This is petty but I need to vent

[thewanderer]

As much as I sympathize with your plight (and I truly do- I know what it is like to be unemployed and I am also a private person who gets irritated by nosy and intrusive, inappropriate people) I really think it would benefit you to focus more on your response to other people rather than their inappropriateness, perceived or real.

I say this because nearly every thread that has been started by you is about someone who gets on your nerves. Your doctor. Your coworker. Your boss. A woman you used to know and ran into. A woman from your networking group. An elderly lady. Now, either you really somehow are acquainted with the most annoying boundary-crossers on the planet, or maybe sometimes it’s just an oversensitive/overreaction response on your part. Probably somewhere in between. From what you’ve described, I personally don’t really think your doctor did anything wrong. Some of these other people, sure. The thing is, we are always going to encounter people who push our buttons. Sometimes the problem is them, but sometimes the problem is us too. If there is a pattern where you can find a problem about nearly everyone you encounter, it’s time to examine why that might be. Whether that means reading literature about setting boundaries, dealing with coworkers and other difficult people, or seeking counseling or talking to a priest or friend or family member…it’s worth considering that your frequent annoyances is having a negative effect on your health as well as spiritual life. That’s no way to live.

You absolutely have the right to tell anyone and everyone that you do not want to talk about a certain subject. It seems like you have been doing that, and people should respect any boundary you set. To a certain extent, I sometimes feel as though there is a certain level of politeness and decorum lacking in our society- lots of people overshare, and it sets people up with the expectation that others’ private lives are their business. And when someone tries to keep their privacy intact, some people get offended and push. This is a shame, and it makes it difficult for those of us who are more private and like it that way. I really do hope that you can find some peace in your life and figure out a way to assume the best of others and let the rest go.

This.

OP, I really, really get where you are coming from. I totally and completely understand why this sort of advice would be irritating and frustrating with your background. It is very frustrating when even well-meaning people give advice that we know is useless about a difficult issue we’ve had to deal with and suffer through for a long time. However, despite our frustration and irritation we are called by Christ to constantly improve ourselves, to overcome our emotions and concupisence and treat others as Christ would. As Christians it is our duty to always assume the best of others and their intentions. It is also our duty to learn to forgive other people’s faults, to give them a pass when we do see a fault they are struggling with, to offer up our own frustrations and irritations to Christ and learn to accept this suffering for Christ, in a way to learn to love this suffering as it is our way of joining with Christ in His suffering. Now I’m not saying this is easy, or that I’m perfect at this, or that any of us can expect you or anybody else to be perfect at this, but it is what we should strive towards.

So, the next time someone gives you unsolicited advice about job-searching or your career say a prayer for help to respond lovingly rather than out of frustration. Sure, let them know you would rather not talk about it, but work on doing so in a friendly manner rather than a frustrated or irritated one, work on being able to do so with a smile. And if they go on after this to try and justify their motivation in giving the advice work on assuming the best of their intentions and recognizing that this response of theirs is the result of the fact that they are human too, they have faults just as you have faults. Work on accepting the cross of dealing lovingly with other people’s faults. It will not be easy, but Christ never claimed to present an easy path to salvation. The path presented by Christ is narrow and difficult, but it is still the path towards salvation.“Take up your cross and follow me” is not a suggestion but a command. Yes, the cross is a heavy burden, but remember that Christ promises that with him the yoke is easy and the burden light.

 

[Anglewannabe]

. However, despite our frustration and irritation we are called by Christ to constantly improve ourselves, to overcome our emotions and concupisence and treat others as Christ would.

I understand what you are saying and I am asking the following in a very sincere intention. How would Jesus treat these people? It is a very vague concept. I have often said things politely like ‘I understand you mean well, but I would prefer to not talk about this’ to which people ask ‘Why don’t you want to talk about this’

Or when I say ‘Work is stressful I would rather not talk about this’, people say ‘What is stressing you out.’

IOW anytime I have tried to be polite by offering an explanation, instead of changing the topic, they jump on the explanation to talk about it more. It has been my experience, the less I say, the quicker the topic is changed.

So, to repeat my question, how would Jesus treat them (and please give concrete detail)

Angie

 

[mommamaree]

I understand what you are saying and I am asking the following in a very sincere intention. How would Jesus treat these people? It is a very vague concept. I have often said things politely like ‘I understand you mean well, but I would prefer to not talk about this’ to which people ask ‘Why don’t you want to talk about this’

Or when I say ‘Work is stressful I would rather not talk about this’, people say ‘What is stressing you out.’

IOW anytime I have tried to be polite by offering an explanation, instead of changing the topic, they jump on the explanation to talk about it more. It has been my experience, the less I say, the quicker the topic is changed.

So, to repeat my question, how would Jesus treat them (and please give concrete detail)

Angie

Angie,
I think at some point, silence in the face of continued inquires or remarks is appropriate. You do not need to respond to every inquiry or comment, and in fact, for people that struggle to accept the boundaries of others, and allow them their privacy, it might be helpful for them to really get the picture that when someone says no, they mean no.

 

[Sereta]

I am saying that when** I** really want advice, when I need advice,** I **go to people **I **know. My friends.

So no, you wouldn’t see me asking for advice here. Where you go for advice, that is up to you.

And you see right judgement as holding back vital information from your doctor?

Obviously, that is your prerogative.

But when I go to the doctor’s office and speak to my doctor, I tell him what is going on in my life. Especially if what is going on in my life may be causing health problems.

By right judgment I meant being aware of who the person chooses to disclose things to.
If the OP herself believes that not having a longterm job is causing her depression,then she would probably feels it is wise to tell her doctor.
However if she feels unaffected by the situation or that her doctor doesn’t have any helpful ideas then her telling him doesn’t appear to be leading to any positive results in her life.

 

[maryjk]

By right judgment I meant being aware of who the person chooses to disclose things to.
If the OP herself believes that not having a longterm job is causing her depression,then she would probably feels it is wise to tell her doctor.
However if she feels unaffected by the situation or that her doctor doesn’t have any helpful ideas then her telling him doesn’t appear to be leading to any positive results in her life.

She has made it quite obvious, here, that she has been affected by the situation.

 

[PaulinVA]

So, to repeat my question, how would Jesus treat them (and please give concrete detail)

Angie

Jesus always healed people he encountered, and sent them on their way with the admonition to sin no more. I’m not sure that applies to many situations that we try to apply WWJD to. The real question is “What does Jesus want US to do”?

When someone has a different view of boundaries than most people, one must develop a set of coping mechanisms that allow the boundaries to stand and the relationships to continue. If you have NO boundaries, then respecting other peoples boundaries and not sharing everything about your life is the way to go. If you don’t want to be sharing anything about a specific subject (or everything), then you must develop a set of answers that are good natured and aren’t confrontational.

Would it kill you to say something like, “Work is work, you know. It puts food on the table.”? You can engage in small talk and not reveal anything personal. “I don’t want to talk about it” is an invitation to many people to try to solve the problem they perceive you have. In many ways, your reaction to the question is what feeds the follow up conversation.

 

[thewanderer]

I understand what you are saying and I am asking the following in a very sincere intention. How would Jesus treat these people? It is a very vague concept. I have often said things politely like ‘I understand you mean well, but I would prefer to not talk about this’ to which people ask ‘Why don’t you want to talk about this’

Or when I say ‘Work is stressful I would rather not talk about this’, people say ‘What is stressing you out.’

IOW anytime I have tried to be polite by offering an explanation, instead of changing the topic, they jump on the explanation to talk about it more. It has been my experience, the less I say, the quicker the topic is changed.

So, to repeat my question, how would Jesus treat them (and please give concrete detail)

Angie

Absolutely enforce boundaries. Politely tell them you do not wish to talk about it, if they ask why, again, politely repeat that you would rather not talk about it. If they continue still further just end the conversation. All the while behaving very politely, avoid being curt or mean with them if you can, be firm, but polite and friendly. And afterwards, instead of dwelling on their inconsideration work on forgiving them and recognizing that they are only human, we all have faults, this just happens to be one of theirs. Treating them as Christ would does not exclude enforcing appropriate boundaries.

 

[Anglewannabe]

By right judgment I meant being aware of who the person chooses to disclose things to.
If the OP herself believes that not having a longterm job is causing her depression,then she would probably feels it is wise to tell her doctor.
However if she feels unaffected by the situation or that her doctor doesn’t have any helpful ideas then her telling him doesn’t appear to be leading to any positive results in her life.

Thank You

 

[Anglewannabe]

She has made it quite obvious, here, that she has been affected by the situation.

No, I made it quite obvious people who don’t respect my boundary that I don’t want to talk about it is what is affecting me

 

[maryjk]

No, I made it quite obvious people who don’t respect my boundary that I don’t want to talk about it is what is affecting me

Sorry, but you are missing the obvious.

Maybe you should go back through the other threads you have started. You seem to need to vent about your doctor, your coworkers, your boss, your friends, your networking group. Everyone. At some point you might realize that it isn’t them.