Those who have did

[utah_rose]

My mother died suddenly over 20 years ago. Our relationship was on and off, and as she died suddenly we never really had time to talk. I was a difficult teenager and she dealt with what I know think was depression. I didn’t know much about her childhood till after she died, and I think that explained her behavior and attitude at times. I wondered if you or the Church thinks that those that have died see their earth relationships differently, and know what their close relatives, in this case daughter, motivated their behavior and perhaps their thoughts now, or would God be the only one who knows this. As I grow older, I feel we both hurt each other and I would feel better somehow if she forgave me as I didn’t know at the time.

 

[tawny]

Praying for your intentions.

 

[bitterhope]

I believe your mother knows all that is in your heart. I believe your mom has not only forgiven you but also advocates for you in heaven. I promise you that anger, hurt and sadness come and go many times in our lives as mothers and daughters, but through it all, love remains. In heaven, your mom is well aware of everything you experience and is able to see things in a different way than was possible on earth. Your mom’s love for you is pure now and no longer corrupted with human emotions and problems. She forgave you long before you ever thought you may need her to do so. I know because I am a mom. We aren’t perfect but our love runs deep. Much deeper than any other feeling, emotion or action.

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Rose,

I am sorry for your loss. I agree with Hope that your mother knows your heart and can see without the haze of our world.

It may help you heal if you just write her a letter. But down all that you feel and regret, all the pain that you each caused each other. And let her know that you love her and forgive her – and ask her to forgive you.

Once done keep the letter in a place that you can reread it in difficult times or when you start to remember some of the “issues” that you both had.

This may help you heal.

I pray that God grants you peace and happiness.

Winter

 

[3DOCTORS]

It’s really hard when someone dies suddenly. My dad died suddenly, and I was a mess. After the immediate, intense grief period of days, weeks, maybe months, I did think back to lots of times when I could’ve been much more respectful and loving toward him. One of the problems was that I was an only child, so our family was a “triangle” of people and when there would be an upset, often two would take sides against the odd one out. It was wrong and stupid, but we were weak human beings.

Yet even though I was sometimes a little snot, my dad loved me so much. We had our bones to pick, the one that concerned him the most about me (and that we’d argue about) was that I had trouble keeping jobs. It made me really glad that at the time he died I had found my niche and stayed at a job longer than in many years (though that didn’t last forever, but at least he got to live to see it at the time). The last weekend I saw my dad, I felt an inexplicable urge to hug him and tell him I loved him - I believe this was inspired by the Holy Spirit.

My mother and I had a complicated relationship with a lot of drama, but also lots of love and forgiveness to compensate. The years after my dad died, my mom’s health was in decline. Navigating the nursing home and hospital journey was rough for both of us but also a bonding experience. We had time to reminisce and communicate our relationship and that included apologies and forgiveness for the times we’d given each other a hard time. So when she died, though I was sad, there was much more peace, resolution, and closure.

Over time, with prayer, and maybe special things you do, like visiting the grave, or looking through photos, the regrets should begin to fade and the good memories become more prominent. May God bless you and give you peace in all this.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I am not sure what the church teaches, but I have always had the firm belief that once someone is in Heaven, their perspective changes. Your mom is now free. She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt she has been forgiven for what she did to hurt you. She also has what us humans would call thick skin. The pain you caused her while she was alive is not longer reason to be hurt. In Heaven she realizes how you were forgivable.

Of course, as a human on this side of life, it takes a long time to get to that point in our hearts, but keep praying, you will get there

Angie

 

[utah_rose]

Thank you so much for your kind remarks. In some ways though, after my mother passed I really got closer to my dad. When he passed in 99, I was able to be at his side, so that was a blessing. Incidentally, I felt a little estranged from both and they were devout Catholics who said the Rosary each day (probably for us kids) . After his death I returned to the Church. I’d been away for more than 20 years and had this strong urging during Holy Week of 2002. I’m sure it was due to their prayers.

 

[bitterhope]

Thank you so much for your kind remarks. In some ways though, after my mother passed I really got closer to my dad. When he passed in 99, I was able to be at his side, so that was a blessing. Incidentally, I felt a little estranged from both and they were devout Catholics who said the Rosary each day (probably for us kids) . After his death I returned to the Church. I’d been away for more than 20 years and had this strong urging during Holy Week of 2002. I’m sure it was due to their prayers.

Very beautiful! Yes, I’m sure their prayers were always with you in mind. And they still are.