I asked the question I did because I find it hard that an educated person would tolerate this kind of nonsense from their fiance. I can see an uneducated person perhaps putting up with it because they don’t know any better. But somebody who’s been through medical school and who has reached all of the milestone on an intellectual level that that entails, is another thing.I don’t think there is any difference between what a physician ought to put up with and what somebody who empties the trash cans at the hospital ought to put up with.
I’m old enough to remember when men would be very insulted if their wives didn’t take their names. Having said that, her fiance wasn’t born in a time capsule. More to the point, he’s not saying, “You know, this is important to me and if you really want that, maybe we’re not a good match.” No, he’s implying that it is his place to bully her into doing what he wants. That’s a really bad sign, regardless of her education level.I asked the question I did because I find it hard that an educated person would tolerate this kind of nonsense from their fiance. I can see an uneducated person perhaps putting up with it because they don’t know any better. But somebody who’s been through medical school and who has reached all of the milestone on an intellectual level that that entails, is another thing.
An adult daughter is free to make her own decisions about what name she does or doesn’t want to have. She’s not restricted in the least by whatever her mother or father chose to do. I know plenty of adults who have changed their last names for reasons having nothing to do with marriage or hyphens.However the logical extreme argument here: what happens when the OP has a daughter who marries someone with a hyphenated name too but she wants to keep her last name and add his? Does her daughter go from Jane Doe-Smith to Jane Doe-Smith-Miller-Martinez? How about the daughter with a hyphenated name who insists on merging her husband’s name? So … Jane Doe-Smith-Miller? So as we see within one generation, this has the potential toward the ridiculous. Hence the only option the daughter has is to keep her maiden name or take his last name, there is no in-between that doesn’t sound ridiculous so the OP has essentially robbed her daughter of the third choice.
This is the traditional western norm. Women who took their husband’s names kept their maiden names as middle names.Perhaps a solution would be for the OP to keep her maiden name as a middle name and take her husband’s name as her last name.
GIANT red flag.t he said I “need to obey” him and that he’s “putting his foot down” on this subject
Yes, @TMFLM the last name issue is far beside the point. It’s how he’s handling it. This will not be a functional marriage.Please,
Recognize that this is no longer about just whether or not your names should be hyphenated! A man who ‘puts his foot down’ ‘lays down the law’ and, in general, doesn’t want to discuss things with you is not likely husband material. A marriage with him will be distant at best, abusive at worst! You were made for better things/people. You have been warned!