Thread for Women Discerning Religious Life

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ladylinguist said:
One moment I think that I want a husband and children and I want it with all my heart. The next I think that I want to devote myself to religious life and I want that with all my heart. I suspect that one of these desires will turn out to be the desire of my own heart and not God’s true calling, but how do I find out which is which?
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Dear ladylinguist,
Please forgive the intrusion of a male, but I thought it might help to speak about what it means to be a supernatural vocation (consecrated life) compared to the natural vocation (marriage). Understanding the differences between the two, I believe, will help in addressing your question. An exert from this site; religious-vocation.com/

**Supernatural vs. Natural **
The Church considers marriage to be a natural vocation, in that it aligns with how the human body was made. God designed man to have a natural longing to be loved by another and to raise a family–a desire deeply ingrained in the heart of every person. This, of course, is not a negative trait. God Himself desires to be loved exclusively, and thus Our Lord, the author of the universe, created marriage as a means to teach mankind of this love, and to draw man to Himself. As Pope John Paul II teaches us, marriage is an earthly foreshadow of the mystical marriage between Christ and His Church. It is through this earthly foreshadow [of marriage] that men and women can learn of heavenly realities.

Conversely, a supernatural vocation is a vocation that is not of this world, but it points to the next. The Church teaches us that consecrated men and women are beacons directing mans eye upwards towards heaven, where marriage does not exist (n.b., Matt. 22:30;* “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven”*). In heaven, all of mankind will be joined in one mystical marriage to our Lord Jesus Christ, and through this nuptial union we will be united to one another. In this sense, those who consecrate themselves to God “skip” the earthly foreshadow in favor of the true heavenly marriage. They already live a heavenly reality here on earth, free to devote all their time to God, without distraction, as a beloved bride devotes herself to her husband. Saint Theresa of Avila

“Though I could not at first bend my will to be a nun, I saw that the religious state was the best and safest. And thus, by little and little, I resolved to force myself into it. The struggle lasted three months. … ] When I took the habit, Our Lord at once made me understand how He helps those who do violence to themselves, in order to serve Him, I was filled with a joy so great that it has never failed me to this day.”
%between%

My prayers are with you in your discernment.
 
wina said:
Thanks for the site. I like it very much.
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Just a comment:

this particular site favors habited orders. Not all are called to these. There are many others --Benedictine, Dominican, Franciscan, Carmelite, even–cloistered and not cloistered, especially the latter–which don’t wear habits.
 
Rising_Suns said:
Dear ladylinguist,
Please forgive the intrusion of a male, but I thought it might help to speak about what it means to be a supernatural vocation (consecrated life) compared to the natural vocation (marriage). …
…“Though I could not at first bend my will to be a nun, I saw that the religious state was the best and safest. And thus, by little and little, I resolved to force myself into it. The struggle lasted three months. … ] When I took the habit, Our Lord at once made me understand how He helps those who do violence to themselves, in order to serve Him, I was filled with a joy so great that it has never failed me to this day.”
%between%

My prayers are with you in your discernment.
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That is a really good explanation. Thank you.
That could really help those who are discerning and are confused by the fact that they feel drawn to both marriage and religious life or the priesthood.
 
1234 said:
Just a comment:

this particular site favors habited orders. Not all are called to these. There are many others --Benedictine, Dominican, Franciscan, Carmelite, even–cloistered and not cloistered, especially the latter–which don’t wear habits.
Click to expand...
Yes, I know but thanks for your comment.I’m still have no idea whether to choose religious life or married life. Let my heart and mind be opened for God’s will. It’s very difficult though especially when I don’t have spiritual director yet. But I talked to carmelitte nun a few time. She has known my situation better. And yes, she said my situation is very complicated.🤷
 
1234 said:
Just a comment:

this particular site favors habited orders. Not all are called to these. There are many others --Benedictine, Dominican, Franciscan, Carmelite, even–cloistered and not cloistered, especially the latter–which don’t wear habits.
Click to expand...
A lot of people favor habited religious orders… I don’t think that makes the website not reputable.

I am 19 and have been thinking about religious life since before I even knew all that much about the Catholic faith. (By God’s grace I’ll enter the Church officially next Easter!)

For whatever reason, I have always been drawn to habited orders and not to non-habited ones. In general, orders who wear the habit tend to “safe” whereas one has to approach with caution orders that do not wear the habit. Again, I say, IN GENERAL. There are exceptions to every rule.

The most important thing is to remember to check and see if the order you are interested in is in full communion with Rome. 🙂
 
This past year, I have been discerning between The Sisters of Life in New York City (which is a habited order) and The Servants of God’s Love in Ann Arbor (which is not). I thought for sure that I was called to the Servants of God’s Love but it kept bugging me that they didn’t have habits. But I kept thinking, “why should it bug me so much, shouldn’t what they do be the important thing not what they ware?” I struggled with this for quite some time and finely decided to go back to discerning. I have since decided that God is calling me to join the Sisters of Life. I know there’s nothing wrong with non-habited orders but sometime God can use that to show you where he wants you.
God Bless
~Betsy
 
I LOVE the Sisters of Life. Good luck in your journey! I have been thinking of contacting them for more info on their order.
 
I’ve been to their site several times and met a couple of the sisters when they came to a Church to give a vocations talk, and I attended.
 
Hello,

I thought I’d join the discussion. I’m 22 and looking at the Carmelites.

I met with some Catholic friends last night and some of them are dead against it, because they think enclosed orders are a drain on the Church, they think it is inhuman to become institutionalised, and they think nuns have it too easy. A mutual friend entered a Carmelite convent recently, and they seem hurt that she would cut herself off from them and the world. It strikes me that there is so much opposition from other Catholics, when my parents, who are both atheists and against religion, are trying to be supportive.

Sian
 
Do not try to get sympathy and understanding from the world 😉

It is funny that your friends don’t notice how they contradict themselves. What is it to be in an closed order, to easy or inhuman??? If it is too easy, it can’t be inhuman, don’t you think? If you want to get them to change their views, perhaps you could have them read through the website of the Carthusians, who state very clearly what a challenge the inclused life is. (But you know how it is, people don’t want to change their mind…).

John Paul II. said that prayer is the greatest achievement you can give to the world. Strange othe Christians shouldn’t believe this.

But of course, it is personally hard to accept such a huge step, that might show in hostility.
 
I think quite often flawed logic springs from gut reactions. In fairness, I think they feel hurt at losing a friend. But you are right, I can’t expect understanding from the world. It’s what is between God and me that matters.

I think non-religious people sometimes have little to offer but a shrug of the shoulders, a roll of the eyes and a remark that “this is all very typical” for me. I don’t mind that at all because it is a tolerant response and I am hopeful that my process of discernment will bear fruit in their lives. Maybe it’ll make them think.

It’s just the opinionated responses that get me, which seem to come from a minority of other Catholics, Protestants and my university colleagues. It is all a lesson in humility, and in faith as it is easy to be swayed by counter-arguments.

I’m visiting a Carmelite monastery in just over a week and I’m very excited!
 
Don’t let people who have never researched the enclosed life hurt you, for they are the back bone of the Church. I am 52 and would give anything to belong to and enclosed order but, my history of epresion, none of them will take me. Even tho I have been successfully treated for years.

So keep the prayers going and trust in the will of God in all things. And remind your friends that they are able to come see you according to the rules of the cloister. They are not loosing a friend they are gaining someone who has more love to pray for them and the whole world.
 
Thank you for your encouraging comments.

I really feel for you that you have been unable to find an enclosed order that will accept you with your history of depression. I encountered similar difficulties, as my mental health record sounds alarm bells for anyone who hears it out of context. Thankfully I was healed of all my difficulties. I have been able to articulate this to others and I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to guide us in our discussions.

I have found it quite trying, especially when I thought that despite every indication that God is calling me to be a nun, having a diagnosis of “bipolar disorder” was a blot on my record. In the end I went to my old psychiatrist and got him to write a letter stating his professional opinion that I never had bipolar disorder. It saddens me that such an extreme step was necessary. “Recovery” is not a concept which comes easily to psychiatrists or to “lay” observers. It is like a suspicion hanging over my head, and nobody but God and I can tell to how great an extent I have recovered.

I get asked about it often within the context of vocations, which can be a bit regressive as it is not an issue in my life any more and it doesn’t come up in any other context. No stone is left unturned. I don’t mind talking in depth about how the problems relate to my current calling or the effect they had on me as a person, but I do find it very trying when it turns into an inquisition.

They have a right to ask, though, as it is very important especially in the context of an enclosed order. It would be advantageous if a better Catholic understanding of mental disorders were developed, as they would be able to see the issue more clearly, because at the moment they are relying on outside psychological advice. My personal opinion is that vocations directors pay too much heed to psychology, which is a modernist, secular science that does not always sit too well with Catholicism. I am thankful that the people I have encountered are willing to listen to my side of the story, because in some cases a psychologist can overrule a spiritual opinion, which doesn’t seem quite right to me.

I’m shy to share these things, now. I used to be very open about it, but now I’m afraid that people will not understand.

Sian
 
SianTeresa

Thank you for you openbexx, I know what that can cost you. Unfortunately the step you took is not open to me as I am still nbeing treated with medication, I keep praying that the Lord will heal me, but if not then he has another plan for me, which is beyond my ken at this time. I will keep praying for you and all the other vocation seeking women out there.
 
I’m 26 (almost 27) and am in discernment with the Franciscan Sisters of Allegany, NY.
 
Rising_Suns said:
Dear ladylinguist,
Please forgive the intrusion of a male, but I thought it might help to speak about what it means to be a supernatural vocation (consecrated life) compared to the natural vocation (marriage). Understanding the differences between the two, I believe, will help in addressing your question. An exert from this site; religious-vocation.com/

**Supernatural vs. Natural **
The Church considers marriage to be a natural vocation, in that it aligns with how the human body was made. God designed man to have a natural longing to be loved by another and to raise a family–a desire deeply ingrained in the heart of every person. This, of course, is not a negative trait. God Himself desires to be loved exclusively, and thus Our Lord, the author of the universe, created marriage as a means to teach mankind of this love, and to draw man to Himself. As Pope John Paul II teaches us, marriage is an earthly foreshadow of the mystical marriage between Christ and His Church. It is through this earthly foreshadow [of marriage] that men and women can learn of heavenly realities.

Conversely, a supernatural vocation is a vocation that is not of this world, but it points to the next. The Church teaches us that consecrated men and women are beacons directing mans eye upwards towards heaven, where marriage does not exist (n.b., Matt. 22:30;* “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven”*). In heaven, all of mankind will be joined in one mystical marriage to our Lord Jesus Christ, and through this nuptial union we will be united to one another. In this sense, those who consecrate themselves to God “skip” the earthly foreshadow in favor of the true heavenly marriage. They already live a heavenly reality here on earth, free to devote all their time to God, without distraction, as a beloved bride devotes herself to her husband. Saint Theresa of Avila

“Though I could not at first bend my will to be a nun, I saw that the religious state was the best and safest. And thus, by little and little, I resolved to force myself into it. The struggle lasted three months. … ] When I took the habit, Our Lord at once made me understand how He helps those who do violence to themselves, in order to serve Him, I was filled with a joy so great that it has never failed me to this day.”
%between%

My prayers are with you in your discernment.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I still have no idea where God’s calling me, but it definitely offers another view of the marriage vs. convent debate. I just wish sometimes that these things were easy. I suppose the great things in life never are. ~sigh~
 
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