Thoughts of intense doubt...anyone go through this?

[mariacamille]

For a brief period I was suffering immense grief…I went through two miscarriages and, though I was never mad at God…I wasn’t quite ready to face him in his House, either.

Finally, thanks to many prayers and struggles, I made it back to Church yesterday and I’m fervent in my desire to not just STAY, but to increase my faith so that this never happens again.

Last night as I prayed the rosary, I felt so at peace…then suddenly and out of nowhere, a little thought in my head said “He doesn’t exist. He won’t save you.”

WHAT. So I closed my eyes and kept praying…the harder I prayed, the more that voice told me that I was alone and that the saint didn’t exist…the Angels didn’t exist…and God didn’t exist. So I stopped praying, and told myself that it was all a lie. I had a brief moment of silence and suddenly I felt like someone had hit me…not physically, but mentally. I felt something shut off from me…something I can only describe as God’s Grace, my faith ,my hope. It was all gone. And I was miserable. It didn’t last long, and I felt His Grace open up to me again, and my faith and hope came back…but it was enough to realize that God HAS to exist. If he didn’t exist, then no one would exist…the angels and saints had to exist.

I prayed even harder, and by the end of the rosary, all doubts were gone. Anyone go through trials like these?

 

[whatsthetruth]

I am very sorry for what has happened to you, and yes I am going through the same thing right now too. I feel as if my whole faith is being shaken right now. I am questioning the authority, teachings, and practices of the church which I have had no problem with until just this past week. I love the church very much and am also considering a call to the priesthood. I don’t know why now out of all times this would be happening. It’s as if, like you said, a small voice tormenting me cognitively and emotionally. Also feeling spiritually drained, I prayed the rosary earlier also and found peace but I am starting to question so many things…I will pray for you.

 

[Small_Fish]

I am having difficulty transitioning from Islam to Catholicism since I feel torn between the two and some days while reading the Bible I feel shut off and doubtful of converting. Where I felt strong about conversion I feel weak. I feel the burden of my sins and that forgiveness is far away. I feel torn sometimes on the forum when reading about how others feel about Islam. But then, like a light comes back on to remind me of God leading me. It feels like a brief short circuit, then a reconnection.

 

[whatsthetruth]

No sin is to big to be unforgiven, trust in the Lord and in his mercy! He loves you very much Small Fish.

 

[grandfather]

For a brief period I was suffering immense grief…I went through two miscarriages and, though I was never mad at God…I wasn’t quite ready to face him in his House, either.

Finally, thanks to many prayers and struggles, I made it back to Church yesterday and I’m fervent in my desire to not just STAY, but to increase my faith so that this never happens again.

Last night as I prayed the rosary, I felt so at peace…then suddenly and out of nowhere, a little thought in my head said “He doesn’t exist. He won’t save you.”

WHAT. So I closed my eyes and kept praying…the harder I prayed, the more that voice told me that I was alone and that the saint didn’t exist…the Angels didn’t exist…and God didn’t exist. So I stopped praying, and told myself that it was all a lie. I had a brief moment of silence and suddenly I felt like someone had hit me…not physically, but mentally. I felt something shut off from me…something I can only describe as God’s Grace, my faith ,my hope. It was all gone. And I was miserable. It didn’t last long, and I felt His Grace open up to me again, and my faith and hope came back…but it was enough to realize that God HAS to exist. If he didn’t exist, then no one would exist…the angels and saints had to exist.

I prayed even harder, and by the end of the rosary, all doubts were gone. Anyone go through trials like these?

Some years ago I went to pray on Saturdays at an abortion facility about an hours drive from where I live. There were a handful of Catholics who prayed there for years. This clinic had hired guards or escorts who stood outside to counter our presence. Praying there was very intense. Sometimes women wouyld come out sobbing. Sometimes, often people cursed us. One day someone tried to run me over. The police came occassinoanally and they definitely were not sympathetic. The were looking for a reason to arrest us. They kept warning us. One of the clinic guards called the police one day, because I was standing off the public sidewalk by six inches on the parking lot. Occasionally a woman or couple would come out and say our silent presence caused them to change their mind.

Praying there was an intense spiritual experience. One day I felt the devil mocking me and us and our prayers. We had been going there for years and nothing changed. This voice said we were fools to think God would intervene, or that our prayers made any difference.

A week or two later I felt exhilerated. I knew we had victory. I can not describe the feeling. A week after that it was announced the clinic was closing.

When you are on the cusp of victory the devil will try to snatch it by destroying yourt faith.

 

[Gods_Peace]

Yeah those thoughts creeped into my head like a serpent when I began saying the rosary. My advice, don’t stop praying it. The more those thoughts pop into your head, the more you pray that rosary. It’s pretty obvious who those thoughts come from . It’s the one who is always seeking to kill faith. Stand firm in your faith, endure, and continue to grow in faith. You’re in my prayers.

 

[AlexPetrosPio]

If it helps, read The Dark Night of the Soul by St John of the Cross. It’s a big help and consolation, and also a good examination of conscience.

 

[Gods_Peace]

I am having difficulty transitioning from Islam to Catholicism since I feel torn between the two and some days while reading the Bible I feel shut off and doubtful of converting. Where I felt strong about conversion I feel weak. I feel the burden of my sins and that forgiveness is far away. I feel torn sometimes on the forum when reading about how others feel about Islam. But then, like a light comes back on to remind me of God leading me. It feels like a brief short circuit, then a reconnection.

Not everyone thinks bad of islam, they are our long lost brothers and sisters . I personally pray for their conversion and they are always in my heart since they are my neighbor that Jesus commanded me to love. You’re in my prayers, and good luck on your journey of forgiveness. May I recommend the divine chaplet? That is where I found an ocean of mercy for my own sins and the worlds.

 

[itullian]

been there, doing that.

 

[Gertabelle]

St Therese of Lisieux (she called herself a little flower for God) felt this way! She confided in her sisters just before her death from tuberculosis that she had made more acts of faith in the past year than in all the years of her life before that.

She gave us a great example of what to do when doubts arise: make an act of faith. You could say, “Jesus, I trust in you” or “Jesus, I choose you” or say the Apostle’s Creed. I would imagine the worst thing would be to give too much attention to your doubts. Just thank your thoughts for sharing, make an act of faith, and move on.

Reading the Catechism, the Fathers of the Church, the writings of orthodox apologists – all these things can be helpful to quiet the intellect, because Catholicism loves reason, science, facts, history. Our faith has a powerful and verifiable history.

God bless you, and keep moving forward.

Gertie

 

[Irishgal49]

I am very sorry for what has happened to you, and yes I am going through the same thing right now too. I feel as if my whole faith is being shaken right now. I am questioning the authority, teachings, and practices of the church which I have had no problem with until just this past week. I love the church very much and am also considering a call to the priesthood. I don’t know why now out of all times this would be happening. It’s as if, like you said, a small voice tormenting me cognitively and emotionally. Also feeling spiritually drained, I prayed the rosary earlier also and found peace but I am starting to question so many things…I will pray for you.

I am the sister to the two of you. My 16 year old son died in a car accident in 1996 and I got mad and left God/Church for 9 years. I just came back last June and I feel I’ve not made much progress in the areas of obedience, chastity/personal purity, and growth in faith --I just finished a divorce so I’m in emotional turmoil and I know that’s temporary. I’m meeting with a priest who I’m hoping will meet with me for spiritual direction for the summer so I can get some guidance on what to do with my problems/struggles and point me in the right direction. Don’t give up, I get those doubts too. It’s Satan and he hates you more than you can imagine. Reject him and renounce the doubts in the name of Jesus and pray the prayer of St Michael the archangel. It’s helps. Blessings to you,
Lorrie

 

[SomeSinner]

I have a lot of doubt. Honestly, reading the Gospel lately, I’m pretty much convinced that I am already damned and the funny thing is that I find it very hard to care one bit. I guess I try to be good as much as I can, but only out of spite I think, because the fact is that none of it matters to me, or so it seems. Christ supposedly came for the sinners, but it’s funny that you only see him with repentant sinners. People who aren’t sinners anymore. He just condemns the real sinners and abandons them to themselves. He tells us to love our enemies, but he hates his enemies and shuts the door on them. He openly says that it would be better for them to have never been born, but still doesn’t annihilate them, instead he keeps them as a warning or to satisfy a justice that he himself established, I can’t figure out which it is, or which is more disgusting.

So I got to wondering for the first time in my life. Why should I care one bit? If I am hated and unknown to God, if I am a lost sheep that he doesn’t care to find, than why should I love God? Because he has decided that right and wrong are such that I must love but he can hate? Convenient for him, I would say. Christ suffered for us all? I suppose that’s true if by “all” you mean “few”. Oh but we choose hell, right? How wonderful for us who suffer something that Christ will never know and will never have to suffer. Ah, but we chose it. Then what does God know of our pain, or our future? Nothing. He openly says that he knows nothing of us. We are not his sons; we are the sons of the world.

Wonderful for those who are saved and those who are repentant. They don’t deserve their reward, the scripture tells us as much; but we, the enemies, we get what we deserve and nothing more and nothing less. The children of God get their sins forgiven, but the sons of the slave bear the weight of all sin. Christ bore the weight of sin? How so? He tells us that he does not live outside the walls of the kingdom. He lives in the kingdom with the Father. He is at the wedding, and he does not know us who are outside where there is ‘wailing and gnashing of teeth.’ He died and rose again. Those in hell do not rise again. They bear the true weight of sin. God in his wisdom has made this all righteous. Surely he can do with his clay what he will. I don’t deny that God is righteous, for he has made such a denial completely impossible. I am no more capable of questioning his morality than I am of picking myself up into the air by my own ears. Even that, he has taken from us. Even the ability to question our fate. We must believe and if we do not believe, then we are damned and he will not even hear us or care to hear us. He will never have to see us.

Do I honestly believe this? I don’t know. I guess that’s where doubt comes in. I find it incredibly hard to care about the punishments anymore. So many people will say “Oh but you will care!” Believe me, I know this more than anyone. Christ is quite open about the fact that he made us that way. He made us so that our torture will be unending, and our thirst unquenchable, so that no one could ever be strong enough to withstand it. My only hope is to call out to God, and ask him to remember me, but even that is lost. God doesn’t hear those of us in the depths of hell, and he doesn’t remember us. Why then should I even try to find salvation? “Because it isn’t too late.” I know that is going to be the answer. What if I don’t want to love a thing that claims to love unconditionally, that tells me to love unconditionally, and then out of the other side of it’s mouth, tells me that its love is the most conditional and the most exclusive. I would rather have damnation than submit to that thing.

If you have faith, please keep it. Love God more than anything, and be prepared to leave everyone else behind. In other words, get selfish and quick. I don’t like the idea of other people being damned but it seems to me that God does, or if he doesn’t the result is still the same, so it’s an argument in semantics. He may not want to abandon the people he promised to save, but he does abandon them. This doesn’t sound anything like what you were going through, except that they both seem to be crises of faith. It sounds like you got through yours. I wish you well in that. I honestly envy people who still have faith in salvation, because it’s a very nice feeling.

 

[mariacamille]

grandfather: I know exactly what you mean! I remember praying every year in October on a very busy road. We would hold Prolife Signs for people to read as they passed. I was too young to really remember if there was an abortion clinic nearby or not…I remember particularly one year I was standing on the side of the road and a group of guys passed by and yelled obscenities at me and honked violently…I was probably only 13. I just smiled and waved at them, in response.

I’ve always had a fear though…a real, paralyzing fear. I’ll be praying and I think how strong and safe I am in God’s grasp…and then suddenly the fear that, because of how hard I’m trying, the Devil will just try harder to stop me. I’ve actually heard a physical (evil) voice tell me that “You’re lost. You’re mine now.” As well as a dream where demons were trying to drag me into hell, and an invisible force pulling me away and saving me. These don’t help with my fears at all…

Smallfish: You’re doing your best and that’s what counts. God bless you, because I know it can’t be easy. God not only can forgive, but he WANTS to, with all of his being…we just have to open ourselves up and accept that forgiveness.

I just want to say…I’m proud to be Catholic. We have such a beautiful heritage and as a faith community have overcome so many trials and adversities…and still are going strong, despite all of the attempts of the media and devil to give Catholicism a bad reputation.

 

[Gertabelle]

I have a lot of doubt.

Wow, what you don’t know about the Church, about Christ, about sin, about heaven and hell…

Dude, if you wanna wallow in your self-righteousness, feel free. But if you are willing to try learning something, try reading a bit of the Catechism, or the Church fathers, or maybe the lives of the Saints. Well, these things can challenge one’s pride as I know from personal experience.

And just an aside… if you want to start a conversation about your beliefs – even if they are not Catholic – that’s perfectly acceptable on these forums, so long as you do so respectfully. But try not to hijack someone’s else’s thread for that. Just saying

Gertie

 

[mariacamille]

Do I honestly believe this? I don’t know. I guess that’s where doubt comes in. I find it incredibly hard to care about the punishments anymore. So many people will say “Oh but you will care!” Believe me, I know this more than anyone. Christ is quite open about the fact that he made us that way. He made us so that our torture will be unending, and our thirst unquenchable, so that no one could ever be strong enough to withstand it. My only hope is to call out to God, and ask him to remember me, but even that is lost. God doesn’t hear those of us in the depths of hell, and he doesn’t remember us. Why then should I even try to find salvation? “Because it isn’t too late.” I know that is going to be the answer. What if I don’t want to love a thing that claims to love unconditionally, that tells me to love unconditionally, and then out of the other side of it’s mouth, tells me that its love is the most conditional and the most exclusive. I would rather have damnation than submit to that thing.

I will keep you in my prayers. God gave us Free Will to choose him…or to not. He gives us forgiveness and love, but we have to accept it. What’s the merit in being FORCED to love someone? It would be meaningless. Here’s something that I heard someone say once. “The Teacher is always silent during a test.” I have felt very alone many times…but I have also seen his works and have had my prayers answered…albeit, never in the form in which I expected…nor WHEN I expected. Sometimes, it has been YEARS between when I prayed for something…and when that prayer was answered. I truly hope you will come out of your trials in the Light of God…keep your hope, even though it seems futile. One day you will reap the benefits and be at peace.

I am the sister to the two of you. My 16 year old son died in a car accident in 1996 and I got mad and left God/Church for 9 years. I just came back last June and I feel I’ve not made much progress in the areas of obedience, chastity/personal purity, and growth in faith --I just finished a divorce so I’m in emotional turmoil and I know that’s temporary. I’m meeting with a priest who I’m hoping will meet with me for spiritual direction for the summer so I can get some guidance on what to do with my problems/struggles and point me in the right direction. Don’t give up, I get those doubts too. It’s Satan and he hates you more than you can imagine. Reject him and renounce the doubts in the name of Jesus and pray the prayer of St Michael the archangel. It’s helps. Blessings to you,
Lorrie

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I can’t imagine losing a child like that. My oldest cousin, who I never knew (but my sisters did) died in a car accident as well and my dad is the one who found his body. I can’t even imagine your grief and suffering. I’m hoping that your priest can help you! I’m actually considering getting a spiritual director…but I’m unsure. I’m on an island with only Military priests available…not that there’s anything wrong with them, but I’ve yet to find a priest I truly want to confide in other than general confession. I’m going to try a different base, soon, so I’m hoping that maybe I’ll find one.

St Therese of Lisieux (she called herself a little flower for God) felt this way! She confided in her sisters just before her death from tuberculosis that she had made more acts of faith in the past year than in all the years of her life before that.

St. Therese is actually one of my (many) patron saints…and I love ‘The story of a soul’! I think I might need to re-read it soon.

been there, doing that.

Just keep praying…and LISTEN. God will answer…just not in the time/place/way that you think he will. I’m praying for you!

 

[Poseidon]

Yes. I went through a period of what Mother Teresa would call “spiritual dryness” over the past year, and recently I’ve been doing a lot of research about Catholicism and Christianity. I’ve come to the conclusion that God probably doesn’t exist. It’s a very disappointing revelation, and I don’t like it, because I’ve realized that all the promises of eternal life and all that aren’t true. However, I can’t force myself to believe something (and I wouldn’t want to - I’d rather know the truth, even if it’s grim).

 

[Gertabelle]

Yes. I went through a period of what Mother Teresa would call “spiritual dryness” over the past year, and recently I’ve been doing a lot of research about Catholicism and Christianity. I’ve come to the conclusion that God probably doesn’t exist. It’s a very disappointing revelation, and I don’t like it, because I’ve realized that all the promises of eternal life and all that aren’t true. However, I can’t force myself to believe something (and I wouldn’t want to - I’d rather know the truth, even if it’s grim).

Interesting. I’m a total researcher (meaning, I love to read and search documents back to their original sources when possible) and that’s why I am Catholic. It’s logical, it’s intellectual, it’s historical, it’s historically verifiable, and its major documents are traceable and can be shown to be mostly unchanged over the centuries.

Faith, of course, is not intellect. But my intellect at least backs my faith.

I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Gertie

 

[mariacamille]

True Science, in my experience, has always backed up my faith. And by true science I don’t mean scientific theories that have been warped by scientists so that it LOOKS like one thing, even though it’s actually NOT (big bang theory, hello! Though, I will admit that it’s possible in God’s creation that he DID summon it all to happen at once so that our science shows it have happened like that. I wasn’t there, I’m not God, so I can’t say for sure!)

Poseiden, I will pray for you…honestly, NOT believing in something has always brought unhappiness to me. I was honestly very spiritually ill the few months I did not attend Mass…when I finally went back, I felt I was where I belonged…I was truly happy and at peace for the first time in MONTHS. Sometimes we take Church for granted, and it takes a little while of being away to fully appreciate it. The prodigal children learn to appreciate their family the hard way…

 

[grandfather]

I have a lot of doubt. Honestly, reading the Gospel lately, I’m pretty much convinced that I am already damned and the funny thing is that I find it very hard to care one bit. I guess I try to be good as much as I can, but only out of spite I think, because the fact is that none of it matters to me, or so it seems.
…This doesn’t sound anything like what you were going through, except that they both seem to be crises of faith. It sounds like you got through yours. I wish you well in that. I honestly envy people who still have faith in salvation, because it’s a very nice feeling.

SomeSinner,

Would you mind sharing some personal information? Have you ever been treated for depression? Are you a cradle Catholic? If not, what is your background?

 

[grandfather]

True Science, in my experience, has always backed up my faith. And by true science I don’t mean scientific theories that have been warped by scientists so that it LOOKS like one thing, even though it’s actually NOT (big bang theory, hello! Though, I will admit that it’s possible in God’s creation that he DID summon it all to happen at once so that our science shows it have happened like that. I wasn’t there, I’m not God, so I can’t say for sure!)

Maria Camille,

From Aristotle to Einstein great thinkers believed that the physical universe and all the matter in it existed eternally. It just moved around and formed and reformed itself with galaxies crashing and exploding and so on.

Now it appears that the universe is constantly expanding. Everything in it is moving away from everything else and it all came out of a p(name removed by moderator)oint (nothing). There is a red background glow seen by the new big telescopes that is left over from this initial explosion.

When the evidence was first presented that said the universe had a beginning,a giant explosion it contradicted the ancient belief that said the universe is eternal. Imagine the response among the great physicists to someone claiming even the great Einstein was wrong.

In derision of this new theory that the universe had a beginning, a single giant explosion that spewed all the matter in the universe out of nothing, somenone mocked, “What are we supposed to call this, a big bang”.

Religion says the physical universe is not eternal. Nothing is eternal other than God Almighty. Everything that exists was created out of nothing by God All Mighty. By His word He who is existence itself spoke everything that exists into existance from nothing. His word is His only begotten Son, the Una Genitus.

The Creator continues to create in cooperation with His creatures, men and women. They join with Him in creating new immortal beings, they join together and create a body and He creates a new immortal soul to infuse into it.

This Omnipotent Being that spoke all the universe into existence in an instant out of nothing by the power of His Almighty Word, brings each individual soul into existance one by one out of nothing by this same power.

We have a very difficult time imagining nothing. Everything we know comes from something. You come from God. He and your parents are the source of your being, but He is the source of your parents.

He made you out of nothing for His purpose, making His purpose your purpose, the reason you exist. God is love.

We are all made for the same purpose, from you with a strong faith, to the close to despairing SimpleSinner who posted earlier. It is to love and be loved. We are fulfilled in life only in this, only in achieving our purpose.

We can only love if we have the power to love. This comes only by grace. Before we have it we hope to have it. This hope is in God who will not give us a stone if we ask for a loaf.

Everyone who loves is of God. SimpleSinner, do you love?

Hope is a theological virtue. Despair is a sin against hope. We can not live without hope. If we despair we lose our souls. It is a sin against the Holy Spirit. I was tempted once to despair.

Would those on this thread pray for SimpleSinner. He is tempted to despair and if he does he will be lost. We can hope for him. By loving him in prayer and sacrificing for him hopefully we can keep him from despair.