Thoughts on what age dating should start?

[Cat]

Yeah, I know a lot of small towns that offer a Wal-Mart, a McDonald’s, and a Sonic. No mall at all. Nothing like a skating rink, a bowling alley, or any other entertainment venue. Kids that live in such areas will go hang out at the Sonic. Unfortunately quite a number of them get into drugs and alcohol at an early age.

There is nowhere to go in small-town America.

There are no churches? No schools? These places don’t offer any after-school and weekend activities for teenagers? Why not? It doesn’t have to be a “dance.” We used to have “rec nights.” The school gym was open for basketball and volleyball. The school cafeteria was open and a record player was available (wow, am I old!). There were board games (lots of cards were played). And food–usually baked goods and sandwiches provided by the parents (booster club). So much fun! Churches could do this, too.

Here’s an idea that I’ve seen work over and over again. It’s an idea for a family with resources (not a poor family, but not necessarily a wealthy family). The main resources required are time and a love for teenagers.

Turn your home into “the hangout” for the teens. This works if you have teens. It might work if you don’t have any teens, but it’s hard to implement and people are suspicious. But if you have teens, take steps to become “the hangout.”

Put a pool table and other games in your family room or basement. Install a pool. Or landscape your yard with lots of little “hangout areas”–porch swing, garden benches, a firepit, a BBQ, etc.

Have an awesome bathroom where the girls can do makeup, hair, etc. My friend at work has the “teen hangout home,” and all the girls come to her house to get ready for school dances and other events. Her house isn’t fancy or rich, but it’s open, and my friend is hospitable and friendly and loves meeting her daughters’ friends. So the teens go there.

Comfortable furniture in the rooms where the teens will be hanging out. Music (a good sound system). A home theater, or at least a huge TV and a thousand DVDs, or subscription to a good computer movie company. Good computers out in the open, where kids can surf the web.

Lots of books–yes, books can be a great way for teens to connect, especially if you have humorous books, not necessarily current humor.

And of course, food. I know one such home (in our parish) where there is a separate kitchen just for guests, always filled with ready-to-eat food. The family asks that when anyone drops by, they bring something to contribute to the food stash. They also have–this is so cool!–a vending machine for softdrinks. They provide the quarters–you just get your soft drink! This means that the fridge is available for other food.

Even if you don’t have anything fancy to offer, just by being hospitable, you can become the “go to” place for your teen’s friends. A lot of teenagers from our daughter’s fancy prep school would come to our place to hang out because we live in the city and we’re close to all the restaurants and stores. Those castles out in the country suburbs are also a thirty-minute drive to the nearest McDonalds, while for us, McDonalds is a block away!

You don’t have to just let the teens take over and avoid talking to them. I think the coolest home hangouts are the ones where the teens feel comfortable chatting with the hosts. Often, teens are just looking for someone to listen to them.

Just an idea. If it’s appropriate for you, try it.

 

[aspirant]

Kids that live in such areas will go hang out at the Sonic. Unfortunately quite a number of them get into drugs and alcohol at an early age.

Reminds me of David Wilcox’ song “Saturday They’ll All Be Back Again” (starts about 40 seconds in).

There is nowhere to go in small-town America.

I once heard about a town in where, no joke, all the high school kids go hang out at “the bench” every night. Yes, a bench. There’s one bench, and all the kids go there.

But at least “the bench” is a kind of commons or public square the kids are allowed to use for socializing without spending money. Not every small town has such a place. Even some larger towns and cities are lacking good spots along these lines-- not that they necessarily have none, rather that they don’t have enough, or enough that are available when needed.

I remember seeing images, as a kid, of places like Central Park or the piazzas of Florence and wishing that I had somewhere like that to go. I’m not referring to the spectacular nature of these particular examples, but to the fact that they were public spaces designed for people to simply relax, enjoy, and socialize.

 

[PatriceA]

Boldface mine, above.

PatriceA, you and I get along well, so I don’t mean for this to be a tirade against you.

But when teens say that they have nothing to do, this irks me a lot.

Teens in the U.S. need to stop waiting for someone to provide them with something to alleviate their boredom and get off of their butts and go FIND something to do!!!

When I was around 13 years old, I had a philosophy that I wrote all over various slam books and yearbooks and anytime I wrote letters or notes: “Its a sin to be bored or boring.”

Obviously, boredom isn’t a sin. I know that now that I’m an adult.

The point is, as a teenager, I made a decision not to be bored. And I think my philosophy is a good one for ALL teens.

I know PLENTY of teens who have PLENTY to do, and are never bored. There are thousands of things for teens to do, and they can do these things in small groups or couples, and most of these activities are done IN PUBLIC, in full view of parents and other adults, so they keep a teen away from temptation.

E.g., fitness activities. NOTHING will stop a teen from forming a running group and training for local 5ks, half marys, or other races, and many of these races are run to raise funds for a charity, so the teen can stay in shape and help out with a charity.

And there are many other “Free” fitness activites: shooting hoops at someone’s garage, dancing to music (someone’s family room, basement or backyard). tossing a ball around, playing foursquare, etc. Our city hosted a Quidditch tourny this weekend (it’s the game played in Harry Potter).

E.g., arts activites. It doesn’t take a theater to start a theater group. Karol Wojtyla was part of an underground theater group during the Nazi occupation of Poland. They got together at homes and READ plays. It’s easy enough to get plays from the internet if you don’t have money to buy them or don’t have access to a library.

Or teens can approach their local community theater and ask for involvement. Even if they aren’t actors, there’s plenty for teens to do. E.g., I’m currently working with a community theater group (accompanying their spring musical). Three of the cast members are teens. And for some reason, the production staff doesn’t seem to have a lot of volunteer help to do things like build and paint scenery. It would be a blessing if a group of teens showed up and said, “We want to help. What can we do?” The stage manager, after recovering from her shock, would immediately put these teens to work painting for the show. And they would serve on the stage crew during the show. This is lots of fun for teens, and great for the community.

I’m willing to bet that community theaters all over the U.S. would love to have teen volunteers step up and say, “What can we do?”

Or start a music group. Many bands started out in the garage of their parents’ home. This is a time-honored teen tradition–the Garage Band. It’s fun!

Or if the teens aren’t into rock, then start a chant group. Or a madrigal group. Or a camp-song group. Or a song-writing group.

I mentioned in another post that my husband and I wrote plays together back when we were dating in our teen years. One of those plays made it to State! Collaborating on a writing project is fun and free! Write screenplays–there is free software that will help the writers to put their screenplay into the correct format

Or create a flashmob! There are so many fun flashmobs out there created by TEENAGERS!

Or film a documentary–at least one teen will have to have a camera to do this, or the teens could all combine their savings and buy a camera.

Or film youtube video–make it a goal to film a youtube video that goes viral.

Or do a service project. Almost every day on Today Show and the other secular news programs, there are stories about regular teenagers who saw a need and took action in their communities. Teens can do so much good. This could be done in the parish, or in the secular realm. There is plenty of need in any community, and so IMO, there is simply no excuse for a teen to say, “I have nothing to do.” We have teenagers in our city who routinely log 40 hours a week of VOLUNTEER activity–they are awesome kids and an example for all of us!

Christian teens can form a prayer group in and/or out of their school. Or get uber-involved with their church or parish youth group. What, no parish youth group? Well, then START ONE!

I could go on and spend my whole day writing a list of free things for teens to do, but there is a word limit on CAF. My point–YES, there are plenty of things for broke teens to do. I don’t buy for one second the litany, “There’s nothing to do in our town!” That’s lazy thinking.

Cat, I think you are missing the point Aspirant first made and I am only backing up with my own experience. Aspirant first said there is a lack of places to go for teens, then you suggested a ton of places that teens can go. Aspirant and I are saying in a lot of small towns in America, all those places you suggested have vanished. I don’t think either of us are saying that teens can’t invent opportunities where they may not have places to go, but just that the makeup of small towns and what use to be available to prior generations are gone, and in a lot of towns, they are never coming back. At one time small towns took more of an investment in their youth, I think that’s the point both Aspirant and I were trying to make, at least I was.

 

[EasterJoy]

Cat, I think you are missing the point Aspirant first made and I am only backing up with my own experience. Aspirant first said there is a lack of places to go for teens, then you suggested a ton of places that teens can go. Aspirant and I are saying in a lot of small towns in America, all those places you suggested have vanished. I don’t think either of us are saying that teens can’t invent opportunities where they may not have places to go, but just that the makeup of small towns and what use to be available to prior generations are gone, and in a lot of towns, they are never coming back. At one time small towns took more of an investment in their youth, I think that’s the point both Aspirant and I were trying to make, at least I was.

We live in an age when youth are not necessarily open to what a small town can offer. The small theater where everyone might have known your name has a hard time competing with the multiplex in the mall in the bigger town or in the more urbane neighborhood half and hour away, where you know no one and no one knows you.

The Grange and the small town movie theater don’t close because nobody cares about whether there are events for the young people. It closes because they hold events and none of the young people come, just as the multiplex puts on mostly R-rated movies because showing mostly R-rated movies makes the most money. I suppose the exception is sports, but not every teen is “sporty”, and sometimes a small town can only afford to fund a limited number of spots on the teams. Otherwise, though, unlike 50 years ago there is a big difference between what a small town offers and what its youth know is out there. Those seeds of discontent pose a problem, too. The things you can do alone with your girl friend, though, even a small town has that. (And in Oregon small town teens increasingly have access to not only alcohol but all the drugs they have in the cities… )

 

[PatriceA]

We live in an age when youth are not necessarily open to what a small town can offer. The small theater where everyone might have known your name has a hard time competing with the multiplex in the mall in the bigger town or in the more urbane neighborhood half and hour away, where you know no one and no one knows you.

The Grange and the small town movie theater don’t close because nobody cares about whether there are events for the young people. It closes because they hold events and none of the young people come, just as the multiplex puts on mostly R-rated movies because showing mostly R-rated movies makes the most money. I suppose the exception is sports, but not every teen is “sporty”, and sometimes a small town can only afford to fund a limited number of spots on the teams. Otherwise, though, unlike 50 years ago there is a big difference between what a small town offers and what its youth know is out there. Those seeds of discontent pose a problem, too. The things you can do alone with your girl friend, though, even a small town has that. (And in Oregon small town teens increasingly have access to not only alcohol but all the drugs they have in the cities… )

From what I’ve heard from a lot of the “natives” in our small town, the small theater and the rinks, and the public swimming pool, etc…all disappeared when the mills and most of the industries around here closed up. I love my small town, don’t get me wrong, but its not that much different from some of the other small towns in my corner of PA that relied on the steel industry and similar. We have a few grass root type groups that are trying to change things ( a small movie complex, a coffee shop on the corner to showcase local talent, more volunteer opportunities for youth), but its a slow battle when a lot of the people in charge think the youth of today aren’t worth investing in.

 

[aspirant]

Aspirant and I are saying in a lot of small towns in America, all those places you suggested have vanished. I don’t think either of us are saying that teens can’t invent opportunities where they may not have places to go, but just that the makeup of small towns and what use to be available to prior generations are gone, and in a lot of towns, they are never coming back. At one time small towns took more of an investment in their youth, I think that’s the point both Aspirant and I were trying to make, at least I was.

In fairness to Cat, the specifically “small town” dimension came into the conversation later. I do agree with you that many small towns have lost resources and no longer adequately invest in their youth. But I also think that many larger towns and even city neighborhoods lack adequate (whether in quantity or quality) commons. In such circumstances, places like the Mall or the Sonic or whatever may be adopted as a kind of de facto commons or public square, but this is not always appreciated by the owners of those spaces, who want business. That’s when folks socializing run afoul of loitering prohibitions. I think there need to be more spaces for teenagers (and others!) to spend some unstructured or lightly structured recreational time socializing with friends without spending a lot of money, and to some extent that should mean creating and/or rehabilitating public spaces.

I also agree with Cat that creativity can go a long way in providing teens with a variety of wholesome activities. Like Cat, I also made an actual decision as a teen not to be bored and I often “made my own fun” with the resources at hand. Sometimes kids’ creativity in this regard needs a little kickstart. One of the things worth considering is whether we’re really helping them come up with ideas, how best to help them do so, and how we might better encourage and foster their own ideas.

not every teen is “sporty”

Very true. I think the aforementioned public skate park in my town is cool, but I never would have used it. I was never any good with a skate board.

 

[PatriceA]

In fairness to Cat, the specifically “small town” dimension came into the conversation later. I do agree with you that many small towns have lost resources and no longer adequately invest in their youth. But I also think that many larger towns and even city neighborhoods lack adequate (whether in quantity or quality) commons. In such circumstances, places like the Mall or the Sonic or whatever may be adopted as a kind of de facto commons or public square, but this is not always appreciated by the owners of those spaces, who want business. That’s when folks socializing run afoul of loitering prohibitions. I think there need to be more spaces for teenagers (and others!) to spend some unstructured or lightly structured recreational time socializing with friends without spending a lot of money, and to some extent that should mean creating and/or rehabilitating public spaces.

I also agree with Cat that creativity can go a long way in providing teens with a variety of wholesome activities. Like Cat, I also made an actual decision as a teen not to be bored and I often “made my own fun” with the resources at hand. Sometimes kids’ creativity in this regard needs a little kickstart. One of the things worth considering is whether we’re really helping them come up with ideas, how best to help them do so, and how we might better encourage and foster their own ideas.

Very true. I think the aforementioned public skate park in my town is cool, but I never would have used it. I was never any good with a skate board.

For the record, I agree with Cat in most of her comments. Just wanted her to see that not every place that each of us has chosen to raise our families have the places she suggested. Some of us live in communities that have some work to do to provide safe places for kids to just be kids.

Also, I think it can be said everyone in this thread that is a parent is pro-active and involved in their children’s lives. I can’t say that for some of my daughter’s friends. They don’t have parents or very few adults that do kickstart their creativity or even care to be involved. Many come from single parent/divorced families, even at our former parish school. Our house is the “got to” house and I am constantly surprised that sometimes our dinner table is the only time an adult may have asked a teen how was their day.

This conversation certainly got off track.

 

[EasterJoy]

…Our house is the “got to” house and I am constantly surprised that sometimes our dinner table is the only time an adult may have asked a teen how was their day.

This conversation certainly got off track.

Not really. It is very important when young people begin to date that they don’t start from a position of an undue hunger for affection. Romantic relationships go very badly when people don’t have the self-possession to say, “No, that’s not me.” How often is virginity not lost as the positive choice of someone who is fully free to make their choices, good or bad, but under some amount of social coercion to act against their own best interest? More to the point, how many teens rush into relationships and then fear to end bad ones because they don’t want to “be alone”. It is very important for healthy dating that the other aspects of a teen’s social life be on solid footing. A girl who is hungry for positive male attention and a boy who feels that he has to have a girlfriend because he has no “life” if he doesn’t have one are very vulnerable to making bad decisions that they think will please the person they “need”.

A young person needs strong social ties with their friends and family before they start to date, all during the process of courtship that leads to marriage, and beyond. Otherwise, the dating process is almost certainly going to derail, and if it doesn’t the marriage won’t have the support system in place that it will almost certainly need.

IOW, I don’t think readiness to date is an age. It is a state, and it is ideally not too far removed from the readiness to marry.

 

[dshix]

Not really. It is very important when young people begin to date that they don’t start from a position of an undue hunger for affection. Romantic relationships go very badly when people don’t have the self-possession to say, “No, that’s not me.” How often is virginity not lost as the positive choice of someone who is fully free to make their choices, good or bad, but under some amount of social coercion to act against their own best interest? More to the point, how many teens rush into relationships and then fear to end bad ones because they don’t want to “be alone”. It is very important for healthy dating that the other aspects of a teen’s social life be on solid footing. A girl who is hungry for positive male attention and a boy who feels that he has to have a girlfriend because he has no “life” if he doesn’t have one are very vulnerable to making bad decisions that they think will please the person they “need”.

A young person needs strong social ties with their friends and family before they start to date, all during the process of courtship that leads to marriage, and beyond. Otherwise, the dating process is almost certainly going to derail, and if it doesn’t the marriage won’t have the support system in place that it will almost certainly need.

IOW, I don’t think readiness to date is an age. It is a state, and it is ideally not too far removed from the readiness to marry.

 

[Kamaduck]

Not really. It is very important when young people begin to date that they don’t start from a position of an undue hunger for affection.

This.

On the subject of hanging out without spending money- my friends mostly don’t. We’ve started going over to one (awesome) girl’s house to play video games and tabletop RPG’s, but we don’t hang out in public. There is no place that really interest us- and I live in a city. Not a large one, but certainly not a small town. Movie theaters are expensive, and skating (of any kind) is a skill that many don’t have. None of us like sporting events. I’m not sure what sort of place I’d like to add, but the current structures here do not provide good spaces for “hanging out” cheaply.

And on the subject of dating in general, prom will be coming up soon. For those that don’t think dating should happen in high school- are you talking about long-term relationships only, or are dances bad, too?

I don’t actually remember who thinks what about the appropriate age for dating, but I’ve been wondering about high school dances for a while. I’m not sure whether they count as dating or not. I expect the answer varies.

 

[PatriceA]

This.

On the subject of hanging out without spending money- my friends mostly don’t. We’ve started going over to one (awesome) girl’s house to play video games and tabletop RPG’s, but we don’t hang out in public. There is no place that really interest us- and I live in a city. Not a large one, but certainly not a small town. Movie theaters are expensive, and skating (of any kind) is a skill that many don’t have. None of us like sporting events. I’m not sure what sort of place I’d like to add, but the current structures here do not provide good spaces for “hanging out” cheaply.

And on the subject of dating in general, prom will be coming up soon. For those that don’t think dating should happen in high school- are you talking about long-term relationships only, or are dances bad, too?

I don’t actually remember who thinks what about the appropriate age for dating, but I’ve been wondering about high school dances for a while. I’m not sure whether they count as dating or not. I expect the answer varies.

I would predict the answer varies. As the rules for such dances also varies. My daughter’s school, you MUST go as a couple to both the Homecoming Dance and Prom. The high school a couple of blocks away (we have 5 within our area), you can go stag and as a group.

 

[Kamaduck]

I would predict the answer varies. As the rules for such dances also varies. My daughter’s school, you MUST go as a couple to both the Homecoming Dance and Prom. The high school a couple of blocks away (we have 5 within our area), you can go stag and as a group.

I think we’re allowed to go to prom in groups at my school, but most go with a date. I’m attending with a male friend.

 

[aspirant]

I’ve been wondering about high school dances for a while. I’m not sure whether they count as dating or not. I expect the answer varies.

Unless one goes stag or in an unpartnered group, I would consider it a date.

 

[Kamaduck]

Unless one goes stag or in an unpartnered group, I would consider it a date.

I told my mom it wasn’t a date, and she also insisted that it was, regardless of whether either of us wanted a relationship. She doesn’t have a problem with it, though.

 

[aspirant]

I told my mom it wasn’t a date, and she also insisted that it was, regardless of whether either of us wanted a relationship. She doesn’t have a problem with it, though.

 

[Sarabande]

I told my mom it wasn’t a date, and she also insisted that it was, regardless of whether either of us wanted a relationship. She doesn’t have a problem with it, though.

I went to my senior prom with a male friend whom I’ve known since we were babies. The person who I originally wanted to do with, gave me some stupid lame excuse to not go, so my friend stepped up to the plate and offered to take me so that I wouldn’t be going by myself. Our moms were good friends. He was more like a brother to me and neither one of us would have considered it a date, but I guess it was since we weren’t related. lol! My parents liked that he took me to my prom because they knew him very well and knew that he wouldn’t try anything with me. They and his parents joked that if he did try something, they would make his life completely miserable. They had nothing to worry about though. I later found out from a friend that another boy at the prom suggested that he “hook up” with me. (Hook up back then meant, ‘making out’, not sex). He replied, “No way. I’ve got too much respect for her.”

 

[Cat]

Not really. It is very important when young people begin to date that they don’t start from a position of an undue hunger for affection. Romantic relationships go very badly when people don’t have the self-possession to say, “No, that’s not me.” How often is virginity not lost as the positive choice of someone who is fully free to make their choices, good or bad, but under some amount of social coercion to act against their own best interest? More to the point, how many teens rush into relationships and then fear to end bad ones because they don’t want to “be alone”. It is very important for healthy dating that the other aspects of a teen’s social life be on solid footing. A girl who is hungry for positive male attention and a boy who feels that he has to have a girlfriend because he has no “life” if he doesn’t have one are very vulnerable to making bad decisions that they think will please the person they “need”.

A young person needs strong social ties with their friends and family before they start to date, all during the process of courtship that leads to marriage, and beyond. Otherwise, the dating process is almost certainly going to derail, and if it doesn’t the marriage won’t have the support system in place that it will almost certainly need.

IOW, I don’t think readiness to date is an age. It is a state, and it is ideally not too far removed from the readiness to marry.

I definitely agree that teens should have healthy friendships with others before they begin to date. Excellent point. Dating out of loneliness and isolation is not healthy.

I believe in young marriage, so perhaps this is one reason why I have no objection to young teenagers dating! To me, 14 is not that far removed from the readiness to marry.

 

[GEddie]

This.

On the subject of hanging out without spending money- my friends mostly don’t. We’ve started going over to one (awesome) girl’s house to play video games and tabletop RPG’s, but we don’t hang out in public. There is no place that really interest us- and I live in a city. Not a large one, but certainly not a small town. Movie theaters are expensive, and skating (of any kind) is a skill that many don’t have. None of us like sporting events. I’m not sure what sort of place I’d like to add, but the current structures here do not provide good spaces for “hanging out” cheaply.

And on the subject of dating in general, prom will be coming up soon. For those that don’t think dating should happen in high school- are you talking about long-term relationships only, or are dances bad, too?

I don’t actually remember who thinks what about the appropriate age for dating, but I’ve been wondering about high school dances for a while. I’m not sure whether they count as dating or not. I expect the answer varies.

As to your Prom question.

I’d say prom is ok. Most everybody goes to prom, and not necessarily as part of a relationship. I went to both high-school proms, with two different chicks, neither of whom was or became my girlfriend. The prom was the prom, no more or less.

Prom is much more a high-school landmark than a “dating thing.”

By extension, other dances are ok, if supervision is adequate to deter commandment-breaking by the kids.

I’d still say long-term relationships are not a good idea in HS.

ICXC NIKA

 

[TheRealJuliane]

There are no churches? No schools? These places don’t offer any after-school and weekend activities for teenagers? Why not? It doesn’t have to be a “dance.” We used to have “rec nights.” The school gym was open for basketball and volleyball. The school cafeteria was open and a record player was available (wow, am I old!). There were board games (lots of cards were played). And food–usually baked goods and sandwiches provided by the parents (booster club). So much fun! Churches could do this, too.

Here’s an idea that I’ve seen work over and over again. It’s an idea for a family with resources (not a poor family, but not necessarily a wealthy family). The main resources required are time and a love for teenagers.

Turn your home into “the hangout” for the teens. This works if you have teens. It might work if you don’t have any teens, but it’s hard to implement and people are suspicious. But if you have teens, take steps to become “the hangout.”

Put a pool table and other games in your family room or basement. Install a pool. Or landscape your yard with lots of little “hangout areas”–porch swing, garden benches, a firepit, a BBQ, etc.

Have an awesome bathroom where the girls can do makeup, hair, etc. My friend at work has the “teen hangout home,” and all the girls come to her house to get ready for school dances and other events. Her house isn’t fancy or rich, but it’s open, and my friend is hospitable and friendly and loves meeting her daughters’ friends. So the teens go there.

Comfortable furniture in the rooms where the teens will be hanging out. Music (a good sound system). A home theater, or at least a huge TV and a thousand DVDs, or subscription to a good computer movie company. Good computers out in the open, where kids can surf the web.

Lots of books–yes, books can be a great way for teens to connect, especially if you have humorous books, not necessarily current humor.

And of course, food. I know one such home (in our parish) where there is a separate kitchen just for guests, always filled with ready-to-eat food. The family asks that when anyone drops by, they bring something to contribute to the food stash. They also have–this is so cool!–a vending machine for softdrinks. They provide the quarters–you just get your soft drink! This means that the fridge is available for other food.

Even if you don’t have anything fancy to offer, just by being hospitable, you can become the “go to” place for your teen’s friends. A lot of teenagers from our daughter’s fancy prep school would come to our place to hang out because we live in the city and we’re close to all the restaurants and stores. Those castles out in the country suburbs are also a thirty-minute drive to the nearest McDonalds, while for us, McDonalds is a block away!

You don’t have to just let the teens take over and avoid talking to them. I think the coolest home hangouts are the ones where the teens feel comfortable chatting with the hosts. Often, teens are just looking for someone to listen to them.

Just an idea. If it’s appropriate for you, try it.

You and I just live in different worlds, I guess. You must not know much about small-town areas with lots of poverty. People are getting by on food stamps. Nobody has money for a pool table or tons of food to feed other people’s kids. People are just scraping by. The churches do what they can with day camp once a summer for the younger kids. That’s all the budget they have.

 

[Sarabande]

You and I just live in different worlds, I guess. You must not know much about small-town areas with lots of poverty. People are getting by on food stamps. Nobody has money for a pool table or tons of food to feed other people’s kids. People are just scraping by. The churches do what they can with day camp once a summer for the younger kids. That’s all the budget they have.

This is true. The area where I spent half my childhood was/is like this. It is a farming/mountain community. My cousin and her family lived there year-around and there really was literally nothing to do there for the teens. The town was a half hour away from where she lived. They had a movie theater that showed one movie at a time. There was also an ACME and an Ames, a second hand shop and some restaurants, but nothing much else. The closest mall was an hour away in the next state. The big things were the holidays, where people really got into the town parades or parish picnics and everyone was out and about from all over the county.

Now, did we find things to do? Of course we did. Necessity is the mother of invention. My cousin loved it when all of her cousins came up because that meant that there were at least four of us to get into trouble. lol! What did we do? We’d galavant throughout the countryside, either on our family’s property or through the forests and farming fields of our neighbors. We’d build forts (yes, as young teens we still built forts), dam up our creeks, go hiking. At 15, I used to go about my family’s forests alone to read and write stories. Other kids had barns to swing off of ropes in the barn or off trees. Many other kids loved their ATVs which were really noisy, but, hey, what else were they going to do? Most people couldn’t afford to keep horses anymore, which was the mode of teen transportation for what my dad, his siblings and their peers did when they were teens and young men up there. Now, many of the things we did would probably be poo-pooed by parents today because there really wasn’t much supervision, but we really never got into trouble. It was innocent, wholesome fun.

I had another cousin who lived out in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. I never believed cow-tipping was real until my cousin moved in with us for a while and told her that was what all the teens did out there. The main job for teens was corn husking. There was nothing much else to do for “fun”. I personally did not find that fun.

That all said, I do agree with some of Cat’s points for places where those activities are available… also that can do things to not be bored. I was rarely ever bored as a teen. We always found something to do, but we also learned to be self-sufficient, creative and imaginative with things. I think that although there are teens today who are like this, it seems to be something we aren’t teaching or developing in kids as much today.