This is petty but I need to vent

[ClearWater]

Your feelings are clouding your judgement here. Do you think he was making fun? No, he was trying to help a person. Actually that is his job. To help people.
Ever think of this.

1. He has a medical practice for I think you said 30 years. How many people do you think he has interviewed? Tons. His job is to interview and get information medically. My wife interviews people on a monthly basis. Because of this she is a master interviewee for other positions. She knows what to say and what not to say. Her experience is very valuable.
2. He interviewed probably harder than you think to get into med schools. 30 years or not, that counts for something.
3. You brought it up. You volunteered information and then were annoyed by it. It would be like posting this and then being upset that people did not all answer the way you wanted. (which tons of people do on these boards.)

If you are dissatisfied with your current situation and then broadcast that fact, and then get mad when people try to help, well, that is your problem. Taking criticism and information and finding out how to apply it to your life is one of the hallmarks of a successful person. Getting mad and offended is the hallmark of someone who is not looking to really fix a problem.

You should be more charitable with a man who had general concern for your being.

In my doctors office he can have his hands all over you and asking all sorts of questions that are embarrassing. I would think a little interview tip would be one of the more pleasant things going on in that room. Honestly, you are lucky to have a doctor that takes a personal interest in a patient, even if it is casual and a little annoying. It is better than never looking you in the face and shouting NEXT! When you are done.

I disagree. The OP made it clear the “help” wasn’t necessary, and the doctor insisted even after that, ignoring that statement. That’s crossing a boundary. The doctor needs to respect the limits. Just because one’s a doctor doesn’t mean that the rules are suspended.

One could try “broken record” in that case, keep repeating back, calmly, again and again, as many times as is necessary that you’re good, don’t need further advice, thank you very much.

 

[Angel_Bradford]

The type of ‘concern’ this doctor was showing was giving advice he himself never had to follow.

Maybe he hasn’t interviewed for a job in many years, but I would wager he has interviewed perspective employees and knows what he looks for in an applicant.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I disagree. The OP made it clear the “help” wasn’t necessary, and the doctor insisted even after that, ignoring that statement. That’s crossing a boundary. The doctor needs to respect the limits. Just because one’s a doctor doesn’t mean that the rules are suspended.

One could try “broken record” in that case, keep repeating back, calmly, again and again, as many times as is necessary that you’re good, don’t need further advice, thank you very much.

Read the OP again. No advice was offered after the OP said they didn’t want to talk about it. Just a defense of the advice previously offered. IF the Op really didn’t want to talk about it they could have said, “I’m fine” when asked about employment. But Ill bet dollars to doughnuts this is not the first time the doctor has been notified of the OPs problems by the OP.

Actually the way the OP described it the doctor comes out looking not only caring, but proper as well. I think the OP is more upset at the situation than the doctor.

 

[ClearWater]

Given the title of the thread, I think the OP wanted a little empathy. Some responded with words, in all caps, sounded like it was very emotional, raised voice, possibly yelling.

CAF is probably not the best place to come if you are looking to vent, because too many people here will just shoot a person down. Instead of leaving feeling affirmed, supported, you will have to spend your time defending yourself and your position.

I think what would give you more the support you need would be to pick people on the forum who are strong in empathy, and PM them, directly. That way, you won’t get raked over the coals like this, have to try to explain your every thought and move to everyone who will try to pick it apart, and possibly misinterpret your thoughts and actions.

I have had a lot of medical issues, have a disability. I know many people will not give you the benefit of the doubt, put you down, but if it’s any consolation, I believe you.

 

[jimmy]

You sound confrontational. You gave him info about your job situation and now you are angry at him for trying to give advice to help you. Why did you tell him in the first place? Communication is two ways. Why should he listen to you vent about your lack of a job and then care about you after you coldly reject his right to be kind and offer advice? It sounds like you want someone who isn’t going to pay attention to you when you complain to them. Just as long as the offer some kind of response now and then to show they are still there. An ‘mmmmmm’ every now and then is all the conversation they are allowed.

 

[Lorelei12]

Angie, most of your posts are about others not behaving in a way that you expect them to. I think you would do well to find a way to work on giving others the benefit of the doubt, even when they are being inappropriate- for your own sanity, not because others should be crossing boundaries.

In this situation, it’s kind of unclear whether the doctor overstepped. Once you asked him not to talk about it anymore, it sounds like he did, after explaining the reason he brought it up.

Of course it is annoying when people act like they know your situation and they don’t. It’s frustrating. I get medical advice all the time from well-meaning but ignorant people about a health issue I have had since childhood. And now that I’m expecting our first baby, the advice on that is endless. Even from people who have no children! Some people truly mean well, some people like to hear themselves talk, some people are just know-it-all busybodies. Learning to smile, thank people for their concern, and leave it at that is not always easy, but if you want some peace of mind it’s worthwhile to work on.

You should not have to discuss anything you don’t want to with anyone. But that sometimes requires giving very few details to others. The less information you offer, the less anyone else can have to say about it. If you are in a contract job you are underqualified for, but would prefer not to hear advice from others, don’t give details. “Yes, I’m employed.” with a simple explanation about what you do invites less discussion than “I’m in a contract job where they don’t pay me enough and my skills aren’t being used.”

You are hurting yourself by continuing to brood over the things other people say, things that aren’t even really offensive even if they cross a boundary you have tried to set. Try giving people less details, and try to assume that others mean well.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

CAF is probably not the best place to come if you are looking to vent, because too many people here will just shoot a person down. Instead of leaving feeling affirmed, supported, you will have to spend your time defending yourself and your position.

Such is the nature of the internet. I find that often “vent” means I want to give my side and not hear any sort of thoughts that do not conform to my view. You are right, CAF is a poor choice if that is what you are looking for. Perhaps a counselor, good friend, or a blog of your own and turn comment moderation on. Everyone wants to be “affirmed” and “supported” but sometimes things should not be affirmed or supported. If they lead to sin is a good example, or if they ultimately contribute to someones continuing unhappiness. (as I think the case is here)
On CAF I have seen many variations of “just tell me what I want to hear” from “venting” to “I don’t need a lecture” to many others. They almost always fail in that regard.

I have had a lot of medical issues, have a disability. I know many people will not give you the benefit of the doubt, put you down, but if it’s any consolation, I believe you

I believe the OP too. I think we all do. I believe the OP was offended. Now, if this is something to “vent” about and brood over is something I do not agree with. Honestly the OP probably misdirecting the annoyance of the situation onto someone who did nothing wrong.

 

[Joe_5859]

I know what it’s like to get unsolicited advice. My son has special needs, so when someone finds out, many times they like to jump in with whatever anecdotal thing they can recall. The vast majority of the time, it is something I have heard many times before. I just smile and nod and say, “Thanks for the info; I’ll have to check into that.” How is the advice-giver to know that I have heard it before and/or think it’s a bunch of hooey? Honestly, though, I don’t mind the unsolicited advice. I figure sooner or later I will get some advice that actually is helpful. I can ignore the duplicate and unhelpful advice.

I know you would have preferred a simple apology when you made it clear you didn’t want to talk about it. That is understandable. Your doctor probably meant well. I know that I’ve gotten defensive before when a simple apology would have been a better way to go. Sometimes it’s just the knee-jerk reaction. It wasn’t the best way for him to handle it. But at least it’s over now.

 

[Anglewannabe]

How do you tell the difference? And why would anyone offer advice other than to try to help?.

Body language gives a lot away as well as the way they listen.

Sure, maybe some people offer advice to make themselves feel better or superior. But I’m not clever enough to tell the difference most of the time. It’s best to assume they mean well and take their show of concern as a compliment…

But when I tell them I do not wish to talk about it, why do they continue? Not to mention I actually think it is extremely obvious when someone is just trying to make themselves feel better

I’d also suggest, when it comes to job seeking or anything else in life, that people are likely to offer you lots more bad advice than good advice. But…the good advice is worth sifting through the bad, so as they say “take the good with the bad”…

that is a matter of opinion. I find the bad advice so draining, it is not worth listening to it for the 1 in a million chance they might say something worthwhile

My impression from your first post was that he stopped when you asked him to stop. Perhaps I misunderstood. Yes, if he continued to offer unsolicited advice after you asked him to stop, he has overstepped a clear boundary. There are, unfortunately, some people who can’t prevent themselves from giving advice, whether or not it is wanted, so on that basis I respect your frustration.

When I told him I did not want to talk about it, he started explaining why he was making the suggestions which is basically the same thing as talking about it. If he genuinely wanted to help he would have said ‘OK, if never you do want to talk about it just let me know’

 

[Anglewannabe]

Your feelings are clouding your judgement here. Do you think he was making fun? No, he was trying to help a person. Actually that is his job. To help people.

His job is to help people with their health. 10 years ago, he was asking me for advice because his son was graduating and looking for work and he did not know how to go about getting an office job and wanted to know what to tell his son.

Ever think of this.

1. He has a medical practice for I think you said 30 years. How many people do you think he has interviewed? Tons. His job is to interview and get information medically. My wife interviews people on a monthly basis. Because of this she is a master interviewee for other positions. She knows what to say and what not to say. Her experience is very valuable.

You have got to be joking ! Asking someone questions about their health does NOT give someone experience on how to do well in an interview.

1. He interviewed probably harder than you think to get into med schools. 30 years or not, that counts for something.

No, his skills are outdated because interview processes have changed dramatically over the years

1. You brought it up. You volunteered information and then were annoyed by it. It would be like posting this and then being upset that people did not all answer the way you wanted. (which tons of people do on these boards.)

No, he asked because he needs to know if I have insurance to cover my medication and 3 years ago when things were stressful at my job he had to write me a note to take time off work. That is why he asked. But he had no right to suggest things as if he was the most successful employment counscellor

If you are dissatisfied with your current situation and then broadcast that fact, and then get mad when people try to help, well, that is your problem.

I NEVER broadcast anything about my job. When people ask where I work my immediate response is ‘I don’t like to talk about work’. The only reason I told him is because of the reasons I mentioned earlier

Taking criticism and information and finding out how to apply it to your life is one of the hallmarks of a successful person.

No, the hallmark of a successful person is to figure out what information is good and what is bad. It would be very foolish to follow every piece of advice everyone gives you.

Getting mad and offended is the hallmark of someone who is not looking to really fix a problem.

Yeah, I am mad. I never went to the doctors to get a job, I went to get a prescription filled.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I disagree. The OP made it clear the “help” wasn’t necessary, and the doctor insisted even after that, ignoring that statement. That’s crossing a boundary. The doctor needs to respect the limits. Just because one’s a doctor doesn’t mean that the rules are suspended.

One could try “broken record” in that case, keep repeating back, calmly, again and again, as many times as is necessary that you’re good, don’t need further advice, thank you very much.

Thank you so much for your support, you are so kind

 

[Anglewannabe]

Maybe he hasn’t interviewed for a job in many years, but I would wager he has interviewed perspective employees and knows what he looks for in an applicant.

His wife is his secretary. He has had a few other secretaries over the years however, what he is looking for in a secretary is totally different than the types of jobs I am applying for

 

[Anglewannabe]

anglewannabe, nowadays doctors are supposed to go beyond just providing the basic health care and instead, take a personal interest in their patients and their problems. Unemployment is a major stressor and therefore responsible for many health problems in many people, so this doctor was doing the Right Thing by asking you about it and attempting to help you.

No, he has no idea what it is to be in my shoes. His field of expertise is health care and he should stay within that parameter

 

[Anglewannabe]

You should not have to discuss anything you don’t want to with anyone. But that sometimes requires giving very few details to others. The less information you offer, the less anyone else can have to say about it. If you are in a contract job you are underqualified for, but would prefer not to hear advice from others, don’t give details. “Yes, I’m employed.” with a simple explanation about what you do invites less discussion than “I’m in a contract job where they don’t pay me enough and my skills aren’t being used.”
.

I totally agree with the bolded. However, sadly that doesn’t always work either. For example, where I volunteer, one lady asked ‘where do you work’, to which I responded ‘I don’t talk about work’. The next week when she asked and I repeated ‘I do not talk about work’, she laugh ‘Still not talking about that, why not?’. Then she got called away and I was relieved it came to an end.

Or, I was out the other day and a woman who I think is retired asked me ‘Are you still working?’ To which I replied ‘I don’t talk about work’. She must have repeated her question 5 times and I repeated the same answer 5 times. Finally she said in a sarcastic tone ‘OK then, how is your sex life’ To which I said ‘I don’t have one’.

So, yes I agree the best is to not give details. Actually, when I am out and a bunch of people start to talk about work, I just smile politely and add nothing to the conversation. Even when people talk about their work, I do not ask questions because I do not want them to then ask about my work. But like I said, it does not always work as well as I would like it to

Angie

 

[Viki63]

When women express a concern, other women understand they may just want to vent, and will express sympathy. Men are programmed to find a solution, so they start offering advice.
It’s how they do things. If we don’t want unsolicited advice, best not to mention a problem to a man.
A woman doctor would have said, “That must be so frustrating for you.”
A male doctor will say, “Have you tried X, Y and Z?”
One of the more amusing communication gaps that exist.(Maybe not so amusing at times.)

 

[Miss_Felicity]

Angie, I’m sorry you were in such an awkward position during your doctors visit. While I do think your Dr. meant well, I think some people don’t understand how sensitive the topic of work and employment can be. Its the classic opener question when meeting people and making small talk (which I learned not to do in college class when they discussed this). I can be very difficult being unemployed and underemployed and everyone wants to discuss it with you, even people whose advice is less than helpful. I’m currently underemployed but blessed to be working. Its awkward when past jobs or experiences come up and my co workers say oh you x amount of education or x amount of work experience what in the world are you doing here? In regards to the doctor, If it were me I would have appreciated tips of relieving the stress that un/underemployment can bring and how to take care of my overall health. Outside of a psych professional or therapist I would not want to have that conversation with my primary care doc.

 

[jimmy]

No, he has no idea what it is to be in my shoes. His field of expertise is health care and he should stay within that parameter

Then you shouldn’t be telling him your problems. If you feel he shouldn’t offer advice or an opinion then don’t vent. No one wants to hear complaining, which is what it amounts to when you are unwilling to accept advice. If all you want to talk about is medical issues then keep it to that.

A good rule to follow is to remember that you can learn from everyone. Just because he isn’t in your situation doesn’t mean he doesn’t have insight into it due to his position. As someone else mentioned doctors do a lot of interviewing, especially if they have had employees of their own. Maybe the advice he offers doesn’t help in this case, but being open to other people’s experience and advice is always a good idea if you want to improve yourself or your situation.

 

[maryjk]

No, he has no idea what it is to be in my shoes. His field of expertise is health care and he should stay within that parameter

Do you say the same thing to priests?

I guess they shouldn’t give marriage advice, dating advice, or heck, really any advice to women.

I have to say, that it must be exhausting being so mad at so many people.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

Do you say the same thing to priests?

I guess they shouldn’t give marriage advice, dating advice, or heck, really any advice to women.

I have to say, that it must be exhausting being so mad at so many people.

Full disclosure, I haven’t gone back to familiarize myself with Angie previous posts but in this one I didn’t see it as being mad, I saw it for what she said it was a vent. Sometimes things annoy people, doesn’t make them bad people. Priests ARE trained to give spiritual and emotional council, her primary care probably not so much. People who have experienced extended un/underemployment get that it permeates everything in your life and some days you are just not up for “advice”

 

[Radish]

Oh yeah - I know what you mean. It’s such a pain when people talk like that. I am under employed and my boss said I was a loser because I can’t get a better job. I’ve applied to a ton of jobs but the job market is completely saturated where I live. She was pretty much given her job by a friend a decade ago so any advice she gives is pretty irritating.