This is petty but I need to vent

[maryjk]

Full disclosure, I haven’t gone back to familiarize myself with Angie previous posts but in this one I didn’t see it as being mad, I saw it for what she said it was a vent. Sometimes things annoy people, doesn’t make them bad people. Priests ARE trained to give spiritual and emotional council, her primary care probably not so much. People who have experienced extended un/underemployment get that it permeates everything in your life and some days you are just not up for “advice”

Yeah, I am mad. I never went to the doctors to get a job, I went to get a prescription filled.

She is mad. It sounds like the doctor was simply trying to help. But it wasn’t the kind of help she wanted so she got mad.

Instead of venting here, the OP should be looking for another doctor. One that won’t ask her anything, but will simply fill a prescription.

 

[Sereta]

Do you say the same thing to priests?

I guess they shouldn’t give marriage advice, dating advice, or heck, really any advice to women.

I have to say, that it must be exhausting being so mad at so many people.

A doctor and a priest are totally different things.
If a person wants advice ask a friend,a priest,a counsellor,an online support group etc but don’t ask your butcher,doctor,painter,accountant etc

OP:I also agree that some people can be wellmeaning but offer advice that causes more stress than good,sometimes from ignorance.
The thing that really stands out to me though is why are you telling your doctor your employment issues?
If he asks,just tell him it’s all good now.
In a way,it seems like your violating your own boundary.
He’s your doctor,you don’t owe him details regarding your employment situation.
By offering these details to him,or sounding worried about it etc,hes going to want to try to help.

Unfortunately in life,some people “state the obvious” as I probably just did.
It’s helpful to find a way to tolerate this,and at the same time knowing that your not responsible for another persons issues-like if they feel rejected etc…

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

A doctor and a priest are totally different things.
If a person wants advice ask a friend,a priest,a counsellor,an online support group etc but don’t ask your butcher,doctor,painter,accountant etc

OP:I also agree that some people can be wellmeaning but offer advice that causes more stress than good,sometimes from ignorance.
The thing that really stands out to me though is why are you telling your doctor your employment issues?
If he asks,just tell him it’s all good now.
In a way,it seems like your violating your own boundary.
He’s your doctor,you don’t owe him details regarding your employment situation.
By offering these details to him,or sounding worried about it etc,hes going to want to try to help.

Unfortunately in life,some people “state the obvious” as I probably just did.
It’s helpful to find a way to tolerate this,and at the same time knowing that your not responsible for another persons issues-like if they feel rejected etc…

It is a doctors job to assess their patient. And since doctors have to deal with mental health too they are usually trained to get information. When I was younger, my father died. I was about 19. A year or two went by and I was at a general practice doctor for an unrelated illness. The last thing I ever wanted to do was talk about my dad. I was so tired of well meaning people bringing it up and saying dumb things. The doctor brought it up and through some exposition he recognized that I was in severe depression. That doctor probably saved my life. And he did it by extracting painful or embarrassing information from me. A death in the family is a major stressor and cause of depression.

And would you believe it, so is unemployment. Especially if the OP is as emotional about it as they appear in this post.

I’d go to the OPs doctor over a MYOB 'script writer any day!

 

[Anglewannabe]

Do you say the same thing to priests?

I guess they shouldn’t give marriage advice, dating advice, or heck, really any advice to women.

I have to say, that it must be exhausting being so mad at so many people.

Honestly, there is a certain type of marriage advice priest should give concerning marriage, dating, to women and even in helping to find a job and certain type of advice a priest should not give.

A priest should NEVER say
1-) Do XYZ to make your spouse happy
2-) Answer XYZ on an interview

A priest should say
1-) These are the teachings of the church on marriage
2-) Hear are some ways to pray to God to hear were He is leading you careerwise

Honestly, it is no uncommon for priest to play on their position to give out bad inappropriate advice. Priest should only give spiritual guidance that is applicable to the matter

 

[fin]

Or you could have also answered, 'I don’t talk about sex."

I understand what you mean from the OP. I find that people criticize and it’s very easy to talk, but had they been in the situation one is in, then they would know the real deal, and just how difficult it is.

Or, I was out the other day and a woman who I think is retired asked me ‘Are you still working?’ To which I replied ‘I don’t talk about work’. She must have repeated her question 5 times and I repeated the same answer 5 times. Finally she said in a sarcastic tone ‘OK then, how is your sex life’ To which I said ‘I don’t have one’.

 

[Anglewannabe]

It is a doctors job to assess their patient. And since doctors have to deal with mental health too they are usually trained to get information.

Agreed, he probably needed to know if my employment situation was making me depressed. Which is why I answered honestly when he asked about it (which answer the question from others 'Why did she bring it up if she didn’t want to talk about it) But once he knew I did not want his advice, he could have changed the topic. He was justifying his advice, he was NOT justifying he needed to see if I was medically affected

When I was younger, my father died. I was about 19. A year or two went by and I was at a general practice doctor for an unrelated illness. The last thing I ever wanted to do was talk about my dad. I was so tired of well meaning people bringing it up and saying dumb things. The doctor brought it up and through some exposition he recognized that I was in severe depression. That doctor probably saved my life. And he did it by extracting painful or embarrassing information from me. A death in the family is a major stressor and cause of depression.

I am terribly sorry about your father. However, at 21, it is normal to not know you are depressed since you don’t have as much life experience. I am 44 and have a better grasp on these things. And this doctor was NOT asking embarrassing question to see if I was depressed. He was explaining why he was giving the advice he was giving. He wasn’t even asking me questions ! He was just having a monologue

 

[maryjk]

Honestly, there is a certain type of marriage advice priest should give concerning marriage, dating, to women and even in helping to find a job and certain type of advice a priest should not give.

A priest should NEVER say
1-) Do XYZ to make your spouse happy
2-) Answer XYZ on an interview

A priest should say
1-) These are the teachings of the church on marriage
2-) Here are some ways to pray to God to hear were He is leading you careerwise

Honestly, it is no uncommon for priest to play on their position to give out bad inappropriate advice. Priest should only give spiritual guidance that is applicable to the matter

The point is, the doctor was trying to help. He may have very good insight into your situation. But you didn’t want to hear it.

And because of that, you copped an attitude.

Now, no matter who says what, you are quite sure you are right and they are wrong.

But that isn’t so. A doctor is well within his duties to ask you about your job situation and is also qualified to offer advice. As is a priest when talking to someone about their sacramental marriage. (You might notice that many priests do marriage prep. And that certainly isn’t simply telling couples the Church’s teaching on marriage.)

 

[Allegra]

I don’t understand how you manage to deal with all of these ignorant, rude, and uncompassionate people you always encounter. That doctor should lose his license. He is clearly an incompetant busybody. Canada is sort of far away from me, but if you lived closer, I would go and let the air out of his tires.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I am 44 and have a better grasp on these things. And this doctor was NOT asking embarrassing question to see if I was depressed. He was explaining why he was giving the advice he was giving. He wasn’t even asking me questions ! He was just having a monologue

It doesn’t sound like at 44 you do have a grasp on it. Honestly there is no age that a doctor would not be concerned about this.

Why are you so defensive and offended? I think there are some way bigger issues here.

 

[jimmy]

You are right about one thing, this is petty. I don’t agree with anything else you have said, but you are right about that. You sound like a thief who broke into someone’s house and then complained that the home owner had the gall to defend his own house. How dare he defend himself? You were rude to him so he tried to defend himself and now you are angry that he defended himself.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Why are you so defensive and offended?

The reason I am so offended by your posts is because you seem totally unwilling to acknowledge what I have been through. You seem totally unwilling to consider I have heard SO much advice there is NEVER anything new I have not heard before. You don’t want to consider that this doctor was advising things employment counscellor absolutely disagree with. You don’t seem to realize that one can not apply for a job 24 hours a day. Sometimes a break is needed. If I try something 20 times and it does not work, I take the hint and try something else only for a doctor to tell me to do the exact thing that never worked. The doctor never actually did these things himself

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

The reason I am so offended by your posts is because you seem totally unwilling to acknowledge what I have been through. You seem totally unwilling to consider I have heard SO much advice there is NEVER anything new I have not heard before. You don’t want to consider that this doctor was advising things employment counscellor absolutely disagree with. You don’t seem to realize that one can not apply for a job 24 hours a day. Sometimes a break is needed. If I try something 20 times and it does not work, I take the hint and try something else only for a doctor to tell me to do the exact thing that never worked. The doctor never actually did these things himself

Please seek some kind of help.

 

[NFPWife]

I can understand your frustration at not wanting to hear what you consider to be useless advice - things you’ve tried, things you know not to work, etc. The tricky thing is that many jobs are found through personal contacts and networking, so appearing “difficult” or shutting down when someone is talking to you about your job search could lead to them not thinking of you or recommending you to a friend if they hear about something.

I’d recommend you say something along the lines of, “Thanks for your concern, I’m working really hard on this. Do you know anyone, or even know of anyone, in my field you could connect me to?” (Or whatever sounds natural for you.) I’d turn every inquiry into an opportunity to mine the person’s contacts and network.

 

[maryjk]

I can understand your frustration at not wanting to hear what you consider to be useless advice - things you’ve tried, things you know not to work, etc. **The tricky thing is that many jobs are found through personal contacts and networking, so appearing “difficult” or shutting down when someone is talking to you about your job search could lead to them not thinking of you or recommending you to a friend if they hear about something.
**
I’d recommend you say something along the lines of, “Thanks for your concern, I’m working really hard on this. Do you know anyone, or even know of anyone, in my field you could connect me to?” (Or whatever sounds natural for you.) I’d turn every inquiry into an opportunity to mine the person’s contacts and network.

I second your advice.

Nowadays, networking is very important when it comes to a job search.

 

[lily22]

This is not Petty this is basic survival 101. You are struggling with boundaries. The doctor crossed into your personal life. You didn’t know that you have a CIVIL RIGHT to stop him without getting: 1. upset. Someone in your past, mother or father, taught you that the way to react when someone gets into your personal business is to get upset and complain and AVOID the actual conflict or normal problem/solution brainstorming.

Write down this conversation that upset you in a journal. Visualize the success now:

1. you say “I got a job” the person gets nosy-- WHAT DO YOU DO WHILE STAYING CALM AND CLASSY? a. sorry, I can’t talk about that right now. b. thanks, but let’s talk about another topic. I just went to (blah blah today) or Did you hear about “blah blah”
2. You KNOW him and don’t say: “I got a job” you say: “things are moving along, no comment, but thanks for asking!”
3. He doesn’t respect your boundaries after TWO polite verbal orders by you? LEAVE the Office and don’t come back ever again. He won’t respect you-- he’s O U T.

But, give him 2 chances to respect your opinions and how YOU deserve to be treated. You don’t have to tell a doctor about your personal life. You don’t need that.

 

[maryjk]

You don’t have to tell a doctor about your personal life. You don’t need that.

That’s true.

Your doctor doesn’t need to know about alcohol use, drug use. He doesn’t need to know about feelings of depression or suicide. You shouldn’t talk to him about exercise or diet. None of that is his business. Your personal life, is just that. Personal.

Oh, wait. Maybe, just maybe, it is the flip of all of that.

Because of course you need to tell your doctor about alcohol and drug use. He does need to know about depression or feelings of suicide. And he should be told about exercise and your diet.

And if you are unemployed, it is perfectly reasonable to talk about your job search.

 

[mommamaree]

Hi Angie,
I just now read through your thread, and I am surprised by the number of people that think you are wrong about this. I would have been very uncomfortable, too. I am a very private person, and do not open up readily to anyone, partly because I have had to deal with too many boundary violations in the past. I understand you felt compelled to answer his initial question, but since you now see how he uses that information, it is probably best to just be a closed door in the future in any matter that is not pertinent to the reason for the visit. Even if he was inquiring for the sake of your mental or emotional health, YOU are the person who gets to decide if you trust a health professional enough to open up to them. Besides, if you wanted counseling, I suppose a counselor would be the best person, not a general practitioner, right? So I think you are fully in the right in refusing to go further in discussing such matters with your doctor. But don’t let his behavior keep you riled up too long, okay? You are in control here. You get to choose if and when you ever share any details with that doctor. You also can look for a different doctor if that one makes you uncomfortable. You do have to look out for yourself in this world. We cannot automatically trust someone just because they wear a white lab coat. Trust your instincts.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Hi Angie,
I just now read through your thread, and I am surprised by the number of people that think you are wrong about this. I would have been very uncomfortable, too. I am a very private person, and do not open up readily to anyone, partly because I have had to deal with too many boundary violations in the past. I understand you felt compelled to answer his initial question, but since you now see how he uses that information, it is probably best to just be a closed door in the future in any matter that is not pertinent to the reason for the visit. Even if he was inquiring for the sake of your mental or emotional health, YOU are the person who gets to decide if you trust a health professional enough to open up to them. Besides, if you wanted counseling, I suppose a counselor would be the best person, not a general practitioner, right? So I think you are fully in the right in refusing to go further in discussing such matters with your doctor. But don’t let his behavior keep you riled up too long, okay? You are in control here. You get to choose if and when you ever share any details with that doctor. You also can look for a different doctor if that one makes you uncomfortable. You do have to look out for yourself in this world. We cannot automatically trust someone just because they wear a white lab coat. Trust your instincts.

Thank you for your kind reply. I too am shocked at how many people have no sympathy

 

[Anglewannabe]

I’d recommend you say something along the lines of, “Thanks for your concern, I’m working really hard on this. Do you know anyone, or even know of anyone, in my field you could connect me to?” (Or whatever sounds natural for you.) I’d turn every inquiry into an opportunity to mine the person’s contacts and network.

I would never do this because then they will continue to talk about it every time they see me. I am trying to set a boundary to NOT talk about it

 

[Anglewannabe]

I second your advice.

Nowadays, networking is very important when it comes to a job search.

The only things worth doing in this life are worth doing by following God’s ways. And networking can NOT be a 24/7 thing. Too many people don’t have contacts and trying to network with them just gives one a headache. When I had a good job with a good company, I was in NO position to hire anyone. And if I tried to get a friend a job, I could loose mine so I never did it. It annoyed me to no end when people tried to use me as a valuable networking source.

But honestly, I am quite surprised how you are not supportive of me not wanting people’s unwanted advice. If anything I would have though you would have understood since I can’t remember any thread you started asking for advice. The only threads I see you start are links to other articles:shrug: