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Xantippe
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Or ask this one to make some changes in his life so that you can be together.
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Sarcelle
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Great advise on this thread so far.
I agree that the amount he makes is not the issue. It is how he manages the money he makes is the issue. I agree with others on taking a personal finance course with him. This way he can learn good personal financial management and see it applied through you. I learned that no matter how much money you earn, you’ll end up broke if you manage it poorly.
You mentioned that your friend is in the trucking industry. I also work in the transportation industry, but in railroads, not trucks. Intermodal business, where goods go by different transportation modes, ships, trains and trucks is booming. Hopefully short haul truckers can also see their earnings rise with this boom.
I agree that the amount he makes is not the issue. It is how he manages the money he makes is the issue. I agree with others on taking a personal finance course with him. This way he can learn good personal financial management and see it applied through you. I learned that no matter how much money you earn, you’ll end up broke if you manage it poorly.
You mentioned that your friend is in the trucking industry. I also work in the transportation industry, but in railroads, not trucks. Intermodal business, where goods go by different transportation modes, ships, trains and trucks is booming. Hopefully short haul truckers can also see their earnings rise with this boom.
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Allegra
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I don’t really know what to say. My husband has a lot of student debt. He was irresponsible when he was a college student and decided to buy the line that taking out the price of a small condo in student loans was “good debt”. He didn’t have any guidance or assistance from his parents and there was no plan made for how he was supposed to pay back this massive loan. He didn’t work consistently. He put everything in loans, including living expenses. Because of this, he ended up starting his adult life with a degree in piano performance and over $400 a month in loan payments.
Yes, it was annoying that I had worked my behind off in college so I wouldn’t have college debt, only to be stuck paying off his. But it is worth it because he works really hard to support our family and he loves me and our daughter and we are very happy. (even if we’re poor)
On the other hand, he was willing to accept that his method of doing things wasn’t working out and that he needed to budget and make long term financial plans. He was willing to make those changes.
In discerning whether to continue the relationship with this man, you should take into consideration the circumstances under which the debt was obtained. Was he left high and dry with three kids to support, or does he just buy too many slurpees? Then take into consideration his willingness to change his lifestyle and make a long range plan.
Yes, it was annoying that I had worked my behind off in college so I wouldn’t have college debt, only to be stuck paying off his. But it is worth it because he works really hard to support our family and he loves me and our daughter and we are very happy. (even if we’re poor)
On the other hand, he was willing to accept that his method of doing things wasn’t working out and that he needed to budget and make long term financial plans. He was willing to make those changes.
In discerning whether to continue the relationship with this man, you should take into consideration the circumstances under which the debt was obtained. Was he left high and dry with three kids to support, or does he just buy too many slurpees? Then take into consideration his willingness to change his lifestyle and make a long range plan.
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Xantippe
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I blame Suze Orman.I don’t really know what to say. My husband has a lot of student debt. He was irresponsible when he was a college student and decided to buy the line that taking out the price of a small condo in student loans was “good debt”.
oprah.com/money/Good-Debt-or-Bad-Debt-Financial-Freedom-by-Suze-Orman
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Allegra
Guest
There’s no “good debt”. There is some times “necessary debt”. It is always better to take out less of a loan, no matter what you are buying with it. College students shouldn’t be encouraged to finance their daily living expenses, trips to Cancun, and car payments with student loans under the nonsense theory of “good debt”. Frankly, since the student loan programs have been taken over by the federal government, they shouldn’t even be allowed to take out money for those things. Student loans should be for tuition. Period.
Get a job, you spoiled brat, and buy your toothpaste at the dollar store, instead of paying twice the cost over the next ten years, right at the same time you are trying to find a grown-up job (cause those don’t just fall from the sky the day you graduate) and possibly purchase a home and start a family! Someone should have been there to tell my husband these things when he was a dumb kid. But they weren’t. They had accepted the snow job of “good debt” as well.
It is actually possible to save up your money in advance and purchase things. Both my and my husband’s families thought I was insane to suggest saving up our money for five years and purchasing a car in full, rather than purchasing it and paying it off for five years and adding on thousands in interest. Yes, folks, that really is a viable option. If you think you will have the money to pay after you buy it, what makes you think you won’t be able to save the money in the same time frame before you buy it? (Especially since it’s considerably less money when there’s no interest involved.)
Even a when buying a home, you save the same amount in interest for every extra dollar you put down in a down payment rather than a loan. Yes, it’s true it’s almost impossible for the average family to rent a home and also save enough to buy a home in full within a reasonable time frame. A home mortgage is probably a “necessary loan” for most people, but that doesn’t mean “the more the merrier” when it comes to home loans. It’s always better to have less of a loan and it’s so much cheaper in the long wrong to have as little loan as possible. The only “good loan” is a dead loan.
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StGerardMajella
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Excellent advice.Frankly, since the student loan programs have been taken over by the federal government, they shouldn’t even be allowed to take out money for those things. Student loans should be for tuition. Period.
There are a small handful of colleges that allow students to work through college in repayment of their tuition, and in return graduate 100% debt-free.
This is also true in the military academies like West Point, except you sign up for a 4 year enlistment after graduating. Still, not a bad deal if you are that caliber of a student to get into these academies and are not afraid to serve your country.
Today, with the enormous costs of tuition, community college and trade schools are starting to make more sense.
Yes, yes, and more yes.It is actually possible to save up your money in advance and purchase things.
Amen. There is a reason why the Bible talks about the borrower being servant to the lender, and admonishing Israel that it would lend to many nations, but not borrow.The only “good loan” is a dead loan.
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schoolteacher68
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hello again…sorry was away for the weekend and didn’t have a chance to respond to some of the questions/statements/suggestions…
We talked this weekend a bit more about his son going to college here (Ontario, Canada) and figured out tuition alone for the two year program he wants is just under $8,000 not including books…he will live at home as the college is easily accessible by bus…his son does work a part time job and has put aside about $2000 since last October (funny, but the BF makes him put half his paycheque away for this very reason - so he obviously knows the importance of budgeting LOL)…the son’s plan is to get accepted into this college program, apply to and get accepted into the Canadian Military and have them pay for it…but I stressed the importance of him (the son) continuing to save in case the military doesn’t accept him and he agreed (step in the right direction)…
I also took a look at our taxes for 2014 and he took home $28000…so roughly $2300/month after taxes (and this included a whack of overtime)…so based on this, you can see how easily it is to get into debt…he pays $400/m towards his line of credit without fail, then groceries (and a 16 year old growing boy eats tons I’m finding out), heat, hydro, water, property taxes, car insurance, gas etc. there’s not much left for him…in previous years when he was paying close to $1000/m child support, he was making less as there was less overtime, so I can easily see how fast debt piled up (and yes Xantippe, his debt is mid to high 5 figures)…
Styrgwillidar asks what am I looking for at the end of the day?..a number in my back account or joy…he wasn’t irresponsible towards his kids (that’s why he didn’t go longhaul so he could be with them and support them when his ex took off to Florida and left him alone with three kids)…I guess I want both - a number to make sure I have a comfortable retirement and joy…
TexasCatholic 13 says at my age, I should take what I can get…well in a way that’s settling but in another way, I agree…just like St.GerardMajella says, it’s very hard to find a good Christian man that is hard working, respectful, etc.
I was baffled by Edmundus1581’s comment about the lowest percentage of Catholics is divorced men…but I can certainly see it…in the time I dated since my divorce, I found lots of men who had nothing…no home, no job, no savings and all because of a divorce…I find the system favours women way too much up here (but that’s another story/thread)
I’ll have to look into this Dave Ramsey speaker/author and see what I can’t find…he does listen to CDs all the time in his truck, but mostly Catholic Lighthouse CDs which I have a monthly subscription to (this is how he learned so much about our faith)…
His current spending habits are interesting…he made changes to where he does his groceries because I introduced him to a cheaper chain (good one for him as he can change)…he does his own car and motorcycle maintenance so as to save on labour costs…he shows me how to do my own so I too can save (and I don’t mind getting dirty while changing the oil or cleaning the chain on my ride)…but then he’ll go out and buy 10 copies of a book he found on Catholic Answers so he can donate one to the Church library and give every person in the RCIA program a copy…
This is the type of man he is…just the other day, it was raining hard (I mean down pouring) and he went to a truck stop on the side of the highway to get some gas (he was working)…there was a homeless man sitting there with no umbrella, no money and no food, soaked to the bone…he went inside and bought him a hot drink, something to eat, an umbrella and gloves to keep his hands warm…he left, finished his day and went back to the truck stop a couple of hours later…the homeless man was still there trying to catch a ride to Toronto (about an hour away)…my bf takes him to Toronto and goes back home without asking for a dime or anything in return…these are the things I love about him…he picks up garbage in the middle of the road and throws it out…he holds doors for strangers and stands with little old ladies waiting for their taxi outside church in the middle of a snowstorm…he drives to my house and weeds my small front garden because I let it get overgrown (I’m NOT a gardener by any means) while I’m at work…he’s even cleaned my house while I’m work because I was too busy to do so as I was marking and writing report cards…
See my dilemma?..I dated one other guy seriously after my divorce and while he had tons of money and we too shared similar interests (motorcycles, books, music, cooking etc) he wasn’t Catholic and eventually, it came between us…funny thing is (or maybe a test from God) this guy called me this weekend after 3 years and said he’s been thinking about me and wants to get back together…
Like I said before, I’m not looking for a solution or a definitive answer, as this will only come from me (and God obviously) but just the opportunity to “talk” is making me feel a whole lot better…
And yes, Xantippe, I’m going to get some direction from our diocese on pre-nups and maybe talk to our priest a bit more…
We talked this weekend a bit more about his son going to college here (Ontario, Canada) and figured out tuition alone for the two year program he wants is just under $8,000 not including books…he will live at home as the college is easily accessible by bus…his son does work a part time job and has put aside about $2000 since last October (funny, but the BF makes him put half his paycheque away for this very reason - so he obviously knows the importance of budgeting LOL)…the son’s plan is to get accepted into this college program, apply to and get accepted into the Canadian Military and have them pay for it…but I stressed the importance of him (the son) continuing to save in case the military doesn’t accept him and he agreed (step in the right direction)…
I also took a look at our taxes for 2014 and he took home $28000…so roughly $2300/month after taxes (and this included a whack of overtime)…so based on this, you can see how easily it is to get into debt…he pays $400/m towards his line of credit without fail, then groceries (and a 16 year old growing boy eats tons I’m finding out), heat, hydro, water, property taxes, car insurance, gas etc. there’s not much left for him…in previous years when he was paying close to $1000/m child support, he was making less as there was less overtime, so I can easily see how fast debt piled up (and yes Xantippe, his debt is mid to high 5 figures)…
Styrgwillidar asks what am I looking for at the end of the day?..a number in my back account or joy…he wasn’t irresponsible towards his kids (that’s why he didn’t go longhaul so he could be with them and support them when his ex took off to Florida and left him alone with three kids)…I guess I want both - a number to make sure I have a comfortable retirement and joy…
TexasCatholic 13 says at my age, I should take what I can get…well in a way that’s settling but in another way, I agree…just like St.GerardMajella says, it’s very hard to find a good Christian man that is hard working, respectful, etc.
I was baffled by Edmundus1581’s comment about the lowest percentage of Catholics is divorced men…but I can certainly see it…in the time I dated since my divorce, I found lots of men who had nothing…no home, no job, no savings and all because of a divorce…I find the system favours women way too much up here (but that’s another story/thread)
I’ll have to look into this Dave Ramsey speaker/author and see what I can’t find…he does listen to CDs all the time in his truck, but mostly Catholic Lighthouse CDs which I have a monthly subscription to (this is how he learned so much about our faith)…
His current spending habits are interesting…he made changes to where he does his groceries because I introduced him to a cheaper chain (good one for him as he can change)…he does his own car and motorcycle maintenance so as to save on labour costs…he shows me how to do my own so I too can save (and I don’t mind getting dirty while changing the oil or cleaning the chain on my ride)…but then he’ll go out and buy 10 copies of a book he found on Catholic Answers so he can donate one to the Church library and give every person in the RCIA program a copy…
This is the type of man he is…just the other day, it was raining hard (I mean down pouring) and he went to a truck stop on the side of the highway to get some gas (he was working)…there was a homeless man sitting there with no umbrella, no money and no food, soaked to the bone…he went inside and bought him a hot drink, something to eat, an umbrella and gloves to keep his hands warm…he left, finished his day and went back to the truck stop a couple of hours later…the homeless man was still there trying to catch a ride to Toronto (about an hour away)…my bf takes him to Toronto and goes back home without asking for a dime or anything in return…these are the things I love about him…he picks up garbage in the middle of the road and throws it out…he holds doors for strangers and stands with little old ladies waiting for their taxi outside church in the middle of a snowstorm…he drives to my house and weeds my small front garden because I let it get overgrown (I’m NOT a gardener by any means) while I’m at work…he’s even cleaned my house while I’m work because I was too busy to do so as I was marking and writing report cards…
See my dilemma?..I dated one other guy seriously after my divorce and while he had tons of money and we too shared similar interests (motorcycles, books, music, cooking etc) he wasn’t Catholic and eventually, it came between us…funny thing is (or maybe a test from God) this guy called me this weekend after 3 years and said he’s been thinking about me and wants to get back together…
Like I said before, I’m not looking for a solution or a definitive answer, as this will only come from me (and God obviously) but just the opportunity to “talk” is making me feel a whole lot better…
And yes, Xantippe, I’m going to get some direction from our diocese on pre-nups and maybe talk to our priest a bit more…
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Xantippe
Guest
He sounds like a very good guy. I think, from what you’ve said, that more than a prenup, you need him to get on a budget (including for giving!) and to get his income up. If he does that, I don’t think you need a prenup. If he doesn’t do that, no prenup will save you from heartbreak.h
We talked this weekend a bit more about his son going to college here (Ontario, Canada) and figured out tuition alone for the two year program he wants is just under $8,000 not including books…he will live at home as the college is easily accessible by bus…his son does work a part time job and has put aside about $2000 since last October (funny, but the BF makes him put half his paycheque away for this very reason - so he obviously knows the importance of budgeting LOL)…the son’s plan is to get accepted into this college program, apply to and get accepted into the Canadian Military and have them pay for it…but I stressed the importance of him (the son) continuing to save in case the military doesn’t accept him and he agreed (step in the right direction)…
Very good!
I also took a look at our taxes for 2014 and he took home $28000…so roughly $2300/month after taxes (and this included a whack of overtime)…so based on this, you can see how easily it is to get into debt…he pays $400/m towards his line of credit without fail, then groceries (and a 16 year old growing boy eats tons I’m finding out), heat, hydro, water, property taxes, car insurance, gas etc. there’s not much left for him…in previous years when he was paying close to $1000/m child support, he was making less as there was less overtime, so I can easily see how fast debt piled up (and yes Xantippe, his debt is mid to high 5 figures)…
**Yeah, with those figures I’m not surprised he’s in trouble.
Is he managing to live on his current income? It’s no good paying $400 a month on the line of credit if he’s simultaneously borrowing $400.
If he honestly cannot live on his income and pay his minimum debt obligations, he may need to consider settling his debt. It’s not an idea solution, but he may simply have more debt than he could conceivably pay off on his wages. Alternately, as soon as kid is 18, he can consider doing long-distance trucking.
**
His current spending habits are interesting…he made changes to where he does his groceries because I introduced him to a cheaper chain (good one for him as he can change)…he does his own car and motorcycle maintenance so as to save on labour costs…he shows me how to do my own so I too can save (and I don’t mind getting dirty while changing the oil or cleaning the chain on my ride)…but then he’ll go out and buy 10 copies of a book he found on Catholic Answers so he can donate one to the Church library and give every person in the RCIA program a copy…
**That’s sweet, but he needs to do his giving on a budget, just like he does everything else on a budget.
It’s very sweet now, but if he were to continue doing the same thing when you are married and without discussing it with you, it won’t make you go Awwww! anymore.
**
Like I said before, I’m not looking for a solution or a definitive answer, as this will only come from me (and God obviously) but just the opportunity to “talk” is making me feel a whole lot better…
And yes, Xantippe, I’m going to get some direction from our diocese on pre-nups and maybe talk to our priest a bit more…
If you’re going to get married, you need to learn to coordinate your financial life.
My suggestion with giving is not to spend charitable funds at the beginning of the month, but to note down minor or unexpected giving as it happens and then donate the remainder at the end of the month. That way, there will always be enough for whatever comes up.
Best wishes!
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StGerardMajella
Guest
Do the math. So, if he takes home $30,000 and you take home say $80,000 after taxes, you are looking at roughly $110,000 combined or better. Wiping out $50-75,000 in debt in 4-5 years isn’t unreachable.(and yes Xantippe, his debt is mid to high 5 figures).
You might have to tighten your belt for a year or two, but it wouldn’t be unbearable if you worked together as a team.
His actions show he’s got a heart of gold.This is the type of man he is…
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schoolteacher68
Guest
I agree St.GerardMajella…he does have a heart of gold…
I wish my take home was $80,000…LOL…my take home last year was $49,000…$80,000 was my gross…once I pay for taxes, insurance, pension, union fees etc. it gets dwindled down quite a bit…
I’m looking at Dave Ramsey online right now…he doesn’t hold talks up here in the great white north, but I did find his book at a local library so I’ll grab a copy and have us read it together…he loves listening to me read and as a teacher, I love reading out loud…says he can concentrate on the words better…
God bless everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut and insights…
I wish my take home was $80,000…LOL…my take home last year was $49,000…$80,000 was my gross…once I pay for taxes, insurance, pension, union fees etc. it gets dwindled down quite a bit…
I’m looking at Dave Ramsey online right now…he doesn’t hold talks up here in the great white north, but I did find his book at a local library so I’ll grab a copy and have us read it together…he loves listening to me read and as a teacher, I love reading out loud…says he can concentrate on the words better…
God bless everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut and insights…
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