This is serious! I may have been falsely accused!

[thechrismyster]

you haven’t been falsely accused until you hear “you have the right to remain silent” - anything else they bring to the table is just a lot of talking.

take a lesson from the hollywood stars. when bad press arises, lay low, keep quiet and everyone loses interest in a few days.

humans are creatures with short attention spans.

 

[ack]

Dude, this is not “serious”. She’s not going to call the cops. Don’t freak out. Erase all records of this woman from your memory banks.

She was probably just wanted you to go away, so she just sent you some random message that would accomplish that goal. The message doesn’t necessarily have to make sense. She just wants you to go away. Don’t try to analyze the message. The message is meaningless.

I repeat, no, this is not “serious”. This probably isn’t even the last time that something like this is going to happen to you (unless you cut women out of your life forever).

If you freak out every time someone does something irrational, then you’re going to be a nervous wreck for the rest of your life.

 

[ack]

Let me tell you a little story.

There are a lot of stalkers in our society. Repeat, there are lots and lots of stalkers out there. The vast majority of them are men. You’ll be shocked when you find out how prevalent stalking is among the young male population. I certainly was.

Many women have had the experience of being stalked. Women tend to feel scared and vulnerable more easily then men.

You are not a stalker, but she has no way of knowing that.

I’m guessing that your friend has been stalked in the past (it’s a good guess, because it seems like most women have.) Now her defenses are on a “hair trigger”. All it takes is the slightest provocation, and she’ll throw up defenses as fast as she can, trying to defend herself.

This is what has happened to you.

If you contact her again, her fears will intensify, and she’ll get more and more upset.

So don’t contact her ever again, for any reason.

 

[exoflare]

She was probably just wanted you to go away, so she just sent you some random message that would accomplish that goal. The message doesn’t necessarily have to make sense. She just wants you to go away. Don’t try to analyze the message. The message is meaningless.

Maybe. But I wouldn’t claim to know that for sure.

 

[exoflare]

Let me tell you a little story.

There are a lot of stalkers in our society. Repeat, there are lots and lots of stalkers out there. The vast majority of them are men. You’ll be shocked when you find out how prevalent stalking is among the young male population. I certainly was.

Many women have had the experience of being stalked. Women tend to feel scared and vulnerable more easily then men.

You are not a stalker, but she has no way of knowing that.

I’m guessing that your friend has been stalked in the past (it’s a good guess, because it seems like most women have.) Now her defenses are on a “hair trigger”. All it takes is the slightest provocation, and she’ll throw up defenses as fast as she can, trying to defend herself.

This is what has happened to you.

If you contact her again, her fears will intensify, and she’ll get more and more upset.

So don’t contact her ever again, for any reason.

Okay for like the 17th time on this thread… I AM NOT CONTACTING HER ANYMORE!

But anyway, why are you telling me all this if the message was just randomly made up like you said before?

 

[exoflare]

haha… okay it looks some of you really need to start reading the whole thread before you reply, but aside from that thanks everyone for all the comments so far.

 

[saint_damo]

don't know .. just, I mean .. **WHY?!**

with all due respect WHY? is the wrong question and going over and over about every little nuance will only keep giving you more questions to ask WHY about, somebody else said move on and they were 100% right, thats the only way you will get closure

peace

 

[Ella]

You need to read the book, “He’s just not that into you”. I know it’s written from the POV of a man giving women advice. And I know some of the book involves sexual advice which is not moral. So, maybe just check it out of the library. But… it has a lot of advice in it which is valid.

I have a few rules that I’ve adopted after much heartache from me and my friends, including plenty of broken hearts.

One of them is this:
If you are having to write an email, letter, et al to express your true feelings to someone, the chemistry is not there, and it is not going to happen.
AND such things creep the receiving party out, be they male or female. Feeling the need to write something like this is an indication not to proceed further. The spark isn’t there. Seek it elsewhere instead.

Good thing is you’re young and this too will pass (it will!) and this just means the wonderful woman in your future will not be impeded by your entanglement in a relationship with the current lady of topic.

I hope this helped even a tiny bit; being hurt is awful and I’ve been there so many times…

 

[exoflare]

don't know .. just, I mean .. **WHY?!**

with all due respect WHY? is the wrong question and going over and over about every little nuance will only keep giving you more questions to ask WHY about, somebody else said move on and they were 100% right, thats the only way you will get closure

peace

hablar ingles??

 

[exoflare]

You need to read the book, “He’s just not that into you”. I know it’s written from the POV of a man giving women advice. And I know some of the book involves sexual advice which is not moral. So, maybe just check it out of the library. But… it has a lot of advice in it which is valid.

I have a few rules that I’ve adopted after much heartache from me and my friends, including plenty of broken hearts.

One of them is this:
If you are having to write an email, letter, et al to express your true feelings to someone, the chemistry is not there, and it is not going to happen.
AND such things creep the receiving party out, be they male or female. Feeling the need to write something like this is an indication not to proceed further. The spark isn’t there. Seek it elsewhere instead.

Good thing is you’re young and this too will pass (it will!) and this just means the wonderful woman in your future will not be impeded by your entanglement in a relationship with the current lady of topic.

I hope this helped even a tiny bit; being hurt is awful and I’ve been there so many times…

Actually I feel almost completely better about this already. It happened some time ago. It was just the question of whether or not I had done something wrong that bothered me, despite some here who think they know me better than my own self. I’m not even that into the girl any more, if she’s that paranoid and volatile I’m scared to talk to her again anyway!

I don’t get what you mean by having to write out your feelings… I can definitely see how that’s not the preferable way to do it but what if that’s the only option available to you? I’m sure I’ll get another swarm of condescending replies for just asking (they’ll assume I want to do it again in this case), but who cares, I’m still curious.

 

[exoflare]

Oh wait, I think I get it… It’s because they should already know what you think about them! Is that it?

 

[ack]

What I mean is, she’s shy because she’s afraid of being stalked, so she sent you some “random” message to make you go away.

The point is, the details of the message don’t matter, because the intention and motivation are clear.

And of course I know that you’re not going to pursue her anymore (that’s what you said). But, I’m saying that you shouldn’t even try to apologize again.

Okay for like the 17th time on this thread… I AM NOT CONTACTING HER ANYMORE!

But anyway, why are you telling me all this if the message was just randomly made up like you said before?

 

[exoflare]

What I mean is, she’s shy because she’s afraid of being stalked, so she sent you some “random” message to make you go away.

The point is, the details of the message don’t matter, because the intention and motivation are clear.

And of course I know that you’re not going to pursue her anymore (that’s what you said). But, I’m saying that you shouldn’t even try to apologize again.

Oh, okay. That makes sense.

I had thought I said I was never going to “contact” her again, but yeah I have already decided that. No more contact whatsoever.

 

[Hellisreal]

You will be fine.

Sounds like she is the one who will be having to do some explaining to others as well as you one day if you too ever do discuss this again.

If you have Jesus on your side, how can you loose?

I am sorry this happened, but very happy that where one door shuts another is open. Be open to loving those who you may miss during all this, who see you as you are.

They are out there, so dont spend too much time on this girl. Who needed more than a boyfriend. She needed healing from things, you could not give her.



Your sharing this with all of us was very brave.

You have us rooting for you.

 

[Ella]

Oh wait, I think I get it… It’s because they should already know what you think about them! Is that it?

yep. Just imagine getting the letter you sent - from a girl that you were not interested in. And having to respond. It’s awkward.

 

[kell0618]

Leave her alone.

I dated a boy in high school and it was much more serious for him that it was for me. I broke of the ‘relationship’ telling him that I only wanted to be friends and no more. He drove me nuts calling me, and though I was cordial, I was starting to dislike him though I had actually thought he was a nice guy before. I am not exaggerating…he called me for YEARS and left messages, sent me notes…

I never was fearful of him, though I avoided his contacts like the plague. Too bad, we could have had a good friendship.

Leave her alone. Don’t speak of the goings on with anyone who has contact with her. Put it out of your mind. Move on.

 

[exoflare]

Leave her alone.

I dated a boy in high school and it was much more serious for him that it was for me. I broke of the ‘relationship’ telling him that I only wanted to be friends and no more. He drove me nuts calling me, and though I was cordial, I was starting to dislike him though I had actually thought he was a nice guy before. I am not exaggerating…he called me for YEARS and left messages, sent me notes…

I never was fearful of him, though I avoided his contacts like the plague. Too bad, we could have had a good friendship.

Leave her alone. Don’t speak of the goings on with anyone who has contact with her. Put it out of your mind. Move on.

I tire of repeating myself…

 

[exoflare]

yep. Just imagine getting the letter you sent - from a girl that you were not interested in. And having to respond. It’s awkward.

Aside from dealing once again with the assumption that she was never interested to begin with…

I agree that written mediums aren’t the preferable way to express feelings or whatever, but how do you make the jump from what I just guessed , to claiming “if YOU had to write something, then THEY were definitely not interested”? Judging from what I quoted above, it doesn’t seem that we have the same idea in mind.

 

[exoflare]

When you get feelings of frustration of being misunderstood, simply offer it up to God as your prayer. You could say something like “Jesus I am really frustrated now, please help me embrace the frustration and anxiety as you embraced yours”. This can be a powerful prayer and can help you grow spiritually. Try it and see you may be amazed. Hope this helps. God bless.

This is pretty much what I’ve been doing lately. It’s already starting to bear fruit, I think.

 

[exoflare]

He drove me nuts calling me, and though I was cordial, I was starting to dislike him though I had actually thought he was a nice guy before.

Let me emphasize this… the guy had NO right to keep doing that after you were so blunt with him about your intentions. But here’s what I’m wondering - why did you continue to be so cordial with him when he was being such an annoyance? Despite the fact that he should have left you alone in the first place, isn’t this sending mixed messages?