Those who did not believe

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Unruhe

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Hello everybody. Maybe it’s a bit early to start talking about my own issues here, but on the other hand, maybe it’s the occasion to blend in. Anyway, hoping I made the right choice, here it goes :

I was born in an atheist family, grand-parents grand great-grand-parents included. I was not baptized and my father despises religions of all kinds.
Last year, during a hitchhiking trip through Germany and Czech Republic, I felt the Love of God for the first time. And my faith is only going stronger and stronger ever since (with some glitches from time to time, of course).

I obviously want to be baptized (I’ll talk about that somewhere else), and I don’t want to hide my faith or always finding excuses to why I have to go out every Sunday morning.

I’ll be moving out from my parent’s house next year. But the problem still remains.

I was hoping someone could give me a piece of advice about what I should do. I love my family (and I pray for them every day), even if I’m absolutely not emotionally close to them.

Thank you anyway for any answer you could give me 🙂

May God be with you.

(Please excuse the bad English or the imprecise terms used in this text. French is my mother language.)
 
Unruhe said:
Hello everybody. Maybe it’s a bit early to start talking about my own issues here, but on the other hand, maybe it’s the occasion to blend in. Anyway, hoping I made the right choice, here it goes :

I was born in an atheist family, grand-parents grand great-grand-parents included. I was not baptized and my father despises religions of all kinds.
Last year, during a hitchhiking trip through Germany and Czech Republic, I felt the Love of God for the first time. And my faith is only going stronger and stronger ever since (with some glitches from time to time, of course).

I obviously want to be baptized (I’ll talk about that somewhere else), and I don’t want to hide my faith or always finding excuses to why I have to go out every Sunday morning.

I’ll be moving out from my parent’s house next year. But the problem still remains.

I was hoping someone could give me a piece of advice about what I should do. I love my family (and I pray for them every day), even if I’m absolutely not emotionally close to them.

Thank you anyway for any answer you could give me 🙂

May God be with you.

(Please excuse the bad English or the imprecise terms used in this text. French is my mother language.)
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Your English is excellent. But you haven’t given us much to go on. For the moment I assume you are at least 18 and have graduated from what we call High School here in the States and perhaps you are now in a University. I will also assume your early Morning outings are to attend Mass at a local Church. I will also assume you know at least one local priest. If all these are true, I would simply tell your parents you wish to become a Catholic and if they put up a fuss, quietly tell them your mind is made up and that you will proceed regardless of their opinions. But do not attempt to engage in a prolongued defense. I have found that Atheists generally, do not respond well to argument. They will not accept any reason you give them.

In time they will get used to the idea if they truely love you and I am sure they do. Hopefully they do no threaten to kick you out of the house. If they do they go see the local priest and explain the situation to him and ask for guidance. If you are of age you should be able to go out on your own.

If you are not of age you are going to have a hard time. But stick to your guns anyway. But keep the issue quiet. I mean don’t attempt any proslytizing at home. You said you are not baptized yet. You will need some type of formal instruction. Speak to you local pastor about that. In the meantime, pray and study the Catechism.

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

Good luck. Let us know how things are going from time to time. 👍
 
Unruhe said:
I obviously want to be baptized (I’ll talk about that somewhere else), and I don’t want to hide my faith or always finding excuses to why I have to go out every Sunday morning.

I’ll be moving out from my parent’s house next year. …
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You have two issues: you want to be baptized and you are lying so you can pursue a relationship with God in church.

**Baptism: **Go to the Pastor of the parish where you are attending Mass and get an appointment and tell him what you told us. Depending on a variety of factors, he may be able to baptize you on your own expression of desire without your parents being involved. Only he can advise you.

**Your family: ** You will very possibly face real resistance at home, and only you know how much you feel you can stand up to that. Only you know how controlling your parents are or how much latitude they allow you as a parenting style. Without knowing any more than what you have told us, I suggest the truth. Tell them simply you have been going to church, you are sorry you lied to them but now, you know this is what you believe and want and you don’t want to lie to them anymore.

If they outright forbid you to go, obey them. I know, sounds wrong what with you just wanting to be with God, but this kind of obedience and patience is a very good way to become more deeply spiritual. They cannot stop you from praying, and I assume won’t lock you in your room with no access to books. You might even find that after the initial reaction, they don’t care that much.

Christianity is hard. Following Jesus leads to great joy forever and a lot of crosses to bear in the meantime. But on the narrow path, there’s no room for falsehood.

Trust God.
 
Your two reactions made me rethink this on a bigger picture. In fact, I’m way too incline to lie in order to avoid judgment. Which is not even remotely compatible with the Catholic faith. As you said, Julia Mae, there is no room for falsehood. Therefore I really should do some cleaning and be honest, for once (I never tell them important things. It usually leads to sterile discussions with my mother and a lot of sarcasm from my father).
They probably wouldn’t kick me out of the house. They would not lock me up. And I should not fear sarcasm so much. I’m an adult now. I’m indulging myself way too much (and that is something I’m currently trying to work on, especially with my sexuality, since I realized I really need to gain control of myself again). It’s just this childish and yet very vivid anxiety of losing their love.

I will talk to them. I will find a way. But, like you said, Linusthe2nd, it probably will be useless to argue with them, so I won’t do that.
I suspect they will laugh at me, first, as always when I try to do things differently.
Anyway. With the help of the Lord, I will tell them.

Sorry though, I forgot the essentials : I’m 23 years old and I live with my parents (in Belgium), and I’m currently looking for a job (after a long period of depression).

About the Baptism : I know a local priest indeed. And the Catechism and Cathechumen service of the Diocese offers some papers and guidance, which I plan to ask for next week. But I didn’t think about studying the Catechism by myself. I will do that.

And really really, thanks, both of you.
 
Don’t feel bad about being different than your family. God made you unique! I will pray and ask God to help you reveal the truth to your parents. You converted slowly over time. Most people accept things that way. Instead of planning a big “talk” with them, consider sharing a little bit at a time. For instance when you leave for Church on Sunday, answer honestly if they ask where you are going. When they ask why, keep it simple. “It helps me feel better, and happier.” Then smile an go! If they get argumentative ask, "Do I have to believe EVERYTHING exactly the same as you? I have my own experiences, and opinions. Please respect that.

Praying for you! 👍
 
Unruhe,
I know just how you feel. However, being atheist wasn’t the problem for me. It was because they are all Baptist. So for me to become Catholic was like joining a cult to them. My own father told me he would rather that I became a prostitute than become Catholic. It took many years of stress and discomfort before I realized it really doesn’t matter what they think. It will be a hard road…but worth it!! So here’s the best advice I have to offer.

God is calling you…go to Him!

Be honest with them but don’t go way out of the way to tell them every last detail of your journey. If they want to know they will ask.

Start a really good prayer life. (pray every morning and every night) A good prayer life will help you more than you know! One of your prayers should consider is asking Mary to be your spiritual mother. (you will need one parent on your side…so I used Mary 🙂

And DONT worry about what they think. Leave that up to God.

May God Bless you and help you find the truth
 
Unruhe said:
Sorry though, I forgot the essentials : I’m 23 years old and I live with my parents (in Belgium), and I’m currently looking for a job (after a long period of depression)…
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This is really important to know, as a lot of advice you got was based on the idea you were underage. But even though an adult, you are also fragile, I am sure, coming out of depression. In which case, I’m going to change my advice to: make sure you have strong support outside your home before you tell them. Friends, therapist, people at church.

I don’t like the idea of you being an a fragile emotional state and having to deal with sarcasm and rejection, any more than you apparently have had to. But only you know how strong you are and I know the Lord and His Mother will be with you.
 
Regina Love : Thank you very much for your prayer 🙂 Of course I won’t tell them the hole thing right away. Just starting with telling them I’m going to the Mass would be great.

ShadowsNana : I pray every day, not always at the same hour though. Maybe it would help, you’re right. Since I don’t work, I sometimes go at the Mass during the week. Anyway, I will ask Mary. Thank you for this advice.

Julia Mae : Although most of my friends are atheists too, I’ve told some of them, and it went great. So I guess I can talk about that as well. And, of course, my therapist, whom I have an appoitment with on Thursday. I will talk to her before I talk to my parents.
I guess I can handle that though. I’ve never felt so good before 🙂
 
I grew up in a secularist family and I converted when I was a teenager. My family had a few very loud atheists and my decision did not go down well with them. I had to put up with ridicule and even nastiness for years and years. It was not pleasant. But it was so worth it, I never for a second regretted my decision to become Catholic.

Conversion always costs us something. There are always threads about this, people suffer in different ways because of their decision. Some lose friends, others fall out with their families. I am saying this so you are prepared that there will be consequences. They will depend on the type of people you are dealing with. You know your family best and I am sure you can guess how they will react. However, sometimes people can surprise us, in both good and bad ways.

So whatever happens put your trust in God, hand this situation over to Him. I suggest you go to Adoration if that is available where you live. Just sitting there and praying and opening your heart to Jesus will give you strenght to do this. He will help you in all difficulties.

God bless you on this journey.
 
*“Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death. You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved.

…

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
*
 
I just read that yesterday and I wandered if it refers to the kind of situation I’m into.

Contra Mundum : I think a church in town does the Adoration once a week. I will do that.
 
Hi Unruhe, there are many posts on this thread showing that you are not alone in such a situation. I wanted to offer my story as well. I am lucky that my parents were quite open minded despite being atheists, but when I started going to church as a teenager I also had to put up with a lot of sarcasm. Even now my father makes jokes about it. My mother also found it hard to understand that I was not going to have sex before marriage (I am now married and raising my children in the love of Jesus, although my husband is not the most devoted catholic, let’s say he likes to make his wife happy which is a good start!). My in-laws are not religious, and can be quite aggressive sometimes about it.
Anyway, hang in there, it is wonderful that your newly discovered faith is making you feel so much better, it is quite natural at the beginning to enjoy such an intense period, despite the trials with your family. Remember it when things become more “normal” after a while.
You seem to have a good plan about talking to your family and friends step by step about your faith. Keep in mind though that you need to also consider what load you are able to carry ourself. I have a friend who spent years making up excuses to go to church so his parents would not find out, and prayed secretely, hiding his bible etc. Until he felt strong enough to share with his parents.
Thank you for sharing and for your willingness to follow Christ. The Church rejoices that you are on your way!
MM
 
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