Thought she married a good man

[jillisamarie]

but 5 yrs after the marriage took place, he has lied from the begining of married life, even before, telling the parents he had a degree in physcology, he worked 5 yrs. got fired, hasnt worked for a year, drank every day even driving with his kids, wrote hot checks, wont help his wife in the house, he wont even mow the yard, there was porn on his hard drive and heaven knows what else, my daughter beleives she can make this marriage work, but she is blind to his faults. I say he a a worthless slob and she needs to get an annulment. they were separated for 2 mo. and now he is back and wants to take her to another state. She will be away from her nurturing parents and closer to his parents who have bailed him out of his hot checks, sent money only to him in a private po box, that his wife finally found out about. I am at my wits end, she is very defensiv e about him, I am afraid if they move away he is capable of serious abuse to her and their kids, possibly even killing the whole family and himself. What can I do?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

1.) Pray.
2.) She doesn’t want to hear what you have to say. You could be right, but she’s not up for it. So, I think you’ll need to back off a bit from her.
3.) Can she prove the abuse in court? Has she made police reports, etc.? Has she ever petitioned for an order of protection? Is there a paper trail? You need to get hold of this, because if she does move, you might need it down the road.
4.) If he’s as drunk as you say, and writes hot checks, he’s going to have to get the money together for a move. Moving is not cheap. esp. with kids. While it might happen, it also might not, esp. if he drinks it away or kites it away on a rubber check. Keep an ear out, but don’t hold your breath on the move.

Short answer: She’s legal age, and married to the guy. You have to collect your evidence, should you need it to help her, while biting your tongue and biding your time.

 

[blossom02]

Oh !!! this is so sad for you to watch.

All you can do is pray.

Post this in the prayer intention section. The prayer warriors will pray about this with you. I will pray for you and your daughter and her family.

I hope some of the others here have good suggestions for you.

Praying for this difficult situation.

 

[1ke]

Mom,

You’ve told her how you felt and you’ve given her your opinion.

Now what you can do is tell her you love her and you will always be there for her. You can let her know you will not say “I told you so” if she decides to leave him and needs you to help her. You will pray for her.

Then, you have to let her live her own life because you cannot live it for her and you cannot change her.

 

[dulcissima]

Having got out of an abusive marriage, that I stayed in for waaaay too many years, and had moved across the country in…my best advice to you is to not talk down your son-in-law, but do let your daughter know how concerned you are for her and for her children. Driving drunk with the kids in the car? He would lose legal custody in a divorce. I think the most important thing you can offer to your daughter is that you will always be there to help her out in any way that she needs. It is really hard to leave a marriage like this, and she will need to know that she has that help available to her should she decide to leave. Calling your local domestic violence hot line might also give you some concrete ways in which to offer help.