This is Why All American Mothers Are Crazy

[Mary_Gail_36]

Gotta keep that baby small!

Doctor’s orders!

Was that a reason that they continued to smoke? I know that my mother was advised to not gain much weight when she was pregnant with me. She wasn’t a smoker though, but she had to diet. I was a pretty small baby, 6 pounds or so. I’m 46.

My MIL gave birth under general anesthesia for all 3 kids. She insisted to me that the general anesthesia was necessary because passing the afterbirth was very painful and strenuous.

I was and had to explain to her that it wasn’t at all complicated or very much painful.

Also, back in the time my mom gave birth, there was a shot that women got that suppressed lactation. I don’t know what was in it, but my mother had to insist she didn’t want it.

 

[pensmama87]

Was that a reason that they continued to smoke? I know that my mother was advised to not gain much weight when she was pregnant with me. She wasn’t a smoker though, but she had to diet. I was a pretty small baby, 6 pounds or so. I’m 46.

My MIL gave birth under general anesthesia for all 3 kids. She insisted to me that the general anesthesia was necessary because passing the afterbirth was very painful and strenuous.

I was and had to explain to her that it wasn’t at all complicated or very much painful.

Also, back in the time my mom gave birth, there was a shot that women got that suppressed lactation. I don’t know what was in it, but my mother had to insist she didn’t want it.

My mother is 52, and my grandmother was put under for her birth. She was looking forward to a “civilian delivery” after two no-frills deliveries on a military base, but she really hated it. She was considered strange for nursing, too.

Funny how things change.

 

[Xantippe]

Was that a reason that they continued to smoke? I know that my mother was advised to not gain much weight when she was pregnant with me. She wasn’t a smoker though, but she had to diet. I was a pretty small baby, 6 pounds or so. I’m 46.

My MIL gave birth under general anesthesia for all 3 kids. She insisted to me that the general anesthesia was necessary because passing the afterbirth was very painful and strenuous.

I was and had to explain to her that it wasn’t at all complicated or very much painful.

Also, back in the time my mom gave birth, there was a shot that women got that suppressed lactation. I don’t know what was in it, but my mother had to insist she didn’t want it.

I don’t have a solid source, but I have heard that at mid-century, doctors encouraged smoking to keep babies small.

 

[jmjZelie]

I don’t have a solid source, but I have heard that at mid-century, doctors encouraged smoking to keep babies small.

And the reason that they were so concerned with keeping babies small is that their mothers had often been prescribed a drug during their pregnancies that caused their daughters to have undersized (and sometimes malformed) pelvises. I think it might have been a common anti-nausea medication. No one realized it would cause problems for the baby girls and their ability to birth children in their adulthood.

I remember my great-aunt boasting about how no one could tell she was pregnant, except if she was lying down because only then could her baby bump be visible. I was pregnant at the time with my first baby. I remember looking at her and thinking how crazy and unhealthy that ideal was, and how competitive, and I was speechless. It was only later I learned that the push for small babies was very much a life or death matter for that generation.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Absolutely. :hug1:

I did not have PPD after DS3 (the first time I didn’t), and I am pretty sure a big part of it was because I was able to look at the situation and go, “Yeah, I’m just not going to be able to do that,” and that was it. Oh, and being willing to ask DH to take over stuff. Some corners of the Internet would also say that it was horribly wrong for DH to do “woman’s work,” but whatever. It made our adjustment to a family of five go much more smoothly and made him seem a lot sexier to me.

(Speaking of which, another good Simcha piece: In which I feel sorry for Donald Trump, bad father

Ohhhhh yeah. I’ve already started to cut back on the Stuff Good Moms Do list. I feel slightly guilty at the moment because I made DD a gorgeous, formal, lace-and-satin baptismal gown by hand, and this kidlet (a boy) will be wearing a–horrors!–store-bought outfit. I’d rather feel slightly guilty than massively stressed, though.

I had been going to buy a chest freezer and make several months’ worth of meals before he gets here; now the plan is put about 2 weeks’ worth of frozen meals into my current freezer, and eat out more often than we did with DD. DH will be helping with nights this time, and ditto laundry/housework (to a point). I will be–more gasps of horror!–taking various friends up on their offers of loaning playmats, which, as we all know, guarantee that baby will never, ever bond to his family. And there is absolutely, positively, no way on God’s green earth that I’ll be cooking a massive meal from scratch for 15+ people two weeks after he’s born for the baptism party.

Funnily enough, as a result I’m kind of looking forward to meeting this kid, rather than seeing him as not much more than a long to-do list. If I could tell new moms just one thing, it would probably be to let go of most of their, and the world’s, expectations for how they should do things.

 

[UbiCaritas]

And the reason that they were so concerned with keeping babies small is that their mothers had often been prescribed a drug during their pregnancies that caused their daughters to have undersized (and sometimes malformed) pelvises. I think it might have been a common anti-nausea medication. No one realized it would cause problems for the baby girls and their ability to birth children in their adulthood.

I remember my great-aunt boasting about how no one could tell she was pregnant, except if she was lying down because only then could her baby bump be visible. I was pregnant at the time with my first baby. I remember looking at her and thinking how crazy and unhealthy that ideal was, and how competitive, and I was speechless. It was only later I learned that the push for small babies was very much a life or death matter for that generation.

Yep. We hear about how babies’ birthweights have gone up, on average, since back then, but there are two big contributing factors besides maternal eating habits: back then, teenage pregnancies were much, much more common than they are now, and yep, most pregnant women smoked a lot, and drank some. Given modern medical advances, I’d say that it’s better to have 7/8 pound babies who weren’t exposed to tobacco and alcohol in utero or born to fifteen-year-old girls, but as you say, things were very different back then.

 

[Xantippe]

Ohhhhh yeah. I’ve already started to cut back on the Stuff Good Moms Do list. I feel slightly guilty at the moment because I made DD a gorgeous, formal, lace-and-satin baptismal gown by hand, and this kidlet (a boy) will be wearing a–horrors!–store-bought outfit. I’d rather feel slightly guilty than massively stressed, though.

I had been going to buy a chest freezer and make several months’ worth of meals before he gets here; now the plan is put about 2 weeks’ worth of frozen meals into my current freezer, and eat out more often than we did with DD. DH will be helping with nights this time, and ditto laundry/housework (to a point). I will be–more gasps of horror!–taking various friends up on their offers of loaning playmats, which, as we all know, guarantee that baby will never, ever bond to his family. And there is absolutely, positively, no way on God’s green earth that I’ll be cooking a massive meal from scratch for 15+ people two weeks after he’s born for the baptism party.

Funnily enough, as a result I’m kind of looking forward to meeting this kid, rather than seeing him as not much more than a long to-do list. If I could tell new moms just one thing, it would probably be to let go of most of their, and the world’s, expectations for how they should do things.

Psssst, if you’ve still got the gorgeous satin and lace baptismal gown, Baby Boy can wear it, too. We have a couple of family baptismal gowns we’ve been using and reusing, and no little suit in sight.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=296462

Remember, in ye goode olde dayes, small boys wore dresses. Check out the photo gallery here:

smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/when-did-girls-start-wearing-pink-1370097/

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I don’t have a solid source, but I have heard that at mid-century, doctors encouraged smoking to keep babies small.

I don’t doubt it. My grandfather was advised by his doctor to start smoking to help with weight management. I’m guessing that was late 1940’s.

I remember everyone smoking, no one asking “is it ok to smoke?” before lighting up.

My mother didn’t smoke, but my Dad smoked an occasional social cigarette.

I remember having ash trays out on the end tables and in the kitchen. When Grandpa would come over, I’d go get him an ashtray. He had a cool one at his home, that had a button on top, and when pressed, the ash tray would open up, and the ashes would spiral down to a chamber beneath it. I remember actually playing with it, it was fun to see the spiral motion.

Back when I was small, my mother would never say, “please don’t smoke around the kids”, or “go outside to smoke.”

 

[UbiCaritas]

Psssst, if you’ve still got the gorgeous satin and lace baptismal gown, Baby Boy can wear it, too. We have a couple of family baptismal gowns we’ve been using and reusing, and no little suit in sight.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=296462

Remember, in ye goode olde dayes, small boys wore dresses. Check out the photo gallery here:

smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/when-did-girls-start-wearing-pink-1370097/

See, I keep going back and forth on this. I like tradition, I certainly see the appeal of the kiddos all wearing the same gown…but dang, that gown is “girly!” We’re talking floral lace, a silk flower/sash deal, the works.

On the other hand, I’ve seen some pretty elaborate traditional-style vestments with lace a foot deep and embroidery everywhere you look, and I shouldn’t think that anyone would consider those “feminine.”

Maybe if I could remove the sash…? Time to bring out the gown and look it over anyway.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

And the reason that they were so concerned with keeping babies small is that their mothers had often been prescribed a drug during their pregnancies that caused their daughters to have undersized (and sometimes malformed) pelvises. I think it might have been a common anti-nausea medication. No one realized it would cause problems for the baby girls and their ability to birth children in their adulthood.

I remember my great-aunt boasting about how no one could tell she was pregnant, except if she was lying down because only then could her baby bump be visible. I was pregnant at the time with my first baby. I remember looking at her and thinking how crazy and unhealthy that ideal was, and how competitive, and I was speechless. It was only later I learned that the push for small babies was very much a life or death matter for that generation.

Hi. Do you remember the name of the drug? I remember some drug was prescribed in the 50-60’s that caused girls exposed to the drug in utero to later develop fertility problems and problems during pregnancy.

Mid 20th century had a lot of “iffy” medical practices.

 

[Xantippe]

See, I keep going back and forth on this. I like tradition, I certainly see the appeal of the kiddos all wearing the same gown…but dang, that gown is “girly!” We’re talking floral lace, a silk flower/sash deal, the works.

On the other hand, I’ve seen some pretty elaborate traditional-style vestments with lace a foot deep and embroidery everywhere you look, and I shouldn’t think that anyone would consider those “feminine.”

Maybe if I could remove the sash…? Time to bring out the gown and look it over anyway.

Yeah–give it a try!

 

[PhiloMed]

See, I keep going back and forth on this. I like tradition, I certainly see the appeal of the kiddos all wearing the same gown…but dang, that gown is “girly!” We’re talking floral lace, a silk flower/sash deal, the works.

On the other hand, I’ve seen some pretty elaborate traditional-style vestments with lace a foot deep and embroidery everywhere you look, and I shouldn’t think that anyone would consider those “feminine.”

Maybe if I could remove the sash…? Time to bring out the gown and look it over anyway.

I couldn’t put my son in a dress, even one called a “baptismal gown”.

I bought him a little two piece pants and shirt from Macy’s. Baby girl got a white satiny dress from Macy’s. If I can find the pants and shirt for boy #2 that’s what he gets. Otherwise he will get something from the Macy’s sale rack too.

 

[jmjZelie]

Hi. Do you remember the name of the drug? I remember some drug was prescribed in the 50-60’s that caused girls exposed to the drug in utero to later develop fertility problems and problems during pregnancy.

Mid 20th century had a lot of “iffy” medical practices.

Hmmm, I cannot be sure about this but I am recalling a drug name “Thalidomide”. It has been a decade since I read about any of this, though, so I can’t be sure. Sorry!

Edited to add: sorry that was not the correct generation. Thalidomide is a teratogenic medication that was given to ease morning sickness, but it was given in the 50s, which came later than the drug that affected pelvic size.

 

[heidi_storage]

Hi. Do you remember the name of the drug? I remember some drug was prescribed in the 50-60’s that caused girls exposed to the drug in utero to later develop fertility problems and problems during pregnancy.

Mid 20th century had a lot of “iffy” medical practices.

DES, maybe?

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

DES, maybe?

Yes. I looked it up, that was the one I had in mind. Thank you.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Hmmm, I cannot be sure about this but I am recalling a drug name “Thalidomide”. It has been a decade since I read about any of this, though, so I can’t be sure. Sorry!

Edited to add: sorry that was not the correct generation. Thalidomide is a teratogenic medication that was given to ease morning sickness, but it was given in the 50s, which came later than the drug that affected pelvic size.

Wow. The history of medicating pregnant women with dangerous drugs is really scary.

 

[jmjZelie]

Wow. The history of medicating pregnant women with dangerous drugs is really scary.

Which is precisely why I have continued to suffer through severe nausea through most of every pregnancy. I have heard enough horror stories. I would rather deal with nausea and vomiting for 20-30 weeks than cause irreparable damage to my baby.

If I had a severe case of hyperemesis gravidarium, it would be a different decision. As it is, I am just miserable, but my baby is healthy.

 

[ThePCWife]

Which is precisely why I have continued to suffer through severe nausea through most of every pregnancy. I have heard enough horror stories. I would rather deal with nausea and vomiting for 20-30 weeks than cause irreparable damage to my baby.

If I had a severe case of hyperemesis gravidarium, it would be a different decision. As it is, I am just miserable, but my baby is healthy.

More ondansetron (aka zofran) for the rest of us! It was used on cancer patients for their nausea and turns out to be a Godsend for many pregnant women on the nausea front.

But of course the variety of experience is part of the crazy. Women who can’t get enough nutrition to live without zofran during their pregnancies do find it hard to hear about irreparable damage to their babies. There are safer options in that they’ve been studied more, but zofran is one of the few reliables while the safe stuff is often not tolerated well enough to utilize.

I dunno, I’ve been pretty broken of my anti-meds hippie tendencies by pregnancy and kid raising. The anti-all medication stuff during pregnancy is really American, before i had kids, women I knew who weren’t American would find it super weird. Some of the hardest aspects of being pregnant haven’t been the medical issues but the way other women view “optional” (hah) medication like anti-nausea pumps.

 

[jmjZelie]

More ondansetron (aka zofran) for the rest of us! It was used on cancer patients for their nausea and turns out to be a Godsend for many pregnant women on the nausea front.

But of course the variety of experience is part of the crazy. Women who can’t get enough nutrition to live without zofran during their pregnancies do find it hard to hear about irreparable damage to their babies. There are safer options in that they’ve been studied more, but zofran is one of the few reliables while the safe stuff is often not tolerated well enough to utilize.

I dunno, I’ve been pretty broken of my anti-meds hippie tendencies by pregnancy and kid raising. The anti-all medication stuff during pregnancy is really American, before i had kids, women I knew who weren’t American would find it super weird. Some of the hardest aspects of being pregnant haven’t been the medical issues but the way other women view “optional” (hah) medication like anti-nausea pumps.

I was speaking about my own personal experience and fears. I was not making a blanket statement of judgement about any other women. Frankly, I am so miserable, I am at the point of begging my OB to prescribe me something, anything, just to allow me to function. My world has collapsed to getting through the next moment without puking.

I never said anything about optional medication pumps. I think you read too much into my post, because I specifically stated earlier that I don’t tell other mothers what to do or tell them they are doing motherhood wrong. I just have personally always been overwhelmed by fears of making a mistake and hurting my baby. I don’t eat sushi or tuna or potato salad or any of those other restricted foods. And after a dozen years of this, I am tired of it. I want a tuna sandwich and I want the nausea to end.

 

[Xantippe]

I was speaking about my own personal experience and fears. I was not making a blanket statement of judgement about any other women. Frankly, I am so miserable, I am at the point of begging my OB to prescribe me something, anything, just to allow me to function. My world has collapsed to getting through the next moment without puking.

I never said anything about optional medication pumps. I think you read too much into my post, because I specifically stated earlier that I don’t tell other mothers what to do or tell them they are doing motherhood wrong. I just have personally always been overwhelmed by fears of making a mistake and hurting my baby. I don’t eat sushi or tuna or **potato salad **or any of those other restricted foods. And after a dozen years of this, I am tired of it. I want a tuna sandwich and I want the nausea to end.

Noooooo–they’ve come for the potato salad, too?