Those Ladies Nights Out without husbands

[DeOppressoLiber]

My wife and I are truly best friends, so it is very rare we go out separately. If we do and are having a good time, we normally end up calling the other and say “hey this is great you need to get up here”

Having said that I have no problem with her going out alone, and vice versa. If you’re in a safe area and in a healthy relationship, I don’t think anyone should have a problem with their spouse doing some things without them.

And I have to step to the defense of bars. I don’t mean clubs, or dance halls either, I means real bars, pubs and the like. If you have issues with alcohol I guess that’s one thing, but a good neighborhood pub can be a great thing. It may be a societal thing with the areas I grew up and live in, but the local pub always served a big part in community life. Not for the booze, per se, but for the social interaction.

My local place for example… I know every person there by name. I have a half dozen house keys of various other customers, to check mail and such when they’re out of town. My wife can go there alone and be nearly as well watched over as if I were there beside her. A couple of the guys came over and installed a new a new AC and hot water heater in our house when they got zapped by a power surge from a tornado. I was out of town on business.

Clubs are meat markets for singles, but a real bar can be a great group of people that watch over one another the way communities used to.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Ummm… timely question!
Although this wasn’t a bar… I went to my very first “Mom’s Night Out” last night (DH is actually traveling, MIL watched the kids)… it was a really fun and welcomed evening of relaxation and laughing! Just a local restaurant where they set up a pre-fix menu… nice deal!

Would I want to get together like this ALL the time?.. Nah, I don’t have enough time in my life to soak in the love of my family, let alone girlfriends…

But once in a while… for a fun ladies night… I sure enjoyed it last night!

 

[sanctamaria17]

Nothing wrong with music, alcohol (responsibly) and a good time with the ladies!

Follow Kage’s advice

 

[PatriceA]

I think the potential problem could be in the OP’s situation is if the situation is now that the ladies are ONLY socializing by going out to the bars where before there were other opportunites to meet and have fun with her female friends without the husbands. If there was a sudden switch in how my female friends were getting together, and it made me uncomfortable, I would hope they would still want to do things that didn’t involve going to the bar so much. Maybe the OP is feeling a little abandoned.

 

[kage_ar]

Fair enough, but why leave the spouse at home, then?

When we were younger, child care.

Now, maybe one or the other just does not feel like it. In the past few years, we cannot afford to go do anything fun so it is really a moot point.

 

[chevalier]

So I live in a pretty small rural mountain town. I have lots of married friends with children. I love going out to coffee with these ladies. We will either meet at the local coffee shops or each others homes. Our families get together on weekends.

Lately the big trend is to ditch the husbands and kids at night and go to one of the local bars to listen to bands or what ever. I have pretty much always declined and would rather be with my family or with another couple.

I guess my question is…WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE THINK OF THE LADIES NIGHT OUT AT THE BAR STUFF???

I will give a strange answer, but the key to that situation seems to me to be a sense of humour. Basically, if the theme is a serious notion of empowerment, manifestation of independence etc. etc., then it’s bad. On the other hand, if the theme is a humorous manifestation of empowerment, independence etc., then it’s all… err… fun.

I’m also against “forgetting you’re married/engaged/whatever” kind of experience. It’s nice to feel attractive, but monogamy is monogamy and single people have feelings. Let the rings stay where they are (both literally and metaphorically).

As guy, I’d want by wife/girlfriend to go out with the gals every now and than. Both genders need a bit of time to hang out with just one another.

Nothing wrong with it all. If you think their might be, just ask yourself, “Would I be comfortable with my husband doing this?” if the answer is yes, than your all good. If the answer is no, than don’t do it.

I agree and the “turn the table” test is one of my favourite responses too.

I agree. Why do these women feel the need to go to a bar?

Well, to be honest, from time to time I feel the need to go and have a White Russian or something and I wouldn’t pick a woman there without a triple security check (and this only on the basis that if I’m there, then, well, maybe there’s a Catholic lady feeling the need to have a White Russian too).

I’ve seen otherwise sane and self-possessed people (including married men and women) do some pretty stupid things under the influence. (Not that I’ve ever done anything stupid while drunk, of course…)

Yes and that stupidity is a source of grief. It tends to end like people making out with strangers, people with a “significant other” making out with an insignificant other etc. More on this later.

Clubs are meat markets for singles, but a real bar can be a great group of people that watch over one another the way communities used to.

Sorry, sir, but the meat is diseased. I tend to associate clubs etc. with the notion that a well-to-do chic girl has an interesting conversation with you, rocks the floor with you, faints in your arms with tears in her eyes at a slow song by the end of the night and gives you the friends line shortly thereafter for this or that reason usually related to commitment maladjustment. I can handle a lot, but the question is, will it leave my psychic constitution unscathed? Therefore, I go to such places with a heavy heart always.

 

[srlucado]

Therefore, I go to such places with a heavy heart always.

And yet, you go.

 

[Southparkmom]

Here’s my thought…I love going out and listening to music, having drinks and something to eat. Love it. I just Love it even more when my husband comes with me. We have fun together. I have actually brought him with me to these things. He ends up at a table with a bunch of my women friends talking to them about things that are fully woman!

Why do we have to always feel the need to entertain ourselves without our spouses? I understand the need to get away and be with your friends once in a while. But once a week, at night? Especially after all the coffee and donuts we all ate during the week. Maybe the ladies of South Park should start thinking about a RUNNING CLUB! LOL

 

[whatevergirl]

Here’s my thought…I love going out and listening to music, having drinks and something to eat. Love it. I just Love it even more when my husband comes with me. We have fun together. I have actually brought him with me to these things. He ends up at a table with a bunch of my women friends talking to them about things that are fully woman!

Why do we have to always feel the need to entertain ourselves without our spouses? I understand the need to get away and be with your friends once in a while. But once a week, at night? Especially after all the coffee and donuts we all ate during the week. Maybe the ladies of South Park should start thinking about a RUNNING CLUB! LOL

LOL…Make sure it’s not coed.

 

[Southparkmom]

ROTFL @ chevalier. FUNNY STUFF!!!

 

[srlucado]

LOL…Make sure it’s not coed.

Best comment of the day!

 

[dontknow]

So I live in a pretty small rural mountain town. I have lots of married friends with children. I love going out to coffee with these ladies. We will either meet at the local coffee shops or each others homes. Our families get together on weekends.

Lately the big trend is to ditch the husbands and kids at night and go to one of the local bars to listen to bands or what ever. I have pretty much always declined and would rather be with my family or with another couple.

I guess my question is…WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE THINK OF THE LADIES NIGHT OUT AT THE BAR STUFF???

I say go for it! I try to encourage my wife to do the same whenever possible.

 

[DeOppressoLiber]

I

Sorry, sir, but the meat is diseased. I tend to associate clubs etc. with the notion that a well-to-do chic girl has an interesting conversation with you, rocks the floor with you, faints in your arms with tears in her eyes at a slow song by the end of the night and gives you the friends line shortly thereafter for this or that reason usually related to commitment maladjustment. I can handle a lot, but the question is, will it leave my psychic constitution unscathed? Therefore, I go to such places with a heavy heart always.

Uhh… My good man, that’s basicly what I was saying about clubs, and drawing a difference between **clubs **and pubs. “meat market” is a derogatory term, not a positve estimation.

If you’re not sure of the distiction between the two…
Studio 54 = club
Cheer’s = pub

 

[Rascalking]

I say go for it! I try to encourage my wife to do the same whenever possible.

You and I agree on this one, my good man. I’d borderline demand it! It’s not good for you to never go out with friends.

 

[chevalier]

And yet, you go.

Indeed, rarely do I but I do. What can I say? I can pull out an all-nighter or a six hour dance without break, plus I speak French charmingly and have a British accent like you don’t hear on BBC any more, not to mention the sight of me in a three-piece and French cuffs. It’d be a shame to let this go to waste.

ROTFL @ chevalier. FUNNY STUFF!!!

:tiphat: Herzliche gedanken.

Uhh… My good man, that’s basicly what I was saying about clubs, and drawing a difference between **clubs **and pubs. “meat market” is a derogatory term, not a positve estimation.

Of c(o)urse. It was still worth noting the meat being diseased, apart from frequently changing hands, so to say.

 

[ack]

There are bars, and then there are bars.

There are some bars where you could bring your wife and children to have a casual dinner in the evening. At other bars…you wouldn’t.

Some places around here try to make a distinction between the two by using the word “pub” or “tavern”, but the connotations of such terms are not universally understood, and the word “pub” would mean something different in England anyway.

My advice to the OP would be to go to the bar if it’s the type of place where you could go as a family without feeling uncomfortable.

 

[lizaanne]

Nothing wrong with music, alcohol (responsibly) and a good time with the ladies!

Follow Kage’s advice

Exactly!!!

**I love dancing - my girlfriends love dancing. Our husbands hate it, and I have a lot of single girlfriends as well. So why in the world would my husband ever prevent me from doing something I enjoy when he knows I will be responsible and act like a married lady? The place we go is a club, but it is not a typical club for youngsters (until the later hours). It is a disco style that plays music from the 70’s and 80’s, with awesome old music videos from the same era. We only dance together, not with men, and while we may have a drink or two none of us are ever out of hand. We get there when they open and leave when the younger crowd arrives around 11:30ish. We are all in our 40’s - we are not into the clubbing or bar scene, and certainly not looking to pick up men in such a place, but we still like to go out and have some fun dancing to great old music.

~Liza
**

 

[CountrySinger]

Here’s my thought…I love going out and listening to music, having drinks and something to eat. Love it. I just Love it even more when my husband comes with me. We have fun together. I have actually brought him with me to these things. He ends up at a table with a bunch of my women friends talking to them about things that are fully woman!

Why do we have to always feel the need to entertain ourselves without our spouses? I understand the need to get away and be with your friends once in a while. But once a week, at night? Especially after all the coffee and donuts we all ate during the week. Maybe the ladies of South Park should start thinking about a RUNNING CLUB! LOL

Why do I have the “South Park” theme in my head when I see your username??

I’m single, but my married friends like to go out and spend time away from their husbands. I think it is good to spend time apart. Plus their husbands tend to hit on me, so it makes me uncomfortable, so I have to wear very plain stuff when I go out. And I like to get dressed up and look cute(ish), so husbands have to go away.

 

[bluerose]

Well, maybe it’s because DH and I get so little time together, I really don’t like the ladies’ night out.

Now lunch with the ladies or girls’ day out or afternoon book club… no problem. He’s a work, so I don’t miss him. He’s always telling me to call up my friends to meet for lunch or go shopping or get together. But evenings… he said he’s never felt the urge to hang out at a bar with his friends after work since we’ve been married (going on 22 years… and he never did it much when he was single.) He wants to be with me. Or we get together with friends and go out. But neither one of us has ever really wanted to be out while the other one was at home. Occasionally he’ll go to his brother’s house, which is across the road from us, for a poker game (mostly with family–I don’t play cards) while I stay home and read. But for the most part we cherish our evenings together.

Maybe it’s because we’re surrounded by family members who have been widowed… they would all give anything for another night at home with their spouses. Kind of makes us appreciate our time together more than ever.

 

[BBaller]

I think people tend to get too wrapped up in “bar” and “without husbands.” As some others have said, you know in which environment you will feel comfortable. If you do not think you will be comfortable, pass. If you feel it would be safe and fun, then by all means join them. There is nothing inherently evil about a “bar” or being without your husband. I was recently traveling for work. I happened to be in an area where I have many old friends. I sat in the (hotel) bar without my husband and drank a few beers with an old friend as well as with a couple of the GUYS I work with! After a few hours of catching up, we each went our own way.

I think it is important for spouses to maintain friendships and interets separately. In our case, it makes our relationship stronger!