago “and past is but a memory. Tomorrow shall it be? I place my trust in You alone, who alone can set me free”. Dance lightly and joyfully in this Eternal Now…let go of what is past, live this moment in the Eternal Now, hopeful about tomorrow if it is to be. Bob Dylan wrote something pretty profound: “Today is tomorrow’s yesterdays”.

Blessings and my regards…Barb:)
 
It happened to me too to be embarrased when I decided not to take communion (because of a particular vice I couldn’t get rid of) in front of my mother. I knew she wanted to know why and was worried about me, I just decided that it was a matter of conscience between God and me and she didn’t have to know.
 
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