This Is Gonna Get Ugly

[Edward_H]

I don’t think you can have sex everyday under NFP, I’m rusty on some of the methods…Creighton…but you can go for walks everyday.

You can offer up the sacrifice of not having sex for all the soldiers and Marines who are deployed from their wives (I did this 3 times) and can’t have sex. "Let’s forgo lovemaking and ask God to turn that small act into an act of love…an act to protect those men from danger and protect their family from danger.

You can pack lunch boxes for the poor during those days. You can visit nursing homes. You can work so hard and love so much those days that you’re too tired to chase each other around the “marital altar”.

 

[Palomas]

Dailey,

I really feel for you in your circumstance. Others have offered great advice so far. In addition, I would really encourage you to pray, pray, and pray some more for your husband’s change of heart and for him to have a newfound understanding of the gift of sexuality in marriage. I will offer today’s rosary for him, and all other couples in similar situations.

Pax,
Palomas

 

[dailey]

I don’t think you can have sex everyday under NFP, I’m rusty on some of the methods…Creighton…but you can go for walks everyday.

You can offer up the sacrifice of not having sex for all the soldiers and Marines who are deployed from their wives (I did this 3 times) and can’t have sex. "Let’s forgo lovemaking and ask God to turn that small act into an act of love…an act to protect those men from danger and protect their family from danger.

You can pack lunch boxes for the poor during those days. You can visit nursing homes. You can work so hard and love so much those days that you’re too tired to chase each other around the “marital altar”.

I had to laugh when I read your post. TRUST ME, those suggestions all sound great to me…its my husband who would need convincing!

Seriously though, I hope I didn’t come off like sex was something that needed to be done everyday. If it were up to me, it would be at the bottom of the list of “important” things to do. But like I said earlier, my husband has it at the top of his list. Its ironic because just recently I decided that I wanted to be a better wife to him…in hopes of swaying him to become a God-fearing man. One of the things I was going to work on is to not say “no” to his request as often as I do (because I read that was a sin).

@Pax- Thank you for offering the rosary up for him!

 

[Robert_Burns]

I understand what you all are saying…I really do. But this isn’t just about me. My husband is in this marriage too and I feel like this is not fair for him. I sometimes wish he would of married someone else better suited for him. We are very different. I guess we should have explored that further before we got married 11 years ago. But of course, we are married to each other so here I am.

*edited to add a question- Is it a mortal sin to have relations at the very beginning or end of menstrual cycle? I am asking this since I am pretty sure there would be little chance of being fertile at that point

The Sin of Condom use is the Sin of Onan. GOD Struck him down for it. Dead. As to human sexuality or fear of having several Children all these things that people place so much importance on - keep one thing in mind. Nothing is worth losing ones soul over. If less Sex means you live according to GOD’S Commandments then less Sex is in order. We are not animals. You husband should understand that old adage , if you want to play be prepared to pay. GOD gives us the pleasure of Sex as a by product of the action of procreation. People today want the pleasure but not the ramifications of their actions. This attitude is not Catholic. We are to love one another but as husbands and wives we are to share in the conception of children. We are not hedonists - looking for self gratification as the primary function of the action. So each time we come together , as a result , we must be open to the fact that a child may very well be concieved in that action of Love as GOD intended.

Hope this helps

Pax

 

[Jon_in_Charlott]

Dailey,

You’ve received a lot of good advice. As anxious as this situation might be for you it’s important to not be fearful. There is a reason why your facing your dilema. You might not be aware of it, but, God is drawing you towards Him. He’s making you aware of your transgressions. Last week you didn’t know (or at least acknowledge to yourself) that you were committing sin and now its been revealed to you, for the purpose of improving yourself.

And, yes, your husband is not going to take the news well. It is undetstandable why you would have anxiety about discussing this subject with your husband, as it will likely be perceived by him as if God, and/or the Catholic Church, is interfering with his sex life. But, I reiterate, don’t be afraid.

Here’s an analogy that I have found helpful in explaining human sexuality and its relation to God. I hope that it may help you.

The Bible teaches us that God formed man in His image. And, we understand that the image of God is made up of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. That the Holy Trinity makes up the image of God. We are also taught that the Holy Spirit proceeds from the love generated by the Father and the Son for one another.

Now, when God formed the original man in his image there was not woman. The woman came later, created by God from out of man. So, the original image has been altered. Now, for the man and woman to truly reflect the image of God they need to come together, as one. When man and woman come together through sexual intercourse they are empowered with the ability to create a child. It is this human trinity, of Father, Mother, and Child that reflects the image of the Holy Trinity.

So, when we come together as husband and wife with a loving desire to give ourselves to our spouses and willingly receive them through intercourse the natural outcome is that their love making could create a child. There was a time in our culture when that was perceived as a good thing. But, our culture has changed dramatically since the sexual revolution.

So, there is a logic to why any interference or impedement with the nature of human sexuality would cause it to distort or prevert how it reflects the image of God. The perversion would thus be blasphemous (or deservedly considered a mortal sin).

When individuals use contraception they are choosing, by their own free will, to disallow the creation of the third person in the human trinity. The act of sexual intercourse thus becomes selfish. It’s no longer about making love, but, simply just having sex to satisfy selfish desires (physical or emotional). That might sound harsh, but consider that the Bible teaches that God is Love and that Love is unselfish. When contraception is used it prevents that the act of sexual intercourse will reflect the Holy Trinity. The act of making Love (God) was designed to reflect the image of its creator. We can’t be making Love if we’re not reflecting the image of God (Love).

So, contraception, homosexuality, abortion, oral sex, anal sex, masturbation, et al. are blasphemies against God in that they willing refuse to be in the image of God for the sake of selfish desires.

When we consider the amounts of distorted and perverted acts of sexuality, in the context of it not reflecting the image of God, we can begin to appreciate the view God may have of the world and how his children choose not to reflect His image. We can also appreciate how the Catholic Church so often perceived as the suppressors or oppressors of human sexuality is in truth its greatest defender. The Catholic Church works to preserve that human sexuality is about Love and reflects the image of God.

 

[floresco]

@ NoAvailableName. I am confused. How can we have sex everyday while following NFP? What about the days I am fertile?

When using NFP to avoid pregnancy the couple abstains from sex on days of potential fertility but may have sex on the other days that are not potentially fertile. NoAvailable was saying that you could have sex on every one of these non-fertile days.

 

[dailey]

Thank you again everyone.

I haven’t mentioned this to my husband yet because at this point, I am too emotionally exhausted. Hopefully, I can see my priest in the near future and hear what he has to say first.

Also, I came across this thread… forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=70098 while looking around here. It states that if one spouse is against ABC and the other isn’t, then the one against it *isn’t commiting a sin as long as they don’t used it on themselves. Like I have stated before, my husband is not a religious man, however, he does consider himself Protestant. I am not familair with that religion at all so I do not know if they believe in ABC. My concern is I don’t want my husband to commit a mortal sin. However, if his religion is not against it…then what?

 

[crazzeto]

Thank you again everyone.

I haven’t mentioned this to my husband yet because at this point, I am too emotionally exhausted. Hopefully, I can see my priest in the near future and hear what he has to say first.

Also, I came across this thread… forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=70098 while looking around here. It states that if one spouse is against ABC and the other isn’t, then the one against it *isn’t commiting a sin as long as they don’t used it on themselves. Like I have stated before, my husband is not a religious man, however, he does consider himself Protestant. I am not familair with that religion at all so I do not know if they believe in ABC. My concern is I don’t want my husband to commit a mortal sin. However, if his religion is not against it…then what?

That is a question to bring to your Priest… Indifference to sin can be a sin as well. Now by no means accept my opinion as authoratative, I’m just exhorting you to make sure you make all due consideration, and make sure you have good information, before you start applying what you read on the internet (even a great site like this from which I have learned so much) in your own situation.

Edit
If you are taking hormornal birth control however, do stop using this immediatly regardless. Hormonal Birth Control is designed to cause an abortion as part of it’s “protectiveness”. I’m sure this is something you weren’t aware of, the culture at large tries so very hard to reframe what an abortion is to try and claim this isn’t the case. The data you have received is false, hormonal birth control and implantable devices cause abortions.

 

[dailey]

Thank you Crazzeto for responding. I am not taking HBC…our form of protection is the condom.

I guess I picked the wrong time to contact my priest…he will be away for 4 1/2 months. I guess the priest who will be filling in is suppose to give me a call. Hopefully, he can fit me in sometime soon.

 

[floresco]

Also, I came across this thread… forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=70098 while looking around here. It states that if one spouse is against ABC and the other isn’t, then the one against it *isn’t commiting a sin as long as they don’t used it on themselves.

This is more of a guideline than a rule. It may apply in your situation. One reason to talk with the priest is to find out if it applies.

Like I have stated before, my husband is not a religious man, however, he does consider himself Protestant. I am not familair with that religion at all so I do not know if they believe in ABC. My concern is I don’t want my husband to commit a mortal sin. However, if his religion is not against it…then what?

Most Protestants do not consider ABC to be a sin. Your husband can only be committing a mortal sin if he realizes it is a sin. For a sin to be mortal it needs to be a serious matter (which this is) done deliberately and with knowledge that it is a sin. So it is possible that your husband would not be committing a mortal sin when he uses ABC. Again, you need to find out what the priest says, because you can tell him more details about the situation than is appropriate in a forum…

 

[micahmike]

It is very unlikely that your Priest will council you to immediately tell your husband that you are going to renig on the strides to be a better wife to him that you’ve been making and immediately start a practice that will result in drastically less opportunity for sex (and it would - at 41 and as a new NFP user, wanting to be conservative while learning the ropes, there won’t be much decidedly non-fertile time. Also, some methods even forbid consecutive-day intercourse - that is, even when you do identify a “go” day, the next day is out).

It is possible that neither you nor your husband will have a conscience stained by sin if you continue to contracept with condoms.  So long as you state to your husband (and not passively) that you are not in favor of contracepting with condoms but will relent if he is unwilling to try NFP, and your husband is unaware (even after being told) that the Catholic Church is correct in it's instruction against contraception, neither of you would be guilty of sin as best I can tell.

You are probably correct that your husband would not react well to a statement of “Guess what honey? My Church says we can’t contracept so effective immediatly we can only have sex at these times. Let’s talk about cervical mucous, take a look at this chart…” Your Priest will likely have some wisdom to share with you to make this transition (if in fact you do make the jump to NFP) easier.

 

[dailey]

Thanks again.

My priest called and told me to set up an appointment with one of the nuns since he will be gone for a while. At first I was a bit hesitant because I really wanted to talk to a priest. But then I remember when I was 19 and my mom set up an appointment for me to talk to our priest at the time. That conversation was not helpful at all…

 

[Robert_Burns]

It is very unlikely that your Priest will council you to immediately tell your husband that you are going to renig on the strides to be a better wife to him that you’ve been making and immediately start a practice that will result in drastically less opportunity for sex (and it would - at 41 and as a new NFP user, wanting to be conservative while learning the ropes, there won’t be much decidedly non-fertile time. Also, some methods even forbid consecutive-day intercourse - that is, even when you do identify a “go” day, the next day is out).

It is possible that neither you nor your husband will have a conscience stained by sin if you continue to contracept with condoms.  So long as you state to your husband (and not passively) that you are not in favor of contracepting with condoms but will relent if he is unwilling to try NFP, and your husband is unaware (even after being told) that the Catholic Church is correct in it's instruction against contraception, neither of you would be guilty of sin as best I can tell.

You are probably correct that your husband would not react well to a statement of “Guess what honey? My Church says we can’t contracept so effective immediatly we can only have sex at these times. Let’s talk about cervical mucous, take a look at this chart…” Your Priest will likely have some wisdom to share with you to make this transition (if in fact you do make the jump to NFP) easier.

Anyone who uses a Condom for any reason commits a mortal sin. The practise is intrinsicly evil. So dont sugar coat it.

 

[Robert_Burns]

Thank you again everyone.

I haven’t mentioned this to my husband yet because at this point, I am too emotionally exhausted. Hopefully, I can see my priest in the near future and hear what he has to say first.

Also, I came across this thread… forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=70098 while looking around here. It states that if one spouse is against ABC and the other isn’t, then the one against it *isn’t commiting a sin as long as they don’t used it on themselves. Like I have stated before, my husband is not a religious man, however, he does consider himself Protestant. I am not familair with that religion at all so I do not know if they believe in ABC. My concern is I don’t want my husband to commit a mortal sin. However, if his religion is not against it…then what?

the Fact that your Husband isnt Catholic - that does not allow you to commit a Sin against the Church Teachings.

 

[dailey]

Okay, not to sound like a fool…but I thought the women who was answering these questions (in the link I provided) was going by what the Catholic church teaches and not just her “opinion”? Can anyone clarify?

 

[Robert_Burns]

Okay, not to sound like a fool…but I thought the women who was answering these questions (in the link I provided) was going by what the Catholic church teaches and not just her “opinion”? Can anyone clarify?

Pope Benedict XVI’s opposition to condoms, even as a weapon to help combat the spread of AIDS, should surprise no one who knows anything about Catholic Church teachings. The 1968 encyclical Humanae Vitae, penned by Pope Paul VI, explicitly forbids contraception as denying the Creator’s will that humans be fruitful and multiply. In the years since, despite scientific consensus that condoms greatly reduce the risk of contracting the HIV virus, nothing has budged at the Vatican. Any artificial contraception is a sin against God.

 

[floresco]

Okay, not to sound like a fool…but I thought the women who was answering these questions (in the link I provided) was going by what the Catholic church teaches and not just her “opinion”? Can anyone clarify?

Yes, that is what the Church teaches. Part of the training of a priest is to learn about how to apply the rules of the Church in pastoral situations. This is the sort of pastoral guideline that a priest would learn about. Most laity know the basic rules but never get taught about pastoral guidelines (because they rarely need this information.) That is why you need to talk to a priest (possibly the nun you have been sent to also has this training) and not rely on information from the forum.

 

[dailey]

thanks.

 

[LilyM]

Thank you again everyone.

I haven’t mentioned this to my husband yet because at this point, I am too emotionally exhausted. Hopefully, I can see my priest in the near future and hear what he has to say first.

Also, I came across this thread… forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=70098 while looking around here. It states that if one spouse is against ABC and the other isn’t, then the one against it *isn’t commiting a sin as long as they don’t used it on themselves. Like I have stated before, my husband is not a religious man, however, he does consider himself Protestant. I am not familair with that religion at all so I do not know if they believe in ABC. My concern is I don’t want my husband to commit a mortal sin. However, if his religion is not against it…then what?

Put it this way - your husband is an independent adult and is going to do what he is going to do, possibly including using contraception or other sins. You have a duty to make the effort to prevent him sining, but it’s not an absolute one.

Remember we sin in thought and intent as well as in deed - commit adultery in the heart without doing it with the body, and you can’t control his thoughts, nor all his actions.

 

[dailey]

Put it this way - your husband is an independent adult and is going to do what he is going to do, possibly including using contraception or other sins. You have a duty to make the effort to prevent him sining, but it’s not an absolute one.

Remember we sin in thought and intent as well as in deed - commit adultery in the heart without doing it with the body, and you can’t control his thoughts, nor all his actions.

But if he was taught as a Protestant that using ABC was not a sin…then he is not sinning in the eyes of his religion. So I don’t feel comfortable saying that he is sinning just because I believe it is a sin. Oh boy, this is getting tricky…