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Debora123
Guest
Lol, this made me laugh.
So now malls are evil and heaven forbid if your kid likes hanging out at the mall?
Wow…
When you think you’ve seen it all…
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So now malls are evil and heaven forbid if your kid likes hanging out at the mall?
Wow…
When you think you’ve seen it all…
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Sarabande
Guest
I could be wrong, but I don’t think she was saying or implying it was evil. She seemed to be just happy that her kids weren’t into hanging out at the mall and there’s nothing wrong with that. And EasterJoy is almost always sensible and logical in her posts.Lol, this made me laugh.
So now malls are evil and heaven forbid if your kid likes hanging out at the mall?
Wow…
I certainly do not think hanging out at the mall is evil. Immoral things can occur at the mall (like anywhere else) and I don’t think I’m the only one to say that as teens we’ve seen or heard about certain sexual acts being performed in dark corners of the mall or in the back lots behind dumpsters. I think sometimes parents believe this to be a safe unsupervised hang out place for their kids (which certainly can be) because it’s relatively out in the open and there are lots of people around. But like at parties or other venues, certain kids will figure out a way to get away from the crowd and do what they want. And unfortunately, there is this stereotype (at least where I’m from) that the kids who hang out at the mall frequently are drifters, bad students, engage in smoking, drugs and other sexual activity. It’s not completely true as there were times when my friends and I would spend a little time at the mall. (Wasn’t often as we preferred hiking at the state park and ending with a picnic in a field or in front of an historical mansion on the park lands… probably not as safe as being at a mall if you think about the endless possibilities things we could do in the woods or for crazies looking for innocent, young 17/18 year-old girls.) I do remember parents being concerned about their daughters dating boys who did hang out at the mall a lot because they thought these boys were not to be trusted due to the stereotypes.
What is more important is that the parents should know the kind of people their kids are hanging out with and to really know who their kids are. I knew so many honors/AP classmates who pulled the wool over their parents’ eyes and they proudly boasted about it. The parents seemed to think that because they were in those classes or belonged to D.A.R.E. etc. they were almost immune to immoral activity with their boyfriends/girlfriends or to drinking/doing drugs. Nothing could be further from the truth. You still have to be just as vigilant. Sure, allow some leeway if you believe they are trustworthy and sensible, but still check up on them every once in a while and talk to them to be sure that they aren’t doing anything wrong.
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ThomasAqu
Guest
Id say minimum 17 yrs of age.
The Purpose of dating is to find a potential mate, so I see no reason to risk the dangers of secular ‘dating’ and inconsequential / irresponsible behavior.
I say this as a father.
The Purpose of dating is to find a potential mate, so I see no reason to risk the dangers of secular ‘dating’ and inconsequential / irresponsible behavior.
I say this as a father.
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Debora123
Guest
She is a sensible poster… which is why I was surprised by the post.
Of course, I know she didn’t mean to imply that the mall is actually evil… it was mainly just figure of speech on my part because her post came across like the mall is a big no no and thank goodness her kids don’t go to such place!
I thought it was a bit strange. I’ve seen some very “interesting” ideas expressed here on CAF, but never anything that insinuated the condemnation of spending time at shopping malls with friends…
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Debora123
Guest
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Fairwinds
Guest
17 or maybe 16 is, as I see it as a father, more appropriate, I believe one of the purposes of dating is to learn the interpersonal skills that a young adult needs; some things have to be learned the hard way. looking for a spouse at that age is premature.
F/
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Sarabande
Guest
Yup. This was back in the 90s when I was a teenager, so ideas might have changed. (I should have used the past tense in the previous post… my fly-by postings where I miss things. haha!) It was more related to those who hung out there A LOT, like almost everyday or every weekend, not about kids who did it once in a while. It was definitely a stereotype and was perpetuated by parents and was somewhat believed, even by certain kids.Wow, really??
Never heard of that before. How absolutely bizarre…
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Debora123
Guest
Gotcha. Yeah, certainly not the case anymore. Had never even heard of it.
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Sarabande
Guest
Yeah, I rarely go to the malls anymore on the weekends, but when I do and see lots of kids out and about, I just think of them as normal kids trying to find something to do with their friends and boyfriends/girlfriends… typical kids. Nothing nefarious going on. haha! But this thread did conjure up the memories of what was thought and perpetuated of kids who did this all the time when I was a teen.
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Debora123
Guest
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pnewton
Guest
This thread has gotten somewhat heated through misunderstanding. Can we just focus on this point? I need a good apologetic argument for this… for my **wife. **
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EasterJoy
Guest
You must not have any gangs at the malls in your area. Not every mall in the Portland metro area is so fortunate. IOW, yes, some malls, while not evil, have earned a reputation as places where it maybe isn’t so wise for those who “don’t belong” to just hang out for no reason. But no, most suburban malls are no more nor less than convenient places for commerce that usually boast a multiplex theatre and a food court. Facebook is straight from the devil, but for the most part malls are morally neutral.Lol, this made me laugh.
So now malls are evil and heaven forbid if your kid likes hanging out at the mall?
Wow…
We live very near a mall, and while we do go there on occasion, it is almost never on a weekend. We figure it is better to leave the scarce parking and places in line for the people who don’t live close enough to stop by at a less busy time. Less crowd for them to fight, and almost no crowd at all when we go. I could see letting my teens hang out there without me if they wanted to, but that isn’t true of every mall in our area. We generally have a destination in mind when we stop by.
Maybe this is just a country girl talking, because I don’t think the kids hanging out at malls are bad kids, but what is the attraction in hanging out at a mall? I can see why a parent wouldn’t mind if their son or daughter enjoyed it, but I can’t imagine why a parent would want their child to take that up as major use of their time. Why on earth would I particularly look forward to my sons taking an interest in doing who-know-what with who-knows-who for no reason in particular when instead they could be actually doing something with an aim to it? When they have time on their hands with no particular purpose, my sons usually want to hang out at home or else go to the gym or the park for some basketball or racquetball. (I drop them off at the gym on their own all of the time.)
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Debora123
Guest
It must be something to do with your area or your time… or something. I have never heard of shopping malls generally having negative ties associated with it at all.You must not have any gangs at the malls in your area. Not every mall in the Portland metro area is so fortunate. IOW, yes, some malls, while not evil, have earned a reputation as places where it maybe isn’t so wise for those who “don’t belong” to just hang out for no reason. But no, most suburban malls are no more nor less than convenient places for commerce that usually boast a multiplex theatre and a food court. Facebook is straight from the devil, but for the most part malls are morally neutral.
We live very near a mall, and while we do go there on occasion, it is almost never on a weekend. We figure it is better to leave the scarce parking and places in line for the people who don’t live close enough to stop by at a less busy time. Less crowd for them to fight, and almost no crowd at all when we go. I could see letting my teens hang out there without me if they wanted to, but that isn’t true of every mall in our area. We generally have a destination in mind when we stop by.
Maybe this is just a country girl talking, because I don’t think the kids hanging out at malls are bad kids, but what is the attraction in hanging out at a mall? I can see why a parent wouldn’t mind if their son or daughter enjoyed it, but I can’t imagine why a parent would want their child to take that up as major use of their time. Why on earth would I particularly look forward to my sons taking an interest in doing who-know-what with who-knows-who for no reason in particular when instead they could be actually doing something with an aim to it? When they have time on their hands with no particular purpose, my sons usually want to hang out at home or else go to the gym or the park for some basketball or racquetball. (I drop them off at the gym on their own all of the time.)
I can see how some malls might have a bad reputations, but only if they are located in a really really bad part of town… in which case being ANYWHERE in that town is unwise. Nothing to do with shopping malls specifically.
I lived in Ohio for a while when I was a teenager, and yeah… us kids would go to the mall and spend time together there sometimes but mainly because the weather was usually so bad we couldn’t do anything outside so that limits a lot of options. Of course, I would much rather have spent time at a beach or out playing and/or exploring parks, going for walks, etc etc. But those options aren’t available when you live somewhere like Ohio… especially during the 9 month long winters.
Don’t really see what the big deal is, and your post really caught me off guard, that’s all.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
It’s just a place to go, where they can walk around together, maybe talk, have a bite to eat, make fun of stuff they see in stores, buy stuff, etc. without being under their parents’ thumbs. It’s usually pretty harmless. It’s like a group “date” only they just goof around. Many malls don’t like groups of teens just “hanging out,” because they usually don’t buy a lot of stuff and can put older customers off.You must not have any gangs at the malls in your area. Not every mall in the Portland metro area is so fortunate. IOW, yes, some malls, while not evil, have earned a reputation as places where it maybe isn’t so wise for those who “don’t belong” to just hang out for no reason. But no, most suburban malls are no more nor less than convenient places for commerce that usually boast a multiplex theatre and a food court. Facebook is straight from the devil, but for the most part malls are morally neutral.
We live very near a mall, and while we do go there on occasion, it is almost never on a weekend. We figure it is better to leave the scarce parking and places in line for the people who don’t live close enough to stop by at a less busy time. Less crowd for them to fight, and almost no crowd at all when we go. I could see letting my teens hang out there without me if they wanted to, but that isn’t true of every mall in our area. We generally have a destination in mind when we stop by.
Maybe this is just a country girl talking, because I don’t think the kids hanging out at malls are bad kids, but what is the attraction in hanging out at a mall? I can see why a parent wouldn’t mind if their son or daughter enjoyed it, but I can’t imagine why a parent would want their child to take that up as major use of their time. Why on earth would I particularly look forward to my sons taking an interest in doing who-know-what with who-knows-who for no reason in particular when instead they could be actually doing something with an aim to it? When they have time on their hands with no particular purpose, my sons usually want to hang out at home or else go to the gym or the park for some basketball or racquetball. (I drop them off at the gym on their own all of the time.)
Teens don’t like to do things that aren’t seen as “cool,” and usually the kinds of things we did in groups like skating or bowling are in that category. Anything too organized and they seem to shy away - they like to be free to just hang out.
But, the boys probably go there because the girls want to go, and the girls want to go because they can shop.
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EasterJoy
Guest
If the mall with the not-so-great reputation is right on the commuter train line, which is available to teens for nothing or next to it, you get teens from a lot of different neighborhoods.It must be something to do with your area or your time… or something. I have never heard of shopping malls generally having negative ties associated with it at all.
I can see how some malls might have a bad reputations, but only if they are located in a really really bad part of town… in which case being ANYWHERE in that town is unwise. Nothing to do with shopping malls specifically.
I lived in Ohio for a while when I was a teenager, and yeah… us kids would go to the mall and spend time together there sometimes but mainly because the weather was usually so bad we couldn’t do anything outside so that limits a lot of options. Of course, I would much rather have spent time at a beach or out playing and/or exploring parks, going for walks, etc etc. But those options aren’t available when you live somewhere like Ohio… especially during the 9 month long winters.
Don’t really see what the big deal is, and your post really caught me off guard, that’s all.
Our kids have access to a gym with indoor sport courts, and they get to hang out there without parental supervision, so that’s usually what they want to do when they have time on their hands, especially if the weather is bad. Maybe it is just a difference in temperament, or its that they always have their brother to hang out with.
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duneman
Guest
no dating before 30
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Pedro_1987
Guest
I have no experience in parenting, but I’d say that you should teach your kids why it’s important for dating to be for older kids/adults. Explain your reasons. Rules with no explanation encourage rebellion and contempt. Rare is the teenager who will blindly obey a rule when they see everybody else dating.
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dshix
Guest
I definitely hope you are being facetious.
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Sarabande
Guest
I think that is very important. It doesn’t always work, but I think it can and does prevent rebellion, resentment and contempt. My parents always explained their reasons for their beliefs and rules. It helped me understand the logic behind the rules and most of the time, it made a lot of sense to me.
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thewanderer
Guest
I have a question for everyone who has said they do not want their teens dating until they are older. Since it is going to be impossible to stop your teens from developing crushes etc, how do you want your teen to handle such a situation? We know you do not want them dating this person, so what do you want them to do to handle this situation?
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