I had actually been asked to leave my previous church, so when I started to attend mass around January of 2005 (can’t remember exactly), I didn’t expect much. In fact, the whole thing seemed strange and confusing at first. That feeling continued for quite a while, even though I was treated very kindly by the priest literally from day one. I might not be Catholic had he not been so interested in my welfare.
For me, RCIA was a real discernment process. I took very seriously the idea that I was there to examine the Church. I realized then that I would never be able to know everything beforehand, and had to at some point just leave it up to God whether or not I would continue. To be perfectly honest, there was a time when I did want to quit. Really badly, actually. Why didn’t I? I have no idea. Only God knows.
I was confirmed in 2006, and now almost three years later I feel like I have only just barely scratched the surface of what it means to be Catholic, and all the responsibilties and blessings that are given to me by that affiliation. Again, as I realized at some point in RCIA, I know there are limits to what I can know. For someone who really wanted to quit, I think it is a testament to the power of the Holy Spirit that I these days I often feel like I want to do it again! I could ask much more effective questions, and come away that much stronger in my faith…
That’s one thing I love about being Catholic…for me, it is a sometimes very terrifying, always very illuminating, and ultimately comforting exercise in spiritual cleansing and renewal.