Hi again everyone,
Thought I’d post a personal sharing while I found the time and the will
. I had been attending the Courage chapter in my area for awhile being new here. But presently I’ve been limiting my attendance because I go to some Opus Dei recollecions which happen at the same night the Courage meetings are held.
Being new to this state, Virginia, has been a source of some temptation. But fellowship in church, with fellow Courage members, attending mass, weekly confession, weekly evenings of recollection with the Opus Dei and other things have helped in general.
For many years I had struggled with masturbation. But since attending Courage and even some exgay groups, this has subsided at times. And at other times, things seemed worse. Though the periods of sobriety have been increasing. For several months last year, since joining the Opus Dei, I had been happily sober and had not much desire for masturbation. But moving to this new place has provided some strain and temptation in this society.
Presently, I am experiencing some sobriety. And I hope that this continues. I just dont want to be stuck up in this cycle. I think I often, for one, admire and perhaps envy men who are attractive and seem more superior in their appearance or physical attributes than myself. I sometimes have the longing to feel accepted by such men. Hence the attraction…looking at people on the streets or elsewhere and at times in the recent past looking at not very good places on the internet. Stress doesnt help either.
I was reading a pamphlet recently on sexual sobriety byFr. Emmerich Vogt. He’s apparently with Sexaholics Anonymous and writes similarly to what Fr. Jack on COL has been mentioning for some time. Anyway, one thing that Fr. Vogt mentions, in a nutshell, is that there’s nothing wrong to being attracted to other men…it’s lusting that’s the main issue. Will try to write more on this later.
Anyway, to write more honestly on daily struggles later. Hope to read more from others as well. Got to get to bed for now.
Ben
