This still bothers me

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Stillsosola

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So I went through RCIA a few years back and my instructors and priests knew very well that my husband and I were married in a civil ceremony only and he is a cradle catholic at that time I wasn’t but considering it. SO our marriage is invalid I know I quit taking communion when I was told by an excellent priest that I shouldn’t until the marriage is validated. Why was I allowed to go through RCIA if my marriage is invalid my instructors even told me I had to receive communion but I feel like being married civilly I shouldn’t be receiving. I don’t get why some priests even the bishop over Iguala told me it was Ok???

And I was wondering what do we have to do to get our marriage validated in the church? Are our children considered bastards? Since we are technically not married in God’s eyes?

I’m just saying this all still bothers me and my husband is dead set on getting married in a huge expensive wedding in church or not at all??? Couldn’t we just get married by ourselves in front of the priest no big party or dress?🤷
 
Stillsosola said:
I’m just saying this all still bothers me and my husband is dead set on getting married in a huge expensive wedding in church or not at all??? Couldn’t we just get married by ourselves in front of the priest no big party or dress?🤷
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Of course you can. My friend and her husband had their marriage validated after Sunday Mass in a 10 minute ceremony in the parish office with just her dad and her sister as witnesses and their two daughters and her mother as the only other persons present. No wedding dress or big party required.

Understand that at no time does the Church require that even a regular wedding be big, lavish and involve a party and wedding dress. Anyone who wants to get married can approach the priest, do the required paperwork, do the required preparation and then exchange vows dressed in regular clothes with only the Church minister (priest, deacon, or in rare cases a lay person) and two witnesses present.

It’s society that expects the big party, the fancy dress, etc., etc., etc., not the Church. Remember, weddings have become an ‘industry’ out there, a big money making machine doing its best to convince brides that they need a wedding coordinator, expensive invitations, all the fancy trappings, etc.
 
I dunno the canon law but how about just going to confession and staying celibate till it’s all sorted? Then u can receive?
 
Is it possible that the priests, the bishop and your RCIA team knew something that you don’t?

Is is possible that a) your husband had a dispensation for a civil ceremony so your marriage has always been valid, or b) he has since been granted a radical sanation which made your marriage valid without requiring you to go through another ceremony?
 
It is a terrible misconception that the church deems children “bastards”.
The status of your marriage is a separate issue from the lives of your children, who are beloved children of God. Period.
People more schooled in annulments can answer your other points.
Peace.
 
Stillsosola said:

“And I was wondering what do we have to do to get our marriage validated in the church?”

Very little.

Just go talk to your parish priest and you’ll be sorted out in no time.

Your RCIA team was negligent but you had no way of knowing that at the time.
 
Your children are gifts of God! Only the cruel would consider them bastards. How are they responsible for any sins you or your husband may commit?

NABRE Jeremiah 31:29
In those days they shall no longer say,
“The parents ate unripe grapes,
and the children’s teeth are set on edge,”*

NABRE Ezekiel 18: 1-20
Personal Responsibility.
1 The word of the LORD came to me: Son of man,
2 what is the meaning of this proverb you recite in the land of Israel:
“Parents eat sour grapes,
but the children’s teeth are set on edge”?
3 As I live—oracle of the Lord GOD: I swear that none of you will ever repeat this proverb in Israel.
4 For all life is mine: the life of the parent is like the life of the child, both are mine. Only the one who sins shall die!
5 If a man is just—if he does what is right,
6 if he does not eat on the mountains, or raise his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel; if he does not defile a neighbor’s wife, or have relations with a woman during her period;
7 if he oppresses no one, gives back the pledge received for a debt, commits no robbery; gives food to the hungry and clothes the naked;
8 if he does not lend at interest or exact usury; if he refrains from evildoing and makes a fair judgment between two opponents;
9 if he walks by my statutes and is careful to observe my ordinances, that man is just—he shall surely live—oracle of the Lord GOD.
10 But if he begets a son who is violent and commits murder, or does any of these things,f
11 even though the father does none of them—a son who eats on the mountains, defiles the wife of his neighbor,
12 oppresses the poor and needy, commits robbery, does not give back a pledge, raises his eyes to idols, does abominable things,
13 lends at interest and exacts usury—this son certainly shall not live. Because he practiced all these abominations, he shall surely be put to death; his own blood shall be on him.g
14 But, in turn, if he begets a son who sees all the sins his father commits, yet fears and does not imitate him—
15 a son who does not eat on the mountains, or raise his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, or defile a neighbor’s wife;
16 who does not oppress anyone, or exact a pledge, or commit robbery; who gives his food to the hungry and clothes the naked;
17 who refrains from evildoing, accepts no interest or usury, but keeps my ordinances and walks in my statutes—this one shall not die for the sins of his father. He shall surely live!
18 Only the father, since he committed extortion and robbed his brother, and did what was not good among his people—he will die because of his sin!
19 You ask: “Why is not the son charged with the guilt of his father?” Because the son has done what is just and right and has been careful to observe all my statutes—he shall surely live!
20 Only the one who sins shall die. The son shall not be charged with the guilt of his father, nor shall the father be charged with the guilt of his son. Justice belongs to the just, and wickedness to the wicked.
 
pianistclare said:
It is a terrible misconception that the church deems children “bastards”.
The status of your marriage is a separate issue from the lives of your children, who are beloved children of God. Period.
People more schooled in annulments can answer your other points.
Peace.
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I forgot to mention we didnt need an annulment it was the first marriage for both of us
 
pianistclare said:
Then WHY in the world you anyone think your children are bastards?
Where did that come from?
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A visiting priest from poland who was in my parish about 3 months ago told me since we are married by law but not God’s law but since my husband was not present and thus I have been abstinent for over 6 months I could receive but I still don’t feel right receiving

I don’t know i was very poorly prepared in RCIA they didn’t explain alot of important concepts of the faith to me including they actually recommended birth control to another young woman there and allowed a woman married to a divorcee to receive communion??? I will say this was a very liberal parish but shouldn’t I like report them to the dioceses? Wasn’t there gross lack of instruction and clarity like a way of helping others sin unknowingly?

And another question how much would it cost as a stipend to just have the priest validate our marriage without a big party?
 
Stillsosola said:
A visiting priest from poland who was in my parish about 3 months ago told me since we are married by law but not God’s law but since my husband was not present and thus I have been abstinent for over 6 months I could receive but I still don’t feel right receiving

I don’t know i was very poorly prepared in RCIA they didn’t explain alot of important concepts of the faith to me including they actually recommended birth control to another young woman there and allowed a woman married to a divorcee to receive communion??? I will say this was a very liberal parish but shouldn’t I like report them to the dioceses? Wasn’t there gross lack of instruction and clarity like a way of helping others sin unknowingly?

And another question how much would it cost as a stipend to just have the priest validate our marriage without a big party?
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Stipends are whatever you think. There are no “fees” as you know.
The stipend is kind of the priest’s mad money. Some priests give it to the parish, others use it for necessities not covered by their salary. Just do whatever you are comfortable with.
Sounds like your RCIA was less than perfect, to say the least. Keep reading about the faith, and try to make some friends among those who attend Bible study, or Adult Catechism classes.
God bless you, I hope everything works out lovely for you. God loves you so much. Focus on that!
 
Phemie said:
Of course you can. My friend and her husband had their marriage validated after Sunday Mass in a 10 minute ceremony in the parish office with just her dad and her sister as witnesses and their two daughters and her mother as the only other persons present. No wedding dress or big party required.

Understand that at no time does the Church require that even a regular wedding be big, lavish and involve a party and wedding dress. Anyone who wants to get married can approach the priest, do the required paperwork, do the required preparation and then exchange vows dressed in regular clothes with only the Church minister (priest, deacon, or in rare cases a lay person) and two witnesses present.

It’s society that expects the big party, the fancy dress, etc., etc., etc., not the Church. Remember, weddings have become an ‘industry’ out there, a big money making machine doing its best to convince brides that they need a wedding coordinator, expensive invitations, all the fancy trappings, etc.
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That was a big ceremony compared to ours. We were originally married by a Protestant minister. When we found out we needed to get validated, we talked to the Priest and he made the arrangements for us to come in a few minutes early one Sunday before Mass.

He found witnesses in the lobby and the whole thing took ~ 5 minutes.

Good luck.
 
dedo said:
That was a big ceremony compared to ours. We were originally married by a Protestant minister. When we found out we needed to get validated, we talked to the Priest and he made the arrangements for us to come in a few minutes early one Sunday before Mass.

He found witnesses in the lobby and the whole thing took ~ 5 minutes.

Good luck.
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The only reason they had so many ‘guests’ was that they’d all been to Mass as a family and after Mass talked to Fr. about having their marriage convalidated, Fr. said 'Sure, when?" and they replied, “How about now?” and he said “OK.” Of course he knew them, knew the history of why they’d had a civil marriage, and all the paperwork had been done months before.
 
Our RCIA at St Joseph’s in Modesto does require marriages to be valid before the spouse or spouses complete the process.

I see your marriage was a civil marriage with no previous marriage? Is that correct?

Go have your marriage validated. It is silly to make a big deal out of something that is not a big deal.

At least that’s what I think.
 
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