This local custom at Mass makes me uncomfortable

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Galand

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At my church there are ushers that seem to be quite friendly with most of the parishoners. It is their custom to shake hands with the men and somethimes hug or kiss the hand of some women on the way to Communion. I do not know these guys. I put my head down and mind my own business I have always been an old school kind of Catholic. I know I have to be open to new things, but this custom makes me uncomfortable socially at a time I would rather be thinking about my spiritual health. Further, the fact that I don’t like it makes me feel rather uncharitable and judgemental when I really don’t want to be or mean to be. Any opinions out there? I have tried to let it go but everytime it happens in my presence I get a negative feeling.

Galand
 
As long as they are not forcing you to participate, why do you care about expressions of affection between other people?
 
“On the way to Communion” the ushers kiss women’s hands and shake men’s hands!!! This seems highly inappropriate and I understand your discomfort. Communion is definitely not the time. After Mass will do…though kissing women’s hands! That seems over the top. I would feel very uncomfortable if someone presumed to kiss my hands in that way, and wouldn’t the husbands? It is a fairly intimate thing to do, and not a custom of the modern world. Ushers are there to usher, not carry on social interaction. We greet each other at sign of peace, respectfully but in a friendly way. The social interactions can occur outside the church before or after Mass. It’s a great pity that the ushers in this church have been permitted to carry on with this questionable practice.

When we are processing to receive Communion it is a sacred time where we need to be focussed on the great gift of God that we are about to receive.
 
I think I’d find another parish. Not to necessarily suggest you do the same, but personally I would be extremely uncomfortable in that situation.

Seems to me they’re trying to upstage Jesus. If you don’t have the option of choosing another parish, then I’d suggest you pray for them as soon as the negative feelings appear.

Is this somewhere in the U.S.?
 
Keep your hands folded as you leave the pew and as you approach the Altar.
 
BeeSweet said:
I think I’d find another parish. Not to necessarily suggest you do the same, but personally I would be extremely uncomfortable in that situation.

Seems to me they’re trying to upstage Jesus. If you don’t have the option of choosing another parish, then I’d suggest you pray for them as soon as the negative feelings appear.
Is this somewhere in the U.S.?
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I doubt that…methinks they probably aren’t consciously trying to upstage him, rather that they probably don’t realize the relative significance(s). Good advice, though.

I usually will shake hands with the usher on the way up, partly because I didn’t get to exchange a sign of peace with them and partly because I know most of them. Sounds like the OP’s parish has more going on than a subdued greeting, though.
 
Wow, I have never heard of that before! I agree, it is highly
inappropriate, especially in the Communion line!! It’s great that
these people are friendly, it seems like they should do this
leaving the church or in the church hall for a get together after
Mass.🤷
 
Our solution - we don’t have ushers. Everyone just gets up and files up without having to be told when or where to go. Somehow, it manages not to be pandemonium.

Seriously, I think that custom is a bit over the top. There is a time and place for handshaking, and hugging the women or kissing their hands is not acceptable at any time even to greet them at the door as they enter the church. I’d have words with the pastor that you find this very uncomfortable and rather than feeling it to be a friendly gesture, it distracts you from Communion.
 
I’ve never heard of this, either; but I wouldn’t like it for the same reason I don’t hold hands during the Lords Prayer: this moment should belong to God.

I’m glad my parish doesn’t use ushers. I know its a way to get more people involved, take more interest and responsibility, but in many parishes certain cliques seem to take over and leave the more reserved and/or introverted members of the community feeling marginalized, as though they are ‘less equal’ than those who have official roles to play.

I really feel that way about greeters: it doesn’t seem appropriate for one non-ordained person to stand at the door bidding others ‘welcome’, as though the church was THEIR home, and I a mere guest-- welcome, perhaps, but still present by their leave. I have as much right to be there as anyone. I’ve always wanted to say ‘Welcome to you to!’, but have a feeling the meaning wouldn’t be clear.
 
Sam_Maloney said:
I’ve never heard of this, either; but I wouldn’t like it for the same reason I don’t hold hands during the Lords Prayer: this moment should belong to God.

I’m glad my parish doesn’t use ushers. I know its a way to get more people involved, take more interest and responsibility, but in many parishes certain cliques seem to take over and leave the more reserved and/or introverted members of the community feeling marginalized, as though they are ‘less equal’ than those who have official roles to play.

I really feel that way about greeters: it doesn’t seem appropriate for one non-ordained person to stand at the door bidding others ‘welcome’, as though the church was THEIR home, and I a mere guest-- welcome, perhaps, but still present by their leave. I have as much right to be there as anyone. I’ve always wanted to say ‘Welcome to you to!’, but have a feeling the meaning wouldn’t be clear.
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In a large parish such as mine, we are trying to get a greeter “ministry” going. With only one priest and a deacon, they really cannot greet those who need greeting the most, those just checking out our parish. The few greeters that we have are able to direct them to information about the parish, how to register and so on, since the office isn’t staffed on weekends.

I dunno…I see the parish as my second home…and I’m a servant of my master…don’t servants have a function to welcome people to the master’s house? 😉
 
Newbie2 said:
In a large parish such as mine, we are trying to get a greeter “ministry” going. With only one priest and a deacon, they really cannot greet those who need greeting the most, those just checking out our parish. The few greeters that we have are able to direct them to information about the parish, how to register and so on, since the office isn’t staffed on weekends.

I dunno…I see the parish as my second home…and I’m a servant of my master…don’t servants have a function to welcome people to the master’s house? 😉
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A “greeter apostolate” is a good thing. However, the greeters need to be trained to be alert for strangers and visitors or seekers or new people. And it needs to be more than a bunch of neighbors exchanging chit-chat that echoes through the main part of the church.

A lot of seemingly strange customs have emerged at Mass in the past couple of decades. Perhaps a prayer to the Holy Spirit for the right words, followed by a strategically chosen moment with the pastor might set things right.

Folks going up to receive Holy Communion need a few moments of quiet time … some of this handshaking and such may have evolved out of the practice of having ushers “monitor” the line to prevent “line jumpers” and to ensure smooth “traffic flow”. They also had the effect of “encouraging” folks who were not in the state of Grace (or otherwise not properly disposed … maybe they just ate) to go up and receive Holy Communion.

And some of those folks might have stopped attending Mass to avoid being singled out and made obvious.

We need a few moments of quiet to settle and reflect and pray before receiving the Body and Blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

By all means speak to the pastor.
 
Galand said:
At my church there are ushers that seem to be quite friendly with most of the parishoners. It is their custom to shake hands with the men and somethimes hug or kiss the hand of some women on the way to Communion. I do not know these guys. I put my head down and mind my own business I have always been an old school kind of Catholic. I know I have to be open to new things, but this custom makes me uncomfortable socially at a time I would rather be thinking about my spiritual health. Further, the fact that I don’t like it makes me feel rather uncharitable and judgemental when I really don’t want to be or mean to be. Any opinions out there? I have tried to let it go but everytime it happens in my presence I get a negative feeling.

Galand
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I would think a note to the pastor would be in order.
 
Linda Marie:
Our solution - we don’t have ushers. Everyone just gets up and files up without having to be told when or where to go. Somehow, it manages not to be pandemonium.
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This was beautiful. But, may I ask: if you don’t have ushers how to you fit 12 people into an 8 person pew?
 
does not sound like a local custom, sounds like inappropriate behavior on the part of a couple of individuals, which should be brought to the attention of the pastor. the fact that it has made you so uncomfortable is reason enough to complain

even in this culture in SoTex, where the side kiss and half-hug are routine no man would ever venture to do so except to a woman very well known to him, a relative, elderly neighbor, long time associate in work or ministry etc.
 
I would not try to read anything into this anymore than women hugging women etc. No one knows the minds of another. If it makes anyone feel odd or repulsed, maybe the feeling of being “judgemental” is just the Holy Spirit trying to tell you something.

There is too much “so and so did this, and so and so did that, these days”. The ones that feel this is where we are to worship our Lord are right, keep your eyes on him…not on man.

Man will let you down, Jesus never will. Jesus was condemned for alot that the Pharisees and Saducese didn’t understand, also.

Don’t let a critical, judgemental notion spoil the day with Jesus.👍

No offense intended, so please don’t take it as that.👍
 
I understand OP to be saying when he is the object of such contact w/o his permission, or at the wrong time (going to communion is certainly the wrong time) it makes him uncomfortable and is distracting. He is not commenting on what others are doing, but on what he himself is being subjected to.
 
Thank you for your comments. I can see that you all have given them some thought. I am at least glad that some of you found it somewhat odd. What I try to do is sit off to the side so I do not have to file by them and so I’m not bothered. But the responses seem to beg the question: When is something important enough to go to the pastor? He cannot take action based on everyone’s quirks. On the other had he may not be aware of this. In any case, thanks again for your comments. Good to have someone to touch base with. I wasn’t sure if I was being ignorant or not so I was unwilling to discuss it with anyone.

Galand
 
]Thank you for your comments. I can see that you all have given them some thought. I am at least glad that some of you found it somewhat odd. What I try to do is sit off to the side so I do not have to file by them and so I’m not bothered. But the responses seem to beg the question: When is something important enough to go to the pastor? He cannot take action based on everyone’s quirks. On the other had he may not be aware of this. In any case, thanks again for your comments. Good to have someone to touch base with. I wasn’t sure if I was being ignorant or not so I was unwilling to discuss it with anyone.

Galand
 
On the way to Communion? How bizarre! I can see doing it on the way into or out of the Church before or after Mass, but not on the way up to receive Communion! :eek:
 
Thank you for your comments. I was reluctant to discuss this with anyone, I was not sure if I was being ignorant or not. I was glad others found it at the very least, odd. That is at least one reason why this is a valuable site for those who are interested in these kinds of things. Comments seem to beg the question: When is something important enough to go to the Pastor? I don’t want him to think uh oh every time he see me.

Galand
 
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