Thoughts on dating

  • Thread starter Thread starter schoolteacher68
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

schoolteacher68

Guest
hello…catholic school teacher here, 47, divorced and annulled, dating a catholic man, 48, divorced and annulled, has 3 kids from previous marriage (one lives with him)…

me - financially stable, home my own home, great retirement pension, lots of savings, no debt other than mortgage, no kids…

him - makes half what I make, lives in a home owned jointly with parents but can’t sell until they pass away, no savings for retirement or otherwise, lives paycheque to paycheque (often over spending every month), tons of debt with no repayment plan (other than his current payments which would take him no joke almost 20 years to repay)

we both attend weekly mass and volunteer with the RCIA program, children’s liturgy and Eucharistic ministry at our parish, we love to go dancing (but I end up paying), we cook together, ride our motorcycles together, love the same music etc…

he is a hard working, kind, respectful, family oriented (wife had an affair and left him as did my ex-husband) man with a deep love of our faith and Jesus (VERY smart about our faith’s history, scripture, traditions etc.), gets along with my family…

my internal struggle is with his lack of income, spending habits and ability to repay his debts…I love to travel but haven’t since dating him because he can’t afford to and I would have to pay for 3 people (him, me and his son)…I don’t want to rely on our government pensions, but can’t see him being able to contribute any great amounts when we do (which for me would be at 61 with full pension)…

am I being an awful person for even considering breaking up because of his income?..many of my family and friends say there’s more to life than money and I agree…I know Jesus stressed giving away what we have and not worrying about worldly possessions because he will provide, but in all honesty, I see too many old people in my mom’s nursing home who have nothing to their name, and that scares me more than anything…

he is a very hard worker, but unfortunately has no formal education and therefore can’t get a professional job that would pay more…we live 45 minutes apart and I only see him on weekends as I can’t see myself moving that far from my work (currently a 5 minute commute in bad weather) and family (especially my mom)…he on the other hand could easily move here (lots of work my way in his field) but can’t until his son finishes high school in another year and a half or so…we met online over two years ago, but started dating a year and a half ago…I do love him and I believe he loves me, only sometimes I think it’s only for the money (he’s made a few comments about me helping to pay for his son’s college/university tuition or car purchase/insurance when the time comes, but I haven’t responded) and lifestyle he can gain from staying with me…he very rarely comes to my place and just last week, made a comment that he couldn’t live where I live because I have no backyard and privacy…for me to move to him though would either mean a 45 minute commute in good weather and no traffic (much longer in snow storms or traffic) or a change of employer which would result in a loss of seniority and half my pay…

what would everyone do in this instance?..thanks!
 
what would everyone do in this instance?..thanks!
Click to expand...
Pray. Read the Bible. Say the rosary daily. Attend Mass often. Fast. Consult a priest.

Then…Pray some more.
 
schoolteacher68 said:
hello…catholic school teacher here, 47, divorced and annulled, dating a catholic man, 48, divorced and annulled, has 3 kids from previous marriage (one lives with him)…

me - financially stable, home my own home, great retirement pension, lots of savings, no debt other than mortgage, no kids…

him - makes half what I make, lives in a home owned jointly with parents but can’t sell until they pass away, no savings for retirement or otherwise, lives paycheque to paycheque (often over spending every month), tons of debt with no repayment plan (other than his current payments which would take him no joke almost 20 years to repay)

we both attend weekly mass and volunteer with the RCIA program, children’s liturgy and Eucharistic ministry at our parish, we love to go dancing (but I end up paying), we cook together, ride our motorcycles together, love the same music etc…

he is a hard working, kind, respectful, family oriented (wife had an affair and left him as did my ex-husband) man with a deep love of our faith and Jesus (VERY smart about our faith’s history, scripture, traditions etc.), gets along with my family…

my internal struggle is with his lack of income, spending habits and ability to repay his debts…I love to travel but haven’t since dating him because he can’t afford to and I would have to pay for 3 people (him, me and his son)…I don’t want to rely on our government pensions, but can’t see him being able to contribute any great amounts when we do (which for me would be at 61 with full pension)…

am I being an awful person for even considering breaking up because of his income?..many of my family and friends say there’s more to life than money and I agree…I know Jesus stressed giving away what we have and not worrying about worldly possessions because he will provide, but in all honesty, I see too many old people in my mom’s nursing home who have nothing to their name, and that scares me more than anything…

he is a very hard worker, but unfortunately has no formal education and therefore can’t get a professional job that would pay more…we live 45 minutes apart and I only see him on weekends as I can’t see myself moving that far from my work (currently a 5 minute commute in bad weather) and family (especially my mom)…he on the other hand could easily move here (lots of work my way in his field) but can’t until his son finishes high school in another year and a half or so…we met online over two years ago, but started dating a year and a half ago…I do love him and I believe he loves me, only sometimes I think it’s only for the money (he’s made a few comments about me helping to pay for his son’s college/university tuition or car purchase/insurance when the time comes, but I haven’t responded) and lifestyle he can gain from staying with me…he very rarely comes to my place and just last week, made a comment that he couldn’t live where I live because I have no backyard and privacy…for me to move to him though would either mean a 45 minute commute in good weather and no traffic (much longer in snow storms or traffic) or a change of employer which would result in a loss of seniority and half my pay…

what would everyone do in this instance?..thanks!
Click to expand...
Here are some thoughts:
  1. Just to begin with, do a personal finance course together. Encourage him to do a monthly budget every month. If he won’t go to a class or do an online class and won’t do a monthly budget, do not proceed further. He should also have a plan for the future in which he’s paying off debt and starting to save and achieving other goals. Here is a simple plan for Americans, but it probably makes sense for your gentleman friend:
daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps/

If he were to start moving in the right direction (less debt, more savings) and do so consistently, that would be a very good sign.
  1. If the motorcycle isn’t his only transportation, he should probably sell it to pay his debts. But it isn’t your place to tell him that right now. If he can’t figure that out for himself (or some other way to get out of debt), then that is not a good sign. A guy in his situation cannot afford a motorcycle unless it is his primary transportation.
  2. Keep your spending on each other roughly reciprocal. Don’t pay his way to places if he doesn’t pay yours roughly the same. Enjoy activities at his income level.
  3. Feel free to go on vacations without him until you are actually married.
  4. If you got married, you could buy a totally different house that was more to his taste. In fact, I kind of favor a new place for newlyweds, so that neither feels that they are an intruder or just a guest in their spouse’s old home.
  5. I really don’t like him being presumptuous about you paying for his son’s college or car. If you did get married, I think it would be very good of you to make a solid contribution, but I really don’t like the fact that he is already spending your money in his head.
  6. I suggest reading Dave Ramsey’s Smart Money, Smart Kids with your gentleman friend and seeing what he thinks. It has a lot of good ideas about money for kids of all ages (from preschoolers to college students and brides). I think you should have some long talks with him about what his expectations are for his son over the next several years and what sort of support he expects to give his son.
Best wishes!
 
  1. If your gentleman friend has been supporting his children while you are childless, it’s quite natural for you to be in rather different financial situations. However, everybody ought to be making at least an effort at living on their actual income (or below it), and it doesn’t sound like he has been trying, which is worrisome. He may be thinking he can’t really do anything until his son gets through college, but now is a really good time to start making firmer plans. He’s almost 50, after all. so the time to start preparing for the future is NOW.
I don’t think you should lean on him too hard, but if he isn’t making any progress, I don’t think you should marry him or continue dating. People say, well money isn’t everything, but that cuts both ways. If money isn’t everything, why does your gentleman friend need to spend so much of it?
 
You know you’re discerning Marriage and there is nothing that should stop you from saying that this man is not marriage material.

Faith is an integral role within Marriage, this is very true. We are not to be unequally yoked. I think this applies to other aspects of life as well. Child rearing is one and Finances are another.

You two are clearly not on the same page when it comes to Finances. You’ve worked very hard to be where you are today and it would be foolish to risk it…IMHO.
Marrying this man is risking your own financial security.

I’m only 30 and have worked extremely hard, over my twenties, to be in good financial standing. I don’t think it’s selfish to want to protect something like that. If I were you, I wouldn’t be dating this man.
It’s one of the important reasons why I fell in love and married my husband. He and I are on the same page when it comes to finances. We are both frugal and we both look out for our future together.
I couldn’t marry someone who was poor at finances, who had no concept of saving money and had poor spending habits.

Just because he’s a good Catholic doesn’t mean he is completely compatible with you and marriage material.

I’d break off the relationship if I were you. Or at least tell him your concerns about your future and be frank about it.
 
schoolteacher68 said:
hello…catholic school teacher here, 47, divorced and annulled, dating a catholic man, 48, divorced and annulled, has 3 kids from previous marriage (one lives with him)…

me - financially stable, home my own home, great retirement pension, lots of savings, no debt other than mortgage, no kids…

him - makes half what I make, lives in a home owned jointly with parents but can’t sell until they pass away, no savings for retirement or otherwise, lives paycheque to paycheque (often over spending every month), tons of debt with no repayment plan (other than his current payments which would take him no joke almost 20 years to repay)

we both attend weekly mass and volunteer with the RCIA program, children’s liturgy and Eucharistic ministry at our parish, we love to go dancing (but I end up paying), we cook together, ride our motorcycles together, love the same music etc…

he is a hard working, kind, respectful, family oriented (wife had an affair and left him as did my ex-husband) man with a deep love of our faith and Jesus (VERY smart about our faith’s history, scripture, traditions etc.), gets along with my family…

my internal struggle is with his lack of income, spending habits and ability to repay his debts…I love to travel but haven’t since dating him because he can’t afford to and I would have to pay for 3 people (him, me and his son)…I don’t want to rely on our government pensions, but can’t see him being able to contribute any great amounts when we do (which for me would be at 61 with full pension)…

am I being an awful person for even considering breaking up because of his income?..many of my family and friends say there’s more to life than money and I agree…I know Jesus stressed giving away what we have and not worrying about worldly possessions because he will provide, but in all honesty, I see too many old people in my mom’s nursing home who have nothing to their name, and that scares me more than anything…

he is a very hard worker, but unfortunately has no formal education and therefore can’t get a professional job that would pay more…we live 45 minutes apart and I only see him on weekends as I can’t see myself moving that far from my work (currently a 5 minute commute in bad weather) and family (especially my mom)…he on the other hand could easily move here (lots of work my way in his field) but can’t until his son finishes high school in another year and a half or so…we met online over two years ago, but started dating a year and a half ago…I do love him and I believe he loves me, only sometimes I think it’s only for the money (he’s made a few comments about me helping to pay for his son’s college/university tuition or car purchase/insurance when the time comes, but I haven’t responded) and lifestyle he can gain from staying with me…he very rarely comes to my place and just last week, made a comment that he couldn’t live where I live because I have no backyard and privacy…for me to move to him though would either mean a 45 minute commute in good weather and no traffic (much longer in snow storms or traffic) or a change of employer which would result in a loss of seniority and half my pay…

what would everyone do in this instance?..thanks!
Click to expand...
I would tell this gentleman thanks, but no thanks. If you marry him you will also be marrying his irresponsibility with money and spend the rest of your life working to pay off debt. You deserve more and he should grow up and look to his own financial affairs.
 
You have gotten some good feedback!

I would add this… how was money managed (or not) in each of your previous marriages? I say this because I would think that, if that had been a source of conflict in either marriage, that you would want to avoid it like the plague in future relationships. I would caution you to be sure that you are 100% comfortable with this difference before you commit to him. I would also say the same for him, by the way. I would encourage you to have a serious, honest and open discussion about it, or at least start talking about it. If you are both set in your ways (and you are 47 and 48 years old…), will you two be able to communicate about it and compromise into the future?
 
he is a hard working, kind, respectful, family oriented (wife had an affair and left him as did my ex-husband) man with a deep love of our faith and Jesus (VERY smart about our faith’s history, scripture, traditions etc.), gets along with my family…
Click to expand...
my internal struggle is with his lack of income, spending habits and ability to repay his debts
Click to expand...
I’m a bit surprised by some of the responses I have read thus far. I don’t want to pick a fight, but here’s my take on this query:

First, you haven’t really given any of us enough facts to really warrant much feedback. First, how much debt are we discussing versus how much income? Education, while helpful, doesn’t necessarily equate to high income. Many blue collar workers go on to start their own companies, or branch out on their own, and do quite well.

Secondly, you give some great attributes about this gentleman, all of which far outweigh the financial equation. You might be hard pressed to find a man that is both hard-working, kind, respectful, family-oriented, and also a solid Christian.

With many cases of debt, this is about discipline and habits - and education. Your man is no dummy – He is very knowledgeable about his faith, so he certainly has a good head on his shoulders and has the capacity for learning given the right motivation. Having 3 kids can also be a tremendous financial burden for him, especially if divorced.

Someone quoted financial guru Dave Ramsey earlier, and he makes a comment in his seminars that the average American can become debt-free in a handful of years with the right discipline, habits, and focus.

With you in his life, and the right guidance and instruction, he might very well be able to put his financial house in order in a relatively short amount of time.

If he has interest, I would attend a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University seminar together. His seminars are fantastic, and he is a great financial coach for the average Joe. If he balks, then you have to make a decision as to whether financial matters are a deal-killer for you.

Personally, I don’t believe that finances - while important - are the necessary swing vote in any relationship. Once married, working together to achieve financial goals can actually enhance the relationship. I would put far more weight on a person’s character traits, and it sounds like he fits the bill with the exception of effective money management skills.

As far as future living quarters, and paying for a child’s college education, I would put those on the back burner. Finding suitable living arrangements can be worked out, and kids have the ability to work through college to pay their own tuition, if it comes to that.

As I said earlier, I would also pray, say the Rosary, attend Mass, fast, and ask consultation of a priest. (I wasn’t kidding, either.)
 
1 Corinthians 7 8
But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they so continue, even as I do.
 
StGerardMajella said:
I’m a bit surprised by some of the responses I have read thus far. I don’t want to pick a fight, but here’s my take on this query:

First, you haven’t really given any of us enough facts to really warrant much feedback. First, how much debt are we discussing versus how much income? Education, while helpful, doesn’t necessarily equate to high income. Many blue collar workers go on to start their own companies, or branch out on their own, and do quite well.

Secondly, you give some great attributes about this gentleman, all of which far outweigh the financial equation. You might be hard pressed to find a man that is both hard-working, kind, respectful, family-oriented, and also a solid Christian.

With many cases of debt, this is about discipline and habits - and education. Your man is no dummy – He is very knowledgeable about his faith, so he certainly has a good head on his shoulders and has the capacity for learning given the right motivation. Having 3 kids can also be a tremendous financial burden for him, especially if divorced.

Someone quoted financial guru Dave Ramsey earlier, and he makes a comment in his seminars that the average American can become debt-free in a handful of years with the right discipline, habits, and focus.

With you in his life, and the right guidance and instruction, he might very well be able to put his financial house in order in a relatively short amount of time.

If he has interest, I would attend a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University seminar together. His seminars are fantastic, and he is a great financial coach for the average Joe. If he balks, then you have to make a decision as to whether financial matters are a deal-killer for you.

Personally, I don’t believe that finances - while important - are the necessary swing vote in any relationship. Once married, working together to achieve financial goals can actually enhance the relationship. I would put far more weight on a person’s character traits, and it sounds like he fits the bill with the exception of effective money management skills.

As far as future living quarters, and paying for a child’s college education, I would put those on the back burner. Finding suitable living arrangements can be worked out, and kids have the ability to work through college to pay their own tuition, if it comes to that.

As I said earlier, I would also pray, say the Rosary, attend Mass, fast, and ask consultation of a priest. (I wasn’t kidding, either.)
Click to expand...
I agree more with this response.

I am divorced man in my 50’s with three children, all grown up now.

My own experience and my observation of single men and women in middle age is that men have a much harder time of it than women at living within their means. A divorced man is likely to have been broken emotionally by the divorce (esp. if it involves infidelety by the wife, as in my case and also the man you are dating), and then he has to continue working to pay alimony with no comfort of a wife and family to support him. It is difficult enough for a man to just stay sane and sober in this situation. To persevere through it, and to keep his job and faith is an achievement. To ask him to be a good money manager as well is asking a lot.

I remember reading somewhere that the lowest percentage of practicing Catholics, by demographic, is divorced, middle aged men.

Women are, in general, better survivors than men.
 
I would just add that I heard you voice a doubt about whether he truly loves you or loves you for what you can contribute financially. I find women to be very intuitive for the most part, so that statement kind of raises an eye brow.
 
The actual money issue aside, it seems kind of annoying and presumptive of him to be making remarks like you helping with the responsibilities which belong to him and his ex-wife and comments on your house like that.
 
Edmundus1581 said:
I agree more with this response.

I am divorced man in my 50’s with three children, all grown up now.

My own experience and my observation of single men and women in middle age is that men have a much harder time of it than women at living within their means. A divorced man is likely to have been broken emotionally by the divorce (esp. if it involves infidelety by the wife, as in my case and also the man you are dating), and then he has to continue working to pay alimony with no comfort of a wife and family to support him. It is difficult enough for a man to just stay sane and sober in this situation. To persevere through it, and to keep his job and faith is an achievement. To ask him to be a good money manager as well is asking a lot.

I remember reading somewhere that the lowest percentage of practicing Catholics, by demographic, is divorced, middle aged men.

Women are, in general, better survivors than men.
Click to expand...
Here are my two cents as a man, and I’ll keep things fairly general:

Is it possible that your boyfriend is living with his parents in order to help pay off expenses from his divorce? That is fairly common. If he is paying his ex-wife child support if his two other kids are under a certain age, that is also financially draining. An old boss once told me what his child support payment was, and I was shocked that it was about as much as my apartment rent in those days.

I say this because your boyfriend might still be getting adjusted to his financial obligations, and it may be longer before the expenses from the divorce itself are paid off. After the divorce is paid for, your boyfriend might be able to get an apartment or even a small house.

How can I relate? Years ago, I worked for a small company that was in some financial trouble, and around the time I left the company, I ended up getting stuck paying for some expenses that I floated out of my own pocket. (To make a long story short, the company folded within a year after I left).

While I was really careful and it didn’t damage my credit, I ended up living check to check for about two years. Lucky, I was able to find another job fairly fast at better pay, and being single, I shared a large apartment with a buddy of mine - and we each saved each other about $300 a month. I also shopped at discount stores, ate out less, and kept my car that was almost paid for.

Been there, done that, took the risk, learned something the hard way.

Just a thought.
 
schoolteacher68 said:
hello…catholic school teacher here, 47, divorced and annulled, dating a catholic man, 48, divorced and annulled, has 3 kids from previous marriage (one lives with him)…

me - financially stable, home my own home, great retirement pension, lots of savings, no debt other than mortgage, no kids…

him - makes half what I make, lives in a home owned jointly with parents but can’t sell until they pass away, no savings for retirement or otherwise, lives paycheque to paycheque (often over spending every month), tons of debt with no repayment plan (other than his current payments which would take him no joke almost 20 years to repay)

we both attend weekly mass and volunteer with the RCIA program, children’s liturgy and Eucharistic ministry at our parish, we love to go dancing (but I end up paying), we cook together, ride our motorcycles together, love the same music etc…

he is a hard working, kind, respectful, family oriented (wife had an affair and left him as did my ex-husband) man with a deep love of our faith and Jesus (VERY smart about our faith’s history, scripture, traditions etc.), gets along with my family…

my internal struggle is with his lack of income, spending habits and ability to repay his debts…I love to travel but haven’t since dating him because he can’t afford to and I would have to pay for 3 people (him, me and his son)…I don’t want to rely on our government pensions, but can’t see him being able to contribute any great amounts when we do (which for me would be at 61 with full pension)…

am I being an awful person for even considering breaking up because of his income?..many of my family and friends say there’s more to life than money and I agree…I know Jesus stressed giving away what we have and not worrying about worldly possessions because he will provide, but in all honesty, I see too many old people in my mom’s nursing home who have nothing to their name, and that scares me more than anything…

he is a very hard worker, but unfortunately has no formal education and therefore can’t get a professional job that would pay more…we live 45 minutes apart and I only see him on weekends as I can’t see myself moving that far from my work (currently a 5 minute commute in bad weather) and family (especially my mom)…he on the other hand could easily move here (lots of work my way in his field) but can’t until his son finishes high school in another year and a half or so…we met online over two years ago, but started dating a year and a half ago…I do love him and I believe he loves me, only sometimes I think it’s only for the money (he’s made a few comments about me helping to pay for his son’s college/university tuition or car purchase/insurance when the time comes, but I haven’t responded) and lifestyle he can gain from staying with me…he very rarely comes to my place and just last week, made a comment that he couldn’t live where I live because I have no backyard and privacy…for me to move to him though would either mean a 45 minute commute in good weather and no traffic (much longer in snow storms or traffic) or a change of employer which would result in a loss of seniority and half my pay…

what would everyone do in this instance?..thanks!
Click to expand...
A couple things.
1} Kudos to you for both taking care of the annulment situation first. Many do not do this important thing. That says a lot about your spiritual “finances”
2) Half of what you make!? In the midwest a Catholic teacher makes anywhere from 17 to 30. Which would put him at 8.5K to 15 K a year. Now I have also lived other places where the salaries are more but in general Catholic educators make less than a public school counterpart. At the preparatory or collegiate level this may not hold true. But still making half of what a teacher makes is downright alarming. A Grocery store clerk who works full time can make about what a teacher makes in many areas. So that is concerning.
3) Because of the previous marriage and kids, and because he is kind of a mess at home I think you can see that there are some red flags here. But I also think that it is worth exploring to see if God wants you two to become a union. There is some baggage here with both of you and you need to be aware and logical about it. But I see no harm in pursing this to see if the baggage is unwise to take on.
 
I think it is time for a full and frank discussion with him…He is mired in debt and living with his parents on a very modest income and responsible for three children.

if you marry him you will become jointly responsible for all of this, and will blight whatever hopes you had outside this relationship.

I am not saying don’t marry him.

But I am asking if you will come to resent all his baggage when your lifestyle to date has been so very different.

I can see absolutely why he in interested in you - you have no baggage and plenty of money.

But vice versa not so much.

And I would not get further involved until I could see some concrete changes in his attitude to finance…I wouldn’t want to see all I had worked and hoped for squandered, and a completely different attitude to money can be a huge source of marital problems, not least when it is your money he will be spending.

Do you like his parents? Have you met his children?

I’d go VERY carefully with this relationship…
 
morning and thanks everyone for your responses…

for the record he doesn’t actually live with his parents, he owns the house jointly with them, but he lives in it alone with his one son…they live in a different city…and yes I have met them, and we get along…

as for his divorce, it was about 7-8 years ago (I think) and he was a full time dad, caring for all three kids for the first three years of it…then they moved to FL with their mom, and then one moved back with him in the summer of 2013…I have met all three kids and we get along…he’s no longer paying support to the ex, but he is obviously paying for the one here with him…

where I live Catholic teachers with my level of experience make in the high 5 digits…my ex-husband and I made very similar wages and didn’t have any financial issues at all (he got bored apparently, had an affair and left - but I’m sure there were other issues there, as it’s never quite that simple)…

everyone is right…I do have a lot to think and talk about…I’ve been praying for quite some time now, discerning whether this is the right relationship for me, but can’t seem to make any headway…

someone mentioned how hard it is to find someone solid in their faith, and that’s exactly the reason why I stay…my faith is very important to me and to find someone my age, who has that level of commitment and likes motorcycling as well, is a tall order to fill…(which by the way, to the one who asked, it’s not our main mode of transportation as we only ride them maximum 6 months out of the year)…

will keep praying, and in the meantime, have this very serious talk with him…

thanks again…
 
Speaking of college expenses–it occurs to me that aid might be based on household income. You should look into this. You probably know that FAFSA is the form and it is based on federal income taxes.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
A
2) Half of what you make!? In the midwest a Catholic teacher makes anywhere from 17 to 30. Which would put him at 8.5K to 15 K a year. Now I have also lived other places where the salaries are more but in general Catholic educators make less than a public school counterpart. At the preparatory or collegiate level this may not hold true. But still making half of what a teacher makes is downright alarming. A Grocery store clerk who works full time can make about what a teacher makes in many areas. So that is concerning.
Click to expand...
The math may be rather different in their area (as he’s living paycheque to paycheque not paycheck to paycheck), but yeah.

At least in the US, a fully-employed skilled blue collar worker should be able to easily outearn a Catholic school teacher. It’s possible in their area, Catholic schools are able to pay wages similar to public, but that still raises the question of why is it only half?

There may be some regional issues that explain this, but for Americans, it’s a mathematical mystery. The only thing that would explain it for me is if there are problems with being fully employed in his trade (which can happen easily happen in fields subject to economic fluctuations), but that doesn’t really sound like your description of him.
 
schoolteacher68 said:
morning and thanks everyone for your responses…

for the record he doesn’t actually live with his parents, he owns the house jointly with them, but he lives in it alone with his one son…they live in a different city…and yes I have met them, and we get along…

That’s better!

where I live Catholic teachers with my level of experience make in the high 5 digits…my ex-husband and I made very similar wages and didn’t have any financial issues at all (he got bored apparently, had an affair and left - but I’m sure there were other issues there, as it’s never quite that simple)…
**
Mystery solved!**

someone mentioned how hard it is to find someone solid in their faith, and that’s exactly the reason why I stay…my faith is very important to me and to find someone my age, who has that level of commitment and likes motorcycling as well, is a tall order to fill…(which by the way, to the one who asked, it’s not our main mode of transportation as we only ride them maximum 6 months out of the year)…

**This sounds a bit like the Gift of the Magi, though–you love him for the motorcycling, but if you got married, you’d probably both have to sell the motorcycles!

:(**

will keep praying, and in the meantime, have this very serious talk with him…

thanks again…
Click to expand...
Good luck!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top