Thoughts about your spouse

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cynic

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Is having (non-sexually explicit) romantic or desirous thoughts about your husband/wife considered a sin?
 
This is who you are supposed to think about. When you have thoughts about others is when it is sinful.
 
It is a lot better than having those thoughts about yourself.
😃
Sexual thoughts are not the sin, it is focusing on those thoughts that can be. (thoughts of others, not of your spouse)
But if the thoughts are of your spouse, and are leading to intimacy, then I doubt that it would be a sin.
 
I thought that daydreams were considered a grave sin. If you are thinking about your spouse then aren’t you doing so for your own pleasure?
 
cynic said:
I thought that daydreams were considered a grave sin. If you are thinking about your spouse then aren’t you doing so for your own pleasure?
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I would think that so long as the “daydream” was only of your spouse, no. It might constitute an occasion to sin if it tempts you to masturbation or other disordered sexuality because of the absence of your spouse. But, generally I would say no.
 
I think dwelling on the thoughts to the point of distraction can become sin, i.e. while driving or at work. If it causes an accident/almost does or results in stealing time from one’s employer it becomes sinful.
 
cynic said:
Is having (non-sexually explicit) romantic or desirous thoughts about your husband/wife considered a sin?
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if we aren’t having such thoughts, why did we get married in the first place, and how do we expect to sustain a marriage?
 
cynic said:
I thought that daydreams were considered a grave sin. If you are thinking about your spouse then aren’t you doing so for your own pleasure?
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could you please supply a catechism or scripture citation for these remarkable statements? I quite often think of my spouse in terms that provide no pleasure to anyone, such as when he has not done something he promised, or otherwise aggravated me.
 
puzzleannie said:
could you please supply a catechism or scripture citation for these remarkable statements? I quite often think of my spouse in terms that provide no pleasure to anyone, such as when he has not done something he promised, or otherwise aggravated me.
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but if you were to daydream about him because it made you feel good, or you wanted to be with him… I thought that, if marriage is all about giving, then when you’re not in position to give, then you shouldn’t be indulging in dreams about your spouse because it’s motivated by self-love.
 
…what I meant was it seems as if thoughts are only good if the have a purpose. For example if your thinking of what you could do for your spouse next time you see them, how to help them with this or that etc. But if thinking about them is just for feeling good, then isn’t that sin? I mean aren’t pleasent dreams about your spouse (or anyone) really just a form of mental masturbation?
 
By following that line of thought, if I think about my husband (or my children for that matter) when I am not with them, since I am not in a position to do anything for them at that moment, it would be a sin, since naturally it brings me pleasure to think about them. I am astounded that you would equate such natural pleasure with sin. Some sound catechesis on the topic is indicated. Is the only way of showing love to be able to active serve or give to the beloved in physcial proximity? A father away on military service cannot think of his family with love and longing? He is somehow less a father because he can be present with them to serve them? very bizarre thinking.
 
puzzleannie said:
Is the only way of showing love to be able to active serve or give to the beloved in physcial proximity? .
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well of course, if your not doing anything for him/her then you can’t show love. Using somebodies image, or a memory of them, for your own pleasure…sounds like it could be sinful, maybe.
 
cynic said:
…what I meant was it seems as if thoughts are only good if the have a purpose. For example if your thinking of what you could do for your spouse next time you see them, how to help them with this or that etc. But if thinking about them is just for feeling good, then isn’t that sin? I mean aren’t pleasent dreams about your spouse (or anyone) really just a form of mental masturbation?
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So, are you saying that if, for example, I think about my late parents because I loved them, and thinking about them makes me “feel good,” then that is / could be sinful? Or thinking about our family’s last trip to Disney and the happy memories that holds makes me feel good, too…and since those thoughts have no “purpose” beyond calling up a happy memory and making me feel good in the midst of a bad day at work – then such thoughts are sinful?
 
Mattapoisett64 said:
So, are you saying that if, for example, I think about my late parents because I loved them, and thinking about them makes me “feel good,” then that is / could be sinful? Or thinking about our family’s last trip to Disney and the happy memories that holds makes me feel good, too…and since those thoughts have no “purpose” beyond calling up a happy memory and making me feel good in the midst of a bad day at work – then such thoughts are sinful?
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well they could be, I don’t know. I kind of wanted to limit the discussion to romantic thoughts about a spouse. But who knows, maybe people should just concentrate on what they are doing. Maybe daydreams/fantasies create a false sense of expectation towards those around you when you actually are with them…
 
I assume the title of this thread means.

“thoughts about one’s own spouse”
rather than…
“thoughts about your (meaning the readers) spouse”
 
If husband and wife are going to become “one flesh” (which is a Divine Commandment), it’s gonna be difficult to do without thinking about all the different aspects.

Which reminds me: It’s been an hour since I had a kiss … see ya!
 
IMHO those thoughts make a marriage fun. LOL

After 38 years I still can’t believe I got to blessed with the gift of this man.
 
Becareful, folks, when you all start pernting fingers at other folks and pronouncing the word “sin”.

Unless a married person actually “dates” another person (not their spouse), then the sinfulness falls into that big grey area of subjectiveness.

Even when there are “thoughts” … go give the spouse a kiss.

If there are any wives in the audience, read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”… [the husband won’t know what hit him!!]
 
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